Wednesday, October 26, 2011

How does it Work?

Guys-I need your help here. I need to sorta understand how men work when it comes to being frum in regards to certain things and being lax in others.
So, I consider myself a Bais Yaakov-outta town girl. I'm relaxed, fun, worldly, have internet, watch tv, listen to radio, but I go to shiurim, I go to Shul, I daven, I dress tzniusdik and I am Shomer Negiah and don't hang out with guys.
Whilst I have friends who are all of the above, none of the above, or only some of the above, that's the beauty of being different, right?
And so, I have dated guys from all different walks of life, different personalities, different backgrounds and levels of frumkeit.
So here's what I don't get. How do you decide which of the following to be makpid on, i.e. only eating cholov yisroel, not watching movies, not listening to kol isha, etc. whilst being lax on others, i.e. going to a sports bar, listening to the radio, wearing jeans, etc.
And can you mix the two?
I'm not judging here, cuz I have nothing specific, I'm just trying to understand how it works. Like if I go out with a guy who only wears white shirts and black pants, is from a very yeshivish family, doesn't watch movies, listen to music, comes from a small community, and then he tells me that he watches American Idol, is that considered normal or 'black sheep'?


  1. Its very much a individual decision, Each guy should have their own value system and assumingly made their decision based on that. You'd have to ask the guy himself why/how he made the decision to do what he does

  2. By using the words makpid and lax, you imply that the things you mention reflect upon how machmir a person in their observance of halacha.

    What does wearing jeans have to do with that?! Nothing! Nor is walking into a sports bar necessarily an issue. In these cases, you would be using externalities to gauge someone's religious practice and that's ridiculous and unfair.

    As the previous commenter suggested, why not have an actual conversation about values instead?

  3. Anonymous, you're wrong. Which looks more like an eved Hashem - a guy wearing Levis or a guy wearing a suit with a white shirt? I agree that "l'habit ne fait pas le moine" (french expression that means clothes do not define who you are) but why do we wear more kovodik clothing on Shabbos and Yom Tov? Clothing DO matter. Second, a sports bar could be very bad, depending on the language used by its patrons, scantily clad waitresses etc.
    Religious, or observant, means you practice what you preach and act in a manner befitting a son/daughter of G-d. Excusing someone's behaviour or manner of dress by saying "everyone has a right to practice religion in their own way" is not accurate or smart.

    As to the conversation about values - talk is cheap.

  4. It's hard to say, I know that I had no problem wit chalav stam or non Jewish music(even though refrained from it) but short(er) dresses bothered me (7 years post-dating a lot less).