Friday, August 26, 2011

Why do we even BOTHER ticking off the boxes?

OK, is it only me who has these issues? I sent the resumes, I re-edit the resumes when Shadchanim tell me to remove/add certain stuff. I send my photos, crop the photos, upclose, full length, zip the files, and even go on the online websites when asked to. I spend hours signing up on those sites, filling out forms, ticking off boxes, all to 'help' me and to enable the chosen matchmakers online to better understand more about me and what type of guy I'm looking for.
THEN, I receive matches that are TOTALLY NOT shayach, like at all!
If I check off that I'm looking for someone between 22-28, who is single, modern-orthodox, working and outgoing, I get a match for a guy who is like 33, divorced with 3 kids, sefardi/lubavitch, who is learning in yeshiva and is a quiet-more to himself type personality.
I must admit, it is definitely quite frustrating when spending so much time, trying to help people just 'get' me and to help them understand what type I'm looking for, but I feel that after all the MISmatches I'm being sent and being 'redd' to, why even bother? It is a waste of time and energy, it's as if these people are obligated to set up 1 girl/guy on the site per week and they just log in, click 'match' and BAM=they did their duty.
So, peoples, am I the only single who is experiencing this issue?


  1. Oof rough least the nice thing is that if you don't want to go on the date, you don't have to!

  2. I think you should put yourself in the Shadchan's shoes for a minute. All they are trying to do is help you and other singles who also filled out what their "wants" are. The problem (for many of us singles) is that many of the people whom we are interested in aren't interested in us and vice versa. So what's a Shadchan to do? I once read something that a Shadchan wrote and it struck me. She wrote, "if I send you a match it's for a reason." Maybe if you keep getting these "not shayach" matches it's a hint that you should broaden your parameters a bit?

  3. @ben turin: I think this might very much depend on what kind of parameters you're talking about. I definitely agree that at times people need to be out of the box of what they want and they think they need bu then of course there are some stuff that cannot be compromised on as easily.
    And yes Single on the Scene, too often it feels like no time and thought was given to it so why the heck bother with details