What Type of Woman are You Looking for?

A Shadchan asked the 'best bochur in Lakewood' what he was looking for in a girl. 

After some thought, the bochur replied. "I was driving down the Garden State Parkway last week when I noticed what seemed to be a heimishe woman trying to change a flat tire. I felt bad that she was obviously by herself and made a U-turn, figuring I would check it out for sure by driving slowly this time. Sure enough she was a heimishe kollel woman from Lakewood and I helped her change the tire. After I was done and about to drop the spare in the trunk, she put her finger to her lips and whispered,

"Please don't slam the trunk. I don't want to wake up my husband-he's sleeping in the back seat...'

The Bochur smiled at the Shadchan and said 'That's what I'm looking for in a girl!'

Same Time, Same Place?

It happens. You get suggested two guy at the same time. Both of them said yes. Of course, all guys usually sound the same. So you look into the first and it sounds good. You look into the second and that too sounds good. You call back the Shadchan and give your go ahead for the first guy. You then call the second Shadchan and tell them it's a yes but you will have to get back to them with a definite day and time. 

The first guy shows up, takes you out to a nice restaurant. Really classy place, good food, fancy decor, pretty high priced and full to the brim with people. Lucky for me, the date was SOOO far off that I think we both knew it wasn't going to go past a first date and so we ate, paid and left. 

When I got home I contacted Shadchan number 2 to say I was ready to go out with boy #2 whenever worked for him as he had a more complex schedule. Turns out he wanted to take me out the next night. 

And so the following evening, guy#2 shows up. We get into the car and drive off, only to realize once we arrive, that we are standing at the same exact restaurant I was at the night before. I have a few seconds to gather my thoughts and hide my 'deer in the headlights' look before the waiter turns around, catches a glimpse and smirks. Here I am yet again, same time, same place but different guy. Oh and same waiter. 

Another 'AWKWARD' Moment

I thought I'd experienced it all. From the weird dates, to stupid comments, to almost falling over the street grates in my heels over my actual date. Up until last week. 

I was set up as part of my 'shidduch experiment' but a family friend. Being that I was staying at a hotel, the guy met me in the lobby and we walked out to his car.  Naturally, not knowing where he parked or which car was his, I followed closely near him. He proceeded to walk between the cars which made it difficult to walk aside him so I walked behind him. When abruptly, he turns to the side and opens the car door, then realized I'm behind him. 

Which in turn meant, I thought I was following him to either an opened area where he parked or to my door. He suddenly panicked, the look on his face said it all, as he mumbled something about it being too narrow to walk me to the car on the passenger side. 

I was mortified, thinking he probably thought I assumed he would walk to my door to open it for me (which, if you read this blog and know me-is soooo not my type at all!) 

In any case, let's add that notch to my bedpost and move on. 

Lesson learned-watch outside (hotel) window to see where guy is coming from to note which car is his. 

The Shadchan Experiment

This last month I did something like never before. After years of complaining and ranting about 'the system', my friends and I decided to DO something about it. It took some brainstorming sessions but we came up with a plan. So, after recovering from my Shabbos vaca, the 3 of us got together, rented a van and made a road trip to the Big Apple to meet as many Shadchans/Shidduch group as possible in order to gain the maximum amount of exposure in the 'shidduch world' and spread our names. We decided to stay the month so if any SHIDDUCHIM come up we'd be 'in town' to date. 

The experiment started off on a very disappointing foot. We arrived straight to Shadchan #1 who had arranged for a few other shadchanim to be at her house to meet us. After asking us all for our emails and snapping photos (yes-they did take out cameras to take our photos). They suggested we meet every other 'we'll known' Shadchan and wished us hatzlacha. After sitting for what seemed like an hour we left, heads hung low. 

The next Shadchan we met was one of the 'top 5' yet, utterly upsetting. He didn't seem to really care much about us or the fact that we took off time and drove the long drive down for shidduch purposes. He stared at his computer most of the time and nodded his head whilst saying 'ah ha' every few minutes. He said he had some ideas and would be in touch. 

uh-he never was in touch. 

One of us was actually set up during our month stay-just one, and it ended up being set up by her friend. 

Next off was a woman my friend heard of who was pretty popular in terms of Heimishe shidduchim. We got to her house and she was sitting calmly on her couch, smiling at us and patting the spot next to her for us to sit down. Of course we all sat on the 'other side' of the couch and left my friend, Dassy to sit next to her as she was the one who made the appointment. Needless to say it felt super intimidating to be sitting next to this woman with a plastered smile on her face and just firing question after question in as little as 20 minutes. We got outta there quicker than you can say sorry and continued onto the next few meetings. 

BU I can say that after week#1 it went pretty well. Random friends and acquaintances set each of us up with guys. One shachan I saw even managed to try and arrange something which ended up working out due to a friend of mine intervening but I really felt I was doing my part and putting in Hishtadlus. I came home feeling refreshed that even though nothing really worked out, aTLEASt I went with friends and we made the best of it. Atleast we were each able to meet 1 guy (some of us met 4 guys in a week!) and come away with a feeling of pride when you put time and effort into something and it works out. 

So the shidduch experiment last month, I feel was a true success.