Monday, March 24, 2014

Putting the "Uch" in Shidduch

There are so many different names in my shidduch vocabulary, and by that I don't mean "on the market" and "in the parsha". I have my own shidduch lingo that my friends and family have gotten used to and use themselves. 
Different categories of boys/families have different names as well as code-names for the annoying shadchanim (aka 'namedroppers') and communal people who 'just wanna help u get married'. 
Well, I'm sure you, my fellow readers, have your own words and superlatives to describe this 'wonderful world of Shidduchim' which we are living, but I would just like to place my focus on one type. 
The type of people who put the "Uch" in Shidduch. The creeps. The ones who you feel might be a bit too stalkerish. The men who are a tad bit too friendly. I mean, they're always the nice, "cool" young guys who "totally get it" and are down to your level but there's something about them that just makes you uncomfortable. 
Lucky for me, I've had my fair share of "uchs". I've dated some of them, were redd by some of them and had those weird emails/texts from others. 
For starters-my word of advice is keep your distance. If you feel uncomfortable, there's a reason. In my case it was a guy in the community who I knew "of" but he didn't know me and was trying to understand and get to know me in order to redd me a shidduch but the more he kept emailing me the more awkward I felt and just ended it. I told him I was busy dating someone else and would be in touch if things didn't work out. When I happen to see him at the local grocery or seomthing I walk the other way I just don't get good vibes from him. 
Oh and then theres the guy I dated who was majorly obsessive. He wouldn't stop calling me while we were dating from the moment he dropped me at my house until the next date! Or the one who insisted on buying me something EVERY date and would make me choose cuz he HAD to? Or the guy who asked waaaaaay too many too personal questions. l say there are lotsa hardships and emotions in dating. Just stick with ur gut-if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Cut it off as soon as u get the vibe. There are enuf meshugenas around what's one less? Especially in Shidduchim! Do the rest of us singles a favor, when there's an Uch-get rid of it. 


  1. Of course. Those guys sound like they have issues, but perhaps you're the kind of girl who enjoys 'the game', trying to 'earn' him while he seems less than interested.

  2. I'm starting to be a big fan of the gut. When things don't feel right, they usually aren't. I haven't had a good vibe in over a year, and they pan out accordingly. Bummer.

  3. Rabbi Avigdor Miller (a popular Chareidi Rabbi, born 1908 CE, died 2001 CE) delivered a free public lecture in the last year of his life, in which he taught that Jews should pray for the Israeli Army.
    I personally witnessed this; I was there.

    When a Jew recites Tefilat Shemoneh Esrei, he is permitted to add his own personal prayer requests in the middle of the final paragraph, which begins with Elokai Netzor Leshoni MeiRa.

    I recently began adding the prayer for the Israeli Army in that part. I know this is not the way it is normally recited, but it is permitted, and I can say it that way in any synagogue.

    Rabbi Steven Pruzansky of Congregation Bnai Yeshurun in Teaneck NJ told me that I can recite it even on Shabbat and Yom Tov, because it is a communal tefillah, not a private bakashah.