Saturday, September 10, 2011

Don't Partner Together a Pair of Pants & a Skirt

This week's Parsha includes the mitzvah of not to harness together an ox and a donkey. The underlying idea behind this mitzvah is a very beautiful concept. One should not harness together two animals from different species since they will not work at the same rate and will only frustrate each other. How sensitive the Torah is to animals; how much more so must we be to people! In fact, the Sefer HaChinuch extends the sensitivity of this mitzvah to human beings and says there is a mitzvah not to set-up two individuals who are incompatible, in any type of relationship.
In our generation, it is true that we are experiencing a “shidduch crisis” and it is a tremendous mitzvah to arrange shidduchim between boys and girls. However, one should never simply throw together a “pair of pants and a skirt” in a self-righteous attempt to make a shidduch. This is extremely frustrating and upsetting to the prospective mates. One must realize
that creating a match is a wonderful and exciting endeavor, but it is also an awesome responsibility.
The Steipler Gaon ZT”L (quoted in uars, ubfak) says that there are three things that one should look for in a shidduch:
1) Yiras Shamayim.
2) Middos Tovos.
3) "MatIm"
the boy and girl should be “compatible” - with the same goals, attitudes and hashkafos on life. Family backgrounds and personality types should be taken into account as well.
Everyone (including YOU) should be trying to help those who are not yet married, to find their rightful zivug. But it is important to remember: PLEASE don’t match up two totally different types - “species” - (after all, as the saying goes, “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus.”) - for by doing so, you may very well be transgressing a mitzvah in the Torah.
taken from Torah Tavlin-Parshas Ki Teitzei


  1. But, very often a Venusian and Martian marry.

  2. but i kno of someone who got set up bec the boy and girl both had a limp!!and they are still happily married!!!!!!!!