Being Your Own Shadchan

Wouldn't life be great if you can just be your own Shadchan? I know some people who are happily married with a few children and they made their own Shidduch. I like to say their Shadchan was 'aol instant messenger' or 'united airlines flight A123' to Sem/Yeshiva in Israel :)

This thought brings me back a good few years to when chat rooms and instant messenger were the social media of those days. It was considered a daring thing to go onto chat-rooms and reveal you ASL, so we always made them up. Of course, being that this type of media was taking over, the Shidduch world decided to create some of their own 'monitored' shidduch-purposed chat-rooms. I remember that my curiosity got the best of me and I logged in and just watched the conversations going on between the few people logged in. After a while, I realized that one of the people, who claimed to be a guy, gave the girl he was chatting with, a link to his profile page on one of the frum dating sites. I clicked on the link (like I said, curiosity got the better of me) and realized that his information sounded all too familiar.

Sure, enough I chatted with him in the chat room, got some more details and realized, this guy was suggested to me over and over again. We exchanged email addresses and chatted through instant messenger. I think I spent hours that Sunday afternoon chatting with this guy. After all, I was interested in going out with him, but for some 'unknown' reason, he kept turning me down. Bold as I was, I asked him why he was even bothering to chat with me and asking me questions if he kept saying no. He admitted that his mom was in charge of his Shidduchim and 'handled things'. I asked if he even knew I was suggested. He informed me that he did come across my name in his mom's book and asked who I was, as my info interested him. But, he claimed, his mom said there were others he should date first, before choosing to date an out of towner.

I was sorta happy that atleast he did know I was an option, but at the same time, he must've been atleast 25 and could make his own decisions. I mean, here we were, two adults, in the Shidduch world, looking to get married. We both seemed interested in the other, and we were chatting to each other online. What's there to be stopping him from saying 'yes' to a simple date. 

However, he seemed to be letting his mom make decisions.

I guess, in retrospect, being your own Shadchan can indeed have it's consequences, but it seems unlikely. In that situation the boy himself wasn't being his own Shadchan-he was letting his mom take over :P

"The Book"

Folks-there's some unfortunate news: apparently someone has beat me to it. Yes, the entire evening I've been receiving phonecalls, texts and emails about the article on vosizneias by Goldy Kranz. And apparently, most people think that I've finally went ahead and published my book of horrible dating experiences with a her name as my 'pen name'.

Sorry to break your bubble, but this credit is not mine. I am NOT Goldy Krantz, nor do I know who she is. But, I will keep my word: IY"H when I get engaged, I will go ahead and print my book and you will all have wonderful laughs reading it.

As for this woman and her stories-kudos to her!

Hooked on a Guy

Being in Shidduchim is comparable to fishing. I feel like I spend my time swimmin in the sea of men in search of a good catch. Then there are the shadchanim, they are like sharks, after their bait. Obviously the bigger fish eat the smaller ones-people with the money get what they want & eat what they can get. 

I'm just a simple fish, or fisherman really, with my fishing for sitting there waiting for a tug, signaling a fish has caught my bait. When I get that tug, I do my Hishtadlus and reel that fish in. But lately I feel like my hook is stuck. See there's this one guy that was redd to me numerous times in the last few months by different people. He keep saying how interested he is but each time a different excuse keeps him from goin out with me. I already stopped believing all the excuses but he keeps on reassuring each person that he really IS interested in me. 

However, I'm tired of swimming around, of being pulled in by some dead piece of fish lying around the ocean. I want a guy who will take the hair because that's what HE want. He sees the bait and goes for it. Not a fish who gets hooked in and just pulls you around and around, keeps on tugging to remind you he's still there, single and "interested". 

No clue why this whole thing reminds me of fishing, especially cuz I know nothing of the way it works but what can I say, all this being shlepped around is making me nuts!

Insta..MAN

It all started with instant coffee. Then came the instant soups. Now there's Instagram. These days, everyone wants things instantaneously. Who can blame them really? I would've loved to be married with kids by now. I would love to come home to a loving husband, zany lively children, with a messy house, but, there are other plans for me.

Yet, when Shadchanim call with a Shidduch, they need an answer from you-the 'girl', NOW. They want a resume ASAP, a don't forget a photo. Everything is now, now, now. Which got me thinking....

Wouldn't it be great to get an InstaMan?

Once you're married, you'd have an InstaFam

Your wig will make you InstaGlam

You'd host lotsa house parties: InstaJam

Don't forget all your Shabbos guests-InstaCram

A husband to go eat Shwarma with: InstaLamb

You'd go from 'Miss' to InstaMa'am

With your baby on the way, he'd buy you an InstaPram

a man on your team=InstaSlam

to all those people who told you, you'd never get married: InstaWham

I'm an InstaFan

of finding an InstaMan

so for now, that's my InstaPlan

commencing InstaScan

(attention: all eligible young men-please feel free to reply :)

Rude Remark

In speaking with a shadchan last week, I was taken aback by something he said. I dealt with this shadchan in the past, he set me up a number of times and I was impressed by how on top of things he was. Once I told him that the guy he set me up with was 100% what I was looking for (the guy said no) and asked him to "keep an eye out", being really hopeful that if he hit the mark once, surely he must be able to do it again. Not yet though :(

In any case, just a bit of backgrounder: my Fam has some married sibs and some singles. My bro got married in May after being in the system for a while and I'm next in line, with 2 younger singles waiting for me to make a move so they can.

In any case, I called the shadchan as a 'friendly reminder' phone call and he asked me "didn't your brother get married this past year?" 

To which I replied the affirmative. 

He responded "great. So you had one simcha in your family already"

His response and the tone in which he was speaking ended it. I was basically being told by him to be thankful for the simcha (which B"H we are) and one a year was enough. 

Sheesh! And when I say a simple 'sorry-I don't think it's shayach' about a guy, I'm told I'm being rude??

People

Light travels faster than sound. 

That's why some people seem bright...until they open their mouth and speak. 

Men are like a Deck of Cards

Reminders

Dontcha just love it, when Shadchanim you meet/speak to tell you that they are so busy making shadchanim and doing 'other things', so you should feel free to keep 'reminding' them about you?

Usually, when I'm told this, I lose hope in the Shadchan who tells me, I mean obviously if they seem to mention it to me-it means they are either forgetful, or have their hands full, or don't have anything for me at all.

BUT, my new thing has been the following. Let's say someone calls/emails/texts me to send my information. Before doing so, I first ask if it's for a specific person, and if so, who that specific person is (that way, in case it was suggested before OR we went out and it was TOTALLY not shayach I'm saving the shadchan, the guy, and myself a whole saga of 'headache'). Next, I forward my information and wait a week. I try and remember about a week later and if/when I don't hear back, I send a gentle 'reminder'. Then I wait to hear back and each week, I will continue to 'remind' them until I get back a YES or NO, or whatever excuse they have for not getting back to me.

