Humidity-not a Hotness Factor

Odds are that if you live on the Eastern coast of the North American continent-you've been living in super humid conditions. Personally, I don't deal well in humid conditions. It makes my hair frizz. It makes me crazy. It gives me headaches. It makes my skin swell-I can't even take my rings off. It makes me sweaty. It's just plain out gross. 

Some people like it. For me-it's the plague. 

The only thing worse than humid weather is having a date in this weather. I'm talking 80%-95% humidity. I pity the guy that has to take me out. Firstly-as much as I'll try to be in a positive mood. I'll probably be so self conscious about my hair turning into an Afro and my skirt sticking to my legs that I won't be able to concentrate. I'd probably be doublechecking my face in any reflection I could find to ensure my makeup isn't melting to make me look like one of the members of KISS. And I pray the guy would do his best to keep the date indoors with air conditioning-yes a car date would do fine, thank you. 

Honest-whatever is Bashert will be. But at the same time maybe is better to get stuck with a date in humid weather-then the guy could see my true colors from the beginning. He'd see me looking my ultimate worse (thank goodness for sheitels) to my most obsessive character to my worst mood. 

Perhaps in all this meshugas about humidity-it might end up being the best thing that ever happened? 

Who knows?

Scroll down for Photo

I admit it. I became one of them. Those people I made fun of all those times now I actually am (gulp!) one of them. 

The them I'm referring to are the ones who 'redd' a shidduch by first asking you for your photo and then asking you about yourself and who you are and what you're looking for. 

The them are also the boys who won't even look at a resume without a photo as part of it. 

The them is all the mothers of the boys who won't allow anything to even be suggested for their precious sons, unless said mothers see a photo (or two) of the girl first. 

And lastly, the them are the ones who provide a disclaimer that only after seeing a photo of a girl, if they like the photo, then and only then will they provide the Shadchan/girl their own information. 

The good news folks, is that I ain't all that extreme as per above. However, I became so used to receiving resumes that came with a photo that automatically when I receive an emailed profile-I scroll right down to view the photo first. I must admit it sounds rude but this is the way I've been programmed since this is the format I've been receiving resume emails in. At the same time-I gotta say-most profiles sound the same. The only thing different is the guy's actual name and height. Most are 'from or living in NY.' Most are 'in real estate or taking courses for law/cpa'. Most have 'good hearts, positive energy, learn daily, looking for a Frum and fun with-it kind of girl who knows how to chill and be serious when needed, etc.'

So you can't blame me for scrolling right down to see the pic first and then after, read the guy's description...

Can't believe I became one of those people :(

Dating Vaca

So, it's been a while, but y'know-as all singles eventually do=I needed a vaca. The whole shidduch system was really getting to me; the shadchans, the resumes, the dates, the miscommunications and the non-verbal communication, which now is email only or whatsapp messages. So folks, I did what anyone else in my situation would do, to avoid a nervous breakdown: I went to Priceline and found a last minute flight. I called my close friends, crashed with them and you know what? it was AWESOME!

I was away from the tri-state area, away from the dating scene, turned off my phone, stayed away from WiFi and I survived :)

I guess I now know what it means when I'm told the guy is burnt out and needs a vacation from dating. I used to be upset and annoyed when they used that excuse on me. Like-what the guy needs a break from dating?? He is the one who has the mitzvah to move on in life, get married and have kids. I, the single gal who had to take off work, travel and find myself places to stay, needed a break.

It's safe to say that now I see the other side. We all need refreshing from time to time. We need to stop, recharge our batteries, breathe the fresh air and just stop and enjoy life. All these minute little nuisances are part of Shidduchim and aren't likely to change. We, ourselves need to change-or atleast change our outlook in life.

Hoping I can find someone with that outlook.

Oh-and of course, I can't end this post without the clincher: So we were stranded at this random shul/resort/lobby Shabbos afternoon and didn't know a soul. My friends and I were chatting and joking and suddenly 3 frum guys show up. Good looking young guys. Here was the answer to my prayers-without anyone else in site to ask, we each shyly dared each other to go up to them and ask if they were single or not, but as girls tend to....we were all too shy and ashamed if the answer would be that they were married and at a conference, or engaged and this was the bachelor party or somethin...

Give me a Chance to make a First Impression!

