"A ONE DIRECTION HANUKKAH" - EPIC PARODY MASHUP!

Best Way to Describe Your Date

'So I'm dating this guy now'

'Really? Tell me about him.'

'He's male. Caucasian. About 6 ft tall and doesn't have any piercings or tattoos.'

- as watched on 'Superstore' Tv show

Manners Makes Menches

Over Shabbos, we were graced with numerous guests at our table. I must add that I feel lucky to have such amazing parents, who always welcome guests even at the last minute, no matter what the situation, we have an open door policy and its something I aspire to have IY"H when I have my own home. 

One of the few guests was Rivky, a Baalas Teshuva whom I met at a wedding a few years back. She's really sweet, doesn't have much family and has been a 'guest' at our meals before. This time, she asked if she can bring a 'plus one'. Turns out Rivky was dating this guy Shmulie, and as he had traveled to see her, didn't really have a set place to be. And so commenced our meal. 

I was curious to see her mystery man as I never really could put her as any specific 'type'. I was sitting directly opposite the two and at certain points during the meal, felt a bit nosy, as they were quite obviously flirting with each other without hesitation, with all of us around. Except everyone has somewhere else to look/focus/ and concentrate on. I had already thought of every excuse to leave the table and has to make do, so I let me eyes rest on the chicken platter.

And that's when it happened. Shmulie took chicken from the platter, put it in his plate and licked his fingers quite obviously between bites. I couldn't believe it at first but then I noticed my brother staring with the same expression. 

And that's not all, he didn't get up from the table ONCE, even to ask if we need help, or bring his plate. Instead he roughly asked/ordered people to pass the dishes and platters to him. 

Not even saying anything complimentary, as in 'this meal was good' or 'this salmon is delicious' just busy with the food and himself and his fingers. I

I watched as my mother served him with dignity, as she does everyone ele, yet the other guests were offering to help or actually helping but not him. 

Frankly I was surprised Rifky didn't notice. It's really not her type as she is super polite. I know she's an 'older' single (whatever that means anymore) but i figured if it's not her first date she must notice certain mannerisms (or lack thereof) about Shmulie?!?

Needless to say they stayed the longest of all the guests and even though we were exhausted, we sat and listened and made conversation until finally the lights went out and that sorta pushed Shmulie to let Rivky know he was ready to leave. 

As I closed the door behind them, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief that it was over. Although I'm sad for Rivky if she will continue on dating him. She deserves better and better is someone with basic manners. Someone who will treat her properly and help her out in everyday life, such as a Shabbos meal. I hope whatever is Bashert works out and that she gets a real mentsch like she deserves. 

That meal was a true eye opener to me...and everyone else at the table. 

The New Age

It used to be that it wasn't such a 'major' deal. Especially if everything else on 'the list' checked out. But not anymore my friends. These days being the same age as a guy is a whole new issue. Hence seems to be the reason for guys saying 'no' to me. 

Don't get me wrong, way back when i started dating I remember being redt boys who were the same age or younger. Being a 19-20 year old girl, you can imagine my extreme hesitancy in dating (for marriage) a boy who was only 19 or 20 max. And even then, when I said no-he's too young, I got harassed by the people suggesting it. Age, they told me, shouldn't be a major deal breaker. I was told some boys are just much more mature than others. Ya, either that or they needed someone to put them in place, or to mother them. As if their own mom's weren't enough helicopter mom is for them.  

Fast forward a good decade later. When I'm suggested and have gone out with guys the same age, or a few years my junior and guess what? We both survived the dates, and as mutually grown up mature adults, have decided not to continue dating. 

Yet, when a profile comes along or someone is redt and all sounds like it can be a potentially good match, the guy says no solely because we are the same age....or a few months younger. And at that point the Shadchan sighs and says 'what can we do? He made his decision and that's that'. Not that the Shadchans convince them that everything else seems to be a good fit and why not give it a try. An hour or two for a coffee break? Make some calls before knocking the idea. No sir ree. The boy said no because of age and that's final. 

Where are those harassing shadchans now? Why aren't they telling the guys that wanting to date a girl 10 years younger isnt usually ideal and to give it a chance? 

I just don't get these guys? 

Any insight from the males out there, would be gladly appreciated. 