But, there are the other reminders-the reminders to the shadchanim who made these 'promises' to set you up, and getting working on a few ideas they had in mind whilst meeting/speaking to you and NEVER got back to you. I send them reminders every so often-let's say, before yom tov or every few months. Of course, those are also the shadchanim who won't even send back a one-liner saying 'sorry, I don't have anyone' or 'you are on my mind', etc. No. They ask you to send emails/texts but don't even hit the 'reply' button=I just don't get why.

Can anyone enlighten me?

Sufganiyot (Parody of Stereo Hearts)

How Rumors Start...

So, this is how rumours start....

Yup, one guy/girl sees another guy/girl they know on a date and "assume" that because that person was seen in a 'common' place, or SEEN altogether, then that person is getting engaged.

I've heard it loads of times. In fact, I remember years back, going to eat out with friends at a new restaurant in town. It was at the end of the summer and the restaurant was a european type-ambience with outdoor seating. The weather was nice and we got seated outside. A few moments later, we noticed a younger girl walk in with a guy, clearly on a date. The restaurant was quite small, so we remained seated outdoors whilst they went inside. I continued my meal with my friends, our backs turned away from the indoors so that the girl wouldn't be embarrassed (especially as she was freshly dating then). One of the girls I was with was convinced that girl was getting engaged because it was 'obvious' that since she was out with a guy, in a suit, on a date, when it was still light outside (9pm), and in a new restaurant, where there were bound to be people, in our small town....I told her she was flat out nuts, and perhaps, as most dates go-the guy came in for her, was hungry, wanted to eat out, the weather was nice and they chose this place for whatever reason. Turns out-I was right-they never got engaged (to each other).

Anyway-that's just one point.

Then there's the phone call "someone is getting engaged tonight....I can't tell you who, but you know them VERY well...' which is also telling a lot, without saying names. big woop-have the time those aren't true.

Lastly, are the people who SEE people on dates or HEARD they were set up without knowing anything else other than hearsay, and deciding that the guy/girl is 'seriously' seeing someone and it's 'unofficial" (but they were privileged to know this information).

Or my personal favourite, just happened a few days ago. Someone tries to reach you, calls you at home, there is no answer. They then proceed to call your cell, you don't pick up. They can't understand why you wouldn't be home (or you just choose not to answer their call) AND not be picking up your cell phone (it IS a cellphone after all), so you MUST be "busy". I had this numerous times, but just a few days back, when I called the number that showed up as a missed call on my cell, and left a voicemail at my home, the woman asked how my night out was. That folks, is what I call CHUTZPAH. 

Nosypokers-rumor starters, why can't people just mind their own business?

Shir Soul-Hannukka

Matisyahu - Happy Hanukkah

Maccabeats-Burn

"Oils" - A Thanksgivukkah Miracle (Royals song parody)

Glee-Oh Hannuka Song

To get us in the Chanuka mood-here's first in line to the chanuka song posts.


Full Performance of "Oh Hanukkah" from "Glee Actually" | GLEE from
 Bnei Akiva New Zealand on Vimeo.

When Guys give a "False" Yes

The last few guys who were suggested to me, I was told, were interested in going out with me, hence I received their information forwarded so I can look into them. (spoiler alert for newbie shidduch peeps-guys usually get to say 'yes' or 'no' to a girl first, as they sorta get first dibs, and that way if they say 'no' the girls feelings don't get hurt....or so they say). For each of the guys I looked into, called around, asked references, etc. there was nothing 'pulling' about them. No, I'm not picky, it's just that there wasn't one specific thing, if not more, that made them sound appealing, interesting, etc. Not that this would hold me back. The way I work-if the guy is interested and his info checks out and all sounds legit, then we go out and take it from the date onwards.

The first guy, I havta admit sounded really nerdy. I literally got bored reading his resume-it was as if I was forced to read an autobiography back in school. The second, provided a photo that, well, to be kind, made him look sorta goofy (and no, it wasn't some cute pose, or Facebook profile pic-it was just his face), and the third, well, some of the info provided sounded a bit too iffy. I wasn't sure what to do, honestly, as each of these guys gave a 'yes' but they also EACH said, they wouldn't travel to date me and that gave the 'don't make her come to NY just for me, BUT next time she plans on coming in, I would go out with her' line. 

Guys-I feel that whenever someone says that, it means they're not that interested and make no effort. In my experience-if a guy is interested-he makes a move. OK, not everyone can travel, for various reasons. But the 'don't come in just for me' also sounds very noncommittal. I've been to NY for 2 hours in total for dates and I've been there for 12 hours for 1 bad date and sometimes days at a time. Yes, traveling is a pain in the butt, yes we have to do it, but as a single, we make an effort. I know that's part of my hishtadlus, no matter how long the trip (and it's a looooong trip) and how short my stay (like I said, I once drove in for a 2 hour date and then drove back). The I found out, that one guy really doesn't date out-of-towners, the other, apparently, doesn't date girls the same age as him (which we were) and the third doesn't travel at all-no matter how far/close or how serious the relationship. 

So, here's my advice to the guys out there. If you're really NOT interested in a girl and don't think you can be persuaded by a date, or by seeing her even once, twice or three times-please don't bother making the girl come in. It's just a waste of your time, her time, and a big disappointment for us girls who have to take off from our jobs, our school, find replacements, pay lots money & spend lots of time traveling, not to mention physical energy, exhaustion, nerves and then getting all dolled up when there was never a chance to begin with that you'd give the shidduch a try.

Rather man up and say no, than live under the pre tense that you're being a nice guy and convincing someone you would give it a try, even though you know it's a no-go.

Give a true no, rather than a false yes.

What REALLY Counts in a Guy

I've recently discovered a show on TLC called 'Hidden Princes', which is a reality show based on the Princes, Lords, and other Royal members who are not so famous. These Princes are looking for love and not to be wed by prearranged marriages or for honor or money. The show brings them to North America and sets them up in an apartment, with a job, so they can get used to living a simple lifestyle and then they set them up with regular girls. At the end of the date, they reveal who they really are. This way the girl, without knowing who the guy really is, can base her decision no the actual GUY and not his title.

Here's what I like about this-Lord Rob has a realistic view on life, and in such, describes perfectly what defines a good guy: http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/secret-princes/videos/behind-the-title.htm

too bad he ain't Jewish :(

Boys get a Choice

In the last week alone I'm seeing clearly how boys can get away with so much more than girls. They can make decisions that they don't need to justify. They put forth their requests and demands and 'shadchanim' nod their heads and get them whatever they wish. 

With girls, on the other hand, every little move they make they are obligated to justify and are then told that 'that is not a (good enough) excuse' when they make their decision. Hence the 'pushing' from the shadchan and the girl is pressured into making decisions she doesn't believe in. 

