Minding their Own Business

"So" she said, in that questionable nagging yenta tone, "how was your summer? I hear your daughter was away for a few week? Hhhmmm? On vacation with friends or just New York visiting relatives? It looks like she lost weight. SOS-come here for a minute please. I was just telling your mom how great you look! Have you been dieting? New hairstyle maybe? She droned on and on and on. I imagine if sounded almost like the peanuts cartoon teacher. 

She was asking. Questioning. If something..."anything" was going on. 

After all-can't a single girl go away and breathe a little, let alone enjoy herself without having a date? Can't I just look good just once without that look and clicking of tongue as if to prove they know or atleast think they know the reason why I look so great (which ABSOLUTELY MUST be a guy, obviously!)

Why can't people just give a compliment and move on? 

It's a shame that in this day and age, people still don't know how to give people privacy and back off. Just cuz I'm single doesn't mean you get to interrogate and assume things and ask about my personal dating life.

Sheesh people!

Package Deal

Just Call Me "Ma"

Awkward situations, that's my specialty. What can I say? I have a knack for getting myself into these circumstances!

This week's special: Standing on a platform at the local seamstress, with my skirt hiked up and her hand up my thigh, pinning the material in place. Not out of the norm. But when a familiar looking woman walked in and watched, whilst waiting her turn to try on her outfit, she had this look in her eyes that made me worry a bit. She kept staring and concentrating on my face (thank goodness it was only my face!) When the seamstress was done with me, she motioned for the woman to enter the room and change. The woman caught my arm and asked me to wait for her. 

I waited and when she was done she asked if I my name was "SOS" and I nodded. She then asked me a bunch of Shidduch questions and before I had a chance to answer the first, she quickly threw in the fact that she was asking because she had me in mind for her son!!! Talk about awkward!

Again, I don't know the woman that well. I knew her daughters from school, but we weren't the same age. Based on her and her girls, I wouldn't go out with her son for various reasons but I had no way out of this conversation.

She continued on and on about how her son was really looking for another 'type' of girl but we both live in the same city, are about the same age, single and looking to build a bayis ne'eman so why not just go out and give it a try?

I was stuck, and didn't want to insult her, but knew that there was no way I can say no, so I hummed and haawwed and then by chance, my cell phone blasts into the latest summer hit and I quickly excuse myself and tell her I'd be in touch.

How can I tell this woman 'Heck no, mam!' without insulting her?

Every Teppele has a Shtertzele

Even THIS guy has a girlfriend. Gives us hope...
Guess what my grandparents have been telling me all these years is true....Every "pot" has a "lid".

The Brave Bathroom Escape

They're the gutsy ones. My friends who have enough courage to ask their date for a few minutes of 'out' time in the excuse of using the ladies room. 

Each time I hear their stories of how they phone home from the bathroom stall or ask for an emergency call in 10 minutes, I truly am in awe. 

Don't get me wrong, I would consider myself gutsy YET I sorta have Jewish guilty mother syndrome where I feel bad leaving the guy sitting there. And I'm sorta embarassed to ask to use the washroom whether I need it or not. 

I can't understand how these girls do it. How they get away with it each time. Obviously the guys haven't a clue. After all "a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do". 

Sometimes you just need an out. When that time happens I just sit politely and not my head, all with a smile. I was brought up to be well-mannered and whether I'm having the most boring time or am really dreaming of an early night I will never ask for an out. I'm just hoping the guy will get the hint and end it there. 

Not sure whose better off tho; the bathroom escape or the smiling sailor who sits through the entire time. 

Tu B'av

Receiving spam emails lately? I know I sure have. Then again, I don't buy all the Mishpachas, Hamodias, Ami and all the other Jewish periodicals, so perhaps it's all Karma. 

The past week had seen my emails flooded with 'SEGULA', and 'DON'T LET THIS OPPORTUNITY PASS YOU BY', and 'WANNA GET MARRIED?' subject titles. Of course, I just clicked the friendly little 'select all' button and then 'delete', being that I'm a recipient of the national 'singles pity' emails around tu b'av. 

One email, though, did catch my eye. I don't recall specifically what it said, but I do remember thinking that it didn't sound like 'only one donation of $180.00' and I was curious was to what the "catch" was. When I opened the email, it was all glitzy and flashing colors with big bold letters about finding your bashert. Once I clicked on the actual words/link though, it brought me to a page that clearly stated 'no donation necessary'. I was mesmerized, especially as each of these 'segulas' comes at a price. 

There's the 'daven 40 days at the kotel for you', the 'chai rotel', the 'kupat ha'ir' and the 'erev rosh chodesh Tefilos' as well as many others, all at the small price of $_____.

So when I finally got to the website and saw that after completing all the information, the only way to send in your information was a minimum donation of $180.00, average donation of $360.00, with a maximum of thousands dollars, I can't say I was surprised. It was more like dismayed.

What happened to our society? Why do people do this? If I like an organization, am inspired or impressed with it, of course I give them money and donations. But taking advantage of someone in a tough situation = flatout disgusting!

Imagine if someone is unfortunately stuck with a terrible illness and they go to see a Rabbi or organization who can help them, only to be told, after providing all details of the disease, family history and Hebrew name, that he will need to pay large sums in order to be cured.

Come on, people. 

Do we choose to be this way? Do we choose what G-d gives us? No.

Do we accept it? Of course.

Should we be afflicted with all these 'pay for your segulos', milking them for their money and giving people false hope?

So this Tu b'Av, I did not use Paypal, Mastercard or Visa. I did not add my name to any online list or pay any people to pray for me. I took a few minutes and said my own silent prayer to Hashem that by next Tu B'av, hopefully I will be spending it with my beloved and helping others find theirs-at no price!

Photo Fraud

Photos. Full length, close up. Family, individual. I was a hater. I was anti. I believed it was a total farce. After all, I spent the past few years fighting the 'photo system', then eventually giving in. Each time I gave in and sent my photo, I never heard back. I felt like I was 'donating' my images to some single guy's brag book. What was the point? Do the guys collect and share? Are there some photos that are worth more?

How dare they ask for a photo without even getting information? If they weren't interested, what was the shame in saying no?

All those thoughts would cross my mind each time the request came in from the shadchan, 'the boy wants to see a photo before moving forward'. I would cringe, and I believe my parents would cringe more when the request came to them, knowing how I would respond when they asked me.

But now, times have changed, I have moved on and am learning that sometime photos indeed ARE a good things. Facebook, instagram, LinkedIn=all these sites have enabled me to avoid dating some boys which clearly can be seen to be totally NOT shayach. So yes, I slow was turned to see the benefit of photos. Especially, as I was the one spending the money, time and effort to travel in to see the boys. The photo-finding has been very helpful.

Until yesterday.

I was redd a guy and all the information seemed pretty decent. The information sent to me, included a photo which was ooookkkkaaaayyyy (duh! I'm not expecting some supermodel hot dude!). But when the guy showed up at my door, I was totally confused. He did resemble anything close to the image provided. First, my father thought it may be someone collecting for Yeshiva. Then my mother thought maybe it was a father of a kid on our street. Yet, as shocked as I was, I smiled politely and went along. 

When I got home I didn't know how to tell the shadchan that the photo and the boy were NOTHING alike. Could it be he sent in a photo of his cousin, friend, or workmate? Perhaps

Could it be a photo he took at a wedding he attended when he was in high school? maybe

All I can say is that we were talking about two VERY different looking guys.

This experience now has caused me a new-found Shidduch paranoia=Photo Fraud!