What to Look for in a Shidduch

It is told that a Jew from Yerushalayim once traveled to Bnei Brak to ask the rosh yeshivah of Ponevezh, Rav Shmuel Rozovsky zt”l, about a boy in the yeshivah for his daughter who had reached marriageable age. He arrived at the yeshivah and entered the rosh yeshivah’s home during the break between learning sessions.

The man had many questions. First, he wanted to know how many hours a day the bachur learned. Was he punctual in arriving to seder and did he spend his time diligently? Did he come to davening on time and did he actively participate in theshiur? Did he ask relevant questions and understand the answers?R’ Shmuel greeted him cordially and asked why he had come. He explained to the rosh yeshivah that he was inquiring about a particular boy. R’ Shmuel told him to ask him what was on his mind.

R’ Shmuel knew the boy well and was able to answer every question satisfactorily. After receiving a favorable report in regard to his questions, the man thanked R’ Shmuel for his time and got up to leave. At this point, R’ Shmuel, in his gentle and noble way, turned to the father and said, “You’ve asked me a number of questions. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions, too?” Of course, the man agreed.

R’ Shmuel looked at the man and said, “It seems to me that you are inquiring about the boy for your daughter and you seem happy with the report I gave you. You obviously think that all your daughter needs to know is whether he comes on time and if he is a lamdan.” The man nodded his head in agreement.

“But did it ever occur to you,” asked R’ Shmuel, “that your daughter might want to know if this boy is a mentsch? If he is a ba’al chessed?”

R’ Shmuel continued, “It would seem fitting that you should ask me: How often does he brush his teeth? How does he behave in the company of others? Does he arrive first in the dining room and take the biggest portion, or does he linger after Minchah for a few minutes to learn more and then eat whatever portion is left when he gets to the dining room?”

The man started to interject, but R’ Shmuel continued speaking. “I’m sure your daughter would be curious to know what he does when the pitcher on the table is empty. Does he wait for someone else to fill it up or does he run to fill it himself? Does he ever go into the kitchen to thank the staff for preparing the food? Does he eat the food even if he doesn’t care for it, or does he just go to the nearby kiosk to buy something he likes?

“You came to the conclusion that he is a masmid; did you ask what he does when he finishes learning late at night and his roommates are sleeping? Does he take off his shoes and tiptoe in so as not to wake them, or does he walk in noisily? Does he make his bed and keep his things neat? Does he think about others and want to do chessed for them, or does he just think about himself?” R’ Shmuel concluded, “I think that you need to check these things out. If he arrives home in the afternoon and does not like the food your daughter worked hard to prepare, will his face reflect obvious dissatisfaction? Will your daughter then be happy that her father checked this boy out with the rosh yeshivah who told him that he knows every Ketzosand Rabi Akiva Eiger? Will she say, ‘It’s true that he has no manners and no social skills, but I respect him anyway because he knows the sugya of the bees and the mustard in Bava Basra’?”

The man hung his head in shame, realizing his oversight. He understood R’ Shmuel’s message and now knew the proper approach to finding a shidduch for a bas Yisrael. It is important for a bachur to be diligent, but one must also remember that nothing in this world, and certainly no marriage, can exist without chessed.

Chazal tell us that Noach used a “secret weapon” with which he was able to rebuild the world after the destruction of the Flood: Olam chessed yibaneh—“the world will be built upon kindness” (Tehillim 89:3).

Rav Mordechai Gifter zt”l explains that Noach was locked inside a floating ark for 120 days with nothing to do butchessed for his family and for the animals. This was all for the sole purpose of entrenching the ideal of chessed into his very being so that when it would be time to come out and start the world over again, he would do so with the attribute of kindness. This was, and continues to be, the only way the world can exist.

(Excerpted from Torah Tavlin vol. 3, with permission via www.theyeshivaworld) 

He's "Busy" Right Now...

Two weeks. It's been two weeks already that I've been getting the runaround from different people and yet, I'm still where I started=absolutely nowhere.

I was redt to three guys at the same time. Yes, this has happened before, but because it's so hard for a frum girl to get a decent date these days, we look them as they come in.

