Sunday, September 8, 2013

Most Awkward (Wedding) Moment

Standing at the bar, trying to order a drink whilst the music is blasting away. The bartender motions for you to speak up and you shout 'Sex on the Beach' which is the exact moment the dancing music ends. You realize how this looks-red in the face, peripheral vision proving the entire dance floor et al staring in the direction of the bar. The bartender finishes preparing your cocktail, hands it to you with a smile and you walk the walk of shame back to your table, which just happens to be at the back, making the walk that much longer (and passing by all the frummies). 

Even more Awkard Moment:
You walk up to the bar and order your Sex on the Beach cocktail-just happens to be 3 of your old Bais Yaakov Kodesh teachers walk up to the bar as the bartender hands you your drink. One of them comments on how pretty and delicious your drink looks. "What's that drink" she asks you. 


  1. Avoid ordering that one drink when at a frum wedding? Enjoy it when you're out with the girls instead?

  2. Just tell the teachers its a vodka cranberry.
    Like they'd know the difference...

    On that note, I remember the ever missing Corti ( telling stories of the same drink, and always blushing whilst doing so. For the same tasted good, but the name was so wrong.
    Or maybe that's why it's called that...

  3. just say something about the beach drink as if you dont really kno the exact name. whoah thats embarrasing! why do they have to call it that anyway/?

  4. email i got today-i dont know if this has a real mekor but it sounds interesting... and i know ppl who have done it...
    if anyone finds out a source feel free to share!

    From: The Ohel Sara Amen Group>
    Date: September 24, 2012 7:38:59 PM EDT
    To: undisclosed-recipients:;
    Subject: Fwd: copied from Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi shiur -segula for shidduch

    Please send out to "Ohel Sara" for all those in need of shidduchim.

    Listen to the moving words of Rabbi Yehonatan Eybeschutz: לפני ערב יום כיפור, מתרבה מרה שחורה ובכיות בבתי ישראל, כי השטן - יש לו שליטה כל שי"ן סמ"ך דל"ת ימים, כמנין "דילי" ‐

    Before Yom Kippur, melancholy and crying increase among Jewish households, because the Satan has control 364 days of the year, according to the g’matriya of his name. But the 365th day is Yom Kippur. On that day there’ no Satan and no evil inclination. That’s why he works so hard against us this time of year –he knows he’s about to disappear for a day. ואז, יודע שביום הכיפרים אין לו שלטון ורוצה להשרות בעם ישראל מרה שחורה, לפני שפורש מהם, כי יודע שעיקר התשובה הוא להיות בשמחה ‐

    For he knows that on Yom Kippur he has no control, and he wishes to cast upon Israel melancholy before he departs; for he knows the essence of T’shuva is to be happy. 1 Such words. You’ll feel that fall. What do you do? If it weren’t Rabbi Yehonatan Eybeschutz, I don’t know how I’d give you this Segula: Only eating a lot on Erev Yom Kippur removes the melancholy that the Satan wants to cause you. So eat as many meals as possible. Seven meals, according to the Kabbalists. I can’t describe how many e‐mails I got this year about that Segula.

    If there’s a Segula about which I can say, “It works!” it’s this one.

    Whoever eats seven meals on the day before Yom Kippur, may say as she eats them, “This is to correspond to the sheva brachot I’ll have this year.” Many women did this and got married. It’s a Segula.
    You don’t have to (so whoever wants to remain single – zai gesund…).But every class at which I said this in the past week, people have raised their hands and said, “Rabbanit, I did that and got married that year.” I’ve never seen a Segula for which I’ve gotten this much feedback and comments. It’s real. If you’re single and want to get married this year. If you’re the mother of single girls and want them to get married this year. If you want your sister to get married, and she won’t use this Segula, eat seven meals and have her in mind.

    Seven meals on Erev Yom Kippur – how should they be eaten? It means seven times Netialt Yadayim and Birkat HaMazon. There’s no way around it… a suggestion ‐ take some bread with a little bit of spread or sandwich guts such as tuna – just an olive’s volume – eat it and say Birkat HaMazon. כל האוכל בתשיעי כאילו צם בתשיעי ובעשירי ‐

    Whoever eats on the ninth is as if he has fasted on the ninth and tenth of Tishrei. 2 An explicit passage in the Gemara. And you can start the night before. You can start the previous evening with two or three meals, and the following day you only have four more to do, including the final meal before the fast. Divide it up as you wish (and no, it doesn’t have to be tuna…) Seven meals, seven Brachot. By doing those seven meals properly you fix all of the forbidden eating you’ve done – eating without a Bracha, or without kosher certification. It fixes Adam’s sin, which was forbidden eating. It’s medicine for the evil inclination. Just trust me. וסעודות אלה מתקנות יותר מתפילות ‐ These meals fix more than the prayers do promises the Matteh Aharon.

    1 Rabbi Yehonatan Eybeschutz, Yaarot D’ R a b b a n i t Y e m i m a Mi z r a c h i Y O M K I P P U R 2