Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Different Age Different Stage?

Here's the scene: I was at the restaurant late last night and there were 2 other groups there. The group to my right was a bunch of 18 year old sem girls, laughing, loud, hyper, etc. The other group was 3 sophisticated women in their mid-thirties. Oddly enough I knew everyone there, but not in the way that I would walk on over and say hi. Heck, not even in the way of waving & smiling. Sure, I knew who they were, but I knew about them more than I actually knew them.
In any case, the strange thing is that in both groups of girls/women there was a Kallah who had gotten engaged in the last week/few weeks. Yes, the 18 year old sem girl had gotten engaged a few days earlier and the mid-thirty year old 2 weeks before. I heard both stories of 'how they got engaged' told one time too many. Actually, come to think of it I heard the story about the mid-thirty year old many more times than the 18 year old, as it was a bigger deal, and people seemed "so much happier" (relieved) for her.
So, here they were, 2 very different types of girls, of a major age difference and at different stages of life.
I had a thought to wish the 18 year old Mazel Tov, as she was nearer, but then I realized I should also wish the mid-thirty. I didn't want it to be awkward for either, but that was soon to be taken care of, as one of the mid-thirty marrieds got up and started the 20 questions on engagement and the deal was done.
Then I realized, the mid-thirty year old probably got all the 'I'm ssssooooo happy for you....was sooooo excited to hear such good news....FINALLY.....we were soooo worried....'etc. wishes whilst the 18 year old got the "WOW-AMAZING, UNBELIEVEABLE" wishes. One got the pity, nebach whilst the other got the true rants.
Who deserves which?
Well, I'm not 18 anymore-I sure hope I'm not the pity Mazel Tov. 
Invisible cloak to lend, anyone?


  1. With me, the "pity" mazel tov goes to the 18 year old.

    Looking back, I would have been completely unprepared for marriage at that age.

    Whereas my mazel tov to the gal in her 30s would be less about pity, more pure joy. She stayed single until her 30s to some extent because she was really seeking her soulmate. That's just beautiful, man.

  2. When you get engaged, you will not care what your fake friends think, and your real friends will be sincerely happy for you without pitying you.

    Come to think of it, that's a good way to distinguish between real and fake friends.

  3. she waited for her soulmate????? i disagree.. this idea of marriage has been destroyed and its so hard to fight this fantasy-land/hollywood-esque BS that is going on

  4. You need to spend less time worrying about things you cannnot control.

  5. I think it's really hard to fault these people for their reactions. It's natural. It IS surprising for an 18 year old to get engaged, and it IS a huge simcha for a mid-30 year old to get engaged. It can hardly be called a pity mazal tov in my opinion, but at the same time it is a relief.

    @PL: Why? What wouldn't have worked for you can't work for anyone else? Would you have been ready at 19? 20? 21? Are the girls who get engaged at those ages pitiful?