Boy #1 was redt loads of times before. In fact I heard his name/city/age/occupation so many times but never got further than that because the guy never got back to anyone who redt the shidduch in the first place (otherwise known as 'not interested'). But this time, it was a relative of mine who met him. They got talking, Jewish geography, they found out they share relatives, hence I share relatives with the guy, so basically why say no? We're all one big happy family. 

"trust me" I told the relative, "the guy is NOT interested. It was suggested so many times and he never got back or followed up with any of them. If he was interested we would know."

But family being family, they didn't take no for an answer and they pursued. The guy told them he most definitely was interested but with Yom Tov coming up, he was traveling, etc. and he would let them know after Rosh Hashana. End result: They pursued, he responded by saying "he's busy."

Guy #2 was suggested to me months ago. I actually liked what I heard about him and he seemed like the type of guy I would go for. I was (for once) really happy that it was being redt but the shadchan never got back to me. I must've stalked the shadchan with emails/text messages, only to keep getting replies that the boy was 'busy' seeing someone. This went on for months. Atleast once a month I send an email to see what is going on, and it seems he is 'still busy'.

Guy #3 as well, was suggested before. He had requested I send my resume which I did. He then requested my photo, which I reluctantly sent. I usually don't send a photo, and am not comfortable with sending one unless the guy sees my information first and thinks it's shayach to proceed. At the same time, the person who redt it knew us both personally so she could've vouched for me (which she claims she did), and because she is someone I know, I sent my photo, trusting her. I never heard back and then, when I asked her a week or two later what happened, she said he was 'still thinking about it' this was after I sent my photo. Then there was some 'busy' excuse and it was forgotten. It was brought up once again, by the same woman, and once more, sounding vaguely familiar to him he asked for a photo. I explained that if he wasn't interested in my photo last year, I haven't changed that drastically to have a different photo this year. Again, the woman convinced me that since she knows him personally, it is totally understandable to send my photo once more, but was upset about it. Then again, who knows what us singles have to go through just to find out true zivug. In the interim, I was in touch with her to find out what his answer was....She said she just got a message that 'he was busy now'. My beef with this situation: if the shadchan just called him a day or two before and he was busy or was going to go out with a girl-why would he even ASK for a photo, knowing he was starting something?!?!?

The conclusion to all this: 'BUSY' is just a polite excuse to say no, he ain't interested.

A Shirt for the Most of Us!

It's Whats on the INSIDE that Counts?

As frum Bais Yaakov girls, we were always taught about middos, and being good to others. To Daven with kavannah, act like a mentsch and dress tzniusdikly. 

I hope I checked off all the boxes above. 

There is however something they don't mention, which is you can do all the above and still dress trendy look put together. You don't have to be a shluch, and trust me, the moment you hit the Shidduch scene, it's all about looks. As much as I hate to admit it, most people judge but what they see. After all, if you're wearing bullet proof stockings-you must be Chassidish. If you are married and not covering your hair, you must be modern orthodox, and if a guy wears a kapatah, he must be Lubavitch. To a certain extent, our outside reflects who we are on the inside.

Which is why I sorta have to give a bit of credit to author of this post, Ms. Chizhik-Goldschmidt who says it as it is. 

For me, personally, I know that as much as looks count, I'm not going to marry a super star or even a model. I know that in the end, personality will win over. I'm BIG on personality, and a guy can look as good as he wants and dress to the T, but if he acts like a diva, or a deadbeat-he's outta my game.

And guys do care about how a girl looks and dresses. Notice on most male dating profiles they write 'looking for someone who is beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside' which is saying it nicely. I've also seen  some guys' profiles where they clearly state a preference of hair color/height/skirt size/weight, etc.

So, the point of this post is you can look good, be put together and still be tznius and act like a true Bas Yisrael. Men like to be impressed, and we gotta do our best to impress :)

What Type of Woman are You Looking for?

A Shadchan asked the 'best bochur in Lakewood' what he was looking for in a girl. 

After some thought, the bochur replied. "I was driving down the Garden State Parkway last week when I noticed what seemed to be a heimishe woman trying to change a flat tire. I felt bad that she was obviously by herself and made a U-turn, figuring I would check it out for sure by driving slowly this time. Sure enough she was a heimishe kollel woman from Lakewood and I helped her change the tire. After I was done and about to drop the spare in the trunk, she put her finger to her lips and whispered,

"Please don't slam the trunk. I don't want to wake up my husband-he's sleeping in the back seat...'

