35 Signs You Were Raised By A Jewish Mother

1. You know to always bring a jacket no matter what the temperature is.

Source: hobbit-marauder63.tumblr.com

2. Meanwhile, she’s never a comfortable temperature. But she doesn’t want to burden anyone else.

Source: pishelle.buzznet.com

3. Oh, she’s having a hot flash. Can’t you see that she’s schvitzing?

Source: kristymitchell.com

4. You and your friends were always well fed.

Source: loveboatscreencaps.tumblr.com

5. She asks, “Are you eating?” every time you talk on the phone.

Source: papermag.com

6. But she’s not above telling you that you’ve put on weight.

Source: misssfine.tumblr.com

7. Also, she wants to know what you want to eat when you come home. In a month.

Source: isalabelle09.tumblr.com

8. She has the best recipe for brisket, all others be damned.

Source: giphy.com

9. You have a strong preference when it comes to savory or sweet kugel. (SWEET.)

Source: bakeddd.tumblr.com

10. You were forbidden from ever getting a tattoo. She still asks you about this.

Source: afraidofvirginiawoolf.tumblr.com

11. She just wants you to know you’ll never get a job with a tattoo. Or with those clothes. Or with your hair like that.

Source: 1behind2blue3eyes.tumblr.com

12. She says she loves you no matter what your sexual orientation, just raise the children Jewish.

Source: queerty.com

13. She’d prefer you marry a Jew, but if you don’t, it’s not the end of the world. Just raise the children Jewish.

Source: zazzle.com

14. And what does he do? It doesn’t matter if he’s a doctor. It would just be nice, that’s all.

Source: sodahead.com

15. Every phone conversation is about how to meet a nice Jewish boy or girl.

Source: madaboutjews.tumblr.com

16. Every phone conversation is also about what you need to do with your life. (Never mind that you’re doing just fine.)

Source: media.tumblr.com

17. She will set you up with Ruth’s boy. You know Ruth? From the synagogue? She ushers on Friday nights.

Source: monstruoso.tumblr.com

18. Twenty years later, she’s still talking about your Bar or Bat Mitzvah on a regular basis.

Source: stream1.gifsoup.com

19. But only because she doesn’t have a wedding to talk about yet. HAVE YOU MET ANY NICE JEWISH BOYS OR GIRLS LATELY?

Source: irememberforever.com

20. And she doesn’t have grandchildren to talk about yet either.

Source: herrherr.tumblr.com

21. If you tell your mom you’re sick, the entire family will know within the hour.

Source: sexdrugsandcocopuffs.tumblr.com

22. You’re no stranger to frantic “are you OK?” texts

Source: shitika.tumblr.com

23. That’s if she’s figured out how to text. She’s not great with new technology.

Source: collegehumor.com

24. If you don’t call back immediately, you’re going to get guilt. She knows you’re busy, she just worries.

Source: thiscuckoosnest.com

25. She wants to know if what you’re doing is safe. If it’s not safe, she’ll kill you.

Source: sodahead.com

26. You come in wearing a vintage ripped T-shirt, and she says, “What is this shmata?”

Source: lapetitemariniere.tumblr.com

27. She reminds you how much your people have been through.

Source: jewishatheist.tumblr.com

28. She throws out Yiddish phrases like “baruch hashem” and “kein ayin hara” regardless of context.

Source: throwmorebrandy.tumblr.com

29. She doesn’t need you to pick her up at the airport. She’ll take a taxi. Don’t worry. (Hint: You HAVE to pick her up.)

Source: fuckyeahmurdershewrote.tumblr.com

30. Now that you’ve picked her up, you’re driving too fast.

Source: irlylktht.com

31. You know that anything bad you do is “killing your mother.” Or anything you do at all, really.

Source: bitsxpiecesofdisney.tumblr.com

32. You accept that she has the ultimate trump card in arguments: guilt.

Source: annie-halls.tumblr.com

33. She reminds you that you’d better not put her in a bad nursing home.

Source: jeannieology.tumblr.com

34. If you share this post with your mom, she’ll say, “But I’m not like this, right?” Just smile and nod.

Source: moviegifs756.tumblr.com

35. She always tells you you can’t get mad at her for caring too much. And you can’t, really, because she’s the absolute best. Thanks, Mom.

Source: fudgeyeahbiglove.tumblr.com

The 'set up'

Here's what I don't get. I don't get the whole 'set up'. Now by that I don't mean to say being set up or setting someone up on a shidduch, I mean the whole fakeness to it. The lies, the pretending, the hiding information-it's all false. All the acting, etc after a while it begins to feel like I'm in a 70s familg show where everyone is walking around with smiles plastered on their  face and talking in their happy voices whilst they sit at the supper table together to discuss their days. 

Worst of all is the room set up or to be more specific-the table set up. 

Again, I reiterate that I'm an out of town girl from a laid back, chilled family. We are not fakers, we have nothing to hide (no our TVs are not kept in cupboards or called 'monitors') and pretty much act ourselves. Having said that, I will mention that before a boy comes to pick me up from home my mom still ensures that everything in the house is clean and neat and presentable. 

Going back to the whole 'set up' I'm reminded back to my early dating days, some of which were having a boy pick me up from New York. I remember my sister in law baking away, putting out tiered trays of goodies, setting out her Shabbos cutlery and folding the napkins all fancy. I thought all that effort was pointless-after all the guy is gonna only be in the home for a couple of minutes-he's not gonna sit down and eat 2 trays of rugelach, came, cookies and an entire fruit bowl. After the first few guys came to pick me up from her home I think she agreed. Imagine how much food would've gone to waste by now!

