Sunday, June 5, 2011

Uhh...Hi, I'M the One in Shidduchim Here

So, this is NOT the first time this happened to me, but it infuriated me enough to post it on this blog.
The other day I came home and found a message on my machine from an 'unknown' woman who claimed to be a friend of a relative of a friend of ours. She left her name and number and said she had a shidduch idea.
Now, most of you know, I'm in my mid-twenties and I like to take care of shidduchim myself. I make the phonecalls, do the research and when need-be I know my parents are always here to help and I can ask them to make calls/do research for me, but I'm big enough to deal with this myself, after all, it is ME who is going to date the guy!
So, I do the proper thing: I call back the woman. I introduce myself and tell her that I received the message on our machine and thank her for having me in mind. She, on the other hand was quite abrupt and cold, informing me that she doesn't need to speak with me, nor will she leave any message, but she would like to speak directly with my mom. I explained to her that my mom was out of town for a Simcha and wouldn't be back for the next week, so it might be easier and quicker to relay a message or just speak to me directly. However, I was treated like a 5 year old when she said 'it can wait until she comes back-I would like to speak directly to your mother myself'
Was I hurt? yes
Was I insulted? DEFINITELY
Was I annoyed? Heck! I AM STILL annoyed.
I wanted to yell into the phone and tell the woman that even by speaking to my mom-it would come to me directly-my mom would either tell me the situation or ask if I would go out with 'such-and-such' and I make the final call, as I will date the guy and then I will decide if I further want to date him and such.
Sheesh peoples! Why can't you just go and speak directly TO the source?! Less mis-communications, less problems, less people to go through!


  1. That's very hard. I'm younger than you so when I get it, the person really feels justified in putting it that way! lol

    But maybe she's gotten burned in the past by causing disagreement between mother and daughter (because not all mothers are as trusting of their daughters' judgment as yours or mine are).

    Also, I think that sometimes people think of a shidduch and they take such pride in their idea that they want to be praised by the mother directly. Hehe

  2. This could be how guys differ from girls or it could just be me. when someone has that attitude, I don't get hurt/insulted; I see it as their deficiency. They are strange. They are wrong. And while it may annoy me, it does not insult/hurt me.

  3. Goodness, I would never want to use such a person as a shadchan and I'm surprised you didn't say as much to her. I know a shadchan who never, ever, ever speaks to the parents unless it's to yell at them to tell them how stupid they are concerning what they think is best for their kid. So many parents believe one thing to be true about their kids when the truth is completely different. I don't get why a girl would even be willing to let their parent be the go-between unless they had sat down and discussed every detail about what the girl is looking for and agreed on it all.