As an example: I was supposed to go out with a guy last week. The shadchan called-it was all last minute chaos, etc. She didn't even give me a résumé/basic info. I just asked for a name. But no-no info, no name and guess what? The guy never showed. I was 'pushed' into agreeing to going out just for a quick coffee without having a smidge of info. 

Yet, 2 days later a different shadchan called me and asked me to send a photo as the guy she had in mind wanted a photo before even knowing my name or anything else about me. Instead of telling him to perhaps check into my info and see if I was even 'shayach' for this guy-the shadchan jumped at his request for a photo without any info and went ahead to request this from me (actually she didn't ask-she demanded). 

But no, ladies & gents, I will no give in to this idiocracy. As much as photos help-people have to be mentchlech. That rings true for guys, girls and shadchanim. 

Guys have atleast are given a choice, 

With girls-we decide and then the shadchan makes noise,

Like they all say-the shidduch system is for the boys!

You Know You're an 'Older Single' When...

A Shadchan asks what you are looking for and you say "Just someone 'NORMAL' please. No other specifics or details-of course nicelooking & good job would be great, but NORMAL is my #1 priority"

The Abuse of "the Excuse"

I'm seriously getting annoyed with people's excuses, be it Shadchanim, singles, the 'boy's side', etc. Everyone has a different excuse and let's face it, most of them are just that-excuses. 

Either someone feels bad telling you the guy isn't interested, and they make up an excuse for him.

Or, you go out on a date and the guy takes you home early-truth is, he's bored outta his mind, but he'll make an excuse up to get you home early.

I goes on and on a vicious cycle.

What annoys me the most, is when Shadchanim make up excuses. I'm a girl-I can take it. Tell it to me straight up, which is what I tell shadchanim when I meet them/speak to them and they suggest someone. I tell them openly that I don't need excuses, they shouldn't feel bad telling me it was redd to the guy and he doesn't want it. I don't take it personally, and everyone has the right to make their own decision, whether I agree with their choice or not. But, don't under any circumstances, make excuses for people.

Most recently, I spoke with a 'new' shadchan. I gave her my whole shpiel and she told me she had numerous ideas in mind and would be in touch. She was in touch with me the next day, as promised (shock, I know) and told me the guy would pick me up that night. So I waited, and waited and waited. When I didn't hear back, I called to ask what was going on. She assured me that everything was ok, he was stuck at work and she would get back to me and it would probably be later in the evening. I firmly told her to get back to me either way-even if he couldn't take me out-but she should just get back to me with a yes, no, or time. and then I waited and waited some more. No call, no text, no email-NADA.

I felt pathetic, sitting there waiting, without even knowing anything about the supposed guy coming to take me out. In the end, I feel asleep waiting and eventually, got into my pjs and went to bed, with my cellphone. 

Sure enough-the next day, no call or text. I checked my phone every 10 minutes, but nothing. I figured I was sooo upset, but you never know what happened and give the benefit of the doubt. But not even a shameless text message apologizing.

Sure enough, a few days later, she left some kind of indirect message, when a friend of mine (who I gave her number to) called her and mentioned that she knows this shadchan was trying to set me up. The excuse she gave? She couldn't get hold of me. My friend, pushy as she is, gave her my cell number again and begged her to call me as maybe she had the wrong number. She promised she would....and here I am....still waiting....

Tools without Rules

Excuse the title y'all. It's just I'm a bit disturbed. I was just at a community gala thing where there were literally hundreds of frum people altogether in one room for a good cause. Even though it was a frum crowd, parts of the event were mixed, e.g. smorgasbord-everyone walked around the room with plates, the entrance lobby & hallways, etc. I couldn't help but notice the 'mixing' going on. 

Yes, I've been to weddings and see all the guys/girls and couples chatting in the hall, but this was somewhat totally different.

You see, at the smorg, for example, the guys were clearly eyeing the women up and down, it was almost vulgar to watch. The women, half of whom were dressed soooo disgusting, almost sluttyish were prancing around with plates, almost as if they enjoyed the attention. The chassidim didn't seem to notice-they were either busy piling food on their plates, or they were the 'tuna beigels' (for those who don't know, 'tuna beigel' is the term referred to chassidish guys who went 'off') with wives who were already dressed so 'dirty' for lack of a better word that the whole scene was disturbing.

A girl I was with commented and asked me if the women who were dressed so slutty knew, or they just though they looked really good. C'mon, when you grow up like we did, you know when a skirt is way too short, and way too tight, not to mention it doesn't matter that their elbows might've been covered as their necklines were open enough to sneak preview some of their cleavage and the slits up to their butt didn't really make the fact that their knees might've been covered, being 'tznius' skirts.

Let's get to another point-the way these grown adults were acting. I know some of them and I didn't know a lot, but to the point where we couldn't figure out who was married, who was single, who was a couple, who was flirting and literally what the heck was going on. The woman next to me wore a sheitel with a mini mini leather skirt-she fed a guy who passed by off a toothpick, hand on chin. How much more awkward would that get (us standing in her way with nowhere to pass and nowhere to look). Another woman was basically flirting with a guy and almost half on his lap by the time we got to dessert.

The men ogling the women was seriously nauseating, but I couldn't help but notice the women, dressed as they were, sorta 'asked' for it.

All these 'tools' were hanging out there, which made the whole gala event feel like the entire evening should've been rated 18+. I felt really uncomfortable and extremely disturbed. It was as if, everything we learned, everything about being tznius, proper, refined, Middos and how to act, had been erased for this one evening and no rules were being followed. Yet, no one showed outright disapproval-everyone just 'ignored' what was going on.

I'm a Bais Yaakov girl and whilst I consider myself 'out there' and worldly, read chiclits, watch romcoms, etc. this is something I've never experienced and never want to again.

What is happening in this world!??!

Credit to the Clasmates

I was set up with a guy quite a while back and unfortunately after just one date, it totally wasn't shayach. A few months after going out with him I received a phone call. It happened to be from a woman I called to find out info on this boy as I knew her and I knew she had friends who knew this boy & his family. 

The reason for her call was to tell me that this boy got engaged and to ask if I was interested in knowing HOW it came to be. 

To be honest, I was happy for him but didn't really care much as to how it happened. I figured either she'd tell me he said perek shira 40 days or a new segulah, etc. But as we all know, HASHEM is mezaveg zivugim, He is the Master Shadchan and everyone else who suggests or acts as a shadchan is just but a mere shliach.  

Well, this woman had helped me in my time of need and provided me with info on the guy I was gonna date so the least I could do was let her speak. Turns out, her story was indeed interesting. This boy was the last boy of his class who was still single. All his classmates decided to get together and sit down and try and find him a wife. So they arranged to meet up, spoke with their wives, sisters, friends, neighbors, etc and took it upon themselves to find this last classmate of theirs a future wife. And the first suggestion from this meeting of his class, went off and he got engaged. 

