For the first time in months I was speechless and clueless. I've never been suggested a match of that sort and I didn't know what to answer. Usually it's the 'great guy but he's 10+ years your senior', or 'wonderful guy but was married for 3 months' or 'excellent shidduch prospect-divorced with 2 kids'. There's always the "but" factor and I'm ok with that. I'm not ok when the shadchans forget to tell me what that 'but' factor is.
So when I got a call this week about a potential shidduch and it sounded really good, I was caught off guard when the Shadchan said 'I have to tell you though-he was married, and before you say no, just hear me out. He's a great guy and his wife was a wonderful person but unfortunately she lost her life to cancer'
The first image that came to my mind was a scraggly old lady with a cane and chin hairs, wearing a large black cloak (think Disney witch). Then I heard his age and thought, well, that definitely ain't old and I thought how sad that must be. My second thought was I never had a suggestion like that before. Again, I guess I think of myself as a single, and a young single, and B"H a young single with a family, parents, grandparents bli ayin hara that I take these things for granted. It gave me a whole different perspective. I mean I wouldn't agree to date him just because I feel bad for him. I looked him up online and the sad part is, there were so many pix of the couple together. The account was loaded with happy couple moments, on the beach, at a party, on purim, etc. it may me tear up. How does one go on when losing such a spouse????
and then life goes on, and he gets suggested for new Shidduch prospects...
So I guess, come to think of it, now that it has been suggested, I think I would date a widow...
Good girl.
ReplyDeleteThis is something that i have thought about - and i haven't started dating yet but it would be something that i would consider. likely more then someone significantly older or divorced.
ReplyDeleteA male who has been widowed is actually a Widower.
ReplyDeleteAt any rate - is in an interesting notion to think about. Unfortunately, I know of several people - either my friend, or my friend's wife - who passed away unexpectedly 1-3 years into their marriage. One friend was left with his 6-month old son to care for by himself.
Any relationship is going to have some sort of baggage, and getting through the loss of a spouse has its own grieving process. We might not think about it so much, considering we're on the younger end of the dating age range, but it may be helpful to check out some books or support groups for older widows/widowers and see what you can learn from there to be more sensitive to emotional issues, and to better understand where he's coming from. I hope everything goes well!
Shades-thanks for your comments-I have edited the title of this post accordingly. Sad as it is, you are correct that everyone has baggage, although I think this would be the 'easiest' type
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