Wednesday, May 18, 2011

When a Good Friend 'Knows'

So, here's the matz: (for those of you not familiar with SoS's lingo matz=matzav, aka situation)
This woman meets me at the grocery-ya, the Kosher grocery, the only one in our area, which basically is not the greatest place to go if you wanna avoid people.
Anyhow, so this woman who used to live down my block and whom I haven't seen since she moved like 6 years and 3 kids later meets me. She suddenly has this epiphany and gets all excited about her husband's brother-in-law who is coming to town and who's friend happens to be single and frum. But really, ok, he's a working guy, so now that means he's 100% for me. It gets better: the single friend is coming to town with the hubby's bro-in-law.
Then comes the punch->he's coming in to date someone else. But this woman with her epiphanies-she decides to ask me if I would be willing to date him, as a case his other date doesn't work out and it's not shayach.
And she goes for the kill->he's coming tomorrow.
So, I slow her down and tell her: Mrs. A, thanks sooo much for having me in mind, I appreciate it, really I do. (that's my sweet starting line to let people know I care), and then I go on 'in general, I don't just go out with guys like that. I get info and then I make a few calls and if I decide it's shayach then I go out. I understand he is coming to town, but that's no reason to put us together just in case a date doesn't work out. Even though he 'trusts' you and would probably date me, I don't feel comfortable wasting anyone's time.'
Anyway-she hesitates (obviously she's not happy with my response) and apologizes for making me second choice. So I explain to her it has NOTHING at all to do with being second.
Then she wrecks the entire situation (it can't get more worse than this) and tells me who he is going out with.
Here's my issues:
1) It's NONE. I repeat, absolutely NONE of my, nor anyone elses business.
2) It's not HER business to tell anyone, even if she knows this because he is staying at her house
3) It just so happens to be that this girl who he is dating is my REALLY good friend.
4) My other REALLY good friend was suggested to him and he told the shadchan he wasn't traveling at that point in time, but whenever he does travel, she should wait for him. Um, I didn't tell her about this but I'm 100% sure he didn't get back to her, hence she is still waiting...

So, ya, I didn't know that my good friend was going to date him. It's her decision to tell me. It's her business and I respect that. Even though we share stuff, names, etc. obviously she had her reasons and I'm totally not insulted nor am I taking this personally, nor did I somehow bring it into our recent convos, especially when she cancelled our plans because she was 'busy with things'.
On the other hand, I feel like I'm kinda in a 'love triangle' as my other friend was suggested to him first. Not only did they both agree to go out-he told her to wait for him to travel and now that he's traveling, no one even had the decency to tell her. Imagine if she would've somehow ended up as the same place as both of them-OUCH!

So, point is-I humbly consider myself to be a good friend, well, more than a good friend, to both of these girls and a good friend 'knows' but doesn't tell. That's how friends remain. Making sure that the other doesn't get hurt and looking after their backs.

1 comment:

  1. You are awesome. Good for you.
    That's definitely some juicy and difficult info to keep secretive.

    I know it's not easy, but dan l'kaf zchut about him not traveling. Maybe he has another purpose for his trip (like business), or he tried to pursue dating friend #2 but she was busy at the time.

    This is also an example of why friends shouldn't mention names of guys that were suggested to them. (My friends do it, and as do I, but that doesn't make it right!)