How to Tell?

I was in touch with a Shadchan who mentioned this guy who she thought would be shayach for me when the name sounded familiar.

I looked it up in my database (yes, I actually do have a REAL database with all info on guys that are redd to me and that I date-I must admit it is pretty cool, especially considering I don't know how to use access) and lo and behold I already went out with him.

I thanked the Shadchan and politely told her I had already dated him and he wasn't for me.

Basically, she then grilled me and asked for specific reasons why I didn't think he was shayach and asked for qualities a guy that I would like in a guy which he didn't have.

Now-I don't like to compare people, becuz people are incomparable-that's what makes them individual (hopefully) so I gave her a few examples of what would attract me in a guy (without mentioning any McDreamies or romantic proposals) and again mentioned to her clearly there was nothing wrong with the guy she mentioned, there just wasn't anything there and I have no regrets til today for saying no.

So get this: she still was pushing and convinced me that perhaps I just didn't get the whole picture and really don't know what he is all about. At this point, I was really frustrated-I agree a Shadchan has to be pushy, but to a certain extent. I'm the kinda gal who HATES pushy people, all it does (to me) is push us more away and not convince us further. I had to explain over and over again I wasn't interested until 10-15 minutes later she wished me Hatzlacha.

Is there a quicker way to get the point across clearly for next time?

Shadchan Shindigs

Speaking to a group of girls when my friend Estie decides to share her recent shadchan shindig story, which I think topped it off for the night.

A Shadchan (guy) called to redd her a Shidduch and at the same time mentioned a condition the boy had, which wasn't serious.

Estie's mom told the Shadchan nicely that it wasn't for them.

The Shadchan spent the next few minutes telling her mom off, explaining that Estie is now in her mid twenties, is no spring chicken and shouldn't be so choosy.

To top it off-the last one liner before ending his argument: "besides-what do you expect? All the good guys are taken!"

Dunno how I would react to that line other than slamming the phone down.

Update of my Proud Perseverence!

So, as promised, here's what happened to my date who flew in to see me this week:
1. Firstly-HE came HERE :D
We went out. He showed up and I wasn't really attracted to him, but I know, I know-there aren't many Jewish McDreamy or McSteamys out there, so I don't expect much, but honestly, I would rate the guy as below average-but that was just the first 5 minute impression.

We had a nice date, chatted for a while, etc. and then, being that he wasn't familiar with the areas and places, the date was basically over but before the !!! 3 hour official mark!!! So when we got back to the car I realized that it might look bad and took him for an hour tour of the city. At that point, I wasn't interested at all in anything about him-but he asked me out again and I dunno why, but I said ya.

ok-my dillemma the next morning was 'WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING AGREEING TO GO OUT AGAIN WHEN I AM NOT INTERESTED AT ALL=THIS IS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME!!" and at the same time "GIVE THE GUY ANOTHER CHANCE=YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BESIDES A FEW HOURS AND HE MIGHT JUST IMPRESS YOU"

Obviously, 2nd thought won over-that and the fact I said yes to him.

We went out again and still wasn't interested but remained polite and talkative.

So to recap:

a) glad I didn't have to take a 10+ hour bus ride to see him or $500+ flight

b) atleast he wasn't a friek or pervert or major weirdo

c) it's OVER, no emotional turmoil!

What a Week!

sincerest apologies fellow readers-but this week has been sooo hectic that I haven't had a chance to post my almost daily blog entries, but gimme 20 minutes and I should have some interesting readying for u and as always-we welcome all comments :D

Perseverence Pays Off!

Good News y'all! (ok, I just threw in the western/southern accent-just. well just cuz)

In followup to my last post, I decided to take charge-or, well, basically the Shadchan called to ask me to make a move and then when I told her I would let her know if I could take off work and didn't get back to her that day-she sent me an email!

Anyway, at the request of my friend, Ruchie, I sent the Shadchan an email informing her that I would not be coming in and whenever the boy was able to make it to town, I would work around him, in terms of timing for the date, accomodations, etc.

Well ladies & gents: perserverence paid off! Yup, you're hearing it all from 'The Source'. Cuz 2 days after my email, the shadchan emailed me that the guy is driving in this week. Talk about quick (especially after this has been shlepping for a few weeks).

So, as some girls/guys may feel pressured into doing things, don't allow yourself the extra stress and pressure, especially if you feel that you are right and comfortable with your decision. Even tho, some people definitely need an 'extra push', but the main thing is: stick to your guns and you never know-perseverence may just pay off in your situation!

will update you as to how it goes....

delay tactics...

