If I had a Penny for every Thought...

About 2 hours ago, I received a phonecall from a lady that I will describe as one of the town's yentas. She knows what is going on in almost everyone's lives and will make it her business to keep her info up to date at all times.

In any case, I couldn't possibly fathom why she wanted to speak to me, but when I heard she was on the phone and wanted to speak to me: I told my sis to say I wasn't home.

(sidenote: ok I lied, which is wrong and people shouldn't lie, but I only felt a teeeny, weeeny bit guilty about it, just because I know what kinda person I'm dealing with)

So she first she asks my sister if all my siblings who are home now and not in school are working. My sister said we are. The town-yenta-lady goes on saying this is terrific and she is calling because she is collecting money for a single girl who is getting married and her parents aren't making money, etc. She goes on and on and sis ain't really paying attention until she gets to the climax:

"and I know that you have a few single siblings who are looking for Shidduchim, so this can be a Zechus for you and your siblings. We can all use the extra Zichusim"

or somethin to that effect.

Ya, basically, she had my money until she hit that line. Yes, I have ma'aser money and yes I give it out and I think it is an 100% worthy cause to help someone get married off and yes, I'll even go so far to know that it is a "zechus" and/or "segulah" to help pay for someone's wedding to find a Shidduch, but seriously? Does this town-yenta-lady think we don't realize we are a few singles in the family? Does she think that we haven't heard of every segulah, tefilah, zechus, rabbi, bracha, etc. that helps you in shidduchim? I don't get how people use our so-called 'downfall' as a benefit to them. Honestly?

I don't need her pityvote to give my money, it's already there, but helloo?? where's the common sense?

So, if I had a penny for everytime someone let us know about a segulah, zechus or such-I'd be a millionaire (and henceforward, probably married off as guys seem to be lookin for megabux).

Too bad money doesn't drop outta tactless individuals-There are so many around, it just seems like a waste....but that's only my opinion...

More than the Average 4-1-1

Gut Voch, or Happy Day-After Xmas!

I got a call Friday from a lady (one of the many) who asked me to email my 'shidduch resume' to. Seems she got the email and she even has a young gentleman in mind for me, however, she said, she needs more ifo.

I'm thinkin "Is this woman nuts?" My full name, in Hebrew and English is listed, as well as the names of my parents, my age, my date of birth, schools I attended, degrees I have, etc. I gave her the 'Coles Notes' version of myself, let alone a description of the kinda guy I'm lookin for..."

So, I was quite annoyed, angered, and honestly p*ssed, when instead of emailing me back to inform me that she got my email and would require more info, she called my house and spoke to my parents to tell them this. OK, calm down, calm down.

I nicely and calmly explain to them that the woman is PSYCHO, cuz the specific info that she told my parents I didn't send, was INCLUDED in my so-called 'resume'.

ok, so now, it's Motzei Shabbos, I'm calm enough to email her, but I'm thinkin I should give this woman a run for her money. She wants info-I'll give her info!

Let's start with my birthmarks, I'll tell her how many I have and where they are located.

Then I will include my skirt size, my busy size, heck! might as well give her my bra size.

I'll give her the last few reports from the pharmacy so she can know what medication I took and for what kinda infections.

Then, I'll give her my average weight and my body mass index so she can figure out were I rate in my age group, gender and weight.

Let's see....hmmm..what else can I provide this lady with???

ok, I know this is the 'negative/annoyed' side of me speaking, but honesty! when she says she wants more info-what the heck more does she really want?!

anyone have a clue?

Not REALLY Lying...

you know how, once you go through certain life experiences, it changes you?

Well, I feel like I've been changed, but in a good way. I have matured, 'learned my lessons'-so to speak, and have become a better person (I hope).

However, when it comes to Shidduchim, I'm hesitant. I've lost trust in people. People who are doing the 'redd'ing, people who are the references, people who are suggesting, and guys I actually date. I've lost trust over time, over disappointments, etc. you know the drill....

In any case, I think trust is a major part of relationships-if you don't trust the guy, how the heck are you gonna marry him and live with him the rest of your life?

Well, today, ladies & gents, my trust has been diminished a little bit more. I'm telling you think for a purpose-to learn from this, apply it to your daily life and who knows what.

Here's what happened: A Shadchan called to 'redd' me to a guy. Somehow, the name sounded really familiar. Then it hit me-I went out with him AGES ago, and by ages i mean, literally. Thinking about him, I remember he was goodlooking, charming, funny, cute, etc. I remember REALLY wanting it to work between us, but after just one date, there wasn't that much chemistry. Bummer, right?

Anyhoo, sure enough, on onlysimchas I saw he got married, had kids, etc. Great, for him alteast!

Then a few months ago, or maybe even a year ago, I heard he got divorced. Such a shame, as he looked really happy in the pix, but you never know....

So, I'm thinking, this Shadchan, who apparently never met me, and 'just got hold of my info', why wouldn't she mention that this guy just 'happened to be divorced with kids?', I mean, it's not a secret and I would find out ANYWAY, right? Actually, perhaps I wouldn't find out anyway. See, let's say I would call references, they would say 'he's a great guy, friendly, outgoing, smart, witty, responsible, etc.' but why would they mention he just happens to be divorced with a family? They probably think that the girl who is calling already was informed of this, as it is obvious info.

Then I go on imagining, what if I DIDN'T date this guy, or what if I didn't HEAR that this guy got married, had a family and then divorced? I would call references, hear good info, and just go for it. Then, 5 dates later, when he mentions how adorable his son was in his school play, my haw would drop and I would be like, huh? your sssssooon??? WHAT?!?! U HAVE KIDS?!?!?

<<>>

well, that's the end of that scenario. So, dear friends, I tell you this because I feel that at this point in time, we havta ask the OBVIOUS questions when calling references. So I think I'll compile a list of the following questions and feel free to add:

1. Is s/he single?

2. Is s/he Yeshivish/Chassidish/Lubavitch/MO/BT/Giyores or Ger/Sefardi?

3. Is s/he fat?

4. Is s/he ugly like heck?

5. Does s/he have any medical issues?

6. Is the family normal or crazy?

7. Are the parents divorced, or were they? If so, what kind of people did they marry?

8. Is s/he Black? Chinese? Jewish?

9. Do they speak English? (believe it or not, I was 'redd' to a guy recently, only to find out-when I called a friend of mine, that he didn't even speak English!)

10. Did s/he go to school? dropout? homeschooled?

11. Any criminal records?

12. Any abuse in the family?

Feel free to add your questions here!

What do you say??

Yesterday I received a phonecall from an out-of-town lady, who calls herself a Shadchan. Apparently, she wanted to know information about a family who lives in the same city as me and she was told I might know them. Now, I DO know OF the family, but I don't know the kids that well, and there are both boys and girls in the Shidduch parsha. The only info which I did know about the family is that there were some 'issues', yet, because I don't know them so well, I don't know what these 'issues' in fact were. To my luck, as this lady was introducing herself to me and asking me about this family, a friend of mine happened to pass by. I quickly put my hand over the receiver and asked the friend if they know of the family, when they nodded, I quickly handed over the phone, letting out a sigh of relief.

During the phone call the Shadchan asked 3 MAIN questions and you can tell the other questions after that, were just cuz she probably felt stupid and had to make it look like she cared about the others. Here's what her three questions were:

1. Do they have money? cuz I heard they do.

2. Are the girls pretty?

3. How tall are they?

So, like I said, B"H my friend happened to be, for MY sake, at the right place and at the right time and I gladly handed over the phone. After informing the shadchan that no, they do not have money and not knowing how tall they were exactly and not knowing the girl themself so well, the other 'blablabla' questions were answered and they both hung up.

The friend then looked at me quizzically and said "I don't know what to say? There are some issues, but she didn't ask that and each question and answer is a Shaila in itself. At the same time the mother of the girl in question is a very picky person. She makes fun of everyone else with issues, yet she doesn't see that her family has the same issues. (sigh) It's a tough call to make. But gladly, I think after she heard they don't have money, she wasn't interested anymore.'