I couldn't help but be a little jealous upon hearing this 'Disney-ending' of a story. After all, we all went to school, had been in a class, friends with some, friendlier with others. Where are my classmates? Why aren't they getting together and looking out for me? Do they even care or are they busy with their own families?

To give credit where credit is due, I havta say that some of my classmates have set me up in the past. Believe it or not, they were not even my closest friends growing up or my besties in high school. They were girls who were part of my class but they still 'remembered' me and tried to help. I am grateful to those few, I truly am. 

As for the rest-I think, in the spirit of the parsha they read in Shul today, which is a parsha known for Shidduchim, each year at this time, or atleast once a month-as a Rosh Chodesh thing, all classes 'round the world should get together and hold mini reunions to try and help their respective classmates find their future mate.  

Visumé

So here's the deal: I know I've mentioned this before numerous times on this blog, but wouldn't it be an awesome idea to have shidduch VIDEO resumes? Forget the whole official document, who needs all the embellishments, the fancy adjectives, the babysitting jobs & GO activities since they were 12? A video would cover EVERYTHING. It wouldn't have to be longer than 2 minutes. That way, you get to actually SEE how the person being suggested looks, you can also tell along from body language-get to see a bit of the person's personality and hear about them first hand. It would be at the total discretion of the person whose video it is to speak about whatever he/she feels would sum them up in less than 2 minutes. That way, you would be able to tell what is important to them, what they want people to know about them and shows their Middos and what they care about. 

Am I the only one to think it's a good idea? You can password-protect it and/or make the video private but it would be much more helpful than a typed up resume and/or pic. 

Almost like this one of Schmidt from New Girl...(jk, we all know Schmidt is a bit too into himself)-hey atleast he added some humor to it.

Meet the Person You're Suggesting

I know alot of Shidduchim come about through a random Shadchan or someone who got a forwarded resume and just emailed the parties and set them up. Some Shadchanim work only if they meet you first, others will set you up only if you send them a photo. There are those who prefer to speak with you first and others who wish you to complete a form and answer specific questions.

It doesn't really matter what I prefer, I've done all of the above (not by choice, but because there IS no choice) and still get set up with Meshugenas. So what's the point of all this!?!!

Well, it finally (sorta) hit me last week when the following happened.

My bestie, Ruchie got a call for Shidduch information about me. She gave them all the info she needed and the boy's mom was very open and provided waaaayyyyy too much info about her son. The reason for this, the boy's mom explained, was in order for Ruchie to get a good picture of the type of boy her son is, and then 'pass her opinion' of if the shidduch was shayach at all or not.

Without going into detail, the boy was totally not for me at all. Ruchie explained this to the woman and then they boy politely parted ways. Later on, over coffee Ruchie explained the entire conversation for me. Something sounded familiar with the boy's name and sure enough (thanks to google) I remembered the name! Why you ask?

Years ago, a Shadchan called me in a state of confusion. She had received a resume of a guy and the description sounded like the type of guy I was looking for but she said she had a hunch that he was a big on the heavy side. Because of her hunch, she requested a photo and got a small, pixelated headshot. She called to ask if there was some way I would be able to find out more info, or perhaps knew someone who might know the guy to first find out if this was something I would want to pursue, but because she knows I'm so tiny, she wanted to let me know first. Sure enough, I was able to get a photo, and to be polite, the term 'heavy' was being wayyy too nice. This is why this boy's name sounded familiar-I have a picture in my head of the photo I saw of him years back.

Back to my conversation with Ruchie-when I showed her the photo of the boy-she was in extreme shock. The information she got from the mother wasn't really anything to ride home about. In fact there were a few disappointing factors, but the photo just made her more upset. Luckily, through the conversation with this boy's mom, the Shadchan's name slipped out. I was quite upset with this Shadchan for even suggesting such a guy for me, but then I found out the Shadchan never actually MET the guy in the first place.

So, in order to avoid any heartache in the future=SHADCHANIM and future 'redd'ers, please ensure to MEET the people you wish to set up before doing anything, or atleast get a photo or call references to see for yourself.

Communication Frustration

My newest nuisance in regards to the whole Shidduchim situation is with (well, who else but) the 'shadchanim'. 

Here's specifically why:

I get a name of a shadchan and call up; there is no answer, I leave a message and try calling back 3 more times to follow up with the same answering machine to leave my voicemails. As a new name, I was hoping to actually speak with new-said shadchan but why bother even giving people their number when they cannot return a call?

Second situation this week-I call up a shadchan who I communicated with before. The answering machine now states that if this is for Shidduchim, please don't leave a message-better to call between certain hours. Guess what? No one answers during those hours-trust me, I've tried. 

Third such occurrence. I met a few shadchanim who, even though we've met in person and spoken by phone, have mentioned to me that they prefer communicating by emails only as it's easier (for whatever different reason they each gave) for them. So, in respect to their requests, I send a gentle email asking if they can please be in touch with me, etc. Oddly enough, even though I know the email address was spelled correctly and did send properly, not even ONE of those "shadchanim" replied. Not a 'thanks got ur email" or even a "sorry didnt reply, was busy/out of town/ lost my phone" or even something to say "have u in mind but don't have any guys YET". Not even a courteous 2 words. 

So these people call themselves "shadchans". They give out emails and phone numbers but don't care to answer either their phones or emails. Their voicemails kindly ask you not to call them so why bother?

Weather the Leather

This has been on my mind for quite some time now, as apparently its the new trend. I've been to Shul, to Simchas, even on the street on a Shabbos afternoon and have seen kids wearing leather outfits. Be it a Shabbos robe, or 2 piece outfit. At first I thought 'wow, leather on a kid-in a non-child color=well that's not even cute, more likely disturbing', the disturbing part though, was that the kids wearing it were Yeshivish & even Chassidish. 

Then I started noticing people in my community-first a yeshivish woman wearing a leather top, then the other day at the supermarket, a Chassidish woman wearing a black leather skirt! How appalling. Yes, I get it's in style-so are a whole lotta other things, but you don't see most frum people dressed in those other things. Yet, now the community seems to have accepted leather and even animal prints as a normal dresscode. And here I was even thinking about the whole leather idea just a year ago!

What's even more bothersome was that it used to be when a girl wore a leather jacket, she was considered to be prust or labeled as a non-Bais Yaakov girl. Yet, now even the most frum, the most tznius, etc. are walking around proudly wearing what used to be (considered) 'bad girl clothes'.

So, as disturbing as this is-I say, if I was ever debating leather-now that everyone has 'accepted' it as the norm, I might as well take advantage of the whole 'pleather' style.
Happy Shopping.

a Rainy Date

With the sucky weather lately, it sorta got me thinking. What did I do when it rained on dates? To be honest, I can't particularly remember anything but probably panicking at the last minute. I mean without the rain, there are so many rules of etiquette, let alone common manners and Shomer laws (and not to mention revolving door situations). For a girl it's much more of a downer (pun intended), I mean, think about the hair matzav, and then the umbrella, or is it TWO umbrellas? Does the guy come equipt with one himself and you walk together under the SAME umbrella? 

