Misleading Photos

When you think of the term 'mislead' in reference to Shidduchim, what comes to mind is someone giving you false information about a potential single. Be it a total mistruth, a little white lie, an exaggeration or hesitancy, they manage to make you think someone totally different than you were originally presented. 

This post is about misleading photos. You see, I'm beginning to notice this new trend with the emailing of photos. The last few guys I went out with, i happened to have been sent their photos along with their resume. I also happened to be really confused when those last few guys each showed up looking NOTHING at ALL than photo which was provided. One photo was 10-12 years old (think summer camp), so when the guy showed up looking like George burns-imagine my surprise. The other was a photo of an average looking tall guy but the guy who showed up looked like an overweight quarterback without hair! The third photo which I was sent with resume was ok. The info looked good and one last inquiry about the guy delivered the final blow. Turns out the person I called dated him years back. He had that same photo then with his resume, which dates back to the 90s. Yet I'm told he looks nothing like the photo he sends. 

WHY?!??

So when I think of being 'mislead' in Shidduchim, I now worry about the actual guy. Misleading me and being dishonest by sending a photo that looks nothing like the guy who will show up my door!

Wouldya Wanna Widower?

For the first time in months I was speechless and clueless. I've never been suggested a match of that sort and I didn't know what to answer. Usually it's the 'great guy but he's 10+ years your senior', or 'wonderful guy but was married for 3 months' or 'excellent shidduch prospect-divorced with 2 kids'. There's always the "but" factor and I'm ok with that. I'm not ok when the shadchans forget to tell me what that 'but' factor is.

So when I got a call this week about a potential shidduch and it sounded really good, I was caught off guard when the Shadchan said 'I have to tell you though-he was married, and before you say no, just hear me out. He's a great guy and his wife was a wonderful person but unfortunately she lost her life to cancer'

The first image that came to my mind was a scraggly old lady with a cane and chin hairs, wearing a large black cloak (think Disney witch). Then I heard his age and thought, well, that definitely ain't old and I thought how sad that must be. My second thought was I never had a suggestion like that before. Again, I guess I think of myself as a single, and a young single, and B"H a young single with a family, parents, grandparents bli ayin hara that I take these things for granted. It gave me a whole different perspective. I mean I wouldn't agree to date him just because I feel bad for him. I looked him up online and the sad part is, there were so many pix of the couple together. The account was loaded with happy couple moments, on the beach, at a party, on purim, etc. it may me tear up. How does one go on when losing such a spouse????

and then life goes on, and he gets suggested for new Shidduch prospects...

So I guess, come to think of it, now that it has been suggested, I think I would date a widow...

Father on Marrying off his Daughter

A Skirt & Pants Kinda Romance

Commencing this post with being thankful-so thanks to all those people who had me in mind and sent me emails/texts/phone calls regarding potential Shidduchim.

The purpose of this post is to try and explain why, sometimes when people are kind enough to think of me in terms of Shidduchim, it's sorta pains me that they aren't willing to do just a wee bit more to find out about the potential guy (like if it's at all shayach for me!) before they call me with the name.

Case in point. Someone I was in touch with years back and who had my resume, spread the word about me looking for a Shidduch and managed to get an answer from a random shadchan across the globe. The random shadchan had an older single, in the same height range as me, who was a frum, nice boy. Both this shadchan and the woman with my information exchanged emails and found out they knew a common person, Shuly, who was friends with me. They approached Shuly and asked her about the Shidduch. 

So poor Shuly, who is friends with me and knows nothing of these people (besides for relatives of relatives), let alone the guy, approached me and asked what I thought. There was no resume and only a few lines describing the guy. No formal breakdown or description. There were no references to help me out and basically I was to rely on this random Shadchan and just say yes.

Well, I have a skirt, he wears pants-we're both short and frum, so older singles, so what have we got to lose right?

But, 'nice frum guy' just doesn't cut it anymore. Everyone is nice, whether you know them well or brushed past them at the airport. The meaning of 'frumkeit' differs to each person. The only thing I can rely on right now is that he's a guy. and who even can confirm that he is actually single?!?!

So ya, we're gonna have to find a better reason for romance, aside from the skirt & pants!

the Sukkos Date

Anyone not able to chap a date over Yom Tov? Here's the flip side of the coin: no need for you to walk with a guy carrying a larger than life purse, and then sit down on the grass of a park (hello? did he even THINK of a girl wearing a straight/pencil skirt and heels?!?!? how can one even inch down dressed like that?) and put up his pop up sukkah.

awkward much?
not to mention claustrophobia

Biblical Dating Advice for Girls

To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: 

Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." 

While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives: 

Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheap-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az,Goodfornothing-az, and especially his third cousin Beatingyoaz. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz.

reposted from my friend Chani

The Macabeats Coming Home Medley

The New Year's Wish

For the past 2 weeks, I've been a proud recipient of many a squeeze, a hug, a tap on the shoulder, a rub in the small of my back and teary-eyed new years wishes. I get it. I'm single, I'm an older single, and a frum older single, who ain't getting any younger. Each sentiment comes with it's own additional 'Jewish guilt'. I know they are all well-wishers, and they truly do want the best for me. I just wish there was some way I can sorta explain that just saying 'shana tova' or 'gut g'bentched yahr' or 'Hashem should Bless you with whatever you wish', or the general Blessings they give everyone else, will be just enough to suffice.
It sorta reminds me of this: If you see a couple that you know has been married for quite some time and doesn't have kids-do you go over to them and say in that sad, guilt laid voice, tears in your eyes, 'I hope this year we will be at a Bris or Kiddush'
Do you go to someone whose child, nebach, is sick with terminal illness and tell them 'I hope there will be no more disease and things should turn out well'
Do you tell a recent widow 'I hope to dance at your Simcha this year, and it should be soon you know..'
Everyone has their own personal nisyonos. Some of us may know what they are, others may seem all happy on the outside and we don't know what goes on in the inside. Even if you wish and hope, it's always safest to keep it to yourself.
In the meantime, when people tell me they will dance at my wedding this year, I will keep the same joking response, 'honey, no offense, but I'm doin a destination wedding, so that'll be doubtful. Presents will be gladly accepted.'

Gmar Chasima Tova and a gut g'bentched yahr!