Friday, May 7, 2010

It's all Relative

While reading my good friend- MM's blog the other day, it really got me thinking.
When people ask me what kinda guy I'm looking for I say 'someone NORMAL'. and yes, while I know that "Normal" is all relative, I realized that the label "Frum" is relative as well.
I hope that people who know me well enough, know what type of "frum" I mean. I always thought that Frum meant the same to all, but after being enlightened by MM's blog entry, I sorta got a bit worried. I mean, I go out with "Frum" boys all the time. Sometimes it doesn't last more than 1 date, other times, it goes on for a few dates. How do I know if a guy is the type of frum guy, who 'walks the walk' but doesn't talk the talk (aka 'wears peyos and a black hat but has the pix of shikshes on his lap and takes off the yarmulke and eats treif!).
So, my fellow readers, I'd like to take a consensus and ask you how you would define the word 'Frum' according to YOU.
If you feel the need to explain the reasoning of your definition, feel free. But I'm just curious as how people define 'frum', other than myself.
Feel free to be blunt!


  1. Frum in my opinion, is someone who is aware of Hashem and the sanctity of the Torah. This can be expressed in different ways. Some find chumras to take away from religiosity, while others find them necessary. Some feel a need to cling to a rabbi, while others feel confident in making their own decisions based on halacha.

    And frum also means that one doesn't allot God's abilities in one area but not in others. For instance, some say quite easily if they grab a green light or catch the train, "Baruch Hashem!" but if they're single, then there's a shidduch crisis. Hello? God's only there for the dinky transportation but not your BASHERT?

    Whoo. Where was I? Ah, yes. Those boys who partied as detailed on MM's blog definitely freaked me out, but these fellas are all into the exterior, meaning on a date their eyes aren't going to roll back in religious fervor. They're gonna try to impress the girl across the table in how "worldly" they are, but omit mention of the lap dances. They definitely aren't smart enough to be too good actors.

  2. When I say I'm looking for a frum guy I mean: someone who adheres to halacha (kashrut, Shabbat, Yom-Tov, etc.) is kovea itim l'Torah (learns daily), wants his wife to dress b'tzniut and cover her hair, wears a kippa/hat & tzitzit, and attends minyan 3x daily.


    is shomer negia!

  3. SG: That's an interesting definition, I don't think I've ever heard anyone use "frum" in that strict of a context. By your definition, I don't know very many frum guys (although most guys I know want to do most of those things). When I say someone is frum, I mean that they aren't breaking the major halachos in public. In other words they appear to keep shabbos, kosher, and in general they act like they believe in keeping the halachos.

  4. I think that you can not define frum.
    I mean anyone can be "frum" but regularly do aveiros. I mean one person has a penchant for lashon hara, and the other has difficult with a different aveira. Be i
    t tznius or whatever.
    It's important to find someone who has the same hashkafos as you, as well as the same level of adherence to those hashkafos.

  5. SG - it's my definition of frum when I say I'm looking for a "frum guy"...
    anyway, I don't think it should be a shock that frum guys are expected to keep halacha.
    (Don't worry, many people feel uncomfortable with my definition. :P)

  6. SG: Yeah a frum guy should keep halacha but realistically nobody keeps all halacha. It's good if you want a guy to learn everyday and daven with a minyan 3x a day, but there are people who need to work all day so maybe they only learn enough to say birchas hatorah and only daven with a minyan 2x a day, that doesn't mean they're not frum, IMO.

  7. BJG - perhaps I should rephrase the sentence. Someone who is frum "strives" to keep halacha to the best of his ability.
    In NYC, there're minyanim 15 min (at most) away from most work places.

  8. Anyway, I'd say there're a few categories:
    -Very Pious

  9. SG: Ok, I'd agree with that. As for minyanim, not everyone can leave work for long enough.

    What I meant to say with my first comment, is that I think "frum" is a basic level of religious observance, not a particular haskafic level. I use the words frum and shomer shabbos to mean the same thing.

  10. BJG, I used to think that too...