Monday, September 13, 2010

Why Should I Care What Others Think?

Today a good friend of mine called me to let me know that, especially at this time of year, she would like to be honest and open, as any good friend should, and she wanted to let me know what people were saying about me.
As a bit of background, she's married for a while and has a few kids, B"H, and I am very close with her, and use her as one of my references for Shidduchim because of the fact that she knows me so well and can give really accurate information about me (as do my other references).
In any case, she mentioned that over Yom Tov, a shidduch came up and for whatever reason it was, it wasn't for me. So the person who mentioned it, somehow must've known this and said 'well, she'll probably say no, because the boy is ____, and she says no to everything'.
So, upon hearing this, I immediately thought-well ya, I would say no because the boy is ____, but NO, I do NOT say no to everything.
If it ain't what I'm lookin for, then it ain't what I'm lookin for. And whilst, yes, I have bent and agreed to go out with some boys, who normally-in my earlier years of dating I would've said no to, but everything else about him was ok, I have to stick to my guns regarding important factors in terms of what I am looking for in a guy.
My friend, was just trying to let me know that people are going around saying that I say no and turn down every offer.

Here's my take on the situation:
People will always make excuses and say things like 'well, obviously she's not ready to get married' or 'she's too picky' or 'well, she doesn't know what she wants', etc. But no one besides Hashem knows the reason for why I am still single. So there will always be those people who say things that aren't true, and I can't stop them from how they perceive me or my situation or me IN my situation, I can only hope that those people who are saying this are just talkers and are the 'standby' people at weddings, who just comment and don't 'redd' the actual shidduchim-they only come to their own conclusions, so WHO ACTUALLY CARES WHAT THEY SAY?

At the same time, if I were to respond to half the people who have offered me shidduchim which were soooo not shayach, sooo off-track, so low, with suggestions of boys who were seriously trouble, and other issues and once I said no-if I were too say-'well, would you take a boy like that for YOUR daughter?!?' I wonder how many would actually say yes without thinking. Instead, it's usually a long pause or silence on the other end of the line....So, I have a reason for saying NO, and I have a right to know what I want.

That's my rant for today....what can I say? Today's been a bit rough...

1 comment:

  1. There is no mitzvah to be honest with unasked-for information. That is not the spirit of the Yomim Noraim. This time of year is when we ask for forgiveness and forget unpleasantness.