The Bochur smiled at the Shadchan and said 'That's what I'm looking for in a girl!'

Same Time, Same Place?

It happens. You get suggested two guy at the same time. Both of them said yes. Of course, all guys usually sound the same. So you look into the first and it sounds good. You look into the second and that too sounds good. You call back the Shadchan and give your go ahead for the first guy. You then call the second Shadchan and tell them it's a yes but you will have to get back to them with a definite day and time. 

The first guy shows up, takes you out to a nice restaurant. Really classy place, good food, fancy decor, pretty high priced and full to the brim with people. Lucky for me, the date was SOOO far off that I think we both knew it wasn't going to go past a first date and so we ate, paid and left. 

When I got home I contacted Shadchan number 2 to say I was ready to go out with boy #2 whenever worked for him as he had a more complex schedule. Turns out he wanted to take me out the next night. 

And so the following evening, guy#2 shows up. We get into the car and drive off, only to realize once we arrive, that we are standing at the same exact restaurant I was at the night before. I have a few seconds to gather my thoughts and hide my 'deer in the headlights' look before the waiter turns around, catches a glimpse and smirks. Here I am yet again, same time, same place but different guy. Oh and same waiter. 

Another 'AWKWARD' Moment

I thought I'd experienced it all. From the weird dates, to stupid comments, to almost falling over the street grates in my heels over my actual date. Up until last week. 

I was set up as part of my 'shidduch experiment' but a family friend. Being that I was staying at a hotel, the guy met me in the lobby and we walked out to his car.  Naturally, not knowing where he parked or which car was his, I followed closely near him. He proceeded to walk between the cars which made it difficult to walk aside him so I walked behind him. When abruptly, he turns to the side and opens the car door, then realized I'm behind him. 

Which in turn meant, I thought I was following him to either an opened area where he parked or to my door. He suddenly panicked, the look on his face said it all, as he mumbled something about it being too narrow to walk me to the car on the passenger side. 

I was mortified, thinking he probably thought I assumed he would walk to my door to open it for me (which, if you read this blog and know me-is soooo not my type at all!) 

In any case, let's add that notch to my bedpost and move on. 

Lesson learned-watch outside (hotel) window to see where guy is coming from to note which car is his. 

The Shadchan Experiment

This last month I did something like never before. After years of complaining and ranting about 'the system', my friends and I decided to DO something about it. It took some brainstorming sessions but we came up with a plan. So, after recovering from my Shabbos vaca, the 3 of us got together, rented a van and made a road trip to the Big Apple to meet as many Shadchans/Shidduch group as possible in order to gain the maximum amount of exposure in the 'shidduch world' and spread our names. We decided to stay the month so if any SHIDDUCHIM come up we'd be 'in town' to date. 

The experiment started off on a very disappointing foot. We arrived straight to Shadchan #1 who had arranged for a few other shadchanim to be at her house to meet us. After asking us all for our emails and snapping photos (yes-they did take out cameras to take our photos). They suggested we meet every other 'we'll known' Shadchan and wished us hatzlacha. After sitting for what seemed like an hour we left, heads hung low. 

The next Shadchan we met was one of the 'top 5' yet, utterly upsetting. He didn't seem to really care much about us or the fact that we took off time and drove the long drive down for shidduch purposes. He stared at his computer most of the time and nodded his head whilst saying 'ah ha' every few minutes. He said he had some ideas and would be in touch. 

uh-he never was in touch. 

One of us was actually set up during our month stay-just one, and it ended up being set up by her friend. 

Next off was a woman my friend heard of who was pretty popular in terms of Heimishe shidduchim. We got to her house and she was sitting calmly on her couch, smiling at us and patting the spot next to her for us to sit down. Of course we all sat on the 'other side' of the couch and left my friend, Dassy to sit next to her as she was the one who made the appointment. Needless to say it felt super intimidating to be sitting next to this woman with a plastered smile on her face and just firing question after question in as little as 20 minutes. We got outta there quicker than you can say sorry and continued onto the next few meetings. 