Anyhoo, to be honest, I guess I'm lucky that I don't remember any dates in the rain, or atleast if it was, I was probably thankful for an excuse as to 'bad weather' and 'isn't it dangerous to drive in such torrential downpours?' blond-girl naive remark to SAVE me from a bad date.

But really, for a first date, where rain is definitely in the forecast and is happening as your date shows up-what's the protocol?

Personally, this whole blogpost got me thinkin and I think the next Jewish item (Shabbos Lamp, Shabbos raincoats) should be Shidduch Ponchos-whaddaya think?

Shorties

If you're reading this blog, then you sorta know a bit about me already and the fact that I'm not one of the taller girls. I'm short, I'll admit, and I have no problems with it. I don't feel like I missed out on anything, I don't really think it affected me. Sure, in elementary my teachers thought I was cute and yes, it was a perk going to theme parks and having them charge me the 'kiddie' rate, but at this stage in life I really didn't think it would be an 'issue'.

By that I mean, I thought I would have it easy-never having to worry about a guy being shorter than me  (yes, it happened to me but only once!) and didn't think guys would have an issue with a girl on the shorter side. HOWEVER, it seems that as time goes on, the dumbest things seem to be an 'issue' for the guys I'm being suggested to. If it's not the fact that I'm from out-of-town, it's that I'm not a professional. If it's cuz I'm not looking for a fulltime learner, it's because they heard I wear nailpolish (oh my!). Once it was a no since they found out I listen to the radio, and now the new excuse is because the guy wants a TALL(er) girl.

Meh! If they're single and at this age/stage and still have their own stupidities (sorry, guys & gals, I too had some specifics, but have come to realize now how subtle and superficial those specifics actually were) then they can keep them. They can keep on wanting, and I can keep my nice heels, platforms, and stilettos all for the dance floor :)

At this point in my life, I realize that things can only look up (pun intended) and this pic sums it all up.

Marriage is like a Workshop

Yom Tov-the Aftermath

A gutten vinter as we heimishe Hungarians say after sukkos. After a double 3 day Yom Tov i have lots to blog about.

Let's start with going to Shul. Yes folks, I'm a good Bais Yaakov girl, brought up by wonderful parents who instilled in me (amongst many other things) the importance of going to Shul on Shabbos/Yom Tov. So, as I do each week, I headed off to Shul sukkos morning to daven. Of course there were many more people, the out of town guests, the married kids, the in-laws, the cousins, etc. 

However in a category of their own are the old classmates. How awkward it had become to go to Shul and try and daven with kavannah when in my peripheral I notice the 'nebach' glances. What about during the selling of aliyos when they come over and try to make small talk but don't know how to talk to a 'single' as most of their convo is about their kids so it usually just ends up being even more awkward convo, eyes shifting everywhere, and then a comment to the likes of 'oh-so u still work at so&so as a so& so, right? Cute.'

Ya, I rather just pretend to be really frum and not talk in Shul at all. I tried that this year except I realized that leaving Shul was the problem-that's where everyone goes and congregates naturally, when Shul is over to head home. 

Yes, I'm single, yes, you're married & have ur own family. Does that change who we are and make us sooo different that we can't have a normal conversation? Marrieds. Please think about this. We just wanna chill like we used to, sometimes even reminisce. Most people I know haven't changed THAT drastically from way back in school/sem/camp. 

This Gives a Whole New Meaning to Falling for Someone...

(CNN) -- A woman in Montana is accused of pushing her husband off a cliff after an argument. The pair had been married for just more than a week. Jordan Linn Graham made an initial appearance in court Monday to face a charge of second-degree murder. If convicted, she faces life in prison. According to a criminal complaint, Graham recently told a friend she was having second thoughts about marrying Cody L. Johnson. CNN affiliate KECI reported the couple had been married for just more than a week. The complaint said the couple argued the night of July 7. Upset, they decided to go hiking in Glacier National Park in Flathead County, Montana, where they continued to fight. Police: Newlywed pushed husband off cliff Graham told police that her husband grabbed her by the arm. She turned and removed it. "Graham stated she could have just walked away, but due to her anger, she pushed Johnson with both hands in the back and as a result, he fell face first off the cliff," the complaint read. His body was discovered several days later. Graham's attorney, Michael Donahoe, declined to comment on the case. According to the complaint, Graham reportedly told a friend she planned to talk with Johnson about her reservations on July 7. The same day, Graham sent the friend a text message saying, "Oh well, I'm about to talk to him." The friend responded, "I'll pray for you guys." Graham wrote back: "But dead serious if u don't hear from me at all again tonight, something happened."

Police: Newlywed pushed husband off cliff

Most Awkward (Wedding) Moment

Standing at the bar, trying to order a drink whilst the music is blasting away. The bartender motions for you to speak up and you shout 'Sex on the Beach' which is the exact moment the dancing music ends. You realize how this looks-red in the face, peripheral vision proving the entire dance floor et al staring in the direction of the bar. The bartender finishes preparing your cocktail, hands it to you with a smile and you walk the walk of shame back to your table, which just happens to be at the back, making the walk that much longer (and passing by all the frummies). 

Even more Awkard Moment:

You walk up to the bar and order your Sex on the Beach cocktail-just happens to be 3 of your old Bais Yaakov Kodesh teachers walk up to the bar as the bartender hands you your drink. One of them comments on how pretty and delicious your drink looks. "What's that drink" she asks you. 

Uuuuuhhhhhhhh.....

Rosh Hashana Seating

repost: Maccabeats:Book of Good Life

Rosh Hashana "Aish" style

Shana Tova 613

It's that Time of Year Again

Time to post the Rosh Hashana YouTubes.
Enjoy

My *Perfect* Boyfriend

Excuses, excuses...

Hi all! So I'm back from summer vaca and had a week full of Simchas B"H. Which means that a whole lotta people that I haven't see in ages (or since before my vaca) decided to make me their personal Chesed project.

Yes folks, while I was getting dressed to go to weddings and worrying about frizz and flyaways as well a staticky skirts, other yentas were checking me out 'oy the older single at the young girl's wedding' and trying to find me ANY guy as long as he's jewish and wearing a pair of pants. 

Of course from all the backrubs, IY"H by yous, winks and pity smiles, not to mention the people who cornered me to ask me if I'm busy and the others who asked me to email my résumé, NOTHING came out of all the gestures/comments. 

Now I'm not chas v'shalom trying to blame it on these caring people but if a guy says no or is not interested to begin with-just say so-I can take it and I don't mind but just Don't make excuses!

seriously it was going from bad to worse and even more. I've never heard of such stupid and non-sensical ones, so I gotta give someone credit for being creative but c'mon guys: stop with the excuses. Say it like it is so us girls can move on without false hope and as normal girls can. 

