Sunday, May 15, 2011

Stereotypes-Step Aside

Confession: I stereotype. I do. I believe in stereotypes and I just can't change that. People DO change, not everyone IS the same, but it's hard to convince me of that. Perhaps it's due to my dating experiences, or me being burnt-out by the shidduch-system, but I can't help that.

But, lucky for all you folks, I had a change of mind this past week.

It all started when I got invited to this 'official function' which was taking place. It was kind of a fancy affair, but not a black-tie event. It was held in a large official hall and I knew it would be a mixed crowd and I would probably be one of the only Jewish single girls there, so I kept a small handbag in one hand and my iPhone in the other (sure beats having nothing to hold and then explaining to almost every guy that I don't shake hands due to religious reasons!).

In any case, I tried to dress my best, look professional, appropriate, and tznius. I wore a nice outfit and smart shoes and held my head high, shoulders back, with a small dose of confidence to finish the look.

As I walked in, I couldn't help but notice the other women in the room. The skinny woman with her long black hair, her tight, and short, red suit and her 6 inch heels (no exaggeration), the tanned woman with her hair in long bottle curls, with just a shirt and long tanned legs with 4 inch strappy stilettos. So, perhaps I was lucky in the sense that all the men were busy taking in the beautiful women and no one would need to come over and make conversation or shake hands.

I walked over to the bar to get a drink and this guy, who happened to walk into the hall at the same time as me, AND who held the door for me as he let me walk in first, just happens to be at the bar as well. I smile and say hi and get ready to walk away with my drink when he notices the tanned woman-or shall I say her legs/shoes. I watch his eyes take her in and he turns to me and asks why I'm not wearing those 'type of shoes'. I wasn't sure what he was getting at, so I just turned around and said 'trust me, those heels have an expiration date-give her 2 hours and she'll be in her ballet flats'. The guy then shook his head, laughing and told me he just doesn't get it, what was she trying to do, what look was she going for? He actually didn't agree with her look and thought her to be ridiculous!
I was A-M-A-Z-E-D!!!

Here I thought, wow, these women have the place covered. They dress to impress, look to kill, have the body and legs any guy would salivate over and this guy wasn't impressed!?!?!? how could he, as a guy, NOT want that?!

Throughout the evening we kept talking, and it seemed he was just a decent, gentleman. Not married, early 20s, but not into the whole 'throw yourself in a guy's face type'. He was extremely polite and respectful of me (being Frum and all), and it was just a breathe of fresh air to know there are some decent guys out there. I just couldn't believe it coming from him, especially a young, single, energetic, non-J guy.

Thanks, Mr. Goy, for teaching me to put my stereotyping aside and still have faith!


  1. That's actually very funny. I happen to love heels and being that I have weak arches, the 4 inch stilettos feel better than ballet flats. But either way, I agree that it's a pretty refreshing feeling to have a guy, Jew or nonJew, exceed your expectations :-)

  2. Corti, I just have to ask...what's with the Outer Hair Cells profile picture?

  3. Lol, interesting that you recognized it. I'm an Au.D student.

  4. Ah! That explains it. :) Med student. Found auditory system really fascinating when we covered it!

  5. Right, I did know that from your blog. I'm actually going to an audiology seminar at a medical school this week, should be interesting from a different vantage point.

    I happen to be curious about Single-on-the-Scene's vocation now... :-P

  6. Corti-yes, he totally exceeded my expectations. Here I thought 'all men dig the stilleto look, the long hair, the fitted clothing/suit, the short skirt, etc. But he proved that it's all about the girl inside :)
    Oh, and I'm an office manager. Not as exciting as an Au.D student, but fun enough to keep me busy and outta trouble

  7. And the purse/iphone thing worked even for him?

    Cool, corporate life is fun! I'm still in the (relatively) boring stage.

  8. Not all men are incredibly shallow. Were these women actually beautiful, or were they using cheap distracting measures to ensnare men? Many men (not of our faith) seek life partners with something other than excruciating back pain from tacky heels.

    But another point - shaking hands in a business environment is halachically permissible. Contact of . . . another kind is not allowed, but shaking hands with someone (a grand total of 3 seconds) are okay, especially since there is no intention of anything else, and very often the explanation takes longer and gives a bad impression (about ten years ago a woman wrote into "The Ethicist" in the NYTimes saying a frum man refused to shake hands with her; the response was to cease business relations with such a sexist. No matter how many letters are written in to correct that image, it still stays).

  9. :-) funny that Primim Non Nocere that you recognized the outer hair cells but not the name...corti! The organ of hearing is the organ of corti is it not? (I may be wrong- after all just a layman) Surfin' I found this post interesting from another perspective- check out my post on your post! :-)

  10. Good observation! The organ of corti is the collective name for the structure of hair cells. Hearing actually takes place in the brain, but for a layman, organ of hearing is a great way of putting it :-)

  11. :-) ::does happy dance:: yay! i was right! LOL

  12. Prem-I cannot find your post on my post, but if you have a link, please send so I can check out your opinion on the matter :)