Two thoughts crossed my mind.

a) I really have to ask many more questions and many more SPECIFIC questions, as even the closest friends, relatives and or references might not offer me information such as any kind of 'issues' which a boy might have. However, if you ask specifically, they might answer or they might hesitate to answer, which is an answer in itself.

b) It's so sick what this world is coming to. If someone isn't swimming in dough (and I don't mean Chanuka donut dough), and or tall and beautiful, then they just get dropped back into the pile of singles.

This post alone is making me so upset that I could use a donut or two, and hopefully the sugar and fat will put me in a better mood!

National Nudge

They're everywhere! Every community, town, city, country, etc.

A "NATIONAL NUDGE"

Yes, folks, I am fortunate to have not one, but many 'nice nudges' to 'work on my case', because 'they want to help me' and lastly, it's for 'my benefit' that they are doing this, aka-trying to get me married. My take-trying to bud into my personal life-but that's a story for another time.

So, the particular National Nudge I'm talking about, let's name her "Nechy Nudge" and here's a typical little story of how she works.

Nechy Nudge is driving her daughter to her friend's house when a pedestrian is crossing the road. Nechy stops to allow the pedestrian to cross, only realizing that this pedestrian is in fact oh-so-old and yet-single, Shaindy, who is all of 24 years old. Nechy carefully eyes Shaindy, has pity in her eyes and vows to do everything in her power to get Shaindy married off. As quickly as the idea popped into her little brain, Nechy Nudge runs into her home almost immediately after dropping her daughter off and runs through her phonebook. She calls atleast half a dozen people and goes through her 'book of boys'. She finally finds one boy, who is also single and he happens to be 25. BAM! Like lightning, it hits her: this is the perfect Shidduch.

For starters, he's a guy, she's a girl, they're both single, they're both Jewish, and he is one year older than her-what's not to love, huh?

Nechy Nudge starts calling BOTH sides at the same time to get things running.

ok, a little background information-Nechy Nudge is type to call with all info, only for one side-aka yours truly, to find out that the guy never existed! or, to give "Nechy" the benefit of the doubt, if the guy did exist-she got ALL information wrong.

After that experience with Nechy Nudge, and knowing that she is the town nudge, when and if I do happen to cross paths, I walk, more likely RUN the other way. When she calls our house, once every lightbulb shows up over her head, we don't pick up the phone.

So, I'm thinking, with all these inventions out there, all these 80,000 apps, all this new technology, is there no way to auto-avoid calls from National Nudges. For now, we just ignore and hopefully they get the message, but there must be another smart way to do this. I know in NYC some people don't accept calls from blocked numbers. What about blocked brain cells?

It is a "Go? or NoGo?"

My friend Huvi called me last night all stressed out. She's in a predicament and doesn't know what to do. She knows about this blog and suggested I post her 'situation' for you, fellow readers, to comment on.

Here's the sitch (situation):

Huvi was 'redd' to this guy from (where else? but) the Brooklyn. The Shadchan never met her before but they spoke on the phone and this is the first shidduch the Shadchan is redding Huvi. The Shadchan is redding her to a nice boy from Brooklyn, currently learning in BMG (Lakewood) and she knows the boy and his family very well. This Shidduch was redd about 3 weeks ago. Huvi was given ONE, yes ladies & gents, just ONE day to look into this guy and give an answer. She called the 2 references she was given and said "yes", but being that she was just in NY the week before for a date, she couldn't go down again (she has 3 workdays left to take off!). She asked if the boy can come down.

[side note: the boy has a married brother living in the same city as Huvi and actually knows Huvi's family quite well]

The Shadchan asked the boy who said, "no, he won't come down". She asked Huvi if Huvi can come in, perhaps 2 weeks time, over Chanuka.

Huvi wasn't sure what would happen by then, but because she was burnt by the last date she traveled to NY for, and the guy promised to come in, yet after their date in NY, decided he wasn't interested in out of town girls, Huvi asked the Shadchan to ensure this boy, if he was interested after the first date, would be willing to travel and is ok with dating an out of town girl.

The Shadchan called back informing Huvi that the boy was willing to travel only if the girl came to NY first, "because he has sooo many girls to go out with in NY, so why would he travel?". The Shadchan even told Huvi that the boy's entire family, including married brother from Huvi's city, were bugging the boy to travel in first, the boy would no way here of traveling.

So, we're now 2.5 weeks after the 'yes's were given from both sides and the boy is not willing at all to travel, yet the boy called the Shadchan 2-3 times yesterday asking for an answer as to whether Huvi will come to NY, or just forget it (if she doesn't go, he ain't comin, and it gets dropped). The Shadchan, in turn, called Huvi, and Huvi, my dear friends, is STRESSED to the max and doesn't know what to do.

[side note: Huvi has 3 days off for Chanuka and would like to spend atleast SOME of her time off with her friends, Chanuka parties, etc.]

So, big question for today is: does she GO? or is this a NoGo?

Joke

I've seen this before, but it's still worthy of a post:

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a Man for you."
"What's a Man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be very competitive. All in all, he'll give you a hard time, but, he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow, "but what's the catch, Lord?"
"Well... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first... Just remember, it's our little secret---you know, Woman to Woman."

We're all in the same boat!

Last week I was speaking to a friend of mine, who got married last year. Anyway, being that she is now married, we haven't had the time to sit down, just the two of us and have our pasttime girly chats. So, I guess now that she's settled (and her husband was at a shiur) she had the time to speak.

While we were catching up on each other's lives, I was, as usual, telling her the story of my life, complaining about the shidduch system, ranting about shadchanim, etc. But it seems I was so busy focusing on my singlehood, that I didn't realize we were both in the same boat. Here's how it happened...

While I was talking about how people can be some RUDE & CRUDE and walk up to you and ask 'any news' (with that singsong tune and that look as if you have something u are hiding...), even tho if you DID have news, it is personal and none of their business-she suddenly got really quiet.

Then she told me that yes, even though she is no longer single and she got married pretty quick B"H, she has been experiencing the same rudeness from people. why is that you may ask?

Well, simple. Although she is married for about a year-she doesn't have children yet and is not expecting. Thing is, she put on a few extra pounds. So because she was a toothpick, who is now a pencil, people walk over to her and say things like, 'so nice you're expecting', or 'looks like there's a bun in the oven', or 'when will you stop working due to your pregnancy'-

OUCH! She is seriously hurt, as it wasn't just one remark from one person, this has happened to her over the past few months! And, I thought MY life was the crux of it!

So, ya, babies and husbands are what we truly want, but only Hashem has power to make those things happen. We have to daven, have emunah, etc. but people have to be a bit more smart when it comes to making comments like 'nu...I wanna dance at your simcha', cuz its not like ur fairy godmother will come out and just snap your fingers and POOF-chosson a la mode is waiting right there.

How can we get the message across to people?

My advice: next time someone walks over to you and says 'soo??? any news??'

Look at them straight in the face and ask if they'd like to hear about your latest bowel movement. That should be the last time they'll be asking you for news!

"The Answer" to "reading between the lines"

Following my blog entry on reading between the lines, I decided to just throw in the towel and go for it. Well, honestly, I actually wasn't at all interested, especially with what the references told me and how he was described, but I had a free ride to the Big Apple-so free ride=throwing in the towel, or as the Frummies say 'doing my hishtadlus'.

Went out with 'said guy' and lemme tell you-the minute he walked in the door, I knew, knew, KNEW it was totally, 100%, without a doubt NOT SHAYACH! Aside from the 'women's intuition' or just believing what the references said, or purposely did NOT say, I just 'had this feeling' that it wasn't going to be at all what I was looking for, but then I sorta talked myself into the 'you neva know' theory. and just for all of you who are reading this, rolling your eyes, and thinking-wow she is sooo negative, or she shouldn't have gone with that attitude-GET THIS: I even brought 2 dating outfits and set aside 2 days for dating. So I was positive (not the HIV kind...). I thought, maybe, just maybe, this time I'll be proven wrong.

So, folks, to answer my question-READ BETWEEN THE LINES! Most people will not say the ugly truth or the honest straight out stuff. Either ask the most obvious questinos-even if you sound stupid doing so, or READ between the lines!