Lesson in Elul

Here's a lesson I learned the hardway, and perhaps the reason for this (amongst others) is to publicize it and avoid future errors.

It happens all too many times-you say something about someone-and then it all goes wrong. Either it somehow gets back to that person, or the person you're saying it to is friends with/related to the person. Someone takes it the wrong way. Basically SOMEONE will end up getting hurt. Even if that's not what you intended to do.

The way it happened with me was, I was talking to a group of people. Someone brought up the topic of shidduchim (duh! it's like the only way people who don't know me, feel they can have a conversation with me) and I was talking about one of my dating experiences. "I once went out with this guy, he was sooo not mentchlechdik.....he didn't even take me home.....he dumped me at the curb...he was rude..I had to pay....etc" I was half-laughing whilst telling the story, as in retrospect, it was indeed an insanely funny dating story-I personally would've never believed it if I didn't actually experience it myself.

Lo & behold, one of the people in the group turned white and got quiet. I don't know if they heard the story from the actual guy, or if they just KNEW who it was, but mumbled something about him being an 'ok' guy and walked away.

OOPS!

ya-so now I gotta be careful about what I say, how I say it, who I say it to, and to basically keep in mind that whatever comes out of my mouth may be taken literally & may get back to the person I'm speaking about....

Maybe I'll just stick to blogging for now..

What Disney Princes teach men about Attracting Women

Matchboxes

My friend Ruchie was telling me that she went to a shiur this past week where one of the featured speakers was Rabbi Paysach Krohn, who spoke on the inyan of Shidduchim. Part of his speech was to try and get people more involved in making Shidduchim and being part of the process. He explained that so many people out there know at least 'someone' or a handful of people, why not be able to help that one or maybe even a few people. Rabbi Krohn suggested that each person get 'matchcards' on which they write down the name and information of the singles they know. Each time they meet someone new, they can add a new matchcard for that new person. Eventually, they will have their own notes of info to refer to when suggesting that someone in the future. Whether it be 'shidduch meetings' or speaking with friends, comparing cards, or 'trading cards', eventually when a match is suggested the matchcards can be put together in a 'matchbox' (get it? MATCH box) and so on and so forth.

Cute idea, good point.

It doesn't have to be through professionals, specific websites, 'shadchanim' or groups, anyone has the power within them to just make a suggestion, just give a push, just a thought or even a good word (if called for as a reference), it is HASHEM who is mizaveg zivugim and we are only the shliach (if we are so zoche to be).

May we each be lucky enough to have if not one, than numerous matchboxes. That way atleast we can say we tried :)

Resume Rant

Once again I'm gonna post my extreme annoyance at the whole résumé issue. There never used to be a résumé and I remember when people would actually pick up a phone, speak to you in person and wait while you wrote down the info given. In today's day and age no one had the patience to make/take a call, or even type a quick (intro) email. It's just a FW: and the attachment (which at most is the bottom basics or 5 lines and some references). 

My newfound nuisance is due to a shadchan with whom I recently had upset. It seemed to him that after he sent my résumé out to a few guys that I appear to be too frum. In reality, he explained, when he met me/spoke with me, he got the impression that I was frum but more 'cool' and with it. I didn't get exactly what he was playing at. Was he sending my résumé out to more modern type boys or was there a miscommunication? He explained that perhaps it was due to my résumé (which, over the years was cut so short and kept so basic-as per certain people's requirements). I couldn't understand what he was referring to until he said that I included my Hebrew birthday and my Hebrew name. 

Obvious thought: duh!

Most people have issues with names, aka girl had same name as mom, boy same name as dad, so they ask for the full name of the single. Also my Hebrew bday happens to be on Purim, so it's just easier. 

Sheesh people! If that makes me frum (that I include my Hebrew name & bday) I wonder what makes me modern!

Displaying Affection

As a Bais Yaakov graduate, I left the school with certain teachings, certain standards and specific Mehalechs & teachings. One of those things was that married couples shouldn't show their of affection of each other in public, e.g. holding hands, hugging, etc. Of course, in high school it was never 'specifically' discussed in any classes, but it was something that wasn't mentioned to directly, yet taught that it was a 'no-no' and not really up for discussion.

Growing up in my community, it was ok, because as frum Jews, most couples keep their feelings of love for each other private, hence no worries about public displays of affection.

I do, however, have neighbours, cousins, etc. who do hold hands whilst walking down the street or who pay each other on the arm, or lean on each other, and whilst it is uncommon, with those specific people that I've seen doing those things, I guess I got used to seeing them doing their small things.

Weird part is, this week I was invited out for a Shabbos meal with a friend of mine. I don't really know who they are but my friend is family friends with them, so it wasn't weird. What did make me feel a bit odd, was the two other newly married couples eating at the table with them. One couple was all touchy feely (yes, in public, right across the table from me), they kept giving each other 'chills' up and down their arms/backs. MAJOR AWKWARD for me, sitting across from them, trying to look everywhere BUT straight ahead.

The other couple was at the other end, near my friend, and the woman was practically sitting on her husband's lap at the end of the meal. 

I'm not saying I'm sooo religious, or so frum that I've never seen this before. Yes, I watch tv & movies. I've been out on the streets and have seen much worse, but I guess I'm not accustomed to seeing Frum people like that, especially when I don't know them. It made me feel a bit strange.

I'm not sure if it's only me, or maybe because I'm single, or just because I'm not accustomed to seeing young couples displaying their affection in front of others. As much as I hate to admit it-keep it in the bedroom, or as my other friend said 'get a room'. 

Am I the only one who feels this way?

What I Need in a Guy...

So I was doing my own thing at home, chillin out and enjoying my long summer day when a shadow appeared in my peripheral. I turned around but didn't see anything. I continued back to my chick lit when the shadow caught my attention again, this time moving so swiftly I couldn't tell if it was a hair blowing in my eye or something else. Knowing the girly girl scaredy cat in me-I panicked in case it was an insect and jumped up on my bed. Sure enough I see this weird dull colored thing moving like the speed of lightning across my room. I shrieked so loud, I probably woke the dead, but my brother came to my rescue. He smacked the thing so hard it was scary. Me, though? I couldn't sleep the entire evening just thinking about how ugly that thing was and in case it had any friends or family living nearby.

Newly discovered necessity in my future hubby: BUG KILLER

No one wants to be a 'nebach' case

My friend's sister got married last week. Her young sister. Of course I was there and of course my peripheral was on alert as people would glance in her direction. What am I thinking? I'm in the same boat. We are the same age. Her sister that got married is 6 years her junior. They must be glaring at her with the obvious pity in their eyes, only to notice me talking to her-another "older" single girl not married, 'oy, nebach'. 

It got worse as people passed her on the dance floor and grabbed her arm, gave her the 'back rub' and then wished her to be the next. Or the Brachos or the 'one Simcha will bring another' lines. 

