Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Limited Editions

Whilst chewing on some licorice (yay! there actually still IS chametz nosh around here) I had the following epiphany. I figured out how to phrase my reasoning in my search for my future hubby.
You see, most Shadchanim aka pushypeople, aka yenta yachnes aka INURFACE people-who-don't get-the-hint-when-you-say-no will try and continue to convince some of us singles that what we are looking for doesn't exist-hence the reason for us (still) being single.
Each time I get told, it just gets me more angry. Duh! I'm single because I haven't found my Bashert yet, who are YOU to give me a specific reason? Seriously?! who ARE these people who keep telling us what we are looking for DOESN'T exist. It seems there are lotsa girls I know, who all married the 'type' I'm looking for, so obviously they DO exist.

So here's the problem aka 'what I'm looking for' (which they say doesn't exist): I'm looking for a nice guy, a mentch, with a great smile, lotsa personality, frum, black hat, goes to a shiur each day/night and works or is in school-whatever as long as it is something he's doing that he enjoys (hopefully), y'know the old fashioned 'Torah im Derech Eretz'. Not too extremist in any sorta category and is open-minded and doesn't freak out when I say FM radio/internet/tv, etc.

Here's my newly founded response when they say it doesn't exist-which by the way, now that I think about it-i can send them databases of guys like that=I dated loads of them...anyway...
'You see, everyone is out there, searching for a mate. Most, (as is claimed) are looking for learning boys. Either 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years-whatever so long as they are learning. It is pretty common out there and there are so many yeshivos/kollelim, so there are lots of guys to go around. I, on the other hand, am not looking for the 'usual' (so is claimed) guy, I'm looking for the old-fashioned type, or as I like to say a 'collectors item' sort aka a limited edition. We all know limited editions are more special and therefore harder to find. They're definitely out there, just few and far between and there is a high price to pay for limited editions, as usually they are kept in great condition (anyone say 6pack? jk)'.

So, ya, Mrs. Shadchan-I'm looking for a limited edition, keep your common(ers) for the other girls out there!


  1. Hun, he's out there! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
    I'm also looking for the "limited" type - but who cares if he's limited?? We each only need ONE, right? :)

  2. Btw, in case it wasn't obvious, I was the above poster :)

  3. I'm sort of in the same boat. Thankfully, I don't get attitude from shadchanim, and I usually will give any guy who meets basic criteria a date.

    I, too, am on the search for a limited edition - because I think I'm one too! (C'mon - my blogger name is from a movie in the '70s. I'm vintage).

  4. Hey, it's good to know I'm a limited edition!

    However, I call it being a Jedi, circa Revenge of the Sith. Meaning, we true torah im derech eretz followers are like the jedi- a long and rich heritage that spans from Rashi, through R'S.R.Hirsch, up until, oh, I don't know, the start of Yeshivishness and its black and white machmir outlook on everything. By the way, Yeshivishness = the Sith.

    I have witnessed the "deaths" of many fellow jedi as they succumbed to yeshivish peer pressure without having strong-enough convictions to hold onto their rich jedi heritage.

    @shidduch Scene, are you Yekkish?

    Further, I feel compelled to add that the "old fashioned 'Torah im Derech Eretz' folk were less likely to where (specifically) a black hat. maybe you like it as a fashion statement and think guys look good in them. That is subjective. But ther is no inherent kedushah in the color of the hat. In fact, I think an "old fashioned 'Torah im Derech Eretz' is more likely to wear a non-standard hat- first, out of spite to show there is no kedusha in black, and second because we are more worldly.

    Additionally, you specifically want a guy who goes to a shiur? Torah im Derech Eretz does not require a shiur; it only requires torah study. Personally, as a jedi, I feel that shiurim are for lazy people or people who want to be spoonfed (unless accompanied by personal, thorough study before attending the shiur). Rather, learning with a partner or by oneself, to me, is far more satisfying, challenging, and pleasurable. Would you not go out with someone who learns but does not go to a shiur? I don't know if you were being literal. I respond, in part, only if it was literal.

    Last, I don't think you had (and girls, in general, should have) to add the JK to "(anyone say 6pack? jk)." If guys can ask for a size 0-4 female, there is no reason why a female can't ask or expect a male with a six pack. I think more of you females should turn the tables and ask for a guy who has a resting heart rate under 50 bpm, or chiseled chests and biceps or six packs. A healthy husband is a happy husband, no?

    Sorry, I have to run. I have a seder with my chavrusah, Yoda. Now where did I put my light saber...

  5. lawschool - My brother, Luke, amends your statement of Yeshivish being Sith. He compares them to Darth Vader, since there is still good in him.

    If a Jedi succumbs, he wasn't a legitimate one to begin with, was he?

    I do not need a 6-pack. I do not find it remotely enticing. So no 0-4 requests, please.

    Nor do I need a black hat - my father and brothers are not so diligent in their Borsalino wear, and Luke went full gray hat a while back.

    I do not require a regular shiur, as one thing I've discovered is the difference between learned and learning. Some guys remember everything, and know how to pull open a sefer and look something up without breaking a sweat, while some go to yeshiva for years but do not have that casual learned-ness.

    I'm not exactly sure why you should ask SingleonScene if she's Yekkish, but as I recall she's of Hungarian background, like me. Oh, snap!

    (Feel free to correct me on that).

  6. Torah im derech eretz goes with being yekkish because it was jews of german descent who lived and embodied this way of avodaas hashem while their polish and hungarian brethren held different philosophies to mirror their respective society and societal issues/pressures.

    Being truly yekkish is living torah im derech eretz. In my experience, I have not met/heard non-yekkish people talk of torah im derech eretz. They may follow the hashkafah, but they don't know there's a name for it.

    Lea, you said, "If a Jedi succumbs, he wasn't a legitimate one to begin with, was he?" Yes he was. Anakin was a legitimate Jedi; he just went off the derech for a little while.

    And Lea, if muscular abdomens do not entice you, what physical attributes entice you? A hanging belly?

  7. lawschool - What a romantic you are.

    I go for (shocker!) the personality. If that it is accompanied by a gorgeous face, so be it. But if it is housed in a bald and un-toned body, I wouldn't complain.

    The home that I come from does what we saw our grandparents do - there was no need to label it with a specific term. It is everyday life.

    Anakain wasn't so legitimate; he was bound by anger, fear, as well as cockiness. He never fully became a Jedi, in my view.

    If someone is to live by a certain hashkafa, he must truly abide by it, not constantly looking over his shoulder to see what everyone else is doing. Then what it is worth?

  8. Princess, LSD: Yes, I AM Hungarian-and no I'm not Yekkish. There are others out there, Sefardi background, Hungarian, Polish, modern-orthodox who are looking for Torah Im Derech Eretz. Excuse me for not being a Star Wars fan so all the talk is a bit confusing. It doesn't matter if my future mate has a shiur or learns by himself, one is not 'better' than the other, it's a personal choice. At the same time 'black hat' is a certain 'type'. Yes, there are MANY guys who 'walk the walk' but don't necessarily 'talk the talk'-I call them 'Livush'ers, as they just wear the hat but don't ACT like a true Ben Torah. And, I don't usually go out with shirt-less men, so I don't expect today's single guys to have 6 packs-just to be nice looking, appealing and clean, with a great smile.
    Princess-I couldn't agree with u more :)

  9. LSD: you were "mechavin" to something I've been saying for years. If guys can request as zero, girls can request a six pack...and as the sizes increase by the girl the pecs get smaller, to 4 pack, 2 pack, some definition, not fat, and no prominent fat rolls...