Sunday, July 7, 2013

Displaying Affection

As a Bais Yaakov graduate, I left the school with certain teachings, certain standards and specific Mehalechs & teachings. One of those things was that married couples shouldn't show their of affection of each other in public, e.g. holding hands, hugging, etc. Of course, in high school it was never 'specifically' discussed in any classes, but it was something that wasn't mentioned to directly, yet taught that it was a 'no-no' and not really up for discussion.
Growing up in my community, it was ok, because as frum Jews, most couples keep their feelings of love for each other private, hence no worries about public displays of affection.
I do, however, have neighbours, cousins, etc. who do hold hands whilst walking down the street or who pay each other on the arm, or lean on each other, and whilst it is uncommon, with those specific people that I've seen doing those things, I guess I got used to seeing them doing their small things.
Weird part is, this week I was invited out for a Shabbos meal with a friend of mine. I don't really know who they are but my friend is family friends with them, so it wasn't weird. What did make me feel a bit odd, was the two other newly married couples eating at the table with them. One couple was all touchy feely (yes, in public, right across the table from me), they kept giving each other 'chills' up and down their arms/backs. MAJOR AWKWARD for me, sitting across from them, trying to look everywhere BUT straight ahead.
The other couple was at the other end, near my friend, and the woman was practically sitting on her husband's lap at the end of the meal. 
I'm not saying I'm sooo religious, or so frum that I've never seen this before. Yes, I watch tv & movies. I've been out on the streets and have seen much worse, but I guess I'm not accustomed to seeing Frum people like that, especially when I don't know them. It made me feel a bit strange.
I'm not sure if it's only me, or maybe because I'm single, or just because I'm not accustomed to seeing young couples displaying their affection in front of others. As much as I hate to admit it-keep it in the bedroom, or as my other friend said 'get a room'. 
Am I the only one who feels this way?


  1. Couples who publicly display affection are inconsiderate to singles.

    PS: I invite Shidduch Scene to join my web site for quick Torah quotes in English:

  2. It's a bit rude for couples to do this so publicly - it's very self-centered, whether or not their "audience" is single. But isn't it adorable when you see an older couple taking a walk holding hands (frum or not)? Since I'm on my way to "older couplehood", I'd hate to think that holding hands is being rude.

  3. It is even more common during Shabbos meals, when wine is present, and aides to their affections.

  4. While kissing at a table is rude or excessive PDA, I think it's nice for a couple to lightly run a hand up their spouse's back or arm, I don't like the idea of couples having to coldly sit 6 inches away from each other in public and not touch each other at all, even on the hand. I have sat at frum tables where young couples would sit with the husbands arm slung casually over his wifes shoulders, and I like it, it shows there is a spark that withstands the difficulties of keeping a household together with finances, children etc that makes marriage not just a practical partnership. When Im around frum people, all I ever see is exhausted mothers chasing around young children and quiet husbands who barely speak to their wives in public,,,, it would be kinda nice to see everyone get a little more laid back with being so stringent ! =)