In my search to find a suitable young bachelor, I'm constantly sent names/numbers/emails of people/shadchans/organizations to be in touch with, who 'know people' for me. Calls are usually made without anyone answering on the other end. Messages are left, which go unanswered. Emails are sent without receiving a reply back, even a 'thank you' to let me know they were actually received and read.

In my correspondence, I've tried to remain polite and positive, yet cannot help feeling dismayed at the lack of courtesy. Whilst I understand people are busy and are doing me the favor, a call back, a text message, an email with 2 words, or just to be told on the phone that it's not a good time to call, is better than being ignored.

Last week, I experienced a brand new "response". I was given the name of a shadchan by an old family friend of mine. Apparently this Shadchan is the new one in town and she's made umpteen Shidduchim and knows TONS of guys. I called up and she answered my call. I gave the whole intro, of who I was, what I was looking for, etc. and waited for a response on the other end.

"Ya", she said, "I've heard of you and your name came up, but you guys don't support yeshivos and are anti-yeshivish so..."

I don't have to tell  you how upset I was at her stupid assumptions and remarks. Just because I am NOT Yeshivish, doesn't mean I'm ANTI Yeshivish. My family actually supports many Yeshivas as well as Kollelim. The worst part is I don't know this woman, nor have I ever actually even met her. Yet, here she is on the other line, telling me who she believes & thinks I am. (and I was the one worried about making a first impression!) Nevertheless, I ended the call with a brief, thanks but no thanks and called my friend back. She too was shocked. She never mentioned my name to this woman and didn't understand where she got this information from, but as she said, even if this woman overheard something-to make such assumptions and then, in her position, pass on that false information is very bad PR for someone like me, who needs a Shadchan who can say good things.

Needless to say, I will not travel to meet this woman, nor call her again. I hope no one calls her about me and I hope she reads this so she will understand how someone in her position can ruin someone else with just one baseless assumption.

Woman-if you are reading this, just thing of the word assumption. People who ASSume things, well, y'know what they say about them...

Arguing with a Woman

Sefira Beard Debate

Someone called me the other day with a comment, that I felt, was really not smart. She was upset that a friend of hers was busy dating and didn't tell her. She obviously found out by mistake, or through a third party, and feeling the need to vent, called lucky ME. After she unloaded how hurt she was and how close friends they are, she ended off with a one liner. 

"...anyway, I don't get why she is dating now, it's so WEIRD, who dates a guy when he has a Sefira beard?!?"

Obviously each person is different. I've dated during Sefira-some guys shave for business purposes, others for Shidduch purposes and some don't shave at all. Some have wild crazy facial hair, some have only 3 little straggles. I doubt any person in their right mind would ever push off a Shidduch for the reason of a simple Sefirah beard. If you like the guy, you like the guy. If you want to wait to see how he looks with or without a beard-then wait it out. Either way, if you're going to go ahead and marry him, he will look that same way during Sefira next year.

Am I nuts? I don't get what the whole issue is?!

When a Girl Looks Nice...

Lately I've been trying whatever I can to make myself more 'appealing'. I'm not the type who gets weekly manicures or has a beauty regimen so the most effort on my part is wearing my hair down and treating myself to new eyeshadow. Oh and it goes without saying: buying some new clothes of course. Being sefira and all I couldn't wear the new clothes but I was able to enjoy the feeling of a nicely made up face with new spring pallet colors and my beautiful hair let down. It felt really good for a change to 'dress up' for ABSOLUTLEY no specific occasion and not having to rush anywhere. Just a chill regular ol' day. 

Which is why it was sorta a let down when every single co-worker of mine felt there needed to be a "reason" why I changed my look and looked 'nicer'. I mean with every compliment of 'wow your hair looks nice down' or 'you look great' came a backsided comment of 'you must be dating' or 'do you have a date tonight?' Or 'seeing someone perhaps?' And even 'so when r u making it official?'

Seriously guys?!?$ I mean seriously? Why can't people just give a compliment and then shut up. Do I have to explain that people shouldn't say stupid things or give out mouth filters? It's enough I have to deal with nutty shadchans and people trying to set me up but don't ruin my day and get all invasive. If you can't say anything nice don't say it at all. And if you could a small word of praise always helps :)