Saturday, February 19, 2011

Don't Make Me Second-Guess Myself!

Don'tcha just hate it when the 'know-it-alls', aka 'married' (even if it was last week's wedding couple) tell you what to do, think for you and make you second-guess your decisions?
I mean, I've been dating for years now, so I get it all the time, yet it STILL bothers me each time it happens. I get it from mothers, grandmothers, newly weds, engaged couples and it drives me mad!

So, last week when a mother approached me and told me her daughter had a shidduch for me (her newly married daughter-let me add) and she started describing the boy, it was everything I wasn't looking for. I smiled politely, let her finish 'giving the description' and then thanked her. After that I gave her the well-mannered version of 'I DO appreciate your daughter having me in mind-BUT, it's not what I'm looking for and I'm not comfortable going out with that type of boy'.
I went away from that convo feeling pretty good about myself, being polite, not interrupting, and even though inside I was steaming-as this woman KNOWS me and KNOWS that I am NOT looking for THAT type, yet insisted and swore by her daughters now newly-married insights and STILL suggested him-I was polite yet firm.

So, when it just happened that I bumped into one of the local Shadchanim here and we got talking about things in general, and she mentioned a boy who sounded pretty similar, I was a bit annoyed, but STILL didn't wanna jump to conclusions-after all what would the Shadchan have to do with this married and her family and her suggestion? I listened to her describe the boy and then asked her a few main details which the woman from 2 days previous had mentioned in relevance to this specific boy and she was shocked. She asked how I knew. I told her the story and firmly-yet-politely said 'well, I guess this woman figured that perhaps if YOU-as a Shadchan suggested it-then I wouldn't be able to say no'.

So, was I upset? Of course? I'm a big girl now, I make decisions for myself and if I give an answer to someone-I mean it, no matter how they wanna word it, how they wanna describe it or who will suggest it. An answer is an answer-don't make me second guess myself, cuz I won't. I stand firm in my decisions!

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