The Shadchan's Shanda...

World's Unluckiest Bachelor? 6 Matchmakers, 250 Dates, and Larry Greenfield's Still Single. Here's Why..

Larry Greenfield: bad luck or bad in love?(Dennis Clark/Polaris)

Larry Greenfield can't understand why he hasn't met his wife. He's successful, single and he's not cheap.

In the past 12 years, the 47-year-old has spent over $65,000 dollars on matchmaking services, according to the New York Post.

Now 250 blind dates later he's still single and he's blaming his former matchmakers.

"You pay them up front and they don't provide a service. They tell you how wonderful you are, whatever you want to hear," Greenfield told The Post.

The retired Wall Street trader seems to have approached his quest for a wife like a kind of business acquisition. "My job right now is meeting a girl," he says in the Post's now viral profile. 

It's not exactly a romantic notion, but then neither is paying money for a set-up. But with his laundry list of requirements for a partner, Greenfield figured matchmaking was his best bet. It wasn't.

"His problem is he's a six and he wanted tens," Maureen Tara Nelson, one of Greenfield's former matchmakers, tells Yahoo! Shine. She claims Greenfield chose his dates through her based on photos and profiles but still came back unsatisfied. "He'd say there was no chemistry, but he picked the women!" says Nelson. Greenfield didn't respond to our request for comment at press time.

The Post, however, does paint Greenfield as a bit too detail-oriented. In addition to a woman who's slim, Jewish, and funny, he wants a "non-alpha"-someone who isn't committed to a career.

In New York, that type of women is increasingly rare, according to Nelson.

"He thinks because he's wealthy he could get a beautiful women, but what he doesn't realize is that beautiful women in New York are also already successful."

Maxine Gordon, a 44-year-old comedian set up with Greenfield, echoes that sentiment.

"I think he's looking for something that doesn't exist: a gorgeous, talented, Jewish woman like Natalie Portman, except 'I stay at home; I'm here to put on your slippers and clean your room,' " Gordon toldThe Post, after her first date with Greenfield was also her last. "He's looking for love at first sight, and everyone has imperfections. Talk to someone. Get to know them."

If Greenfield needs to lower his expectations with women, he may also need to change his approach to meeting them.

"Matchmaking might not be the right way for him to meet women," says Amy Laurent, a Manhattan matchmaker who recently starred in Bravo's Miss Advised. "It's no longer the days where older men looking for younger women can go to a matchmaker to buy their love."

"People who hire matchmakers for thousands of dollars generally want to avoid the vulnerability that we all face when we search for love, " says Nancy Slotkin, a matchmaker who Greenfield has reportedly set his sites on next. "Rejection is part of the process even for the best catches. High-priced matchmakers prey on people's fear of rejection and often make a lot of false promises."

Laurent agrees her colleagues sometimes get blinded by checks "waving in their faces," when they should be turning down overly picky clients who will never be satisfied with what they believe is a purchase.

Now that Greenfield's quest for love has gone viral, his luck with women may be getting worse. Imagine searching this guy's name before a date and coming up with articles like this one.

"I think it's going to make dating harder for the kind of woman he wanted, " says Laurent. "But maybe that's not such a bad thing--I believe everything happens for a reason." 

How Perceptive Are We?

Over Yom Tov I met up with some friends of mine, who moved to 'the big city' for dating purposes. Of course, after all the catching up, we spoke of our dating lives. My friend Chavi had the most horrifying experience, and I feel the need to share it with you all if it will save even one of you, fellow readers, from almost ending up like she did. 

Here's what happened:

She was set up with a guy last minute, and by last minute-she was packing up after a Shabbos at a family when she received a call telling her this guy was in town and he seemed to be here type and he was coming to get her. They went out and all was ok, just 'ok'. The next day they went out again, and being that the guy had to travel back that night, they left like early morning and spent the next 10-12 hours together on a full-day date. All was 'ok' and so they decided to continue on. She was a bit hesitant but the person who suggested the shidduch told her to just 'go with the flow' and 'casually continue with him directly' (in other words-she cut herself outta the picture). They went out again and again and basically they had already planned the wedding, future lives together, etc. The thing is, because they were living in two different cities, almost opposite ends of the continent, most of the dating took place in the more common city=his. Chavi decided to bring the guy home to meet her family, friends and to show him her hometown, where she grew up, the small city, etc. But instead of her friends and family being happy with her-they told her she brought home the wrong guy. She was shocked by this reaction and first, alluded it to her friends being jealous that she finally found the guy. Imagine, how she felt, so happy, so secure in her decision and her close friends telling her he wasn't 'the one'. She was really upset, but when her newly married friends met up with her and the guy, they told her the same, as did her family. She couldn't figure out why everyone was sooo against this guy, especially when she spent so much time with him herself and thought he was great. Then, someone pointed out something he said and asked if it bothered her. She did in fact hear him when he said that 'thing' but decided it was a one time thing and brushed it off. Another relative of hers pointed out to her certain behaviors and asked if it was something that bothered her, but again, she did notice it only once or twice and told herself to only focus on the good. 

