You know how people say 'it's the small things in life'?
Well, I go by that motto. Small things make me happy. A perfectly sunny day with a light cool breeze, an ice mocchaccino, a night out with my friends, holding a cute baby, etc.
But, it's all the small things, as in 'details' that people like to nitpick. i.e. I'm always at a wedding when I overhear 2 women at the bar discussing the quality of the tablecloths, the way food is prepared at a shmorgasboard, where someone got their shoes from, what shade of color the cloth napkins are, etc.
AND, it is also the little things, as in bits of information that people tend with withhold, when they get called to give info on girls/guys. Which is how I came to this post. The other day I was 'redd' a shidduch by a lady who I never met, but she claims to know me and has seen me at a few weddings. In any case, she sends me the guy's info which is so basic, I would call it NATIVE. So, of course, I try to find someone who I know that knows the guy, which isn't always possible, but this time we managed. I call the woman and she starts telling me about the family, and little bits of info which was deliberately omitted by this shadchan lady.
There is a health problem in the family, there is a parnassa issue, no one really knows if the boy learns or works and if he does work what he does, etc.
When I first spoke to the shadchan, I asked her some of my questions and she was very wishwashy and contradicted herself numerous times. I thought it was annoying-yet-sadly-funny, but I figured it would all be downpat in his 'resume'. It wasn't. Now I feel even more reluctant to even touch it. Some of the issues that were mentioned are pretty big issues for me and the fact that she left it out or 'forgot' to inform me (benefit of the doubt) really bothers me.
So, when everyone tells me to cut down my resume and not put so much info, I always say 'rather too much than too little', atleast it gives people a bit of a picture of who I am and where I am coming from.
Is there a reason why people leave out the 'little things', or do they just happen to forget?
Hey Single on the Scene! I just wanted to share my ideas with you. It is true that it's the little things that can truly make a difference in life. I don't know where you would place yourself hashkafically and, therefore, it's hard for me to tell you that this is the norm in your circles. But in my circles, at least, a vague resume is the norm. The less written the better...and I like that. I am very much a fan of finding out about the guy on the actual date. I doubt that you're going to become infatuated with him on the first or second date and, it's so much better to find out about him where he can answer your questions himself and defend himself, rather than some random lady who claims to know you two when really, all she knows is your genders.
ReplyDeleteUsually, what I do with a resume is I call references before the date only to find out the absolute deal breakers, like you mentioned, *health, temper issues, learning/work, etc. But then go out to find out the rest.
In your specific case here, the things you mentioned that you wanted to find out are not really the little things but rather the big things and the references should have been able to answer those questions. If not, I'm not gonna lie...that's pretty shady.
But just as a general rule, in my opinion, it's wayy more enjoyable to find out the "little things" from the guy himself. It's more mysterious that way. (Just puttin that out there ;)).
I agree with FF about most of what she wrote, but also with what you wrote about their being at least a bit of information about the person. There are certain things I want to know about a girl I'm going out with before I go out with her. The little things are fun to find out on a date, but wanting to know more than the yeshiva he went to and what are his siblings are up to is definitely warranted and should be available.
ReplyDelete