For the past 2 weeks, I've been a proud recipient of many a squeeze, a hug, a tap on the shoulder, a rub in the small of my back and teary-eyed new years wishes. I get it. I'm single, I'm an older single, and a frum older single, who ain't getting any younger. Each sentiment comes with it's own additional 'Jewish guilt'. I know they are all well-wishers, and they truly do want the best for me. I just wish there was some way I can sorta explain that just saying 'shana tova' or 'gut g'bentched yahr' or 'Hashem should Bless you with whatever you wish', or the general Blessings they give everyone else, will be just enough to suffice.
It sorta reminds me of this: If you see a couple that you know has been married for quite some time and doesn't have kids-do you go over to them and say in that sad, guilt laid voice, tears in your eyes, 'I hope this year we will be at a Bris or Kiddush'
Do you go to someone whose child, nebach, is sick with terminal illness and tell them 'I hope there will be no more disease and things should turn out well'
Do you tell a recent widow 'I hope to dance at your Simcha this year, and it should be soon you know..'
Everyone has their own personal nisyonos. Some of us may know what they are, others may seem all happy on the outside and we don't know what goes on in the inside. Even if you wish and hope, it's always safest to keep it to yourself.
In the meantime, when people tell me they will dance at my wedding this year, I will keep the same joking response, 'honey, no offense, but I'm doin a destination wedding, so that'll be doubtful. Presents will be gladly accepted.'
Gmar Chasima Tova and a gut g'bentched yahr!
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My sentiments exactly. A git gibensht yur!
ReplyDeleteIf we ignore your single status, you get offended. If we acknowledge your single status, you get offended. If we set you up with someone, he's a loser and a nebech and we should have known better. If we don't set you up, we're ignoring you. (See beginning of paragraph. Shampoo, rinse, repeat).
ReplyDeleteAnon-I meant to post this before Yom Tov, but got carried away. It's not that we get offended, obviously there are feelings to bear in mind and sensitivity. Just for a few minutes-before you give us your squeeze/look/wish, put yourselves in our shoes. Think: 'if I wouldn't yet be blessed with a child/husband/family/money, would I want someone to say/do that to me?' If you feel it's better to be said/done-then by all means go for it. If you feel that it's better to just 'think it' and daven for them without them knowing Kol HaKavod. All I'm asking is to just put yourselves in someone elses shoes for a few minutes....
ReplyDeleteI just discovered your blog and I identify with this post completely. I actually grew apart from many friends during my "older" (ahem, I got married at 29, 9 months ago) single years because they were treating me like I was dying of some terminal illness, when I was actually happy with my life. I had a job, a social life, freedom, and they complained about poop and crying babies all the time. I wasn't jealous (and still am not). Ugh. The system is so screwed up. I feel your pain.
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