During my dating 'history' I've encountered a few guys who had 'terms'. By this I mean that they had certain criteria which had to be met before going out.
I DON'T mean, the hashkafa, background, age, looks, etc. But more like 'if you go out, you havta agree to meet my mom after the 3rd date', or 'if you agree to go out with him, then first the parents have to discuss money', etc. Even BEFORE going out with the guy.
Personally-I HATE(d) these so called terms. As half of the dates I go on with don't last longer than 1 or 2 dates, so what's the point. Besides if they start off with all these terms BEFORE YOU even GET to go out with him-imagine how many more criteria they will have AFTER that!
My Yeshivish friends have informed me that it is normal for girls to meet the guy's parents after a few dates, and Chassidish people have a sit-in so I guess that sorta takes care of that. What about the Frum-in-between, not so-MO, more BY type people-is that a normal request? It sorta freaks me out if a guy says that cuz it means he's serious and wants his mom's approval, especially after only 3 or 4 dates.
What's the norm?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You would call yourself heimish, right? So you're like me. Considering how my folks met my sisters-in-law when the deal was pretty much done, that's all I know. Although, it has been known to happen that even when the deal is almost done, and the parents are met, the deal suddenly becomes undone.
ReplyDeleteBut that is not the issue. The issue is that a guy is saying, "I can't go out with you until you sign in blood that you'll meet my mommy on the third date"? Run. Bolt. Fly. Even faster. There you go.
I don't know what the norm is but I had one girl ask to meet my parents after five dates and then she didn't want to go out again after she met them. After that, I don't think I would ask a girl to meet my parents until we were engaged.
ReplyDeleteData-yes, I would call myself heimishe, and i totally agree-we met my sis-in-law the night she got engaged. other than that-ya=BOLT is the right word.
ReplyDeleteBJG: how did the 'she meets ur parents' go? where did they meet? what did they talk about? were you there? for how long? did it end well?
why is evryone looking to other people to whats right. why not make your own rules. hey im cool with meeting parents after 3 dates or hey lets see where we are at by 3 dates. or leave me alone with your crap.
ReplyDeleteim just ranting cause thease norms are getting on my nerves. i flew out to date a girl and she owns a car and she made me rent a car because its not the normal thing for the girl to drive.
so screw the norm.
I wasn't planning on plugging my blog, but I did a post on this whole story
ReplyDeletehttp://boredjewishguy.blogspot.com/2010/02/guys-have-feelings-too.html
We met at my parents house, which was a bad idea b/c the house is a dump (there are still a bunch of kids living there). It was very awkward b/c my parents had never done something like that before and they didn't know what to say, they were also afraid (for good reason) of asking her too many questions and scaring her away. Basically it seemed like my parents were having their own conversation while we sat there. I tried to end it three times before they got my hints and said goodbye, the whole thing took about 15 minutes. After that the date was awful, it seemed to me like she was in a different world and when I asked her what she was thinking she said "nothing" and that was it.
fakewood-i agree with u: there shouldn't be any rules and people should do what they are comfortable doing. p.s. I'm a girl and I've driven MANY boys who come to my town to date me-including picking them up from the airport.
ReplyDeleteBJG: thanks for plugging-I read the entire thing & feel bad that such a thing happened to u. Kudos for being honest and about ur feelings and sharing them with her
what i dont understand is how you cant find a modern guy in israel. i just spent a month there for pesach and all my friends are frum but chilled.
ReplyDeleteThanks, it was pretty awful, maybe some day it will all make sense. In any case, I would be wary if the girl requested to meet the parents.
ReplyDeleteBJG: my folks met my sister-in-law in neutral territory. Like a restaurant or a hotel.
ReplyDeletedata: If I had more advance notice and time to talk to the girl beforehand I probably would have done that too. I really didn't think it would be a big deal, I thought they would meet talk for a minute and we'd leave. Even if it was bad, I didn't expect it to make a difference. I probably wasn't sensitive enough to her family situation which I think had something to do with it, who knows?
ReplyDelete