I was speaking with a married friend of mine and in doing so, venting about the whole Shidduch system. We had this whole discussion on how the system has gotten worse over the last few years, e.g. people have become desensitized, you can't speak to anyone anymore by telephone, only texting or emailing, resumes replace people actually giving info and facebook has replaced references. It was then that she said the most amazing thing: "Babies are vulnerable, people have to take care of them, watch them, and make sure they are OK at all times, no one wants a baby to get hurt-instead they are always worried and looking out that the baby should be safe. This is the same for single (girls)=they are vulnerable. People who 'deal' with them, be it Shadchanim, references, or even the actual guy being set up with them-those people have to take care of them, watch them and make sure they don't get hurt (emotionally)'. We cannot just leave these single (girls) alone-we have to be there for them and ensure they are ok at all times'
I must say-this was the most profound comparison I've heard in.....well....EVER.
So Kudos to my girl, Nay, for a listening ear, a compassionate personality, and most of all, an inspiring comparison!
The whole way the shidduch system was originally designed was to spare girls' feelings as much as possible, for example:
ReplyDelete1) Redting to a boy first.
2) Asking the boy first afterward, so if he says no, she can save face.
3) Where the heck did this picture asking come from? "After seeing her photo, no date." Golly, no wonder female egos are in the toilet.
People ask me if I ever went out with so-and-so, then that is the last I hear of it. What I can't understand is that it takes the same amount of effort to pick up the phone to dial one number as opposed to another, so CALL THE BOY and ask HIM! He'll tell you if we went out or not!
Then, sometimes when the shadchan calls up after the date she asks you how it went, only to say after you think it went ok that he said no.
Look, world, I'm heimish, OK? But while many of my parents' contemporaries met on their own, mine didn't. Neither did my grandparents, or my great-grandparents. Meaning, most of you out there playing shidduch system are newbies, and you messed it up because it came late to you in life.
But shidduch system means more than just using a shadchan to date. "System" means "rules." SO FLIPPING FOLLOW THEM, or just pick up a girl in Starbucks!
Now I'm mad at you, late-in-the-game people, because now if I want to set up somebody I have to email her first for her information, defeating the whole shidduch system. Thank you, world, thank you very much for making a hypocrite out of me.
(Climbs off soapbox).
PL: sigh...smiling...staring into the clouds...breathe of relief...do you have a single brother?
ReplyDeleteSadly no. :(
ReplyDeleteSingle ladies are being compared to babies.
ReplyDeleteThe moderator of this blog referred to that comparison as "profound" and "inspiring."
Many other women would find that comparison insulting.
Jewish singles on other shidduch blogs complain about being treated like babies when they enter the shidduch scene.