If I had a Penny for every Thought...

About 2 hours ago, I received a phonecall from a lady that I will describe as one of the town's yentas. She knows what is going on in almost everyone's lives and will make it her business to keep her info up to date at all times.

In any case, I couldn't possibly fathom why she wanted to speak to me, but when I heard she was on the phone and wanted to speak to me: I told my sis to say I wasn't home.

(sidenote: ok I lied, which is wrong and people shouldn't lie, but I only felt a teeeny, weeeny bit guilty about it, just because I know what kinda person I'm dealing with)

So she first she asks my sister if all my siblings who are home now and not in school are working. My sister said we are. The town-yenta-lady goes on saying this is terrific and she is calling because she is collecting money for a single girl who is getting married and her parents aren't making money, etc. She goes on and on and sis ain't really paying attention until she gets to the climax:

"and I know that you have a few single siblings who are looking for Shidduchim, so this can be a Zechus for you and your siblings. We can all use the extra Zichusim"

or somethin to that effect.

Ya, basically, she had my money until she hit that line. Yes, I have ma'aser money and yes I give it out and I think it is an 100% worthy cause to help someone get married off and yes, I'll even go so far to know that it is a "zechus" and/or "segulah" to help pay for someone's wedding to find a Shidduch, but seriously? Does this town-yenta-lady think we don't realize we are a few singles in the family? Does she think that we haven't heard of every segulah, tefilah, zechus, rabbi, bracha, etc. that helps you in shidduchim? I don't get how people use our so-called 'downfall' as a benefit to them. Honestly?

I don't need her pityvote to give my money, it's already there, but helloo?? where's the common sense?

So, if I had a penny for everytime someone let us know about a segulah, zechus or such-I'd be a millionaire (and henceforward, probably married off as guys seem to be lookin for megabux).

Too bad money doesn't drop outta tactless individuals-There are so many around, it just seems like a waste....but that's only my opinion...

More than the Average 4-1-1

Gut Voch, or Happy Day-After Xmas!

I got a call Friday from a lady (one of the many) who asked me to email my 'shidduch resume' to. Seems she got the email and she even has a young gentleman in mind for me, however, she said, she needs more ifo.

I'm thinkin "Is this woman nuts?" My full name, in Hebrew and English is listed, as well as the names of my parents, my age, my date of birth, schools I attended, degrees I have, etc. I gave her the 'Coles Notes' version of myself, let alone a description of the kinda guy I'm lookin for..."

So, I was quite annoyed, angered, and honestly p*ssed, when instead of emailing me back to inform me that she got my email and would require more info, she called my house and spoke to my parents to tell them this. OK, calm down, calm down.

I nicely and calmly explain to them that the woman is PSYCHO, cuz the specific info that she told my parents I didn't send, was INCLUDED in my so-called 'resume'.

ok, so now, it's Motzei Shabbos, I'm calm enough to email her, but I'm thinkin I should give this woman a run for her money. She wants info-I'll give her info!

Let's start with my birthmarks, I'll tell her how many I have and where they are located.

Then I will include my skirt size, my busy size, heck! might as well give her my bra size.

I'll give her the last few reports from the pharmacy so she can know what medication I took and for what kinda infections.

Then, I'll give her my average weight and my body mass index so she can figure out were I rate in my age group, gender and weight.

Let's see....hmmm..what else can I provide this lady with???

ok, I know this is the 'negative/annoyed' side of me speaking, but honesty! when she says she wants more info-what the heck more does she really want?!

anyone have a clue?

Not REALLY Lying...

you know how, once you go through certain life experiences, it changes you?

Well, I feel like I've been changed, but in a good way. I have matured, 'learned my lessons'-so to speak, and have become a better person (I hope).

However, when it comes to Shidduchim, I'm hesitant. I've lost trust in people. People who are doing the 'redd'ing, people who are the references, people who are suggesting, and guys I actually date. I've lost trust over time, over disappointments, etc. you know the drill....

In any case, I think trust is a major part of relationships-if you don't trust the guy, how the heck are you gonna marry him and live with him the rest of your life?