BU I can say that after week#1 it went pretty well. Random friends and acquaintances set each of us up with guys. One shachan I saw even managed to try and arrange something which ended up working out due to a friend of mine intervening but I really felt I was doing my part and putting in Hishtadlus. I came home feeling refreshed that even though nothing really worked out, aTLEASt I went with friends and we made the best of it. Atleast we were each able to meet 1 guy (some of us met 4 guys in a week!) and come away with a feeling of pride when you put time and effort into something and it works out. 

So the shidduch experiment last month, I feel was a true success. 

Shidduch Meeting turned Sour

Being that it's summer and I was looking for a mini vaca, I took advantage of my friend Chani's invite to spend Shabbos with her as she was making a Kiddush for her new baby girl. Off to NY I traveled yet again, but with a crash and happy attitude. This was going to be a great breather and an even better vaca as Chani is one of my closest friends and she's super fun to be around. She's also really sweet and even though she told me to consider this a vaca, she still spent hours calling Shadchan after Shadchan trying to get me set up on a date or ATLEASt a meeting with these famed Shadchans. And then finally, the day I arrived, I had a meeting set up with not ONE Shadchan, but an entire group of them as part of a shidduch organization. 

Whilst plastering a smile on my face I thanked Chani for arranging said meeting and prayed for the best. After all, I've had meetings like these before. In fact I traveled to a few cities for these kind of meetings and rest assured-it didn't go as jolly as I thought it would. But I was in a good place and I trust Chani with my life and it happens that I already sent my profile to this organization so what really, did I have to lose?

Here's how my meeting went:

Me-standing around awkwardly uncomfortable whilst some young married 19 year old secretary gives me the elevator stare & tells me to wait. 

One woman comes into the room, introduces herself as a Shadchan from the group and walk me into a large room. 

I enter the room, all dark, seriously lacking of any air or breeze, no windows and no one inside. I tap my fingers on the table and wait. It's now 10 minutes into set meeting time and my hair is frizzing as I sit there waiting. 

Minutes (which feel like hours) pass by and then a total of 5 people all enter the room. After they all finish chatting amongst themselves they sit around and stare. 

Shadchan 1: what is your name?

Me: I say my name whilst not understanding as she had just asked my name before escorting me into the room. In any case she starts writing notes. 

Shadchan 2: wait I didn't get that, sorry, was just texting my babysitter-can U please repeat and spell your name. 

Me: smiling whilst once more repeating my name (they have my resume so I'm super confused as to why no one even bothered a quick brief review)

Shadchan 4: ok so tell us all, what do your parents do?

Me: so I'm a little caught by the question, especially as I didn't really say anything else about me, but I go on and give them all the basics, i cousin age, height, Shul, etc. 

Shadchan 5: would you go out with a guy who wears colored shirts?

Me: appalled at the ridiculousness of their questions and the way they don't even ask about the personality let alone Middos of the guy but only the shirts matter??!? 

Me: if he shows up at my door in a shirt-that's good enough for me 

Shadchan 3: so what exactly do you do?

Me: I explain my office job. 

Shadchans around the table then go into a Jewish geography conversation as well as naming other people they know amongst them who work the same job. Some ask me general questions they always wanted to know about my position whilst others check their cellphones (for all I know they could be playing solitaire). 

Shadchan 2: hope you don't mind-I'm gonna take a picture of you and then holds up her phone whilst questioning if it's ok with me. 

Me: actually you're sorta putting me on the spot here. I mean your organization did request a photo to be emailed which I did and here I am, with a group of 5 of you and-

Shadchan 2: no, it's just that I won't remember who you are and anyway shidduch pictures aren't really how you look in real life...but OK if you really don't want to...

Me: not sure if she took a photo or not but feeling really uncomfortable as a blush creeps up my neck to the top of my head. 

Shadchan 1: so can you tell us people you went out with that you feel you had a kesher with?

Me: well, if I did have someone or some guys, I would've had them redd again and you're really asking me to think up years of dating on the spot so not really, at the moment. (Here I am, coming to THEM for help-if I had a guy I wanted to date-why would I shlep here to meet them-I would've had him suggested already?!?!)