I felt so bad for her, yet we were at a wedding. Her sister's wedding. In reality it must be painful knowing she is left behind, but at the same time, she does/did not want their pity. She wanted to kick off her heels and dance up a storm. She wanted to enjoy the moment and forget for hose few hours about the situation and truly enjoy the music. 

So I did what any good friend would do-I pulled her away from those women, the lookers, the backrubbers & well-wishers. I went to the band requested a crazy loud & upbeat song, and we danced until we couldn't breathe. 

Then we had a drink at the bar...

Gam Zu L'Tovah

This post was gonna be yet another Shidduch rant, but due to recent events, I've decided to post something POSITIVE (for a change). I hope that you readers out there will be able to share your positive experiences in the comments section and help inspire all those currently going through the Shidduch system.

What brought me to today's topic, you ask? Well, I was getting frustrated with the way things were going for me, personally. Lately all leads I've had all turned out to be closed doors-or even better yet, tightly secured, locked steel doors with guards outside of them=basically I've been getting nowhere for what seems like the longest of times. Each time something 'good' comes up, and people are all raving about how great a guy the potential is, I send my info ASAP (as requested) and wait to hear back, only to find out days, if not weeks later, that for whatever reason(s) the guy isn't interested. While I believe that everyone has their reasons, whether we find them valid or not, what upsets me more is that people won't call back to say the guy isn't interested. Instead, they feel bad to call, so we sit at home, thinking that after sending our info, and after all the raves that its 'such a good idea' the guy is doing his calls and asking around, but in truth, there was never any hope to begin with, only no one ever called back to inform us.

BUT, today I was shown differently. I was about to post, when my friend called. We were catching up last week and she told me she was meeting with a group of friends for an 'unofficial' shidduch meeting and asked for permission to 'present' me. I was honored, and not insulted, that she actually ASKED and even THOUGHT of presenting me to begin with. I had my hopes up as she is a great girl, she knows me well, she is an EXCELLENT presenter (part of her degree) and would be able to honestly tell me how these shidduch meetings work. Without even remembering what day she said it would be, she called to tell me she had presented me and whilst most of the guys presented weren't shayach for me-there was one mentioned. She gave me the info and it sounded familiar. Sure enough I realized I had gone out with the guy, but couldn't remember specifics. She asked if I would wanna revisit the Shidduch and I promised to get back to her. Not even a day later she got back to me and told me she had new information since we last spoke and based on the new information, she doesn't believe it is shayach at all.

So, I love her, that's why we are friends, but also-so many people can learn from her. She got back to me RIGHT AWAY (ok, she is busy, has a family and a job B"H, but she took the 2 min out to call/email/text and update me EITHER WAY), with information. Then, upon hearing not such good things, she got back to me AGAIN (didn't wait for me to go nuts doing research only to call her with a maybe 'yes' and for her to realize she didn't call and oh-it isn't shayach anymore), and with HONEST information (it's a NO GO), and didn't have to feel bad.

so Yay for honesty! I have Hakaras Hatov for people like that. I think I speak for all of us who don't want to be considered as nebach cases. I don't want people to feel bad for me because I'm single, or because a boy isn't interested, or thinks I'm too immature, old, fat, frum, not tznius enough, etc. Say it as it is, or atleast soon enough so atleast we, as singles, know where we stand. 

For this to, I say Gam Zu l'Tovah. So may be at this meeting nothing came of it, but perhaps in future, or perhaps the purpose of this meeting was for her to be in touch with me and for me to appreciate even the 'no's we get sometimes, especially when they are said straight out without guilt, or messages, or weeks after the fact.

Please post your Gam Zu l'Tovah moments and let's all take time to appreciate the small things in life :)

If the Boy Interested?

Thought y'all would appreciate the following:

I got an email last week with a Shidduch resume of a boy who literally lives in Yehupitsville. 

Lucky for me, I actually have one friend who lives in the same small town across the world (no, it ain't Waikiki). 

I call up the Shadchan and explain that before I contact this friend and start making calls, I just want to understand if the fact that she emailed me his resume means that he is interested and already gave a 'yes' or if she is sending it as a preliminary to see if this is something I would consider, before even approaching the guy. This was her response:

"SOS-of course he is interested-he just asked for a resume and photo first"

Keep in mind folks-this is guy lives in Far Far Away land and different timezone and has to book a (really expensive) flight to even get anywhere near a date, so when I received the response, I was a bit weary. He is interested but needs information?!?!?!?! How does that even work? He knows absolutely nothing about me-just my name, and that I'm a frum single and he sounds interested? There must be no gals in Yehupitsville....

It's Been a While...

My apologies for not posting in the last week-I've had some unfortunate news=my laptop died :(

For those of you who know me personally, you know that my laptop=my life. EVERYTHING is documented and saved on my laptop. My photos, videos, projects, programs, documents, you name it-it's all saved there. Oh-and I don't do regular backups. I really could've posted from my smartphone or from other pcs in the house, but like I said, my laptop IS MY LIFE and the loss of it, took over my week. I had my programmer online, my technician, I called experts, and yes, I'm still hopeful that the information atleast can still be retrieved, before I go ahead and purchase laptop #5, but in the interim, the saved posts weren't uploaded to this site.

So friends, and fellow blogreaders, please bear with me. 

I hope to post soon and apologize for a silent week.

Take Care of the Singles

I was speaking with a married friend of mine and in doing so, venting about the whole Shidduch system. We had this whole discussion on how the system has gotten worse over the last few years, e.g. people have become desensitized, you can't speak to anyone anymore by telephone, only texting or emailing, resumes replace people actually giving info and facebook has replaced references. It was then that she said the most amazing thing: "Babies are vulnerable, people have to take care of them, watch them, and make sure they are OK at all times, no one wants a baby to get hurt-instead they are always worried and looking out that the baby should be safe. This is the same for single (girls)=they are vulnerable. People who 'deal' with them, be it Shadchanim, references, or even the actual guy being set up with them-those people have to take care of them, watch them and make sure they don't get hurt (emotionally)'. We cannot just leave these single (girls) alone-we have to be there for them and ensure they are ok at all times'

I must say-this was the most profound comparison I've heard in.....well....EVER.

So Kudos to my girl, Nay, for a listening ear, a compassionate personality, and most of all, an inspiring comparison!

Lunch & Leave

While reading this blogpost by Frumanista, I had a Deja Vu. Could she have gone out with the same guy with whom I had a similar experience numerous years ago? Then again, it could be someone else entirely who was just brought up the same way-to treat people, specifically, women, like trash.

Let me enlighten y'all...Quite a few years ago, this woman called to suggest a shidduch. She lived a few blocks away and even though she didn't know me or my family that well, she claimed to have 'found the one' for me. She provided the information and asked me to do research. All the calls I made were people who gave glowing reports on the guy, not to mention, explaining how hard it was to get him to go out with any girl and that if he said yes-I should go for it. 

