Credit to the Clasmates

I was set up with a guy quite a while back and unfortunately after just one date, it totally wasn't shayach. A few months after going out with him I received a phone call. It happened to be from a woman I called to find out info on this boy as I knew her and I knew she had friends who knew this boy & his family. 

The reason for her call was to tell me that this boy got engaged and to ask if I was interested in knowing HOW it came to be. 

To be honest, I was happy for him but didn't really care much as to how it happened. I figured either she'd tell me he said perek shira 40 days or a new segulah, etc. But as we all know, HASHEM is mezaveg zivugim, He is the Master Shadchan and everyone else who suggests or acts as a shadchan is just but a mere shliach.  

Well, this woman had helped me in my time of need and provided me with info on the guy I was gonna date so the least I could do was let her speak. Turns out, her story was indeed interesting. This boy was the last boy of his class who was still single. All his classmates decided to get together and sit down and try and find him a wife. So they arranged to meet up, spoke with their wives, sisters, friends, neighbors, etc and took it upon themselves to find this last classmate of theirs a future wife. And the first suggestion from this meeting of his class, went off and he got engaged. 

I couldn't help but be a little jealous upon hearing this 'Disney-ending' of a story. After all, we all went to school, had been in a class, friends with some, friendlier with others. Where are my classmates? Why aren't they getting together and looking out for me? Do they even care or are they busy with their own families?

To give credit where credit is due, I havta say that some of my classmates have set me up in the past. Believe it or not, they were not even my closest friends growing up or my besties in high school. They were girls who were part of my class but they still 'remembered' me and tried to help. I am grateful to those few, I truly am. 

As for the rest-I think, in the spirit of the parsha they read in Shul today, which is a parsha known for Shidduchim, each year at this time, or atleast once a month-as a Rosh Chodesh thing, all classes 'round the world should get together and hold mini reunions to try and help their respective classmates find their future mate.  

Visumé

So here's the deal: I know I've mentioned this before numerous times on this blog, but wouldn't it be an awesome idea to have shidduch VIDEO resumes? Forget the whole official document, who needs all the embellishments, the fancy adjectives, the babysitting jobs & GO activities since they were 12? A video would cover EVERYTHING. It wouldn't have to be longer than 2 minutes. That way, you get to actually SEE how the person being suggested looks, you can also tell along from body language-get to see a bit of the person's personality and hear about them first hand. It would be at the total discretion of the person whose video it is to speak about whatever he/she feels would sum them up in less than 2 minutes. That way, you would be able to tell what is important to them, what they want people to know about them and shows their Middos and what they care about. 

Am I the only one to think it's a good idea? You can password-protect it and/or make the video private but it would be much more helpful than a typed up resume and/or pic. 

Almost like this one of Schmidt from New Girl...(jk, we all know Schmidt is a bit too into himself)-hey atleast he added some humor to it.

Meet the Person You're Suggesting

I know alot of Shidduchim come about through a random Shadchan or someone who got a forwarded resume and just emailed the parties and set them up. Some Shadchanim work only if they meet you first, others will set you up only if you send them a photo. There are those who prefer to speak with you first and others who wish you to complete a form and answer specific questions.

It doesn't really matter what I prefer, I've done all of the above (not by choice, but because there IS no choice) and still get set up with Meshugenas. So what's the point of all this!?!!

Well, it finally (sorta) hit me last week when the following happened.

My bestie, Ruchie got a call for Shidduch information about me. She gave them all the info she needed and the boy's mom was very open and provided waaaayyyyy too much info about her son. The reason for this, the boy's mom explained, was in order for Ruchie to get a good picture of the type of boy her son is, and then 'pass her opinion' of if the shidduch was shayach at all or not.

Without going into detail, the boy was totally not for me at all. Ruchie explained this to the woman and then they boy politely parted ways. Later on, over coffee Ruchie explained the entire conversation for me. Something sounded familiar with the boy's name and sure enough (thanks to google) I remembered the name! Why you ask?