Shadchan 3: no-meaning, guys you went out with that you dated for a while-like name some names so we can get a feel of what type you're looking for 

Me: are they serious?!? Guys I dated and liked are married with kids already. Besides they are long forgotten as I've B"H moved on. 

Me: sorry-I can't think on the spur of the moment. Had I known you were going to ask for names, I could've spent my trip to NY going through my shidduch books to prepare them for you (yes-I literally said that!)

Shadchan 5: what's your height again?

Me: standing up to show them what I said was true. 

Shadchan 4: would you go out with someone divorced? I mean I don't know of anyone off hand now, but if it DID come up...

Me: sorry I'm not really comfortable with that (and the fact that they're spending time asking lots of theoretical questions but still haven't mentioned any names yet and I've been here for atleast 20 minutes already getting grilled by these people!)

Shadchan 5: asks same question as above but replaces divorce with 'divorced and with kids'

Me: an image goes through my mind of me getting into a car, the guy holds the door open for me, gets into the driver's seat and turns on the motor. He smiles at me and says 'hope you don't mind-I brought my kids along for a FUN date' and I slowly turn around and see 3 little kids strapped into the back seat. 

Me: umm, sorry but I'm still not comfortable with that (silently freaking out) 

A few more 'theoretical' questions are put on the table but tachlis-wise we are getting no where. I've spent Atleast 30 minutes actually 'saying' my resume to each of the 5 of them. I've spelled my name and stood up and answered their questions but now I was going to stand up for myself. 

Me: so you're a big organization-you must have lists and lists of boys and photos?

Shadchans: mumbling and embarrassed smiles....ummm no we actually have lots more girls than boys (uh-no kidding!)

Me: well, if you know of anyone I'm in town for the weekend.

Shadchan 2: sorry I have an appointment with my kid-sorry can you please email your shidduch resume to my personal email as I'm not always in the office. 

Me: after all this-they still want my resume and they HAVE it anyway?!?!(

Me: smiling sure-what's your email address?

Shadchan 5: you know what? Can you also send it to my personal email as I don't get the office emails and only come in for meetings. Thanks. 

Me: sure. 

Shadchans 1 & 2 exit the room explaining they have 'important' things to do, mumble and disappear. 

Shadchan 3,4 & 5 are all checking their smartphones and forget I'm still there. 

Me: thanks again for coming in to meet me. I really appreciate it and if there's anything that comes up-my number is.....

Shadchan 5 is already at the door, closing the lights and the other 2 have somehow disappeared during my thank you. 

Me: embarassingly walk to the door, checking I didn't leave my bag behind and mumble thanks to the last remaining Shadchan. 

I walk out-my hair is completely frizzed, I now sport an Afro as well as streaked face from my melted base and sweat droplets which have obviously dripped down. I have raccoon eyes from half smudged/half melted eyeliner and my skirt is officially glued to my legs. I spent a total of 45 minutes in the room without air conditioning. Without even a cup of water and no one, not one of them realized I was melting or looking a bit weird? 

Well my humiliation for the day was done. I was over the worst. And I made my way back to Chani's house to retell my horror story over fresh rugelach and coffee.

Only sour part of this trip was the shidduch organization. 

Why Bother With Research?

You know the random suggestions you get every so often? The type when someone you don't know and never met, somehow calls you and has this great idea and you can't figure out how said-person actually even heard of you?

Well, just this past week this woman randomly called my house. Seems she met someone at a wedding who spoke about me and my single-status and this woman suddenly had a great idea as she knew of a guy same age and single as well!

So pants with skirt story continued with a name drop as well as the city the guy lives in. I did some research and lo and behold actually found out he did indeed exist yet he was no where near what I was looking for. Yes I have my specifics and yes I TRY and be open minded but this was quite far off. I was actually insulted with the suggestion and decided I wouldn't say anything mean as for starters the woman didn't even know me. 

In any case I was told to find out some info first and then the boy would look into me. I asked around and sure enough, after enough research found out even more that the guy was totally not for me. 

So I was PROACTIVE. Yes folks, I tracked down someone who was close with the boy himself and asked if he would even be open to dating someone like me. Sure enough the answer was an apologetic 'no'. 

And was I happy? Surely I was! I was polite, courteous, despite how insulted I was and handled things in a respectful manner.  

So why bother with all the nerves and emotions without even asking the guy first if this was at all a possibility?