Well, today, ladies & gents, my trust has been diminished a little bit more. I'm telling you think for a purpose-to learn from this, apply it to your daily life and who knows what.

Here's what happened: A Shadchan called to 'redd' me to a guy. Somehow, the name sounded really familiar. Then it hit me-I went out with him AGES ago, and by ages i mean, literally. Thinking about him, I remember he was goodlooking, charming, funny, cute, etc. I remember REALLY wanting it to work between us, but after just one date, there wasn't that much chemistry. Bummer, right?

Anyhoo, sure enough, on onlysimchas I saw he got married, had kids, etc. Great, for him alteast!

Then a few months ago, or maybe even a year ago, I heard he got divorced. Such a shame, as he looked really happy in the pix, but you never know....

So, I'm thinking, this Shadchan, who apparently never met me, and 'just got hold of my info', why wouldn't she mention that this guy just 'happened to be divorced with kids?', I mean, it's not a secret and I would find out ANYWAY, right? Actually, perhaps I wouldn't find out anyway. See, let's say I would call references, they would say 'he's a great guy, friendly, outgoing, smart, witty, responsible, etc.' but why would they mention he just happens to be divorced with a family? They probably think that the girl who is calling already was informed of this, as it is obvious info.

Then I go on imagining, what if I DIDN'T date this guy, or what if I didn't HEAR that this guy got married, had a family and then divorced? I would call references, hear good info, and just go for it. Then, 5 dates later, when he mentions how adorable his son was in his school play, my haw would drop and I would be like, huh? your sssssooon??? WHAT?!?! U HAVE KIDS?!?!?

<<>>

well, that's the end of that scenario. So, dear friends, I tell you this because I feel that at this point in time, we havta ask the OBVIOUS questions when calling references. So I think I'll compile a list of the following questions and feel free to add:

1. Is s/he single?

2. Is s/he Yeshivish/Chassidish/Lubavitch/MO/BT/Giyores or Ger/Sefardi?

3. Is s/he fat?

4. Is s/he ugly like heck?

5. Does s/he have any medical issues?

6. Is the family normal or crazy?

7. Are the parents divorced, or were they? If so, what kind of people did they marry?

8. Is s/he Black? Chinese? Jewish?

9. Do they speak English? (believe it or not, I was 'redd' to a guy recently, only to find out-when I called a friend of mine, that he didn't even speak English!)

10. Did s/he go to school? dropout? homeschooled?

11. Any criminal records?

12. Any abuse in the family?

Feel free to add your questions here!

What do you say??

Yesterday I received a phonecall from an out-of-town lady, who calls herself a Shadchan. Apparently, she wanted to know information about a family who lives in the same city as me and she was told I might know them. Now, I DO know OF the family, but I don't know the kids that well, and there are both boys and girls in the Shidduch parsha. The only info which I did know about the family is that there were some 'issues', yet, because I don't know them so well, I don't know what these 'issues' in fact were. To my luck, as this lady was introducing herself to me and asking me about this family, a friend of mine happened to pass by. I quickly put my hand over the receiver and asked the friend if they know of the family, when they nodded, I quickly handed over the phone, letting out a sigh of relief.

During the phone call the Shadchan asked 3 MAIN questions and you can tell the other questions after that, were just cuz she probably felt stupid and had to make it look like she cared about the others. Here's what her three questions were:

1. Do they have money? cuz I heard they do.

2. Are the girls pretty?

3. How tall are they?

So, like I said, B"H my friend happened to be, for MY sake, at the right place and at the right time and I gladly handed over the phone. After informing the shadchan that no, they do not have money and not knowing how tall they were exactly and not knowing the girl themself so well, the other 'blablabla' questions were answered and they both hung up.

The friend then looked at me quizzically and said "I don't know what to say? There are some issues, but she didn't ask that and each question and answer is a Shaila in itself. At the same time the mother of the girl in question is a very picky person. She makes fun of everyone else with issues, yet she doesn't see that her family has the same issues. (sigh) It's a tough call to make. But gladly, I think after she heard they don't have money, she wasn't interested anymore.'