References? who needs 'em when u got THIS app!

iPhone apps run background checks on your date

Stud or Dud?

The apps, known as Stud or Dud? and Are They Really Single, utilize data culled from countless public records to give users a more complete picture of whom they’re going out with. PeopleFinders President and COO Bryce Lane says his company collects data from “thousands of sources” across the country from “federal governments to the very smallest city governments.” He says the company then uses algorithms to sort through the data and make comprehensive files that will give users a reliable picture of who the person is.

From there, the data is placed in PeopleFinders’ database and is put up for sale. While both of the applications the company debuted today cost a mere $1 to download, users can only access records by either paying $9.95 per record or by paying an annual subscription fee of $24.95. In the case of Stud or Dud? users have the option of using simply by a person’s first and last name, by their age and hometown, or by their phone number. From there, the program gives you a list of potential matches to choose from.

Once the user thinks they’ve found their match, they can then access all of PeopleFinders’ records on them and learn whether they own property, whether they have a stable address history, whether they’ve ever gone bankrupt, whether they’re married or are in a possible relationship and whether they have a criminal background or are registered as a sex offender. Lane cautions, however, that the program cannot guarantee 100-percent that all of its information is accurate, especially in cases where the person you’re searching for has a relatively common name. Lane says that like any search engine, Stud or Dud? will work better the more information you put into it.

If Stud or Dud? is meant to be a comprehensive background check, the Are They Really Single app is more tailored to answering the specific question of whether someone is either married or potentially in a long-term relationship. It could surely make those with philandering lifestyles like that of Mad Men’s Don Draper more than a tad nervous. Much like Stud or Dud? the app combs through thousands of marriage records, divorce records, common addresses and wedding dates to provide users with information about whether the person they’re seeing is really single.

Lane says PeopleFinders decided to debut this application on the iPhone because it was the most popular consumer-focused device on the market and because the App Store had the greatest reach of any other application market. If the application is successful in its iPhone incarnation, he says the company will explore bringing it to other mobile operating systems, such as BlackBerry or Palm’s webOS.

When asked about privacy issues PeopleFinders’ two apps could raise, Lane says the company will take anyone out of its databases who requests to be deleted. However, he says people should be aware that this information is all public and that anyone can find it if they’re really determined.

New iPhone App to excuse you from Blind Dates

how I wish I had my iphone a bit earlier....altho I DEFINITELY will be downloading this app!

New iSoBusy Fake Call App for iPhone Called "Best-ranked Application of its Kind..." Puts an End to Boring Meetings

Ann Arbor, Michigan 8/14/2009 06:25 PM GMT (TransWorldNews)

The first iPhone app from a new partnership is released and in the iTunes store. A strategic partnership called iBeSilly formed by Detroit technology leader Stout Systems and branding expert David Brier of DBD International creates a new generation of entertainment apps. The result is iSoBusy, The Ultimate Social Repellant, designed to call its owner anytime or on an immediate basis with any of the 23 pre-recorded "accomplices" who will rescue its iSoBusy owner from any situation in business or social settings.

Co-creator David Brier states, "iSoBusy arose from the fact that so many people dread long-winded meetings, socially odd circumstances and even family gatherings. Just look at the number of Web sites devoted to 'boring meetings' or Hollywood scripts devoted to how dreadful someone's family gathering was--or worse, a disastrously bad blind date. Some people simply need a bit of help extricating themselves from those situations."

The concept was a simple one: Enable iPhone owners to have believable alibis to excuse themselves. Partner John Stout states, "There already existed 'fake call' apps whose limitation is that they primarily offer a ringing phone and little more. We wanted to add more believable dimension and the entertainment side of the puzzle."

Brier's team at DBD International developed a menu of 23 "accomplices" who bail the user out. Once an accomplice calls, they continue to talk until the user terminates the call. Accomplices include a contractor with ADD, a French Maitre d', a family attorney, a promotional call from hell, an oriental dry cleaner calling about that stain he can't get out as well as the family members one cannot go without: mom, dad, sister, brother, daughter on a spring break and the bodily pierced son. One of the most hysterical accomplices is a call from a Nigeria statesman with a very sincere offer that will make the iPhone owner an immediate millionaire.

Just weeks after its release, cultural newspaper Volume One noted that iSoBusy was "the best-ranked application of its kind."

iSoBusy also has a Virtual Accomplice Recording Studio, the first and only fake call app enabling owners to create up to 17 original callers. Users can even change caller names and add photos of friends, family and co-workers to make the ruse as authentic as possible.

Promo codes of iSoBusy are available for editorial review purposes.

About iBeSilly: Industry leaders David Brier and John Stout spearhead iBeSilly, an iPhone app development company, whose goal it is to enrich the quality of laughter of iPhone users with entertaining and non-offensive iPhone apps. Their first app, iSoBusy has as its mission to "turn life into an elimination round."

Read Between the Lines?

I was 'redd' a Shidduch recently and whilst doing investigations aka 'calling the references', I realized something. You see, according to yours truly, when you put someone on your 'reference list', that person becomes your Personal PR Agent. This means, they obviously know you really well and will try and sell you to the caller, by saying the nicest things about you and making you sound like you're the greatest catch in the world!

So ya, I hope my references are putting me Guiness World Book 2010, but the in the meantime, the guy I was checking in to on the other hand-well, he's gotta get himself a whole new agency.

You see, I called three of his friends, not 1, not 2, THREE and not one of them seemed to get past the one word answers.

e.g ME: 'what could you tell me about him?'

REFERENCE: 'he's a nice guy'

So aside from pulling teeth..errr.answers, the guys didn't even TRY and make him sound good. In fact, one of them even told me 'he's the kinda guy who sits in the corner by himself'.

a) who says that?

b) does that mean he's a loner, or intellectually challenged?

Obviously, my first thought was get MORE references, or find people who actually KNOW and LIKE the guy.

OR am I just supposed to read between the lines and wish him adios?

Not Your Typical Shidduch Date...

Planning Ahead

At a tea party last week, I was volunteering with writing receipts when my friend and her mom showed up. It's rather a cute story actually. They got to the table and start looking though the prize book. I was catching up on the latest gossip....errrr...news, when her mother asks which prize she wanted to put money in for. Well, being that us single gals don't have a need for long fur coats, or refrigerators stocked with food, children clothes, toys, etc. she waved her hand and told her mother-whatever you decide is great.

I saw her mother eyeing the page with the kitchen aids and told her that I am soo lucky, that I already have everything I need, all I'm missin is my guy. You see, I explained to her, my grandmother already got me pots & pans (sitting in the basement), a leichter (sitting in my basement), a tiara and veil (sitting in my basement), etc. We laughed so hard, until her mother goes 'aha-I'm buying you pots and pans, atleast you can have them when you're married'.

Just goes to show-a 'yiddishe mama' is always planning ahead!

Webcam Dating

Recently, there have been advertisements, as well as articles regarding this new 'Jewish webcam thing' called "Shidduchvision".

Of course, being single myself, I've had to give my opinion on the matter, as people I know have been all about the 'you know, I was reading the Yated this week, and they had this advertisemnt about this new dating service through webcam-it seems like such a good idea-did you ever think of trying it out?" So ya, it's been 'the buzz' around town and I was realy thinking about the concept.

I read up about the details-the stuff they have in fineprint that most people don't see the first time round and here's the scoop:

1. you meet in a 'registered shadchan's house', meaning you can't do the webcam thing from the privacy of your own home computer/laptop/netbook.

2. you are not allowed more than 3 webcam 'meetings' with the same person, as they don't want you to rely only on dating digital, rather after 3 dates, you can decide if you want to pursue dating the same peson, meaning-actually getting off your rear and traveling down

3. there are 10 minute intervals between each session, so that the person having a webcam date before you, can leave and still retain his/her privacy

4. the date is set to 50 minutes per webcam session. so no going over the set time...

Would you 'digitally date' rather than date the old fashioned way?

Whaddaya think?

Another question for all of you out there-more like an out-of-towner's opinion.