It truly sounded too good to be true and as I always say, "when it sounds to good to be true...it usually is....or else, there is a hidden catch somewhere". 

In any case, I traveled to the Big Apple to meet him. Of course the phone calls to set up the date prior to our meeting were similar to what Princess Lea posted, they all started off when his friends were around, when he was heading to a meeting, etc. basically, whenever he 'really couldn't talk (properly)'. He set the date up and didn't come on time. Just a small note <-this air="" amp="" brooklyn-="" fresh="" heat="" high="" in="" lack="" of="" sewage="" smelly="" summer="humid," the="" was=""> We drove to a small restaurant which he claimed was new in the area and ordered brunch. The entire date he kept picking up his blackberry, checking his emails? news? texting? and explaining how busy he was as an entrepreneur, etc. I honestly stopped listening after I saw him pick up his phone a third time, knowing there was no emergency, and knowing this was NOT mentchlechkeit, or proper date protocol. Nevertheless, an exact hour later, he dropped me off at my host. I say drop off, because that's exactly what it was and how it felt. He explained he had a meeting to go to and had managed to squeeze me in between. 

To this day, I am not even insulted, I just feel that someone like that should be given a proper course on manners and how to treat people. I didn't travel such a far distance, as well as spend the time/money/effort/emotions to be 'squeezed' in as a companion for someone's brunch. 

Nevertheless, the guy has loads of dates lined up, because as most people see him: he's tall, good looking, put together, has a great business, talkative, friendly, from a great family. The only thing they don't know, and cannot know unless they try and spend even just a mere hour of his time=he is NOT a mentch, so all of the above is null and void.

Princess-I feel for you and hope you told the Shadchan exactly what you wrote...

Why its so hard to find a good guy

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

A: Because they already have boyfriends.

Snap Happy

I was at a wedding last week and when it was all over, I walked out confused. You see, I had this weird thing happen to me and I wasn't sure how to view it. I know how I reacted immediately and how I feel about the whole episode, but I was trying to see if there was something I was missing. Therefore fellow blogreaders-I'm hoping you can enlighten me. 

Here's how it all started:

I was at a friend's wedding which was really great. The music was AWESOME, I had a great table and was enjoying myself. I noticed my cellphone ringing on the table (yay for extremely uncommon yet LOUD ringtones) and took the call. I walked out of the dining hall into the outside hall so that I can hear the caller. It was a good friend of mine who I hadn't spoken to in a while and I was happy that I was able to pick up when she called. I was talking to her in a quiet and empty corner of the hall, away from the people/music, when I noticed a lady pass by. A few minutes later, I was still on the phone and I see the same woman standing back and holding something up. I was distracted with the call but it seemed as if she was trying to take a picture with her phone of whatever was behind me. I turned around but there was nothing there-just some small table with empty glasses from the shmorg, a few table cards that were left behind and me. I ignored her (knowing the kind of lady that she is=drei kupp, some would say) and kept on talking when she walked over to me-clearly seeing I was talking to someone, and turned me with her hand, telling me I looked so 'young  and beautiful' that she wanted a photo of me. She then snapped a few photos while I was talking

Now folks-I have nothing to do with this woman. Why would she want a photo of me? Even if she had someone in mind-this was clearly rude. We are NOT friends, not even acquaintances, this was NOT ok. Plus I was on the phone speaking to someone and if there was any reason to want a photo, she could've simply asked me later!

In any case, I continued my call, put my hand up to block her from viewing any part of me, put my other hand on my phone against my ear and walked away.

Does anyone think this woman had anything else in mind!?!?! Is this what the world has come to?!

35 Signs You Were Raised By A Jewish Mother

1. You know to always bring a jacket no matter what the temperature is.

Source: hobbit-marauder63.tumblr.com

2. Meanwhile, she’s never a comfortable temperature. But she doesn’t want to burden anyone else.

Source: pishelle.buzznet.com

3. Oh, she’s having a hot flash. Can’t you see that she’s schvitzing?

Source: kristymitchell.com

4. You and your friends were always well fed.

Source: loveboatscreencaps.tumblr.com

5. She asks, “Are you eating?” every time you talk on the phone.

Source: papermag.com

6. But she’s not above telling you that you’ve put on weight.

Source: misssfine.tumblr.com

7. Also, she wants to know what you want to eat when you come home. In a month.

Source: isalabelle09.tumblr.com

8. She has the best recipe for brisket, all others be damned.

Source: giphy.com

9. You have a strong preference when it comes to savory or sweet kugel. (SWEET.)

Source: bakeddd.tumblr.com

10. You were forbidden from ever getting a tattoo. She still asks you about this.

Source: afraidofvirginiawoolf.tumblr.com

11. She just wants you to know you’ll never get a job with a tattoo. Or with those clothes. Or with your hair like that.

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12. She says she loves you no matter what your sexual orientation, just raise the children Jewish.

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13. She’d prefer you marry a Jew, but if you don’t, it’s not the end of the world. Just raise the children Jewish.

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14. And what does he do? It doesn’t matter if he’s a doctor. It would just be nice, that’s all.

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15. Every phone conversation is about how to meet a nice Jewish boy or girl.

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16. Every phone conversation is also about what you need to do with your life. (Never mind that you’re doing just fine.)

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17. She will set you up with Ruth’s boy. You know Ruth? From the synagogue? She ushers on Friday nights.

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18. Twenty years later, she’s still talking about your Bar or Bat Mitzvah on a regular basis.

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19. But only because she doesn’t have a wedding to talk about yet. HAVE YOU MET ANY NICE JEWISH BOYS OR GIRLS LATELY?

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20. And she doesn’t have grandchildren to talk about yet either.

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21. If you tell your mom you’re sick, the entire family will know within the hour.

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22. You’re no stranger to frantic “are you OK?” texts

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23. That’s if she’s figured out how to text. She’s not great with new technology.

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24. If you don’t call back immediately, you’re going to get guilt. She knows you’re busy, she just worries.

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25. She wants to know if what you’re doing is safe. If it’s not safe, she’ll kill you.

Source: sodahead.com

26. You come in wearing a vintage ripped T-shirt, and she says, “What is this shmata?”

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27. She reminds you how much your people have been through.

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28. She throws out Yiddish phrases like “baruch hashem” and “kein ayin hara” regardless of context.

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29. She doesn’t need you to pick her up at the airport. She’ll take a taxi. Don’t worry. (Hint: You HAVE to pick her up.)

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30. Now that you’ve picked her up, you’re driving too fast.

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31. You know that anything bad you do is “killing your mother.” Or anything you do at all, really.

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32. You accept that she has the ultimate trump card in arguments: guilt.

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33. She reminds you that you’d better not put her in a bad nursing home.

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34. If you share this post with your mom, she’ll say, “But I’m not like this, right?” Just smile and nod.

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35. She always tells you you can’t get mad at her for caring too much. And you can’t, really, because she’s the absolute best. Thanks, Mom.

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