Two thoughts crossed my mind.

a) I really have to ask many more questions and many more SPECIFIC questions, as even the closest friends, relatives and or references might not offer me information such as any kind of 'issues' which a boy might have. However, if you ask specifically, they might answer or they might hesitate to answer, which is an answer in itself.

b) It's so sick what this world is coming to. If someone isn't swimming in dough (and I don't mean Chanuka donut dough), and or tall and beautiful, then they just get dropped back into the pile of singles.

This post alone is making me so upset that I could use a donut or two, and hopefully the sugar and fat will put me in a better mood!

National Nudge

They're everywhere! Every community, town, city, country, etc.

A "NATIONAL NUDGE"

Yes, folks, I am fortunate to have not one, but many 'nice nudges' to 'work on my case', because 'they want to help me' and lastly, it's for 'my benefit' that they are doing this, aka-trying to get me married. My take-trying to bud into my personal life-but that's a story for another time.

So, the particular National Nudge I'm talking about, let's name her "Nechy Nudge" and here's a typical little story of how she works.

Nechy Nudge is driving her daughter to her friend's house when a pedestrian is crossing the road. Nechy stops to allow the pedestrian to cross, only realizing that this pedestrian is in fact oh-so-old and yet-single, Shaindy, who is all of 24 years old. Nechy carefully eyes Shaindy, has pity in her eyes and vows to do everything in her power to get Shaindy married off. As quickly as the idea popped into her little brain, Nechy Nudge runs into her home almost immediately after dropping her daughter off and runs through her phonebook. She calls atleast half a dozen people and goes through her 'book of boys'. She finally finds one boy, who is also single and he happens to be 25. BAM! Like lightning, it hits her: this is the perfect Shidduch.

For starters, he's a guy, she's a girl, they're both single, they're both Jewish, and he is one year older than her-what's not to love, huh?

Nechy Nudge starts calling BOTH sides at the same time to get things running.

ok, a little background information-Nechy Nudge is type to call with all info, only for one side-aka yours truly, to find out that the guy never existed! or, to give "Nechy" the benefit of the doubt, if the guy did exist-she got ALL information wrong.

After that experience with Nechy Nudge, and knowing that she is the town nudge, when and if I do happen to cross paths, I walk, more likely RUN the other way. When she calls our house, once every lightbulb shows up over her head, we don't pick up the phone.

So, I'm thinking, with all these inventions out there, all these 80,000 apps, all this new technology, is there no way to auto-avoid calls from National Nudges. For now, we just ignore and hopefully they get the message, but there must be another smart way to do this. I know in NYC some people don't accept calls from blocked numbers. What about blocked brain cells?

It is a "Go? or NoGo?"

My friend Huvi called me last night all stressed out. She's in a predicament and doesn't know what to do. She knows about this blog and suggested I post her 'situation' for you, fellow readers, to comment on.

Here's the sitch (situation):

Huvi was 'redd' to this guy from (where else? but) the Brooklyn. The Shadchan never met her before but they spoke on the phone and this is the first shidduch the Shadchan is redding Huvi. The Shadchan is redding her to a nice boy from Brooklyn, currently learning in BMG (Lakewood) and she knows the boy and his family very well. This Shidduch was redd about 3 weeks ago. Huvi was given ONE, yes ladies & gents, just ONE day to look into this guy and give an answer. She called the 2 references she was given and said "yes", but being that she was just in NY the week before for a date, she couldn't go down again (she has 3 workdays left to take off!). She asked if the boy can come down.

[side note: the boy has a married brother living in the same city as Huvi and actually knows Huvi's family quite well]

The Shadchan asked the boy who said, "no, he won't come down". She asked Huvi if Huvi can come in, perhaps 2 weeks time, over Chanuka.

Huvi wasn't sure what would happen by then, but because she was burnt by the last date she traveled to NY for, and the guy promised to come in, yet after their date in NY, decided he wasn't interested in out of town girls, Huvi asked the Shadchan to ensure this boy, if he was interested after the first date, would be willing to travel and is ok with dating an out of town girl.