If you were 'redd' a Shidduch and the only likelihood of you being able to travel to meet in the next 2 weeks was, if you took the long way (car, bus, van) and because you will be spending most of your time driving there and back, only have 1 whole day to date them-do you think that's fair enough for the person you will be dating and fair to yourself? Especially since the 'given' is that when you travel from out of town, it's a 2 date thing (unless something goes awfully wrong). But really, its more like you're spending more than half the time traveling and therefore you only have one full day to date.

what would you do?

It's a Shidduch!

Thanks to all of you for your comments-I now have the iphone 3GS and am absolutely lovin it!

Backlogged

I know it's been a while since my last blog entry, but I was having issues with internet and stuff. HOWEVER, rest assured, that I'm BACK IN ACTION so the past week's blog entries will be uploaded shorly.

Thanks for bearing with me.

Friends....

The Desert Life

So, back to the drawing board again. By that I mean, that my dating life has become like a desert=all dried up and just sand blowing in the wind. A few cactus (aka annoying 'prickly' shadchanim) here and there but other than that-its DEAD land.

Back to the drawing board=calling Shadchanim, bugging people, or more like BEGGING people to take in interest in me. I have to admit, I hate doing this. Even my parents make calls and it bothers me. Like these shadchanim don't really know me, yet, I have to sorta 'sell myself' to them, sound all good, etc. and convince them that out-of-town doesn't mean alaska!

Then, if I'm lucky enough to actually get THROUGH to speak to the Shadchan themself, I havta remind them of who I am, wait until they 'find my file at the bottom of their pile', then fax my information again, or email my information with a picture, etc.

Lemme tell you it's frustrating enough to finally speak to someone and when you do and they tell you to send your info for the umpteenth time-it's even more upsetting.

and then what? you think they all start calling you back? forget about it. The information you send gets lost in their email/fax/piles/binder and in 3 months time, it's back to making phonecalls.

Recently the following happened to me: I was making phonecalls for an organization reminding women in the community about a function that was taking place the following day. I call this one lady and she goes 'who am I speaking to?' so I give her my name (I know her, she knows me, but that's as good as it gets) and she goes-oh! would you go out with someone who is 5"5? and I'm thinking-pay attention woman-I'm calling about a function-if you have somethin in mind, call me on my own time at my house number, etc. Now-a little background info on this woman. She 'considers' herself a Shadchan, but the way she works is, she bumps into you, sees you are 'still single' and then 'suddenly has this GREAT idea'. She'll bug you 3 days after that and then suddenly you don't hear from her AT ALL, until the next time you meet at the local grocery store-or in my case, make a phonecall. Anyway, I told her she can't just ask me based on height-like how about telling me about the guy first? To make a long story short-B"H the function took place 2.5 weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since, B"H. So until next time, I'm good to go.

So if you think you're the only one in deadsville with the occasional cactus or so-think of me and this lady!

Make This Shidduch!

Gotcha by the title, huh? ok, this really isn't literally what it sounds like.
Here's the deal: I'm getting a new phone and the choice is the Blackberry Bold or the iPhone 3GS. I checked a few sites to compare but there are not 'pros or cons', just 'personal taste' and whatever the 'customer prefers'. So, I'm leaving it up to you, fellow blogreaders, to help me decide which one to get.

I need YOU, to hook me up with the Right One!

Please comment and if you have either of these phones, lemme know the good, bad and ugly.

Basically, I'm going to be using it for the following features:

a) phone (duh!)

b) email

c) texting

d) camera

e) ringtones

i know both the Blackberry and iPhone have built in cameras that are great, both have SD cards for ringtones, songs, etc. and both have phone and email feature. but which is better?

Also, currently I have a Sony Ericsson K790, its thick, but it fell so many times and never ONCE broke. The camera feature is AMAZING-and I have 580 pix stored on it, not to mention the videos, songs, etc.

One last thing in this quest for the right 'shidduch' between me and 'the smartphone'-when i receive emails, i want it to let me know, and not the kinda thing that I have to click on messages, then click send and receive and only when i go into the message icon, will I retrieve messages...

ok guys, that's it.

Let the comments begin!

Seeing with Sunglasses

Today's blog is brought to you in part by, my friend Ahuva-who suggested I post this.

So in all of honesty, I started my blog entry this morning, by writing how my dating life lately has been eerily quiet and with nothing happening (aside from the 'nudging neighbors and well-wishers) having to get things moving by making phonecalls, etc. The point of the post was basically to rant about the 'system' and the nuisance an frustration of calling shadchanim, actually getting through to the shadchan, only to have them lose your information and you send it again, and they have to look 'at the bottom of their pile,' etc.

Yes folks, I said it, I was seriously FED UP! Annoyed with sending my information by fax, email and speaking to people, reminding them of who I am, what I'm looking for, giving over my measurements, etc.

However this is to prove to all of you that is pays to be patient-AND WAIT! before you jump ahead of yourself, I'm not engaged (yet-hehe), not even close, not even dating someone, but it's all worth it to just wait a little bit.

You see, as of this morning, when I was typing up my blog entry and explaining how it was all pointless making the phonecalls, sending the emails, etc. I was just being negative about the situation, being that I've been in the shidduch system for so long and I know how things take forever and nothing goes quickly, so I was soo use to things being this way that I couldn't see it any other way. But today, ladies & gents, I was proved wrong. Yes, today, less than 24 hours after emailing my information to a NEW shadchan, whom I didn't even speak with, let alone meet, or even send a picture-today this new shadchan already emailed me back with a list of approx. 20 boys who fit the category of what I'm looking for.

Yes, I say this honestly to you all. Less than a day after my initial mail, I received an email back with a list of names, not even initials, but full names, ages, cities, schools, yeshivas, background, personality, what they are looking for, etc. for me to look through and decide if any of these bachelors would be of interest.

So, as Ahuva said, I had to take off my sunglasses and see the light. See that not everyone is about taking it slow, or about not speaking to you, or not working with out-of-towners, etc. Not everyone is rude, mean, slow, etc. There are some good people out there, people who dedicate themselves to helping others. People who you literally might not even know, yet give you information upfront, that's accurate and up to date.

Whilst I can look at this small story and say-WOW! I LOVE email! It's quick, efficient, gets the job done without the nuisance of a phone, etc. I must blame this one entirely on this Shadchan and at how quick she seems to be getting the job done.

Lesson learned-it's worth it to wait. People might just surprise you :)

Article on Aish

A friend of mine just sent me a link to this article on Aish....
Thought it might be appropriate to post it here.

Top 10 reasons to date on Halloween

1. No one will see you, especially when you go out in costume-who would think ur even Jewish? probably some trick or treaters who got lost.

2. Get to see his creative side-what will he go dressed as?

3. Don't need to think of a lounge, or 'fun place' to go to-you can just walk on the streets, like the rest of the costumed trick or treaters

4. For the guy=why spend $12.00 on a diet sprite at a lounge, when you can get candy for FREE?

5. For the girl=no need to worry about your hair-throw on a mask, wig, and/or hat

6. You can go to haunted houses-how cool is that? (wait a sec-it may be a shailah of kol isha if skeletons freak her out!)

7. You get to show...er...wear your true colors (even tho girls shouldn't wear 'red')

8. For guys-no need to worry about suit, no suit, casual, etc. just wear a vampire costume-they're very popular these days.

9. CANDYCORN!!! who doesn't love them?!?!

10. You can always blame ur wacky & nutty personality on ur costume=its all 'part of the act'!

My Idea of 'Finding the House'

I have to say that I honestly feel bad for guys when they have to date girls and only get an address. Especially if you're not familiar with the area where the girl lives.

Here's how I see it from the guy's point of view: You take our your trusty GPS (or if you're driving a loser cruiser-you take out your trusty city map) or your printed mapquest directions. You drive around in the dark, slowing down by every intersection to make sure you can see which streets you're passing to know that you're headed in the right direction. Finally, you turn onto the correct street, but now you have to literally stop infront of each house, using your nightvision goggles-ok, getting a bit carried away here-straining your eyesight to try and see the address on each house.

If your girl has one of those cool halogen addresses-then you aint got a problem. But what if she's an ordinary house with a number that's been planted on the house since the street was built?