Think about how much time and energy and hope could've been saved

Picky Pettiness

This week I had the privilege of participating in 3 weddings. Lucky for me, each one was a totally different crowd, so it wasn't boring and it was actually a wonderful experience. 

Unfortunately for me, I got to sit next to 'yentas and yachnes' at each chuppah, which was to say it nicely: the least pleasant part of the weddings. As the music started and the chosson walked down the aisle-the yenting began. At first, they whispered, then their voices turned from loud whisper to soft tone. It got SUPER annoying when the Rabbi was making the brachos and they were picking apart each person's outfit. From there went the flowers, the decor, the band, the singer, etc. I moved away right after the chuppah and enjoyed myself at the bar where I got myself a nice girly drink and danced my heart out all night long.

The second wedding was a more modern affair. Lucky for me, I grew up pretty open-minded, so being an out-of-towner Bais Yaakov girl, I've attended all types of classmates' weddings from chassidish to sefari to lubavitch to modern orthodox. Nothing really surprised me and each person has their own minhagim and I respect that. I guess the people sitting beside me at the chuppah of this particular wedding grew up pretty close minded. They didn't stop talking during the chuppah ceremony, commenting on every part of the chuppah from the Rabbis speech, to the singer, to the way the family was dressed, etc. I believe they went so far as to make fun of the minhagim. Needless to say I found solice in my tehillim app, walked away as soon as the chuppah was over and told them they need to get out more often.

The third wedding was full of shtick and loads of energy, but on a more simpler scale. I really enjoyed it as those are the favorite weddings-simple not fancy and full of yentas, yet full of energy! I met up with a longlost friend there and all she was commenting on the entire time was how plain the wedding was. It was truly disappointing as each time she commented on how 'pathetic' something was, or the cutlery not being super shiny, or not having wrapped chairs or a head table, it put a downer on my evening.

All in all I realized one thing: People say us girls are picky? Well, I admit, for certain things I AM, but the way these women were at a wedding, a simcha, where we are supposed to rejoice for the purpose of a couple FINALLY getting together-and instead they're busy with all the petty stupidities-that's what I call picky!

Humidity-not a Hotness Factor

Odds are that if you live on the Eastern coast of the North American continent-you've been living in super humid conditions. Personally, I don't deal well in humid conditions. It makes my hair frizz. It makes me crazy. It gives me headaches. It makes my skin swell-I can't even take my rings off. It makes me sweaty. It's just plain out gross. 

Some people like it. For me-it's the plague. 

The only thing worse than humid weather is having a date in this weather. I'm talking 80%-95% humidity. I pity the guy that has to take me out. Firstly-as much as I'll try to be in a positive mood. I'll probably be so self conscious about my hair turning into an Afro and my skirt sticking to my legs that I won't be able to concentrate. I'd probably be doublechecking my face in any reflection I could find to ensure my makeup isn't melting to make me look like one of the members of KISS. And I pray the guy would do his best to keep the date indoors with air conditioning-yes a car date would do fine, thank you. 

Honest-whatever is Bashert will be. But at the same time maybe is better to get stuck with a date in humid weather-then the guy could see my true colors from the beginning. He'd see me looking my ultimate worse (thank goodness for sheitels) to my most obsessive character to my worst mood. 

Perhaps in all this meshugas about humidity-it might end up being the best thing that ever happened? 

Who knows?

Scroll down for Photo

I admit it. I became one of them. Those people I made fun of all those times now I actually am (gulp!) one of them. 

The them I'm referring to are the ones who 'redd' a shidduch by first asking you for your photo and then asking you about yourself and who you are and what you're looking for. 

The them are also the boys who won't even look at a resume without a photo as part of it. 

The them is all the mothers of the boys who won't allow anything to even be suggested for their precious sons, unless said mothers see a photo (or two) of the girl first. 

And lastly, the them are the ones who provide a disclaimer that only after seeing a photo of a girl, if they like the photo, then and only then will they provide the Shadchan/girl their own information. 

