Sunday, April 3, 2011

When they're NOT Welcome!

So I have this family friend, like we're REALLY close, and we get along great and everything. Probably considered more like family than friends.
In any case, recently, I've been having personal issues with this family friend, as they just 'show up' at our door whenever they feel like it. I mean, no calling before, or letting us know they're coming by for whatever reason, but just randomly popping in at any given time.
Yes, this was totally 100% fine BEFORE we began dating, but now that boy's show up at my door to come pick me up, and sometimes, because we live 'out of town' it might not always be an evening date, and can be random timing throughout the date-this causes a bit of a problem!
OK, I'm definitely not embarrassed to be seen-I'm of age, where I've been dating for a while, it's no secret, and I've been seen and have seen others while on dates so many times that I'm over it. But 'bumping' into close family friends while they're at my door and I'm leaving with a guy is DEFINITELY in my 'more awkward' category of situations.
The thing is, because we're so close and we grew up together, etc. I can't just tell them 'well, because I'm in Shidduchim, please can you try and call or let us know before you come by for whatever reason so as not to walk into you with my 'beau' for the evening' as they would seriously get insulted.
AND, to add: I don't share my personal dating experiences with this particular family friend at all. It's more like, she calls and each time she speaks with me she pries into my personal life and gets too involved.
So, how do you say, ladies & gents-I go about telling this family that they are NOT welcome whenever they wish to show up anymore?!


  1. Hmm...this sounds like a really tough situation. I'm not sure what the solution is because every possibility I thought of would probably hurt her feelings.
    I'd suggest speaking to a Rav or teacher (no joke) about this because it's a serious issue and can really end up embarrassing everyone involved.
    (Let's hope that never happens, though)

  2. Anything said here will irrevocably change the situation, while, hopefully, the friendship will last a lifetime. Very often I'm willing to swallow the bad end of the deal because hurting someone else is not an option - it won't help anything.

    On dates, I've already ended up in restaurants with family friends at the other table. Sometimes, no matter how you try to avoid it, compartmentalizing dating life and everything else isn't possible.

    As for her yentatzing, the only option is to somehow constantly change the subject when she tries to pry.

    But how many times has this happened - that they show up at the exact time you're leaving? That would be an insane coinkidink.