There are 2 choices you have now: Either park somewhere in middle of the block and walk down the street until you find the right house, or if you don't wanna get outta your car (winter or laziness) then you can stop infront of each and every house.

So, in honor of all guys out there, I had this great idea of 'identifying the house of the girl you are picking up'. See, the other day I was in the mall and they had this Harry Potter-Dementor kinda lookin thing, black cloak and all, greyish face, pointy nose with a wart, and the eyes GLOW IN THE DARK! how cool? Anyway, holding a flat tray with treats on it (obviously in honor Halloween). I showed my mom and told her, wouldn't it be great if we got one, that way, when the guy comes to date me, people will say-Oh! SOS? She's the house with the dementor with the glow in the dark eyes!

ok, if that is too non-Jewish to scare away guys (but c'mon, everyone has some kinda sense of humor in them-I would appreciate the gesture!), then use the next decoration for the season-Xmas inflatable snowglobes to put on your lawn!

I mean, the easiest thing would be to live in a castle, mansion or newly 'extreme home madeover house', but until we get there, let's stick with some creative landmarking decors!

oh! and for those of you who think I'm nuts-I just googled Jewish inflatables-there's even something called 'Frosty the Jewish snowman'. Who needs a JC bible scene when u got one of those?

Men in Tights

I'm not referring to the Robin Hood Movie here, but hey, if you haven't already seen it-you really should, although its old, its pretty funny from what I remember.

My alarm went off this morning, as it does every morning at 7:23 and along with the great music, they always have comedy clips. This morning's clip, really got me up and smiling. I believe it was a comedian by the name of Keith Robinson, but I still have to clarify that it is indeed him.

Basically, he was talking about raising his daughters and how with girls its all about the 'princesses'. He goes on saying that not only is it about princesses, but the whole 'princess' things includes being swepped away by the prince in tights who comes on his white horse. and then comes the line that goes something like this: "I told my daughters, why do you want a prince in tights? There are no (good) guys who wear tights and if there are-then they're out there looking for another prince in tights for themselves!"

Couldn't have said it better myself :)

(if any of you have a youtube link, please post, thanks)

There ARE some good apples out there!

Hey Folks! This post is gonna be different from the usual 'rant' and 'satire' that you've become accustomed 2 on this site.

That's because in the last while, most of the guys I dated (notice I said 'most' and not 'all) were totally not shayach/losers/rude/bums/need I say more, etc.

However, while lying in bed last night, I realized that I should take some time atleast each day and think about all the good I have in my life and what I have to be thankful for. Hence, this post.

So, the last guy I dated was 'redd' through a close friend of mine. In fact, when I usually get 'The Call' from a shadchan or other person doing the 'redding' then we take down all the info and do the research. However, since this was done through a close friend, there was really no need. We had full faith and the fact that they actually met/saw/know the guy really added some comfort to the whole process. So, basically the entire process went really quickly-by that I mean, the guy gave an answer almost immediately and we were 'maskim' to go ahead as well. Not only that, but he was an out-of-towner as well, AND he came in for the first date! (score 2-1: guys) Just for the record, it was a loooong way to travel but I was happy that he was the one doing it, especially since the last few guys I went out with, I was the one traveling up to 10-11 hours!

OK, back to the good news: the guy showed up and wasn't a friek of nature, wasn't a 'thriller-lookin zombie' from the MJ movie (lekavod halloween) and didn't have any obvious really creepy twitches. That was a sigh of relief-ok, fine, I have to show Hakaros Hatov-he was even better than average looking!

Third good thing-the guy had personality! as opposed to the previous few I've went out who were better off at being mannequins.

ok, so the long story short-it didn't work out, but the good news, he was a REALLY nice, honest, sincere guy, from a family full of chesed. He was friendly, funny, talkative and good looking.

People-There IS hope! and that's the lesson learned from that dating episode. So, as hard as it may be to believe there are nice, normal guys around-I know atleast one who's single :)

Shlepping?

So this past weekend, I was 'lucky' enough to bump into a local Shadchan at a Shul Kiddush. Not only was I lucky enough to see her, but she decided to come over and chat to me about the good, bad, and ugly about being a shadchan. Whilst relating her personal stories and phonecalls, she mentioned something that sorta had me divided.

Basically, she was telling me how she set up this girl from 1 city with a guy from another city. Anyway, they went out for quite a while and the girl wasn't sure if he was for her, but the guy really liked her. Finally, she continued to go out and decided this is it-she's READY to get engaged to him. That night, when she made her decision, her friend got engaged and she went to the vort. When she got to the engagement party, she decided this guy she's dating isn't 'the one' and wasn't for her. She got home, called the shadchan and apologized saying she couldn't go through with this.

Her take on the situation: it wasn't fair of the girl to 'shlep' the guy for so long if she knew he wasn't 'the one' for her.

My take: although I do agree with her somewhat, i have to put in my word as a 'social worker' for my dating friends and personal experiences, that sometimes it is not that one party is 'shlepping' but that they honestly don't know if its a 'yes' or 'no', and after asking around people just say 'continue to date until you find a definite reason to give a no'. So, I can't entirely and wholeheartedly say I agree that someone is 'shlepping' someone, obviously they are continuing because they believe there is reason to go out and there is no reason to say no.

Unless, there are other reasons...feel free to enlighten me...I like a good argument :)

Top Ten

So I was reading BOSD's blog about the top ten ways to end a date and that really got me thinkin..

I'm the kind of girl who will speak up for myself, however, when I'm on a date, I try to NEVER insult, hurt or be rude to the guy, no matter whether he himself is rude, pathetic or TOTALLY not my type. So I'll just sit along and smile and walk around the park a few more times, drive around the block a few more times and sometimes sit a few extra hours in a restaurant until they take me home.

That doesn't mean, however, that I never actually 'thought' of escape tactics....

so here's what I came up with:

(feel free to add yours to the list)

1) Make up some medical condition that ends in 'itis' explain the 'drastic' side effects if you don't take your medication on time, and how you're already 1 hour late. TRUST ME, you'll be home and won't have to worry about getting a phonecall anytime soon.

2) Explain how you appreciate a warm home and family environment, especially since you grew up in the foster care system after you spent time in Juvi.

3) So, last night, I had the weirdest dream: Malachim came down from Shamayim and told me I was the next Mashiach! or was it Neviah?

4) Have your cellphone set to ring and when it does ring, answer it in a panic and yell: all systems down, i repeat ALL SYSTEMS DOWN. ROGER THAT

5) Hide under the table/coat rack with your hands over your ears and start screaming how 'they're coming to get you.'

6) Look like you're about to puke and mutter under your breathe-but loud enough for him to hear-'oh no! i think im pregnant....again'

7) After talking about how the Yeshiva system is so tough, explain to him that this is the reason you decided to change genders and are now a woman.

8) Show up in a straightjacket and try and bite yourself a few times (note: you may need someone to chauffeur you back home after he runs away frieked out)

9) When the waiter comes to the table with your meals, hold your hands out, palms up and close your eyes. Once you get this attention, tell him you will now commence saying grace.

10) Tell the guy your daddy is broke :(

Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth...

Gut Chodesh, fellow blogreaders, and best wishes for a month of Bracha, Hatzlacha, Mazel, Gezunt and jampacked with Simcha(s)!

Doesn't it get on your nerves when just ONE person is on your case, and by that I meant, on top of your ever move? Imagine what its like when you have atleast 3 (and that doesn't even include the relatives, well-wishers and close family friends who 'just wanna see u married & settled down already...). This is where it all comes together folks. When Mrs. A redds you a shidduch and the next thing you know Mrs. H is calling your house and telling you she got a call from the 'other side' asking information about you. How does Mrs. H. come into the picture? Well, her niece married a boy who's first cousin happens to be 'said boy' that you are being redd to. Whilst she's on the phone she tells your mother what a great idea it is.

The next day, at the grocery store, the lady from your Shul stands behind you at the checkout line and tells you that she got a call about you. Not only that, but she also happens to be that town Yenta. Not only that, but she also knows the boy's family because her mechutaynesta is next door neighbors with them. Not only that, she offered the boy to stay at her house when and if he comes in to date you.

