Wednesday, September 21, 2011

American Boys Shidduch Process

Heads up single American guys-u ain't gonna appreciate me stereotyping u in this post.
But hey, what can I say? I'm basing this on my experience with American boys and DISCLAIMER: not all American frum single guys are like this, but the most of the ones I know or dated have been, so I'm basing this solely on my personal experiences with them.

So here's the situation: single out of town gals, such as myself, often get 'redd' to boys, most of whom are American, a handful of Canadians and for those lucky-some Europeans. I've been fortunate enough to call myself an International Dater. My experiences with all these boys from all around the globe has been wonderful, in that I got to know the different mentalities, upbringing, etc. all of which are not strictly due to their residences, but families/communities as well.
In any case, if I would have to sum up the 'shidduch procedure' for the typical American, here's how it goes.
Shadchan calls/emails/faxes asking for girl's resume.
girls sends resume
Shadchan calls, asks girl to edit resume, taking out things she believes boy would NOT appreciate and adding things that he might.
girl edits and sends.
Shadchan calls informing girl that guy requests photo
girl is hesitant and explains that she hasn't done this before, or only sent it once she checked into the boy
Shadchan speaks to boy, informs girl that THIS boy ALWAYS gets full resumes of loads of girls, along with 2 photos; one full length-one up close and without one, there is nothing to talk about.
girl finally gives in, sends in 2 photos.
girl waits 1 week
girl waits another week
by week 2.5, girl builds up courage and calls shadchan
Shadchan said she sent boy resume as well as photos and he said based on photos she's not what he's 'looking for'
boy & girl continue in Shidduch does shadchan :)

Which brings me to my next post-a more positive post!


  1. I never dated like this, but I do know guys who follow this procedure. I think you need to change the title to reflect that this is more typical of yeshivish guys. The majority of my YU friends don't do this sort of thing, and are better about not demanding pictures.

  2. Hmm my only YU friend does insist on photos but isnt obnoxious about it. Isnt that why people ask the boy first without letting the girl there migth be a contender?
    Ya, Single on the Scene its rough and messed up

  3. Been there, sister.

    I keep telling my mother: "Ma, if the guy is demanding yet another reference or another photo or another something-or-other, he's not going to say yes. Why should I kill myself, then?"