The good news folks, is that I ain't all that extreme as per above. However, I became so used to receiving resumes that came with a photo that automatically when I receive an emailed profile-I scroll right down to view the photo first. I must admit it sounds rude but this is the way I've been programmed since this is the format I've been receiving resume emails in. At the same time-I gotta say-most profiles sound the same. The only thing different is the guy's actual name and height. Most are 'from or living in NY.' Most are 'in real estate or taking courses for law/cpa'. Most have 'good hearts, positive energy, learn daily, looking for a Frum and fun with-it kind of girl who knows how to chill and be serious when needed, etc.'

So you can't blame me for scrolling right down to see the pic first and then after, read the guy's description...

Can't believe I became one of those people :(

Dating Vaca

So, it's been a while, but y'know-as all singles eventually do=I needed a vaca. The whole shidduch system was really getting to me; the shadchans, the resumes, the dates, the miscommunications and the non-verbal communication, which now is email only or whatsapp messages. So folks, I did what anyone else in my situation would do, to avoid a nervous breakdown: I went to Priceline and found a last minute flight. I called my close friends, crashed with them and you know what? it was AWESOME!

I was away from the tri-state area, away from the dating scene, turned off my phone, stayed away from WiFi and I survived :)

I guess I now know what it means when I'm told the guy is burnt out and needs a vacation from dating. I used to be upset and annoyed when they used that excuse on me. Like-what the guy needs a break from dating?? He is the one who has the mitzvah to move on in life, get married and have kids. I, the single gal who had to take off work, travel and find myself places to stay, needed a break.

It's safe to say that now I see the other side. We all need refreshing from time to time. We need to stop, recharge our batteries, breathe the fresh air and just stop and enjoy life. All these minute little nuisances are part of Shidduchim and aren't likely to change. We, ourselves need to change-or atleast change our outlook in life.

Hoping I can find someone with that outlook.

Oh-and of course, I can't end this post without the clincher: So we were stranded at this random shul/resort/lobby Shabbos afternoon and didn't know a soul. My friends and I were chatting and joking and suddenly 3 frum guys show up. Good looking young guys. Here was the answer to my prayers-without anyone else in site to ask, we each shyly dared each other to go up to them and ask if they were single or not, but as girls tend to....we were all too shy and ashamed if the answer would be that they were married and at a conference, or engaged and this was the bachelor party or somethin...

Give me a Chance to make a First Impression!

In my search to find a suitable young bachelor, I'm constantly sent names/numbers/emails of people/shadchans/organizations to be in touch with, who 'know people' for me. Calls are usually made without anyone answering on the other end. Messages are left, which go unanswered. Emails are sent without receiving a reply back, even a 'thank you' to let me know they were actually received and read.

In my correspondence, I've tried to remain polite and positive, yet cannot help feeling dismayed at the lack of courtesy. Whilst I understand people are busy and are doing me the favor, a call back, a text message, an email with 2 words, or just to be told on the phone that it's not a good time to call, is better than being ignored.

Last week, I experienced a brand new "response". I was given the name of a shadchan by an old family friend of mine. Apparently this Shadchan is the new one in town and she's made umpteen Shidduchim and knows TONS of guys. I called up and she answered my call. I gave the whole intro, of who I was, what I was looking for, etc. and waited for a response on the other end.

"Ya", she said, "I've heard of you and your name came up, but you guys don't support yeshivos and are anti-yeshivish so..."

I don't have to tell  you how upset I was at her stupid assumptions and remarks. Just because I am NOT Yeshivish, doesn't mean I'm ANTI Yeshivish. My family actually supports many Yeshivas as well as Kollelim. The worst part is I don't know this woman, nor have I ever actually even met her. Yet, here she is on the other line, telling me who she believes & thinks I am. (and I was the one worried about making a first impression!) Nevertheless, I ended the call with a brief, thanks but no thanks and called my friend back. She too was shocked. She never mentioned my name to this woman and didn't understand where she got this information from, but as she said, even if this woman overheard something-to make such assumptions and then, in her position, pass on that false information is very bad PR for someone like me, who needs a Shadchan who can say good things.

Needless to say, I will not travel to meet this woman, nor call her again. I hope no one calls her about me and I hope she reads this so she will understand how someone in her position can ruin someone else with just one baseless assumption.

Woman-if you are reading this, just thing of the word assumption. People who ASSume things, well, y'know what they say about them...

Arguing with a Woman