Now, I don't have to tell you how the story continues, as I'm sure some of you have experienced the 'too many cooks' syndrome. I think, ok, if it happens that people find out, great. But once they get 'involved' either by the phonecall, housing, etc. then they wanna STAY involved and they wanna know every move, what time you're going out for how long, where did you go, when you say it went 'ok' just HOW ok does that mean, etc. and they won't stop there.

So although it maybe true that too many cooks spoil the broth can the same be said of too many shadchanim?

Brand Name Boys

Whilst speaking with my friend Miri the other day, the topic of 'labels' came up, and by that I am NOT referring to Juicy, Tommy, Tahari, etc. I am referring to people labels. We sorta had a discussion about labeling people and whether it is a good thing or bad thing.
Here's the way I see it. I live in a small community, 'out-of-town' and when someone calls me about a guy, especially if the person who calls me and is 'redd'ing the shidduch doesn't know me, I like to know what kinda guy he is setting me up with. So first, I use my own references, but if the guy is from Barbados, and I don't know anyone there, then I use HIS references. In addition to my usual questions, I ask 'what kind of boy is he?' would you say he's "Yeshivish", "Lubavitch", "Chassidish", etc.
Now, personally, I myself don't really fit into any category. As a kid, coming home from school, I used to ask my father 'Ta, what ARE we?' Rivky is yeshivish, Leah's tatty told her she was chassidish, and Chaya's brother said she is Lubavtich'
My father would smile at me and say, 'We are JEWISH' and that was that. I was satisfied with that answer.
But when it came to meeting shadchanim, answering their 50 questions and filling out forms, etc. I didn't know what to check off. There were soo many categories, but I don't see myself as any of them. So, ya, I'm simply Jewish.
However, how do you define what 'type' that means? I can say I'm a Bais Yaakov girl, which used to mean something, but apparently, Bais Yaakovs in different cities mean different things...
So, is it right to 'brand' people? probably not. Each person is different on their own. But is it easier knowing where a person sorta fits in 'hashkafically' to know if its suitable to begin with, DEFINITELY!
There are guys who consider themselves modern, in terms of the way they dress in jeans and smoke, but then they are from Chassidish families and where shtreimels on shabbos. Apparently, they are 'branded' as 'Tuna Baigels'.
There are guys who are MODO, but started off as Yeshivish, and they, I believe, are 'branded' as Hermans.
There are soo many different types, how do you find out where a person stands 'religiously and hashkafically' without branding them?
What do you think?

Keeping Up Appearances

So here I am yet again at the pc. First days are over and now there's a mere few days break until the 'Second Days' of Yom Tov and I feel the need to rant, so I'm gonna let off steam where it's safe and where it won't 'ruin my shidduch prospects', so here goes.

I don't know how it works for guys, but with girls, we truly care about our appearances, especially when we know we're 'on show' for all those 'boy's mothers / shadchans / spies / references, etc'. I'm the type of girl who enjoys my showers each night, puts on makeup everyday, likes dressing up, etc. As my neighbor kindly put it, 'you're the only girl I know who plays basketball in a jean skirt and a full face of makeup!'

So now, here comes Yom Tov, which means ONE shower for 2.5 (half of friday duh!) days, makeup once to last you the 2.5 days and hair that if you're lucky lasts 3 hours. To add to all this, the weathernetwork.com forecasted rain, rain, and 40% chance of rain over Yom Tov. If you're lucky enough to NOT have rain, then there was humidity, and if not that, than seriously consider yourself lucky!

I think I did fairly well Friday night, my hair was great-if I may say so myself, and my makeup was spectacular.

Then came Shabbos morning. OK, to judge, it was like every shabbos morning, just 'ok', you know, half 'au naturel' and the rest whatever remained from the makeup.

Not to mention those long, heavy meals and for dessert, my mom's most awesome Hersheys Chocolate Cake (and with pareve chocolate). So by the time Sunday came around, I was I gained 2 lbs more (so much for that cute, frilly, fitted black dress), I had total bedhead (and i didn't even sleep THAT well) and whatever makeup wasn't on my pillow left my eyelashes stuck together! Ya, so you can imagine how well I looked which did lotsa for my ego on 2nd day Yom Tov.

Then I remember hearing my seminary teacher saying, 'if you have oily hair and go to shul with your hair on 2nd day Yom Tov, it's a badge of honor that you still go to Shul to daven and not worry about your looks' and I'm thinking, dude, there is NO way I will face the entire community looking the way I am without the oily hair! I have soo much to uphold here. Talk about keeping up appearances!

I sat infront of my mirror and just imagined walking down the street-oh wait! Murphy's law came into play 2nd day Yom Tov=the rainclouds went away and it was a beautiful sunny day! anyhoo, so ya, back to me walking down the street looking like one of the singers from KISS (streaked black eyeliner/mascara), bedhead and 'plotzing' in my straight skirt, with a jacket to cover the fact that i gained those extra few pounds, and watching all those gimme me the 'elevator stair' (starts with the shoes and slowly makes the way up to my head, slowly registering each aspect of my attire and body) and then the face of approval, or in this case 'disapproval' for the potential guy they had in mind.

Conclusion: I stayed in my cozy pjs and comfy slippers under the covers reading some good chicklits (after I davened at home, of course) and this way I can still keep up appearances in time for Second Days.

Good Moed to you all!

Do you 'Go Dutch'?

So MaterialMaidel's latest post about the 'pre-date date' got me thinkin...

She mentions about guys dishin out too much $$$ on their dates...well, I agree but I also have a story that contradict that statement, which sure deserves a cyber spot on this blog.

You see, I was on a date with this guy who seemed to be a nice guy and because he was just a nice guy, I agreed to go out with him again, and again, and again. I was a bit annoyed just at the bit that he wouldn't share information about himself and so I didn't really know where I stood when it came to the end of the date. The Shadchan assured me that he had 'such a great time', but if so, why wouldn't he atleast say so, or hint it, you know...give off a vibe or somethin?

In any case, back to the point of this story. It was time for the guy to travel in. So we spoke on the phone about different modes of transportation and he kept making jokes about the price of tickets, etc. Then came the clencher, where would he stay during his visit? Usually guys have friends, or they can be housed by the Shadchan, or the girl finds him a place to stay. This guy mentioned that he felt bad to have me pay for his hotel.....

I didn't know what to do with his comment, so I brushed it off with a humorous remark and in the end, I found him a place to stay (not a hotel).

Anyway, we go out and we end up in a coffee shop. We both order our coffees, and when the cashier asks if we're together, he turns to me and says 'you know, in the non-Jewish world, most people go dutch'. Honestly, I thought it was pathetic and at the same time humorous, as how much can a Starbucks be already? approx. $5 per coffee?!?! It looked pathetic on him, and I felt bad that someone can be soo cheap.

I turned to him and the cashier and said 'I have money, and I don't mind paying for coffee, I have $10.00 on me-it should cover everything!'

So, in terms of spending money on dates, while I do feel bad for guys for having to spend $$$ on dates (just think about parking fees in Manhattan!, let alone $$$ for a meal), I've had my share of guys who don't have change, or sometimes don't have cash, or are too cheap, and have had to pay for some of my dates.

Have you ever gone dutch?

10 Day Break

Happy New Year y'all!

Hope everyone had a meaningful Rosh Hashana and may all your Tefilos be answered l'Tovah and may you be Blessed with all your hearts' desires!

So, I was thinking, which is good, because you're supposed to do some serious thinking during Aseres Yemei Teshuva-you know, reflect on the past year and all that stuff.

Firstly, new years resolutions-always be positive :)

I've already put that into good use as of last night. You see, one of my top 3 TV (yes, I have a TV and I don't hide it...actualy, perhaps I shouldn't say this during aseres yemei teshuva, but maybe admitting it IS doing teshuva?...anyway) shows was premiering Monday and I wanted to watch it, but it coincided with the 'breaking of the fast' fress-feast, and yes, my mom baked FRESH HOMEMADE BREAD ROLLS! but, I realized, that I can watch it online, so I enjoyed the warm rolls and went online 1 hour later. I searched and searched and search, basically I was desperate to watch the show. and 2 hours later, I still couldn't find it. I found sites that 'claimed' all I had to do was answer a survey and i would be able to watch, but I got nowhere and finally gave up. Then I realized that when trying to go to other sites, news, email, etc. my pc was slowing down and not connecting.