Chavi, the positive person she is, decided the negative things were only small things and once off that she had seen/heard, and she figured it was nerves trying to 'tell her' to back off, but she wouldn't allow herself to focus on the negative and she therefore focused on the bigger picture and that he was a great guy. But of course, as more and more people pointed out small things. People who had only just met this guy as an outsider-she realized that this was not just jealousy. She went to speak with her dating mentor who had asked detailed questions and had then informed her that these 'small things' so to speak were an indication to much bigger issues that can seriously affect any relationship. 

She was advised by a Rav to break off the Shidduch, and so, unfortunately, after all the time, energy, and effort of almost getting engaged, she went ahead and broke it off. 

Baruch Hashem, Chavi is now over this hurdle, but it definitely affected her, as it would affect anyone. The purpose of this post is not for everyone to over analyze each date and everything your date says/does and the way he acts, but just to tell you to take things into consideration. If something bothers you, speak to someone about it, if not the actual guy/girl you're dating. If you feel comfortable having your friends/family meet someone who you feel might have potential-then go ahead and do so, as long as everyone is on board. 

Just be aware. Not all the time are people out to get you and jealous. Your family & friends care for you alot, they know you best and want what's best for you-value their opinion and just listen to what they have to say.

May we never know of such things and only have good dates with great guys with only AMAZINGLY happy endings :)

Living in a Booth-Sukkos Video

To get you in the mood for Sukkos :)

Reason #14: Why I LOVE the Internet

I know that since the Asifa, the internet is getting a whole lotta bad reviews. There's been the speech about filters, the Jnet articles, the 'put your computer in a public place' and all the other websites and buddy programs to go to in order to maintain safe internet usage. I agree with all of that. I have heard of a few detrimental affects that the internet had on marriages, some ending in divorce-and these are people I know. Yes, it can get addictive. Yes, it is bad for you. And, of course, like everything bad, there is a good side as well. Aside from the online shiurim (I like www.torahanytime.com), the Jewish news, the youtube informative clips, the Kotel cam, etc. there are other very useful internet sites that I use on an ongoing basis (google anyone?). The reason I LOVE internet, for the sake of this post tonight, is because once again, my old buddy internet has come through and saved my bacon so-to-speak. 

Here's what happened:

So-called person called to suggest a shidduch. Boy was described as 'very nice' and in late 30s. The age itself is atleast a decade older, and more. I told the person that late 30s usually means early 40s and so on, and then went ahead to ask them to email me the information. I received the information and with my trusty old internet, did a search on the guy. Lo & behold (no, without any criminal record), I got a whole page of detailed history, family members and birthdates. Turns out I was right-he was early 40s. Byebye baby daddy. and that folks, is why I LOVE internet-those searches usually don't lie. They have no reason to.

The Shadchan Telephone Interview

A friend of mine decided to do her Chesed for the week, the week of Aseres Yemei Teshuva. That Chesed, of course, was me. Seriously, though, she told me that she didn't know how else she can help me as we are in two very different circles (in terms of Frumkeit, age, what I'm looking for, where she comes from, etc) so she made some phone calls and her brother's, husband's cousin's niece seemed to live in Flatbush where 'the types of boys I'm looking for' are from and perhaps he can help. She was soo happy that I really felt that she genuinely was trying to help, and hey, to give her credit, she did make the effort of calling around, so how can I not call this relative after all the work she put in to getting the phone number. Plus, if I didn't call the number, I knew it would sorta come back to haunt me, in terms of 'well, she didn't even CALL the number after all the effort I did, so she probably isn't even interested in getting married-no wonder she is an older single, etc'.

I sat down and made the phonecall. I was told that this woman is a very busy person and the first call would probably be to schedule a time for a real conversation. My first call was not even a minute long-I introduced myself, told her how I got her number and she told me it wasn't a good time and to call back later. I did call back later that evening, only to be told that even at the late unearthly hour that I normally wouldn't call anyone I didn't know, she was still busy. I was told to call the next day at a set time. I called at the set time, but still it wasn't a good time for her. This went on over a course of a few days, until FINALLY, I got through to her and she told me she was now ready to listen properly. 

Then came the most insane and random questions I've ever been asked by a shadchan in all my dating  years. Some of those questions included but weren't limited to:

1) At what age did I have my first date (what does that matter)

2) How old am I-no really how old, because she would need to figure out where and how to lie-quote per her

3) When was my last date

4) what did the last guy I went out look like

5) How do my parents/siblings dress/look

6) What was the name of the last guy I dated

7) Would I be willing to go on a blind date (hello?! what do you call Shidduch dating!?!?!)

and a whole lot of personal DMC questions. Oh, and I forgot-that the conversation, after asking me to email my information, began with her saying 'now, I'm going to ask you a bunch of personal questions that may make you uncomfortable, but please let me know if you're too uncomfortable...' 

