Last week I was speaking to a friend of mine, who got married last year. Anyway, being that she is now married, we haven't had the time to sit down, just the two of us and have our pasttime girly chats. So, I guess now that she's settled (and her husband was at a shiur) she had the time to speak.
While we were catching up on each other's lives, I was, as usual, telling her the story of my life, complaining about the shidduch system, ranting about shadchanim, etc. But it seems I was so busy focusing on my singlehood, that I didn't realize we were both in the same boat. Here's how it happened...
While I was talking about how people can be some RUDE & CRUDE and walk up to you and ask 'any news' (with that singsong tune and that look as if you have something u are hiding...), even tho if you DID have news, it is personal and none of their business-she suddenly got really quiet.
Then she told me that yes, even though she is no longer single and she got married pretty quick B"H, she has been experiencing the same rudeness from people. why is that you may ask?
Well, simple. Although she is married for about a year-she doesn't have children yet and is not expecting. Thing is, she put on a few extra pounds. So because she was a toothpick, who is now a pencil, people walk over to her and say things like, 'so nice you're expecting', or 'looks like there's a bun in the oven', or 'when will you stop working due to your pregnancy'-
OUCH! She is seriously hurt, as it wasn't just one remark from one person, this has happened to her over the past few months! And, I thought MY life was the crux of it!
So, ya, babies and husbands are what we truly want, but only Hashem has power to make those things happen. We have to daven, have emunah, etc. but people have to be a bit more smart when it comes to making comments like 'nu...I wanna dance at your simcha', cuz its not like ur fairy godmother will come out and just snap your fingers and POOF-chosson a la mode is waiting right there.
How can we get the message across to people?
My advice: next time someone walks over to you and says 'soo??? any news??'
Look at them straight in the face and ask if they'd like to hear about your latest bowel movement. That should be the last time they'll be asking you for news!
My rule of thumb is never to make any comment or reference to the pregnancy (or lack thereof) of a woman unless and until they say something first. Doesn't matter if they've got a basketball sized hump under their shirt, doesn't matter if they've got a copy of "What to Expect..." under their arm. Doesn't matter if I know they're a wine drinker and all of a sudden they stop.
ReplyDeleteI do have a question, though -- with the admission that I am not orthodox and therefore can't claim to really understand this. But in your average orthodox community, how do you draw the line between minding your own business and minding others' business because, as members of the same community, what others do impacts the entire community?
People nowadays have this illness that compells them to say everything that is in their head.
ReplyDeleteDiscipline is so passe . . .
A friend of mine calls it 'OTM-OTM' syndrome, which stands for 'On the Mind-Out the Mouth'
ReplyDeleteLets be better than those people :)
ReplyDeleteand hope they fall and trip real soon :D