The next morning, I ran a virus check and it turns out-GULP-i have a VIRUS!!! So, obviously, my pc being my life, I flipped out and ran ANOTHER check. and there was no way this virus was getting deleted or virus vaulted or whatever way viruses get extinguished. So I called my tech guy who told me it was THAT bad and he would have to take it in to fix.

Now, I remember my new year's resolution=think POSITIVE! so here's the outcome: Yes, my pc has a virus, and hopefully all work on my pc will be saved and I learned my lesson (a) don't be THAT desperate, I could've waited 1 day and watched it without even searching (b) no TV in Aseres Yemei Teshuva=im supposed to be DOING Teshuva, not watching 'narishkeit'...lastly (c) here's where the positive comes in: B"H I have 3 laptops and 1 desktop at home, so you see, it's NOT the end of the world...

So, you're all welcome to join me in being more POSITIVE this year. There is always another way to look at a situation, and I choose the 'glass half full' approach!

Have a happy day :)

Shana Tova

I want to wish all my readers a Kesiva vaChasima Tova,

a Gut G'Bentched yahr,

a year filled with Bracha,

a year filled with Hatzlacha,

a year filled with Mazel,

a year of Gezunt,

a year of Parnassa,

a year of Nachas,

a year in which all of your Tefilos are answered l'Tovah

and a year jampacked with Simchas!

May we go from Simcha to Simcha and share in each other Simchas.

and in my case, may I always be stressed over the fact that I have 'nothing to wear' and am constantly shopping for something to wear to YOUR Simcha!

That's what Friends are For!

Listen up people and I will tell you what a truly fortunate gal I am!

B"H Hashem has Blessed me with the most amazing...umm...I mean A-M-A-Z-I-N-G friends! Friends that stick together through thick and thin, the ones that make you laugh and the ones that cry with you. The ones that share their stories and still listen to yours. The ones that are there for you no matter what, the ones that will drop anything/everything at a moment's notice when you need them. Friends that are like sistas!

and why, you may ask, do I decide now to tell you about this? Well, because today I have the perfect story to illustrate the meaning, to make you understand how truly special my friends are!

So today I was supposed to meet my bestie, Rochele, for lunch. Turns out her day was crazy, and mine got busy and our 'lunch date' never came to be.

Then smack in middle of the afternoon I worked it out that I had a 15 minute opening to go out and grab somethin to eat and as I went to my car, Rochele calls me. After apologizing about how hectic things were she sounds really excited on the phone and asks me if I can take my lunch now. I tell her I'm on my way to the car and she goes ballistic. Turns out, she also only had a 15 min. opening and she grabbed a ride with her co-worker to the nearest cafe to pick something up. Whilst paying for her croissants, she hears two guys talking. She turns around and sitting right behind her are 2 goodlooking, well-dressed, frum boys. She turns back around to the cashier and mentions to her co that she should find out who these guys are, as they are the 'type' of guy who I, her friend is looking for. Then she realized her time was up at the parking meter, so as she is driving back to her office she calls me and tells me to quickly run to the cafe and to look our for these 2 guys.

Not only that, she also tells me what they are wearing and where they are sitting. So, I quickly drive down to this place hoping these guys will be there. Sure enough, sitting in the exact spot she mentioned, I notice 2 men dressed as she described them. I quickly fix my hair, pull down my sweater, suck in my extra fat and walk confidently into the cafe, strolling right past them to get a look.

Turns out.......i know who they both are......and who they are MARRIED to.......

so much for a hunk of a lunch break!

So, I call my bestie and thank her immensely. Then I break the news to her, and I must admit, I wasn't even upset. Infact, I was sooo grateful that she thought of me. That she called me right away and had me in mind. And, yes, they are 'my type', so Kol HaKavod to Rochele, for thinking of others.

Think about it-when you see a goodlookin guy on the street, you automatically switch to 'cruisecontrol' and try and find out what you can for YOUR OWN interest. Rochele, however, saw two goodlookin men and thought 'this is exactly what my FRIEND is lookin for'.

so Kudos to you Roch!

May you be Blessed to find the Right One in the Right Time, and that time should be soon.

p.s. tis a good thing they were married....as today=Murphy's law, I woke up with a tremendous cold. I walked to my office with 3 packs of Ricola, 2 boxes of Tylenol Cold, and a box of Tissues. Even though it is GORGEOUS summer, sunny weather, I am wearing 3 layers (one of which is a sweatshirt, then a sweater, then a T-shirt), a black slinky skirt and thick socks. I look like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and I can't stop sneezing.

So, if there would be 2 goodlookin single guys there, they definitely wouldn't be attracted to me, a walking cold advertisement.

May you all be Blessed with such A-M-A-Z-I-N-G friends and Rochele, I hope I can repay you someday by finding you a real catch....if you ARE reading this-r u up for coffee 2night?

My Meme Superpower

So I've been tagged by my good friend-Material Maidel and I guess I should participate, what with reason she posted for tagging me.

Rule number 1: Read the rules.
Rule number 2: Write one superpower you would like to have and what you would do with it.
Rule number 3: Write why you chose that super power over everything else.
Rule number 4: Tag and link 7 people, and write why you think they will have an interesting meme.
Rule number 5: fix your broken links.

I guess this'll take some deep thought on my part...gonna get me a nice ice mochaccino for this and be back in a few...

So after some deep thinking (and lotsa expresso :D) here's what I came up with:


If I were able to have any superpower in the entire universe it would be....hmmm....let's see....JUST ONEEE?????? c'mon, I'm a woman here, I can't simply make up my mind knowing there are sooo many choices and only having to choose one! Especially if it's free!

OK, I think my superpower would be to fix things.

Yes, it sounds pretty basic, since almost every guy claims he can 'fix' things. A broken cabinet, a faulty printer, a car dashboard problem, the doorbell, etc.

But, I'm not only talking about the basic fix it problems, which already would do me wonders-not having to call:

1) My neighbor

2) my PC / IT guy

3) Internet Service Provider / tech support

4) Cellphone company

5) electrician

6) plumber

7) male family member

8) Tow-truck

9) chaverim

10) random stranger

BUT, also fix problems....my problems, friends problems, the world's problems, etc.

Imagine a friend calls me to complain. Instead of me playing 'social worker/psychologist', listen on the phone, sympathize and say 'i hear you' about a dozen times=i would be able to actually HELP fix the problem.

No problems=No worries

No worries=all Happy

Happy World=Peaceful World

World Peace=new answer to Miss Universe question 'what would you most wish for our world'-lol! ok, basically everyone is happy, peace reigns and the world is a safe place. (Happy Planet anyone?)

So, ya, no more shidduch crisis

no more economic downturn

no more tsunamis

no more kidnappings

no more school shootings

no more illesses (anyone say H1N1?)

no more divorces

no more 'at-risk' children, etc.

think about it....pretty brilliant no?

AND, there's even more...just think about the def. of the word fix, using my trusty old friend-online thesaurus, I came up with a few more cool stuff I can do with my "FIX" superpower.

a) "Fix" myself some nice supper

b) Help get people out of a "fix"

c) "fix" up some singles and make shidduchim :)

d) finally "fix" my ipod

e) after I "fix" her, she'll be your bestie for ever and ever

wow! that ice moccha really WAS good...I should do this WAY more often.

I tag:

frumcollegegirl

a blob of something different

the jewish side

baal teshuva slowly

Material Maidel

Frum Female

As each of these bloggers has a great sense of humor and their own refreshing point of view.

Perhaps this is the answer?

So in response to my previous post, which by the way, I apologize for going off topic there, but when I speak about my frustrating dating experiences, I really DO get carried away, I think I may have found some kinda answer to my question as to being picky.

