I was pressured by a Shadchan to give an answer for a guy that she suggested to me, only 3 days earlier. I explained to her that I was trying my best to give her an answer, however I couldn't get through to any of the references provided and the people whom I called, not on the resume, didn't seem to even know of the family, let alone the boy.
She kept calling and explaining how I can't just leave things and let people wait around. But no matter how polite I was, in explaining that I wasn't leaving things and was doing my best to find out info, she just seemed to get more frustrated.
Last we spoke, was 2 days after that when I called her to get some more specific details in order to see if there was anyone I can call who might know them from these details but she refused to provide them to me. Instead I listened for 20 minutes while she 'kindly' told me off and how AMAZING the guy was and how NO girl in her right mind even looks into him. His name is gold, basically, and when a girl gets a 'yes' from this guy, they just go out, like that night.
So, finally, after failing to get any info and/or getting through to any references, I caved. I called her and told her that I would go out.
The response: well, because I called her back with an answer which was NOT immediate (aka a few hours later), the guy would only be available to go out with me in 2 weeks time.
So, I ask.....WHAT IS THE RUSH?!?!
There is definitely a rush, and it works both ways. People are busy in life in general, and only have limited time to devote to actually going out. On YU Connects, we've had some discussion of limiting the reply time from 10 days (I think that's where it's at now) to something like 5, because people drag their heels and the other person is sitting there waiting to go out, and unable to do so because they've already accepted you.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, 3 days sounds about right to figure out whether it's worthwhile to go out with someone.
The fact that you were legitimately unable to get in touch with anyone should, however, be taken into consideration.
If someone sat on their hands for 3 days and didn't pick up the phone to dial a single reference number, then they are certainly a bit blameworthy.
But, since you actually tried and the references themselves were unhelpful or unavailable, I would have honestly given you more time, or tried to get in touch with the references myself as the shadchan working the match.
So yes, this lady was above and beyond rude - especially in how she "told you off" by discussing all the wonderful attributes of this boy, who probably doesn't have most of them anyway in any significant fashion. On top of that, the fact that she didn't outrightly say that she needed an answer at that time because he had something else potentially in the works - thus leaving you open for the pitfall you suffered when she informed you he'd be busy for 2 weeks - was utterly discourteous and unprofessional.
As much as this woman tries to make herself seem like a consummate professional shadchan, she comes off as an amateur and laughable at best.
Indeed, there is a "timely" rush of sorts, but that is no excuse for callous behavior. If this is how the guy operates and who he associates with, he's probably not worth going out with in the first place.