Ever use delay tactics, or better yet, has anyone ever used delay tactics on YOU?
I'm a victim of delay tactic #35987 (ok. perhaps I am exaggerating-but I've had my share...)
Here's the deal:
This guy was 'redd' to me say, abut 3 weeks ago.
He's from out of town, so I hadta track down the few people I know who are either
a) from that same town
b) married someone from that town
c) has a sister/brother living in that town
d) used to live in that town, etc.
This was redd round xmas time, so whoever I called was on vacation or taking the day off, hence I couldn't get through to anyone, which delayed the 411 process.
When I finally did get through to the people 'in the know' 2 of them didn't know this boy. One mentioned he saw the dad every so often but that was all he knew about!
Finally, a week after it was 'officially suggested', the Shadchan calls and says the boy's mother is wondering what is taking so long...ya that 'boy's mom thing' ain't really a turn on (specially when you know that the guy took more than a week to look into you and give the go ahead) but these days its all about the boys moms, so what can u do? Anyway, they need an answer and Im trying to get thru to my last contact of that town. At last, she calls back, it happens to be her neighbor and she knows the family really well.
I call back the shadchan and give the go ahead. Shadchan tells me she will see if he can come in to date me first.
A few days later, the Shadchan emails me to say the boy isn't feeling good.
The next week she emails me stating that he is really busy, work has come up and he can't come i.
The next time she emails me asking if I can come in the next week.
Stalling tactics? Me thinks yes!
Excuses? definitely-altho no extra points for non-creativity of reasoning.
How do we get this guy to actually get off his rear and get himself here to date? NO CLUE!

Starting off the new year with a BANG!

Happy New Year!

This post will NOT be about Shidduchim-I know, you're all surprised, but I still feel the need to share this with my fellow blogreaders.

This evening, being it 'Erev New Years', the entire city closed shop by 5:00 pm. My dad and I made a pact that we would go to this place tonight, a place he would always take our family, when we were kids that had a whole decorated 'window' with little moving animals, a train, a workshop, etc. It was good memories, of old-fashioned family fun and most of my friends grew up going to the same place with their families each winter. Well, this winter we didn't have the chance to go and even tho we're all grown up, it was like one of those nostalgic things u remember doing and wanna relive the 'magical moments' and being that everything else was closed and nothing played on TV, we figured tonight would be the perfect night.

So, it was just me and my dad and on the way, we stopped by my favorite quant little bakery and filled up on the goodies. Sure enough, on the way to 'our place' we had to pass through downtown, which obviously was packed with clubs, drunk people, lotsa noise, etc.

We pass by and find a parking spot RIGHT INFRONT OF THE PLACE (which is almost impossible at the best of times). As we pull into the spot, I notice a homeless man sitting square and center on the floor, right infront of the place and I mentioned to my dad that he got front row seats. The next thing I know, there is a really loud BANG and a bump and people are pointing a the front of our car. Seemed we hit a piece of metal (=loud noise and bump) and the pedestrians saw and made sure we knew of this. Even the homeless man got up and knocked on the window, he wouldn't give up. When we opened the window just a drop (I have a small phobia of homeless people) he said we had a flat and he could change our tire. Immediately I told my dad this was a bad idea, I mean, for all we know, he could also be cousins with the Queen of England and his name could be Michael Jackson, but if we have CAA, now we'll make use of it. So we go ahead and call for a tire change. We were on the phone with service for 25 minutes as they couldn't track down any company to help. The guy kept apologizing for the wait and said he final tracked a company down but they could only come in 2 hours. Anyway, when we heard this and it was getting closer to midnight, the homeless guy knocked on the window again asking us if he can change our tire, etc.Finally, my dad gave in, we realized we didn't have a choice-either wait 2 hours if someone actually would be able to come out then, or rely on the homeless guy who claimed he used to be a mechanic.

I watched as my dad gave the guy all the tools and then called home to 'update the family' on our surprise outing. Sure enough when I hung up the phone, I see another guy standing with my dad and the homeless guy. Turn out this 'other guy' was passing by and happened to offer his help. He aso happened to be a car dealer, so he knew what to do and how to change a tire-plus, he looked clean and seemed decent. All this seemed quite weird as I'm the one who 'pretends not to see' the homeless people and I wouldn't even accept his offer or this other guy who walked up to my dad and who also happened to be a 'Yishmaeli'.

Long story short-20 minutes later, the tire was changed. My dad paid both guys for their time and we were on our way back home. Unfortunately, I got in as 12:02 and 'just missed the ball drop', but atleast we got home safe and sound and no at a crazy hour. B"H both men were decent men and just 'good goyim' probably starting off the new year with a good deed. So, ya, I'm sure there was a reason for the flat tonight and for the homeless and yishmaeli to help us. I must admit, I was extremely hesitant at first, but B"H im back home and ok.

So, public thanks to Hashem that (1) we got the flat at a parking spot and were in a safe spot (2) no drunks, or crazy people attacked us (3) homeless guy didn't steal our money and/or car or start up (4) Yishmaeli didn't hurt or attack us. (5) he just happened to be a car dealer and knew how to tire change our model vehicle (6) the homeless man was there when we got the flat and he knew a well.

Happy New Year to all of ya and may you always 'bump' into the 'good goyim' if you ever find yourself in need of one.