Point being there's a way to be presentable and kind without having to overdo the whole set up thing. It's a house, people live in it. There are families with kids in it, food being cooked, a baby crying, a phone ringing. These are normal everyday things I just don't get why people go so much out of their way to try and cover them up with expensive rentals/food/decor/set up. 

Baby Bachelor

Frum Flirting

I know the title is sort of an oxymoron-but this is the point!

We are living in the frum world, in Shidduchim and we remain tznius and proper-which is all great. There is no such thing as flirting (which in a way, makes the whole tznius issue aLOT easier) when it comes to Shidduchim for a number of reasons. The first that comes to mind is the following scenario:

you're at a wedding, looking your best from your makeup to your hair to your outfit, and there are LOADS of guys on the men side/hanging out in the hall. You had your eye on this cute guy at the chuppah and sure enough, as you come out of the bathroom from putting away the arches, THERE HE IS, leaning against the wall, laughing at something his friend said. You pass by, wink and give a half smirk. Later on, your friend asks you about a guy at the wedding: "do you know that guy?"

"Which one?" you ask?

"The one talking to Adina's cousin's husband" she says as she points to that cute guy you smiled at a few minutes before....

AWKWARD

ok, so point #1 would be=most 'frum' men (and this is just my personal statistic) don't wear wedding rings. Sure, I know some guys who do, but when everyone is wearing dark suits at weddings, it's really hard to tell.

Another case in point, when you're dating a guy, until you are absolutely sure that you like him-you're so busy thinking and thinking ahead and future that you can't actually 'enjoy' his company together, so there's no time to really flirt.

Lastly, most girls in Shidduchim, after being 'in the system' for quite some time (well, enough to UNbrainwash them from sem and turn them back into NORMAL girls) will likely flirt with married guys and talk them up, to show how awesome they are and UNshy, in hopes that the married can find them someone.

Name Dropping Part II

I probably posted about this before, but I just wanna say that Name Droppers irk me. I can't stand them. They are totally & utterly useless, even though they think they are doing the WORLD's chessed job by calling/emailing/texting you a guy's name. But that's where it stops. If you're lucky, there are 2 other mini descriptions (age? city?) but usually it stops at that.

In fact, I once had a woman from my community call me up and drei my kupp for atleast 20 minutes about this AMAZING guy. She name dropped and told me to look into him. Sure enough with the 2 bits of info I had, I called around everyone I knew and truth be told=the guy DIDN'T exist. I don't know if she was confused, or mixed up the name, or something, but whoever was 'supposed' to know him, never had heard of him.

Another such situation-last week I had one of those 'unknown' caller ids show up on my phone. I hesitantly answered and it was this random woman. She said she got my name from someone who knew someone's sister and that she heard I was single and looking for a 'learner-earner' type guy. When I confirmed that I was, she told me she just 'heard' of a guy who might be my type. She gave me his name, city and age-zeh hu. Then she told me if I was interested based on her information (is she kidding?!?! WHAT information exactly?!!) then the way it works is that I should email the boy my photo directly and she proceeded to provide me with his email address. I thought this was a prank call, but the woman seemed very serious. I'm still in shock, I mean usually there's a resume, or a shadchan, or someone to 'redd'ing the shidduch, or ATLEAST a reference. I have no problems swapping pix, but that's after we both did some checking atleast so it's not that superficial. 

Point being-name droppers drive me nuts!

Weddings-where Emotions run Wild

I don't know what's gotten into me. I seem to have become an emotional being. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not a 'cold' person and I'm very in touch with my feelings, but I'm more of the easygoing, relaxed and fun nature. I pride myself in being the one that can always make ANYONE laugh and can lighten up a situation with a funny story. At weddings, I'm the girl who laughs when someone trips over the kallah, or the one who sorta thinks it's funny that everyone is tearing up at the Bedeken-until recently.

I don't know what it is, but I have become really emotional when it comes to Simchas, or more specifically weddings. I used to watch from the side and just be 'ok' with it, smile and think how nice everyone looks, but lately, I find myself tearing up. I find each Badeken I go to, even more meaningful and I feel like I'm living the moment with the Baalei Simcha themselves. At Chuppahs, I too, find that emotional and don't even get me started on the Mitzvah Tantz.

What has become of me? At first I blamed this new 'sensation' on anything but myself. I would think it's because of the specific situation (e.g. kallah/chosson is a yasom, someone in the family was sick and couldn't be at the wedding, etc) or the relation to the baalei simcha, but as I attend more weddings, especially now that Sefira is over (for most of us) I find myself stuck in this emotional phase. I know a friend of mine who was this tough, tomboy-like girl until she got married and had a kid. We went out after she had a baby and she became this major softy, very girly, worrisome and overprotective, even half-crying sometimes. She blamed it on being a mother/hormones/not sleeping. Well, I can try and blame it on hormones, but being that there were numerous weddings at different times, that wouldn't be a good enough excuse. So is this what happens as I get older and remain single? Is this normal? Anyone else an emotional wreck at Simchas?

New Car

A guy only opens the door for a woman for 2 reasons:
1) if the girl is new
2) if the car is new