Eligible Bachelors, Cradle Snatchers, Old Haggers...

After years of being in "the system", it still comes as a shock to me the way people act and react. I remember back in the early years when I was maybe 21-23 and shadchanim would mention boys who were 20, 21, 22 and I informed them I wasn't comfortable dating boys who were younger than me. At that point I got a whole telling off. Don't get me wrong, boys are immature (no offence guys) and especially at that age (although, there are some, very few, who are indeed mature enough...), but when the Shadchan heard my response I got at least 1/2 hour's worth of telling off. First it was about being picky, then the boy really was 'mature', or some other excuse. I probably dated one or two of them in my early twenties, just to get rid of my own self-doubt and believe in the minorities of 'mature young men' and then realized I had no one to prove this to. Shadchanim can say whatever they want-they are just salespeople trying to make a sale!

But now, the tables have turned. It's years later and I'm considered an older single in the "shidduch system". At this point, what does a year or two make a difference? The way I see it, it ain't the age, it's the stage of life you're at. And at this point, myself and my future hubby are not newbies to the system and are ready to get married and settle down. Yes, I have mentioned this to shadchanim but they brush it off.

The last few boys who were suggested all said they want 'younger girls'. Heck, I was redd to a guy last month who I thought was a bit above my age bracket, yet was told that he dated my neighbour who is 15 years his junior (and NO, I'm not kidding). Guys want younger girls. Guys want beautiful girls. Guys wants girls with money and they all will get offered what they are looking for.

But when an older guy gets engaged to a (much) younger girl-or even asks for one, is he considered a cradle snatcher? uh...no.

When he is suggested me-the same age group as himself-I'm considered an old hag compared to the young fresh-outta-sem girls.

and that's my rant on this whole matzav.

The Shadchanim who were so busy telling me off years ago, when it made absolutely no sense (unless you're ultra chassidish), are now telling me that the guys my age, who they feel are shayach would like to date younger girls and that's ok cuz guys get what they ask for and they get what they want.

What is UP with this system, we call the shidduch system which is ssssoooo corrupt?

Meet the Family

These last few nights I've been quite busy. My friend Ruchie told me about this show she watches called "Meet the Family" and it sounded totally up my alley. I looked it up and after a few minutes of research found a way to view some of the episodes.

Personally, I'm a bit jealous-I mean this is something I would sooo love to do to my future husband. You see, the show is a reality type show where the boyfriend brings his girlfriend to meet his family for the first time. He has 3 hours to try and 'scare' her away through his family and if she stays the three hours then they admit it's a prank and the couple win a vacation. The family acts nuts and does terrible and scary things to the point where it's quite humorous but inSANE. 

The reason I would love to be able to play this sorta prank on my future hubby (where is he??) is so that I can see how he would react in different and extreme situations. See if he's polite, calm, and what he's thinking (hidden cameras) throughout these ordeals. Also the prank families are so insane they would make any guy LOVE my family. 

Lastly someone who goes through a nutty 3 hours like that and survives means he can survive anything. 

So will I get my whole zany family together to scare away my future fiancée? Nopes-we tried that with my sis-in-law and she stayed. 

But I suggest you all watch an episode of 'meet the family' 

At What Age?

This topic has come up numerous times in previous posts and even more so in my shidduch life. I figured I'd just take a poll on this blog to ask y'all the famous question: 

"At what age do you think boys should take charge of their own  shidduchim, and not let their moms pull the strings?"

(This includes but is not limited to: receiving profiles, deciding on their own how and if they want to proceed, dealing with the shadchan directly themselves, etc.)

Post your replies as comments below. 

Educating girls to Yearn for "Learners"

Kudos to Ari Lapin on his excellent article in the Jewish Press. Read it here: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/what-were-we-thinking/2014/01/09/

The Chronic "Forwarder"

There's this woman in my neighborhood who is always trying to help everyone out. I truly believe that she is a well-meaning individual, really I do. The thing is, when someone like her, who is such a kindhearted woman, tries to set you up with anyone and everyone she hears about and you have to turn them down-it sorta gets complicated.

