Wednesday, May 26, 2010

"The Shabbos Table Experiment"

So my friend called me the other day with a proposition that sounded sorta like this:
friend: "Hi, SoS, I know you're probably gonna say no, but I need to ask you something."
Me: "okkkkkkk....shoot"
friend: "so, i dunno if I told u but there is this guy that was mentioned to me like a few months back but nothing ever came to be, and when i was available he was busy and when he was available-well you get the point. Anyway, the woman who suggested it was speaking with this guy's Aunt and the guy's Aunt told this woman that he is coming to her for Shabbos so it would be a great idea for me to join them for a meal to sorta 'get a feel' of what kinda guy he is and see if I want to pursue things"
Me: "and what does that havta do with me killing you?" <-jk-> "And you're ok with this? I mean are you comfortable with this whole idea? cuz I dunno how comfortable I would be going to some random's person's house to eat with a family I don't know and specifically to meet & eat with a guy that's being suggested-especially when the family are his relatives and he's in his comfort zone-are you seriously ok with this?"
Friend: "ya totally! it would be an adventure. The only thing is, the woman said it might be more comfortable and less awkward for me if I came with a friend, so I was wondering..."
Me: "ok, if I was you, I'd say no, but being that I'm not the one who's gonna be 'on show' I would totally come with you and 'supervise'.
Friend: " are you sure? I mean are you serious?"
Me: "ya, totally, just who are these people and what are they like? what am I allowed to say and not allowed to say, what do I wear, etc?"
Friend: "don't worry, I'll fill you in the details, but I havta call this woman back so she can inform the Aunt of this guy that we will be coming, I'll call you right back".

And so my fellow readers, began the tale of 'The Shabbos Table Experiment" where I so graciously decided to join my friend on her mission to pre-date the guy, or as I like to put it selfishly-If I was in that position and had to join a family Shabbos table meal knowing the guy knew I was there to 'check him out' I would want her to join me.

So, she spoke to 'the lady' who confirmed with 'the aunt' and then she called me back to confirm the 'Shabbos Table Experiment'.

Now before I go on giving you the juicy details-I have 2 questions:
a) would YOU agree to do such a thing, and why or why not?
b) do you think a "Shabbos Table Experiment" is BETTER or WORSE than an actual date?


  1. Personally....I think a casual date is less akward than meeting and eating with a guy you were set up with in front of his family/relatives. But the fact that its for Shabbos kinda makes it all seem more okay.

  2. I think it could be awkward - especially if she's not attracted to the guy and is stuck spending the rest of the meal there being friendly and stuff. But it is a great way to see what you're getting into BEFORE going on an actual *more tense setting* like a date...

  3. I think it's really weird/awkward to do this with his family. If it was a meal at mutual friends/acquaintances, not so weird.

    Personally, (from my own experience) if you can't pin a guy down to an actual date without him having to meet the girl BEFORE THE ACTUAL DATE it's not gonna go anywhere. (I'm not talking about seeing pics, that's a different story.) I mean,this is the shidduch system, he isn't asking the girl out on his own anyway, by default it's going to be a blind date situation. You can't have it both ways: do the shidduch method with the perks of casual dating.

  4. How about a little bit over the phone first? That way you really see what his personality is like without it being akward on the first date. Plus, blind dates are often kinda akward, from personal experience.

  5. Definitely a bad idea.

    First dates are almost always awkward and uncomfortable even with a phone introduction. Some men/women can take sometime to open up, and over a shabbos table doesn't give someone a chance to be themselves if they are also around other people.

    Phone conversations are good to see if there is verbal compatibility but some people are also not phone people, which means they may talk fine off the line but on the line they are awkward and nervous.

    I would say have them go out to a nice private public setting, like a restaurant or walk in the park. That would be my advice.