Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Gam Zu L'Tovah

This post was gonna be yet another Shidduch rant, but due to recent events, I've decided to post something POSITIVE (for a change). I hope that you readers out there will be able to share your positive experiences in the comments section and help inspire all those currently going through the Shidduch system.
What brought me to today's topic, you ask? Well, I was getting frustrated with the way things were going for me, personally. Lately all leads I've had all turned out to be closed doors-or even better yet, tightly secured, locked steel doors with guards outside of them=basically I've been getting nowhere for what seems like the longest of times. Each time something 'good' comes up, and people are all raving about how great a guy the potential is, I send my info ASAP (as requested) and wait to hear back, only to find out days, if not weeks later, that for whatever reason(s) the guy isn't interested. While I believe that everyone has their reasons, whether we find them valid or not, what upsets me more is that people won't call back to say the guy isn't interested. Instead, they feel bad to call, so we sit at home, thinking that after sending our info, and after all the raves that its 'such a good idea' the guy is doing his calls and asking around, but in truth, there was never any hope to begin with, only no one ever called back to inform us.
BUT, today I was shown differently. I was about to post, when my friend called. We were catching up last week and she told me she was meeting with a group of friends for an 'unofficial' shidduch meeting and asked for permission to 'present' me. I was honored, and not insulted, that she actually ASKED and even THOUGHT of presenting me to begin with. I had my hopes up as she is a great girl, she knows me well, she is an EXCELLENT presenter (part of her degree) and would be able to honestly tell me how these shidduch meetings work. Without even remembering what day she said it would be, she called to tell me she had presented me and whilst most of the guys presented weren't shayach for me-there was one mentioned. She gave me the info and it sounded familiar. Sure enough I realized I had gone out with the guy, but couldn't remember specifics. She asked if I would wanna revisit the Shidduch and I promised to get back to her. Not even a day later she got back to me and told me she had new information since we last spoke and based on the new information, she doesn't believe it is shayach at all.
So, I love her, that's why we are friends, but also-so many people can learn from her. She got back to me RIGHT AWAY (ok, she is busy, has a family and a job B"H, but she took the 2 min out to call/email/text and update me EITHER WAY), with information. Then, upon hearing not such good things, she got back to me AGAIN (didn't wait for me to go nuts doing research only to call her with a maybe 'yes' and for her to realize she didn't call and oh-it isn't shayach anymore), and with HONEST information (it's a NO GO), and didn't have to feel bad.
so Yay for honesty! I have Hakaras Hatov for people like that. I think I speak for all of us who don't want to be considered as nebach cases. I don't want people to feel bad for me because I'm single, or because a boy isn't interested, or thinks I'm too immature, old, fat, frum, not tznius enough, etc. Say it as it is, or atleast soon enough so atleast we, as singles, know where we stand. 
For this to, I say Gam Zu l'Tovah. So may be at this meeting nothing came of it, but perhaps in future, or perhaps the purpose of this meeting was for her to be in touch with me and for me to appreciate even the 'no's we get sometimes, especially when they are said straight out without guilt, or messages, or weeks after the fact.
Please post your Gam Zu l'Tovah moments and let's all take time to appreciate the small things in life :)

1 comment:

  1. Orach Chaim, end of siman 230:
    A person must always accustom himself to say:
    Everything that the Merciful One does, He does for the best.