Always ASK First!

Lately I've been hit by the 'send your resume' trend. By this I don't imply people calling and just asking me to send my resume....well, technically, I DO sorta mean that, but I guess the calls that have been coming in lately, and the traffic that I was causing in cyberspace by sending out all the emailed attachments, were such a nuisance that I decided to put an end to it.

I knew there was no way to actually STOP sending resumes, cuz obviously people still need my info, but there had to be SOME way I can sorta censor what I was sending, to whom, and if there was a good enough reason, other than 'well they requested you email your info', especially when half the people either already had my information emailed/faxed/given to them.

So, here was my brilliant idea: always ASK who they have in mind before sending out the info. Like, when I take down the email address where I will be sending the resume, I ask them the name of the guy in case he was suggested before, or we went out, etc.

I tried this the last few times I got calls and 3 out of 4 of the people were suggesting boys who I had heard of/dated in the past and were not shayach. Hence, I save myself the time, energy, etc of sending out my resume, saving the people time of calling/emailing back and forth all for no reason.

I told a friend of mine about my theory, and she put it to the test. Guess what? the guy she was asked to send her resume for was already suggested more than once in the past and also had her info. So she saved herself from aggravation.

That's my friendly advice=it can't hurt to ask first!

Viral Proposal

Is There a Maximum Amount of Times to Get Redd?

OK, so here's what's been on my mind this week:

how many times can you get 'redd' to the same guy in your entire singlehood (term made up by yours truly)?

I know there are only 'so many' single guys out there, and it narrows down the list of single men when you get more specific to what 'type' of guy you want, and then there's background, religious level, working/learning, etc. so the pool of guys I get offered to are usually friends with each other-which works out GREAT in terms of getting info=I go out with one guy, he mentions a few friends, 2 of which I've heard of, and I get to sorta find out about them thru him=well, mostly NOT, cuz I usually don't ask about other single guys when I'm out with one, but ok.

So then there's the people who believe that if you heard of a guy a few times, it must mean something. Ya-been there & done that, more than once and trust me=the only thing it DID mean, was there was a real good reason all those other times never worked out=NOT FOR ME.

But then recently, a few separate people mentioned the same guy, who was redd to me more than once a few years back and nothing came of it. Should I get annoyed? or just politely say thank you and decline?

"The Shidduch Hits the Fan" - The Groggers

The NASI Project

Correct me if I'm wrong, cuz I don't exactly have the exact facts & figures about this Nasi program, but I've definitely been hearing about the whole controversy since they last advertised.

Personally, I stopped reading the Yated, Hamodia, Jewish Press, etc. not because of anything specific (I got into chicflicks!) so I heard about this from family and friends and I'm upset about it.

I think that however nice and thoughtful it is that people are getting together and forming organizations to try and help the singles get married, the fact that money is involved-and by money I mean that they decide, dependent on the single's age, etc. how much one should pay, is disgusting.

Whilst, I agree that everyone who works in the field of shidduchim works hard, whether the date continues on or doesn't even happen, and yes, they should get paid, personally, I think this whole money issue is sick. Here's why:

If a couple, nebech, has been married a while and wasn't yet Blessed with children and obviously, they did whatever they can, went around for Brachos, seen doctors, etc. and they go to one Frum organization willing to help these couples and the organization tells them 'well, we can TRY, there are no guarantees, but if your childless for 5+ years you gotta pay $1000, and if your childless for 7+ years, you gotta pay $1500, etc. doesn't that leave a bad taste in their mouth? The organization is totally taking advantage of someone else's pain, AND without any guarantees. All these people who so-call 'volunteer' for these things are not, in my eyes, volunteers, they are busy putting prices on our pain!

Imagine a family with 3-4 kids on the market, all within 1-2 years age difference=they will pay so much money and for what?

Aside from the fact that there is a Halachic obligation to pay Shadchanus, which I believe, most people pay and they pay whatever they feel is the correct amount or whatever they can afford.

So, basically, the fact that people who say they wanna help and put a price on my age (based on all the misery I've been through, all the comments I get from people at Chasunas, or wherever, all the horrible dates, all the Shadchan interviews, the long trips to NY or wherever the guy has been, etc. and the price gets higher the longer you've been in the system) I think it's just wrong.

A human being cannot decide to price a person based on age, never mind based on anything else. My husband to be is priceless, this experience is priceless and all the 'volunteers, shadchans, family, friends, shidduch-redders', they are just a Shliach of Hashem.

Kate-Welcome to the Frum world!

The last few days the media has been focusing on the rumours that Kate Middleton is expecting. From the photos, to what she didn't eat, to the videos to the psycho-analysts, this is what the world is busy with. After all, we all love her, but c'mon isn't everyone entitled to their privacy, even the Royals? I mean they kept her wedding dress tightly under wraps, as well as the honeymoon plans, can't the media just leave her/them, alone until the Royal couple decides to make an official statement when they are ready for the world to know?

Well, Kate, welcome to our world. You turn 18 and suddenly you're thrust onto the market. If you look good, people give you the look and start to wonder if you're dating/getting engaged that day. If you're hair/makeup/dress is different, you get eyes all over you, people speculating exactly why there is a change in/about you.

And when finally, you get engaged and it's official and you have the beautiful wedding you've always dreamed of-it ain't over yet. From the sheva brachos until you put on maternity-people have their eye on you. The way you stand, where you put your hands, what you drink/eat, what you're wearing, if you've gained/lost weight. We all know what they're thinking, we all know what's on their minds, but c'mon people: leave the newlyweds ALONE! Can't everyone enjoy some privacy? Trust me, when they're ready to tell you-they will. When there's news-you'll know. There's no need for discussions, looks, speculations and judgment in the interim.

We all know the order in the life-cycle and eventually everyone gets to whatever stage they need to in due time. When they're ready to share any personal information-it's their decision to share it. So no questions should be asked, no comments should be made, no looks should be given. Just do the adult thing and leave them be, until they're ready to share.

What's the Rush

I was pressured by a Shadchan to give an answer for a guy that she suggested to me, only 3 days earlier. I explained to her that I was trying my best to give her an answer, however I couldn't get through to any of the references provided and the people whom I called, not on the resume, didn't seem to even know of the family, let alone the boy.

She kept calling and explaining how I can't just leave things and let people wait around. But no matter how polite I was, in explaining that I wasn't leaving things and was doing my best to find out info, she just seemed to get more frustrated.

Last we spoke, was 2 days after that when I called her to get some more specific details in order to see if there was anyone I can call who might know them from these details but she refused to provide them to me. Instead I listened for 20 minutes while she 'kindly' told me off and how AMAZING the guy was and how NO girl in her right mind even looks into him. His name is gold, basically, and when a girl gets a 'yes' from this guy, they just go out, like that night.

So, finally, after failing to get any info and/or getting through to any references, I caved. I called her and told her that I would go out.

The response: well, because I called her back with an answer which was NOT immediate (aka a few hours later), the guy would only be available to go out with me in 2 weeks time.

So, I ask.....WHAT IS THE RUSH?!?!