The Shadchan called back informing Huvi that the boy was willing to travel only if the girl came to NY first, "because he has sooo many girls to go out with in NY, so why would he travel?". The Shadchan even told Huvi that the boy's entire family, including married brother from Huvi's city, were bugging the boy to travel in first, the boy would no way here of traveling.

So, we're now 2.5 weeks after the 'yes's were given from both sides and the boy is not willing at all to travel, yet the boy called the Shadchan 2-3 times yesterday asking for an answer as to whether Huvi will come to NY, or just forget it (if she doesn't go, he ain't comin, and it gets dropped). The Shadchan, in turn, called Huvi, and Huvi, my dear friends, is STRESSED to the max and doesn't know what to do.

[side note: Huvi has 3 days off for Chanuka and would like to spend atleast SOME of her time off with her friends, Chanuka parties, etc.]

So, big question for today is: does she GO? or is this a NoGo?

Joke

I've seen this before, but it's still worthy of a post:

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a Man for you."
"What's a Man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be very competitive. All in all, he'll give you a hard time, but, he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow, "but what's the catch, Lord?"
"Well... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first... Just remember, it's our little secret---you know, Woman to Woman."

We're all in the same boat!

Last week I was speaking to a friend of mine, who got married last year. Anyway, being that she is now married, we haven't had the time to sit down, just the two of us and have our pasttime girly chats. So, I guess now that she's settled (and her husband was at a shiur) she had the time to speak.

While we were catching up on each other's lives, I was, as usual, telling her the story of my life, complaining about the shidduch system, ranting about shadchanim, etc. But it seems I was so busy focusing on my singlehood, that I didn't realize we were both in the same boat. Here's how it happened...

While I was talking about how people can be some RUDE & CRUDE and walk up to you and ask 'any news' (with that singsong tune and that look as if you have something u are hiding...), even tho if you DID have news, it is personal and none of their business-she suddenly got really quiet.

Then she told me that yes, even though she is no longer single and she got married pretty quick B"H, she has been experiencing the same rudeness from people. why is that you may ask?

Well, simple. Although she is married for about a year-she doesn't have children yet and is not expecting. Thing is, she put on a few extra pounds. So because she was a toothpick, who is now a pencil, people walk over to her and say things like, 'so nice you're expecting', or 'looks like there's a bun in the oven', or 'when will you stop working due to your pregnancy'-

OUCH! She is seriously hurt, as it wasn't just one remark from one person, this has happened to her over the past few months! And, I thought MY life was the crux of it!

So, ya, babies and husbands are what we truly want, but only Hashem has power to make those things happen. We have to daven, have emunah, etc. but people have to be a bit more smart when it comes to making comments like 'nu...I wanna dance at your simcha', cuz its not like ur fairy godmother will come out and just snap your fingers and POOF-chosson a la mode is waiting right there.

How can we get the message across to people?

My advice: next time someone walks over to you and says 'soo??? any news??'

Look at them straight in the face and ask if they'd like to hear about your latest bowel movement. That should be the last time they'll be asking you for news!

"The Answer" to "reading between the lines"

Following my blog entry on reading between the lines, I decided to just throw in the towel and go for it. Well, honestly, I actually wasn't at all interested, especially with what the references told me and how he was described, but I had a free ride to the Big Apple-so free ride=throwing in the towel, or as the Frummies say 'doing my hishtadlus'.

Went out with 'said guy' and lemme tell you-the minute he walked in the door, I knew, knew, KNEW it was totally, 100%, without a doubt NOT SHAYACH! Aside from the 'women's intuition' or just believing what the references said, or purposely did NOT say, I just 'had this feeling' that it wasn't going to be at all what I was looking for, but then I sorta talked myself into the 'you neva know' theory. and just for all of you who are reading this, rolling your eyes, and thinking-wow she is sooo negative, or she shouldn't have gone with that attitude-GET THIS: I even brought 2 dating outfits and set aside 2 days for dating. So I was positive (not the HIV kind...). I thought, maybe, just maybe, this time I'll be proven wrong.

So, folks, to answer my question-READ BETWEEN THE LINES! Most people will not say the ugly truth or the honest straight out stuff. Either ask the most obvious questinos-even if you sound stupid doing so, or READ between the lines!