I also forgot to mention that this woman became a member on one of the many Shidduch websites and each time there is a boy in the age category of my age, she sends it to me. It's as if the only thing she looks at before forwarding the information is the guy's age. Everything else listed can be totally off but she still sends it. I am quite surprised as this has been going on for months and I try and be very polite, sometimes in my emails/texts and explain to her why the resume is not shayach hoping that she will keep this reasoning for future. But she doesn't.....and the forwards keep coming.

What's worse is that a few weeks back, I received a profile of this guy who was suggested to me already but that no one ever got back to me about=meaning it was a 'no' on his part. I wrote to her stating this and asked if perhaps she can find out more information about him or if he indeed said no, etc. She didn't want to do anything, she explained she felt 'uncomfortable' and asked to perhaps give my information over to the head of the website and for me to add myself and pay membership and speak to the person in charge.

So her way of helping me is to forward emails and that's it. She will not check into anything, or contact anyone or follow up. Just forward.

Sheesh. How do I deal with people like this?

A Unique Shidduch Reference

Over the past few years I've had to change some of my shidduch references. Not because they were telling the truth, or because they moved away or changed their phone number. I changed them, well actually removed them and replaced them with other references as they were giving misinformation to people and making things up to make me look bad. I know this for a fact as people who spoke with these references and heard what they had to say about me, actually called me up infuriated and asked me to do the "right thing" and remove them from my list.

Did this upset me? Duh! These were people who I considered my close friends, confidants who knew me well and who I confided in. 

Do I have trust issues? Sure. Wouldn't anyone who had this happen to them?

Well, today folks, I've had a good kind of reference 'change' so to speak. A few days a week (when I'm lucky enough to get to work early) I stop by my local coffee shop and order my "usual" latte. I've been doing this for years and it's part of my schedule. I know the people who work there and we chat whilst the coffee is prepared, etc. The barista and I have become buddies, call each other by first name and I even get my latte prepared if they see me walk in and go into line without question. 

By random chance my mom stopped by that coffee shop today and was served by the barista. When she saw her name tag she was so excited to finally meet the person I call my buddy and introduced herself as my mom. The barista was so excited she almost clobbered my mom and told her many sweet things about me (she's just a doll of a woman!) my mom was so impressed that she called and said this barista could not stop talkin bout me. Perhaps I should add her to my list?

Dating for Dinner?

This just took the 'Dinner Date' to a whole new level.

I just read this article on Perez Hilton about this single girl who is so desperate to eat in the most high end restaurants that she will date guys just so that they take her to those restaurants and pay her bill.

The sad part-apparently some guys have caught on....and agreed to go out with her anyway. I can't believe how selfish that is, I mean how incredibly selfish, not to mention d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e this girl is. If you can't afford it-then just don't go there. Maybe split dinner amongst friends, or even go out once a month (rosh chodesh dinner anyone?). But no, she is not even embarrassed that she does this. I've seen an article about this 2 months back, but thought it was a personal idea of hers in order to start and upkeep her blog but now that I've read online that they're even making a reality show, than I know it's true.

And here I feel all guilty when my date shows up at the door and I just know it is NOT gonna happen between us, yet we go out to eat/park/hotel lounge and he has to pay...oish the guilt just eats at me. So mush so that sometimes I'll even offer to pay/chip in when he reaches for his wallet. 

New Year

Talk about starting off the New Year on a diff foot-this one is for the books. 

Years back I dated a guy whose family we sorta knew of, as their grandparents knew my grandparents back in Hungary, etc, etc. It wasn't shayach, but I gave it a few tries and now he's happily married.

Just today this boy's mother called to ask if I was "busy" as she had someone in mind=her nephew. 

Talk about awkwardness!

If her nephew is anything like her son, my answer is "NO". But there's no way to politely ask that, as well as a few other questions to determine this. 

Any ideas?

And no, I ain't drunk-this truly happened this morning. (Doubt she was drunk either)