Heck, ya! I was uncomfortable, awkward, extremely uncomfortable. But again, this friend worked so hard that I knew if I was rude, or told her to mind her own business, etc. it would get back to said friend, so I was polite, but towards the end of our 45 min. convo, I was very firm and didn't let the same questions over and over and also the psycho talk of why I was single at my age get to me. After hanging up tho, it did indeed get to me. The nerve of people. I didn't call her for a mussar shmooze. She doesn't know me from atom. It's like a couple married for over 5 years who unfortunately don't yet have a child go to a doctor only to be told that it's their fault they don't have a child, etc. Aside from that what diff. does the name, age, look, and description of dates and guys I date make any difference to whether she has someone in mind for me or not.

Needless to say, I haven't heard back from said Shadchan....Just goes to show....I really should've titled this post 'Mindfreak' but that name is reserved for someone with actual talent...

Best Wishes for a Mazeldik year!

Don'tcha just feel really awkward when all these people come to wish you a gut g'bentched yahr, kiss kiss, hug hug and then tell you how they are Davening for you and they truly wish you a year filled with Simcha and this should be the year they dance @ ur chasuna? Personally, I don't like showing my emotions. I mean sure I cry at weddings, funerals, videos, etc. I laugh and am an emotional person but when people tell you how they wish what you truly want-I don't know why but it makes me emotional and it sorta 'invades' into your private life and your innermost wishes. Of course I know they mean well and thank them, say amen and move on but I still believe that it should be categorized with the 'Im Yirtzeh Hashem By You' and should be THOUGHT and not SAID by people to people.
On that note, I would like to wish all of you a gut g'bentched year, a kesiva vachasima tova, a year in which all of your Tefilos are answered l'Tovah and only health, happiness, success, Mazel and Bracha.
May we only share in Simchas and may that be each others!
Good Yom Tov & Shana Tova!

New Year's Resolution

I was just thinking about a guy I dated a few years back....well not him per se, but more like the story of him. You see, I don't quite remember who set me up and why I agreed to go out with him and more likely what the person who redd the shidduch was even thinking! But, one thing stayed in my mind about the whole date and that my fellow readers, was his story.

People always remember a story. Go to a shiur-if it's longer than 30 minutes, most people willy only remember 1 part of it, or the joke the speaker started with, or a touching story. 

Well, this guy had his story. I dated him just once. It was quite obvious from the moment he appeared at the door that this was in no ways shayach, but we went out, it was nice and I was home 2 hours later. A few weeks after our date, I happened to meet someone mutually involved in the shidduch with this particular boy. She told me he had just gotten engaged and then went into the details.

It seemed as this guy was the last single guy of his class. When the second to last guy got engaged/married, this boy's classmates got together and decided they had to do something. They all took it upon themselves to find him a girl so that he can join the rest of his classmates in the 'married' stage. Lo & behold, one of the classmates wife had a friend who had a niece, whose sister.....well, you get the drift. Shortly after setting him up, they got engaged.

Moral of the story: Think of your single friends or, you never know where a shidduch will come from, so think of your single friends.

I always thought that when my classmates would get married, things would be easy-they have husbands who have friends/cousins/family/co-workers/chavrusas the same age, they have a wife who knows you, etc. To be nice, I havta say quite a few of my classmates have indeed set me up over the years, which was sweet & thoughtful. I guess people get busy, they have things taking over their life, like new lifestyle, place, job, family, etc.

So dear readers, I think the new year's resolution for most should be;

If you are married & have single classmates, THINK OF them. HAVE them in mind. NO-do not tell them you are thinking of them and have them in mind. Do not pity them and mention that they are in your tefilos/ challah baking/30 day tehillim group. Instead, sit down and spend 5 minutes going through all the guys you know who are single. You never know, something might just click. Mention to your friends, at your groups, at Simchas, to people you know about your single friends-help spread the word & do some PR for them. A small mention of a name, or that you know the girl might go a long way for a boy's friend/ family/cousin/workmate and might just make them agree to a shidduch because of a mutual person. Without you mentioning that-nothing would've ever happened.

If you are single-keep davening, keep smiling, keep your head up and be proud of who you are. Keep busy, keep doing Chessed, keep a positive attitude. Try and network, meet new people, get together with friends. Call your classmates, friends, family. Renew old ties. Keep faith. Your zivug is out there, he was set aside especially for you 40 days before you were born. You will find him, but hopefully he will find you first :)

May we all only speak/hear of Simchas. May we have the zechus of making a shidduch or more, or being part of a shidduch, or even mentioning something which may start a shidduch!