In my search to find a suitable young bachelor, I'm constantly sent names/numbers/emails of people/shadchans/organizations to be in touch with, who 'know people' for me. Calls are usually made without anyone answering on the other end. Messages are left, which go unanswered. Emails are sent without receiving a reply back, even a 'thank you' to let me know they were actually received and read.
In my correspondence, I've tried to remain polite and positive, yet cannot help feeling dismayed at the lack of courtesy. Whilst I understand people are busy and are doing me the favor, a call back, a text message, an email with 2 words, or just to be told on the phone that it's not a good time to call, is better than being ignored.
Last week, I experienced a brand new "response". I was given the name of a shadchan by an old family friend of mine. Apparently this Shadchan is the new one in town and she's made umpteen Shidduchim and knows TONS of guys. I called up and she answered my call. I gave the whole intro, of who I was, what I was looking for, etc. and waited for a response on the other end.
"Ya", she said, "I've heard of you and your name came up, but you guys don't support yeshivos and are anti-yeshivish so..."
I don't have to tell you how upset I was at her stupid assumptions and remarks. Just because I am NOT Yeshivish, doesn't mean I'm ANTI Yeshivish. My family actually supports many Yeshivas as well as Kollelim. The worst part is I don't know this woman, nor have I ever actually even met her. Yet, here she is on the other line, telling me who she believes & thinks I am. (and I was the one worried about making a first impression!) Nevertheless, I ended the call with a brief, thanks but no thanks and called my friend back. She too was shocked. She never mentioned my name to this woman and didn't understand where she got this information from, but as she said, even if this woman overheard something-to make such assumptions and then, in her position, pass on that false information is very bad PR for someone like me, who needs a Shadchan who can say good things.
Needless to say, I will not travel to meet this woman, nor call her again. I hope no one calls her about me and I hope she reads this so she will understand how someone in her position can ruin someone else with just one baseless assumption.
Woman-if you are reading this, just thing of the word assumption. People who ASSume things, well, y'know what they say about them...
Mammelah, one thing I've learned is to flip the perspective. Very often it has happened that I'm talking to a shadchan who "claims" (meaning, it's not necessarily true) to know of "tons of guys." When I say what I'm looking for, she'll insult me—but it's not about me. She has a "reputation" to protect, and maybe she doesn't really know so many people, or she only knows a certain bracket (in this case, yeshivish). But she won't admit that she isn't so well-connected, so she makes a false statement about you to cover her own a**.
ReplyDeleteI had a distressing phone call recently where a shadchan wanted to set me up with someone who I felt was too modern than I am. She said that since I watch TV, I am modern, and since no one yeshivish will want me (who said I wanted them?) her idea is perfect.
I had to launch into a whole description of what "heimish" actually means, that there are plenty of people out there who don't identify as either yeshivish or modern, and that tv is certainly not a the one and only criteria for modernity. She eventually hung up. I had a churning, angry stomach for two solid days. But Ma told me, "It's not about you. She told this guy that she can get him a date, and she would say anything." It's probably true.
You made her question her omnipotence, and for that you had to pay.