I was running a few errands during my lunch hour and I met a family friend. He too, has a daughter in Shidduchim who is a few years younger than me. So we get talking about 'stuff', which basically, somehow ALWAYS ends up with 'shidduchim' and how things are going and how its getting harder and harder. Now, his daughter is good friends with me and I always ask about her (don't get to see her as often as I would like). When I asked how its going for her, he told me the following. "I recognize that my daughter is not skinny-she's on the heavier side and therefore its a problem for us. I am willing to take a boy with a 'problem' even, but just getting an answer back from someone is difficult."

Now, I must admit, yes, this girl is heavy, but she is extremely smart, great personality, outgoing and pretty. So when the father say this, I felt a little bit let down. Then again, most boys want girls who are size -2, tall, blond, skinny, pretty models. So perhaps this was his way of being realistic? But my poor friend, imagine if she knew her parents were willing to 'settle' for something much less her worth just because of a few extra pounds!?!

I must say, I didn't know where to put myself and just told her dad that she is an amazing girl, a true friend, her honesty is refreshing, her cheerful personality is wonderful and she is just brilliant! He agreed but I could see he was pained as well.

Think he has a point, or is he selling his own daughter short?

The Rights to Remain....Picky?

The same question keeps popping up in my head-almost like the little lightbulb that you see in cartoons, and that question is: "do singles have the right to be picky?" and here's a little anecdote to explain what I mean.

A few months ago I got a call from a Shadchan. I don't even think I've ever heard of her before. Apparently, she's friends with another shadchan who participated in this shidduch group thing and she got my name...you know the drill....So she starts explaining how she has this A-M-A-Z-I-N-G guy and out comes 'the Shidduch Book', volume 3, page 16. My mother scribbles down all information, including references and before we even commence our 'investigations' the Shadchan reassures my mom and says 'oh, and don't worry, the guy will travel to your city to go out with your daughter'.

I must say that when I heard this, I was impressed! Yes, he was an out-of-towner, BUT some guys from non-NewYorkness won't even offer to travel the first time round. Aside from that, this guy had a top and I mean TOP job in a HUGE company. So that was doubly impressive that he would offer to travel when he has such an important position. Of course, the fact that he had such an important position gave the Shadchan the excuse of 'well he doesn't just say yes to anyone' and 'if he says yes, girls don't even look into it, they JUMP at the chance to date a guy like him'.

So, I started with my own references, namely 'google', 'facebook', 'myspace', and 'onlysimchas' and sure enough this guy turns up on a few of them. I got to see a pic and everything. Only I wasn't sure if it was the guy that was redd to me because his name was a common Jewish name. Also, the guy in the pic was already engaged, with his arm around a girl, etc.

Then I began to worry. This Shadchan didn't know me from beans, what if she was 'redding' me to some non-shomer negiah guy? This wasn't for me. So I immediately called the shadchan and asked if the boy was engaged before she said sure. I told her about the pic and she reassured me that he is a real FRUM boy and that probably it was coincidence that someone with the same name was engaged and had a pic of himself hugging his girlfriend.

OK, there were a few more issues, but to get down to things, she assured me he was a great catch and I was like heck-let him come down and let's go out. Next thing I know the guy calls me and we're chatting away. He very smoothely mentions that he has no plans of coming to my city at all!!

umm, after picking my chin off the floor and catching my breathe from the shock, he asked me if i had any plans of going to his city, to which I replied not in th next 2 months. Great, this was getting NOWHERE and I was getting annoyed. Then he told me he had a meeting in NY in 2 days and asked if I had plans to go to NY, and no i did not. But I DID remember that a friend of mine was driving to NY for the day-in 2 days, so I told him perhaps i could hitch a ride and we could meet.

So, last minute=the day after I spoke, the day before we officially went out-i called my friend and we left early the next morning. I meet the guy at some sketch place and off we go.

So, recap, this guy is AMAZING, has an awesome job, all girls JUMP @ the opportunity to go out with him.

My POV (point of view), he's a tall boy, nicely dressed. Not very talkative at all. In fact, it's HURTING me for the next hour, how I keep asking questions and getting 1 word answers. He frequently checks his iphone on our date=rude (no matter HOW busy u are! unless there is an emergency, in which case you kindly explain the situation), and to add to my dismay=he has spittle.

yes, ladies and gentleman, learned a new word that day. I never even knew that such a word existed, but all i can say is it is quite distracting when someone is talking to you and all you see is drool, and spit collecting in the corners of their mouth and in your head ur screaming SWALLOW, SWALLOW but outside you just smile, pretend to listen and not be disgusted.

Oh, but wait that's not the worst. The worst is that the guy kept shaking/shivering. I don't know if he was sick, or a nervous twitch or what, but it kinda frieked me out a bit.

So, here's where my question comes into play. Do singles get to be picky?

Just because your a 'guy in demand' and you have the looks, the job, the position, etc. does that mean you get to be picky and say you want a gorgeous, model of a girl, with lotsa money, etc?

I'm not in any way saying this guy was picky. I'm just asking if people who know they have the goods-or atleast have ONE GOOD, or somethin get to be choosy?

What are the Odds?

Yesterday was the most oddest day yet. The strangest thing happened.
First, some background info so u can understand what a typical workday is like for me.
I work in a Jewish office with about 15 people on average. The workplace is almost ALWAYS busy with all kinds of things going on, there are different departments, etc.
There is also an elderly gentleman who basically 'started' this whole organization and even though he retired from his position, he has been 'volunteering' so to speak, aka, he's here EVERY DAY walking around, looking for things to do, people to talk to, etc.
He's also my personal 'shadchan', meaning, he's always telling me how sweet I am and how he's trying to find me a nice guy, etc. (good for me ego-lol!)
Now, back to yesterday.
This elderly man comes to my office and asks me to help him print out some of his emails and help him with the photocopy machine, which I help him with. He smiles at me (as usual) and tells me how special I am, etc. and that soon, I will see why I am so important here.
I continue doing my work, and about 1/2 hour later, while doing computer work and on the phone, I see this young man standing outside my office. He's nicely dressed, has my kinda 'look' and suddenly, I stop what I am doing to try and see his face. Of course, at that moment he walks away and I am curious. Then I see the elderly man from my office has his arm around this guy and they walk away.
I run to my co-worker and ask her what the deal is. She didn't seem to know. I then go to my other co-worker in a different office and she didn't know either. So in the meantime, I move to the flatscreen where we have our camera system and I'm trying to fix the plug so that I can view all cameras to get a look at this guy.
At that same moment, when I am on the floor, on my hands and knees fixing the plug, the elderly man comes up behind me and whispers for me to get up, get up quick as he has someone he'd like me to meet.
I'm dying of embarassment (a) because I think I know what he means by 'introduce' (b) because I am on the floor on my hands and knees (not the most glorious position, especially for first impressios) (c) as I had mentioned, this entire week I had weddings, etc. so my hair was nice, i was wearing nice clothes, etc. and this was my first 'non-wedding' day so I dressed completely down and ultimately casual....and lastly (d) because my co-workers are standing around watching.

In any case, my co-worker asked what his name was and as he says his name, I then realized that this same boy was 'redd' to me over the past few weeks and I heard very good things about him. So here I am thinking, what ARE the odds that this same boy, who I've been hearing so much about and such good things (I know this for a fact as my friend knows him very well and they are family friends) just 'shows up' at my office with this 'elderly man'. So I'm standing there like an idiot, just not knowing what to do or say, my co-workers are wondering what is going on, the guy just kept smiling, we made 'small talk' for like 3 minutes and then he left.

I was a bit weirded out by this whole mini episode and I figured my 'elderly man' aka 'shadchan' would gimme an explanation as to what he had up his sleeve, but mysteriously he didn't come back for the rest of the day.

Today my co-worker told me that after this boy left, the 'elderly man' came to her to tell her that he brought in this guy as he knows his family very well, they daven together and are friends, he watched this boy grow up and he is a very good guy, he wanted him to meet me. It turns out this guy decided I wasn't for him (rumor in this office is: I wasn't tall enough....i was wearing my flats yesterday).

So, I had to share this here and wonder what ARE the odds of something like this happening.... to you?