Dumb Reasons for a Shidduch

I'm gonna make this post an open forum for all of you to speak your mind cuz I'm honestly fed up and really frustrated of the dumbest reasons someone thinks 'it's a good shidduch idea' to set me up with a  guy. 

1) Well, he's not tall and ur short so I think it's a fantastic idea

2) Your grandparents and his grandparents met at a simcha and think it's a wonderful idea to set you two singles up-after all you're both looking to get married and if the grandparents hit it off...

3) You have brown hair and brown eyes and so does he!

4) Your mom is a special ed teacher and his is also-it must be a sign!

5) He just took his BA exam and you have your BA in ___=isn't it perfect

6) He is from an out of town city and you're from an out of town community 

7) His parents are divorced and yours are getting divorced, so you can both be a support system for each other-what a great way to start off

8) His sister just married into a large family and you're from a large family so I think you two will really hit it off 

Ok folks, add your dumb reasonings below

Never Judge

The last few years I was debating on posting an entire rant directed to my childhood friends and classmates. The girls I grew up with, had sleepovers, dormed together, went to camp for years and whose houses I practically lived in. The ones who would yap on the phone for hours on end each night, speaking of nothing but closer than sisters. Those girls who I'd spent my teen years with and who sadly, got married and have not kept in touch. Who, when by chance we do meet up or speak-has become awkward-even more awkward than a conversation with a stranger would be. 

My post would be all about how these girls know that I'm around and looking to get married yet never have once called, emailed, or texted. Never invited me to spend a Shabbos or meal at their home. To perhaps meet some of their married friends/neighbors or family to give me more exposure, etc. These were my close pals-I trusted them with my life and now we are but mere strangers of the past. The least they can do, especially when I receive group forwards from these girls, about recipe clu email groups, is to share my info or forward me names of shadchanim, organizations, boys or people who can help. Who needs to be part of a recipe group anyway?

Well folks, I never did post. I kept thinking that well, these girls are different now. They are busy with their husbands, children, new lifestyle, home, neighbors and other families. They don't have time to include me or have me in mind. I can't and shouldn't blame them for keeping in touch-they're probably not because either they don't have any ideas for me, or frankly they're just too busy with family life. 

Last week, my perspective changed. I bumped into an old friend of mine who was in town for her cousin's wedding. We chatted awkwardly and she asked me if I would mind if our little clan of neighborhood friends would have a small shidduch meeting to sit around the table and think up guys for me. 

Was I touched? Definitely

Was I surprised? H E double hockey sticks-YEH!

So put your chin up-things may seem dark and gloomy but there are some good people out there and someone somewhere is always thinking of u!

#BringBackOurBoys

Bring Shabbos in a few minutes early and have our boys in mind for a safe return to their families

The Date Wait

The Dry Spell. We all experience it at some point, and let's just say it as it is-it sucks. 

No one likes waiting around, in fact I absolutely can't stand sitting around doing nothing. Good thing I have a busy schedule and do extra chessed and other stuff to keep me too busy to worry about not dating!

But let's face it, no normal human being dates 24/7. Even when seriously dating, people need breaks. Sometimes a guy/girl can be too much too many. Other times it can be too intense. Some guys/girls will purposely take breaks from dating (and we've all heard that excuse from one shadchan too many when you never hear back about a guy).

But when there's nothin going on and there are no résumés coming your way, the phones aren't ringing or buzzing and there are no emails-that's when it reat hits home. Sitting alone, emailing, calling and texting shadchanim to remind them to keep you in mind, etc. It's sorta depressing. And right now, I'm having a dry spell. And if that isn't bad enough by itself, last 3 suggestions that came through were all terribly off. 

I pray that each of you don't have to experience dry spells and that if you do, it's only because it's your 'calm before the storm' (of emotions to lead up) to engagement!

Shidduchim in Short

My dating experiences up until now have been, well interesting. There's been the good, the bad and the ugly. Quite frankly, most of it was bad, awkward, some shocking surprises along the way, etc. But I've been burned and I've also learned a lot about people. I also trust people less and less these days so with every call for information, I also do my own private investigative work. 

But if I was asked to sum up Shidduchim in one line, here's what my one-liner would be:

'Fake it 'til you make it...and then it's too late to break it'

Shavuos Suggestions

Now that a week has passed since Erev Shavuos, I am calm enough to write this post. You see, as Shavuos is one of the shalosh regalim, it is also one of the Yomim Tovim people travel to be with their families. Which means more harassment from many more people. And by people, I mean old classmates and married friends who I haven't seen since graduation or their teen weddings. 

It's always awkward meeting up with the old married classmates. I mean, I consider myself a very outgoing and social person. I am B"H blessed with many wonderful friends, some new, and some from ages back who have kept in touch throughout the years. All in all though, I can't say I've had much of a personality change. I'm the same kid from high school who was the comic relief. I'm the girl who still shys away from the intimidating people and who laughs at everything else. 

Yet-when I pass by the old marrieds, I guess it freaks them out a bit-seeing one of who they used to be, one of their kind, who still hasn't moved on. I see it in their eyes-the pity, the sadness. I hear it in the commencement of their conversation, with their 'oy nebach' sighs. And of course the "but really, how ARE you?" questions. 

Then there are the ones who suggest you the only single guy they know of who is in his late 40s, divorced twice, only has kids from the first wife who lives overseas and he has nothing to do with. Who also sports a pot belly and is a bit bald but really sweet and will really take care of his spouse. 

Sheesh, each time Yom Tov comes around I sorta dread meeting up with my old classmates. Either they think my singledom is some kinda disease and suddenly they don't know how to act or what to say. Or they suggest the most offensive and insulting suggestions because they don't have any actual suggestions. 

In order to avoid the awkwardness, I'm thinking of coming to Shul next Yom Tov wearing a sandwich sign that says 'please do not disturb-I don't talk during Davening and/or whilst I'm in Shul'.