Being Your Own Shadchan

Wouldn't life be great if you can just be your own Shadchan? I know some people who are happily married with a few children and they made their own Shidduch. I like to say their Shadchan was 'aol instant messenger' or 'united airlines flight A123' to Sem/Yeshiva in Israel :)

This thought brings me back a good few years to when chat rooms and instant messenger were the social media of those days. It was considered a daring thing to go onto chat-rooms and reveal you ASL, so we always made them up. Of course, being that this type of media was taking over, the Shidduch world decided to create some of their own 'monitored' shidduch-purposed chat-rooms. I remember that my curiosity got the best of me and I logged in and just watched the conversations going on between the few people logged in. After a while, I realized that one of the people, who claimed to be a guy, gave the girl he was chatting with, a link to his profile page on one of the frum dating sites. I clicked on the link (like I said, curiosity got the better of me) and realized that his information sounded all too familiar.

Sure, enough I chatted with him in the chat room, got some more details and realized, this guy was suggested to me over and over again. We exchanged email addresses and chatted through instant messenger. I think I spent hours that Sunday afternoon chatting with this guy. After all, I was interested in going out with him, but for some 'unknown' reason, he kept turning me down. Bold as I was, I asked him why he was even bothering to chat with me and asking me questions if he kept saying no. He admitted that his mom was in charge of his Shidduchim and 'handled things'. I asked if he even knew I was suggested. He informed me that he did come across my name in his mom's book and asked who I was, as my info interested him. But, he claimed, his mom said there were others he should date first, before choosing to date an out of towner.

I was sorta happy that atleast he did know I was an option, but at the same time, he must've been atleast 25 and could make his own decisions. I mean, here we were, two adults, in the Shidduch world, looking to get married. We both seemed interested in the other, and we were chatting to each other online. What's there to be stopping him from saying 'yes' to a simple date. 

However, he seemed to be letting his mom make decisions.

I guess, in retrospect, being your own Shadchan can indeed have it's consequences, but it seems unlikely. In that situation the boy himself wasn't being his own Shadchan-he was letting his mom take over :P

"The Book"

Folks-there's some unfortunate news: apparently someone has beat me to it. Yes, the entire evening I've been receiving phonecalls, texts and emails about the article on vosizneias by Goldy Kranz. And apparently, most people think that I've finally went ahead and published my book of horrible dating experiences with a her name as my 'pen name'.

Sorry to break your bubble, but this credit is not mine. I am NOT Goldy Krantz, nor do I know who she is. But, I will keep my word: IY"H when I get engaged, I will go ahead and print my book and you will all have wonderful laughs reading it.

As for this woman and her stories-kudos to her!

Hooked on a Guy

Being in Shidduchim is comparable to fishing. I feel like I spend my time swimmin in the sea of men in search of a good catch. Then there are the shadchanim, they are like sharks, after their bait. Obviously the bigger fish eat the smaller ones-people with the money get what they want & eat what they can get. 

I'm just a simple fish, or fisherman really, with my fishing for sitting there waiting for a tug, signaling a fish has caught my bait. When I get that tug, I do my Hishtadlus and reel that fish in. But lately I feel like my hook is stuck. See there's this one guy that was redd to me numerous times in the last few months by different people. He keep saying how interested he is but each time a different excuse keeps him from goin out with me. I already stopped believing all the excuses but he keeps on reassuring each person that he really IS interested in me. 

However, I'm tired of swimming around, of being pulled in by some dead piece of fish lying around the ocean. I want a guy who will take the hair because that's what HE want. He sees the bait and goes for it. Not a fish who gets hooked in and just pulls you around and around, keeps on tugging to remind you he's still there, single and "interested". 

No clue why this whole thing reminds me of fishing, especially cuz I know nothing of the way it works but what can I say, all this being shlepped around is making me nuts!

Insta..MAN

It all started with instant coffee. Then came the instant soups. Now there's Instagram. These days, everyone wants things instantaneously. Who can blame them really? I would've loved to be married with kids by now. I would love to come home to a loving husband, zany lively children, with a messy house, but, there are other plans for me.

Yet, when Shadchanim call with a Shidduch, they need an answer from you-the 'girl', NOW. They want a resume ASAP, a don't forget a photo. Everything is now, now, now. Which got me thinking....

Wouldn't it be great to get an InstaMan?

Once you're married, you'd have an InstaFam

Your wig will make you InstaGlam

You'd host lotsa house parties: InstaJam

Don't forget all your Shabbos guests-InstaCram

A husband to go eat Shwarma with: InstaLamb

You'd go from 'Miss' to InstaMa'am

With your baby on the way, he'd buy you an InstaPram

a man on your team=InstaSlam

to all those people who told you, you'd never get married: InstaWham

I'm an InstaFan

of finding an InstaMan

so for now, that's my InstaPlan

commencing InstaScan

(attention: all eligible young men-please feel free to reply :)

Rude Remark

In speaking with a shadchan last week, I was taken aback by something he said. I dealt with this shadchan in the past, he set me up a number of times and I was impressed by how on top of things he was. Once I told him that the guy he set me up with was 100% what I was looking for (the guy said no) and asked him to "keep an eye out", being really hopeful that if he hit the mark once, surely he must be able to do it again. Not yet though :(

In any case, just a bit of backgrounder: my Fam has some married sibs and some singles. My bro got married in May after being in the system for a while and I'm next in line, with 2 younger singles waiting for me to make a move so they can.

In any case, I called the shadchan as a 'friendly reminder' phone call and he asked me "didn't your brother get married this past year?" 

To which I replied the affirmative. 

He responded "great. So you had one simcha in your family already"

His response and the tone in which he was speaking ended it. I was basically being told by him to be thankful for the simcha (which B"H we are) and one a year was enough. 

Sheesh! And when I say a simple 'sorry-I don't think it's shayach' about a guy, I'm told I'm being rude??

People

Light travels faster than sound. 

That's why some people seem bright...until they open their mouth and speak. 

Men are like a Deck of Cards

Reminders

Dontcha just love it, when Shadchanim you meet/speak to tell you that they are so busy making shadchanim and doing 'other things', so you should feel free to keep 'reminding' them about you?

Usually, when I'm told this, I lose hope in the Shadchan who tells me, I mean obviously if they seem to mention it to me-it means they are either forgetful, or have their hands full, or don't have anything for me at all.

BUT, my new thing has been the following. Let's say someone calls/emails/texts me to send my information. Before doing so, I first ask if it's for a specific person, and if so, who that specific person is (that way, in case it was suggested before OR we went out and it was TOTALLY not shayach I'm saving the shadchan, the guy, and myself a whole saga of 'headache'). Next, I forward my information and wait a week. I try and remember about a week later and if/when I don't hear back, I send a gentle 'reminder'. Then I wait to hear back and each week, I will continue to 'remind' them until I get back a YES or NO, or whatever excuse they have for not getting back to me.

But, there are the other reminders-the reminders to the shadchanim who made these 'promises' to set you up, and getting working on a few ideas they had in mind whilst meeting/speaking to you and NEVER got back to you. I send them reminders every so often-let's say, before yom tov or every few months. Of course, those are also the shadchanim who won't even send back a one-liner saying 'sorry, I don't have anyone' or 'you are on my mind', etc. No. They ask you to send emails/texts but don't even hit the 'reply' button=I just don't get why.

Can anyone enlighten me?