Years ago, a Shadchan called me in a state of confusion. She had received a resume of a guy and the description sounded like the type of guy I was looking for but she said she had a hunch that he was a big on the heavy side. Because of her hunch, she requested a photo and got a small, pixelated headshot. She called to ask if there was some way I would be able to find out more info, or perhaps knew someone who might know the guy to first find out if this was something I would want to pursue, but because she knows I'm so tiny, she wanted to let me know first. Sure enough, I was able to get a photo, and to be polite, the term 'heavy' was being wayyy too nice. This is why this boy's name sounded familiar-I have a picture in my head of the photo I saw of him years back.

Back to my conversation with Ruchie-when I showed her the photo of the boy-she was in extreme shock. The information she got from the mother wasn't really anything to ride home about. In fact there were a few disappointing factors, but the photo just made her more upset. Luckily, through the conversation with this boy's mom, the Shadchan's name slipped out. I was quite upset with this Shadchan for even suggesting such a guy for me, but then I found out the Shadchan never actually MET the guy in the first place.

So, in order to avoid any heartache in the future=SHADCHANIM and future 'redd'ers, please ensure to MEET the people you wish to set up before doing anything, or atleast get a photo or call references to see for yourself.

Communication Frustration

My newest nuisance in regards to the whole Shidduchim situation is with (well, who else but) the 'shadchanim'. 

Here's specifically why:

I get a name of a shadchan and call up; there is no answer, I leave a message and try calling back 3 more times to follow up with the same answering machine to leave my voicemails. As a new name, I was hoping to actually speak with new-said shadchan but why bother even giving people their number when they cannot return a call?

Second situation this week-I call up a shadchan who I communicated with before. The answering machine now states that if this is for Shidduchim, please don't leave a message-better to call between certain hours. Guess what? No one answers during those hours-trust me, I've tried. 

Third such occurrence. I met a few shadchanim who, even though we've met in person and spoken by phone, have mentioned to me that they prefer communicating by emails only as it's easier (for whatever different reason they each gave) for them. So, in respect to their requests, I send a gentle email asking if they can please be in touch with me, etc. Oddly enough, even though I know the email address was spelled correctly and did send properly, not even ONE of those "shadchanim" replied. Not a 'thanks got ur email" or even a "sorry didnt reply, was busy/out of town/ lost my phone" or even something to say "have u in mind but don't have any guys YET". Not even a courteous 2 words. 

So these people call themselves "shadchans". They give out emails and phone numbers but don't care to answer either their phones or emails. Their voicemails kindly ask you not to call them so why bother?

Weather the Leather

This has been on my mind for quite some time now, as apparently its the new trend. I've been to Shul, to Simchas, even on the street on a Shabbos afternoon and have seen kids wearing leather outfits. Be it a Shabbos robe, or 2 piece outfit. At first I thought 'wow, leather on a kid-in a non-child color=well that's not even cute, more likely disturbing', the disturbing part though, was that the kids wearing it were Yeshivish & even Chassidish. 

Then I started noticing people in my community-first a yeshivish woman wearing a leather top, then the other day at the supermarket, a Chassidish woman wearing a black leather skirt! How appalling. Yes, I get it's in style-so are a whole lotta other things, but you don't see most frum people dressed in those other things. Yet, now the community seems to have accepted leather and even animal prints as a normal dresscode. And here I was even thinking about the whole leather idea just a year ago!

What's even more bothersome was that it used to be when a girl wore a leather jacket, she was considered to be prust or labeled as a non-Bais Yaakov girl. Yet, now even the most frum, the most tznius, etc. are walking around proudly wearing what used to be (considered) 'bad girl clothes'.

So, as disturbing as this is-I say, if I was ever debating leather-now that everyone has 'accepted' it as the norm, I might as well take advantage of the whole 'pleather' style.
Happy Shopping.

a Rainy Date

With the sucky weather lately, it sorta got me thinking. What did I do when it rained on dates? To be honest, I can't particularly remember anything but probably panicking at the last minute. I mean without the rain, there are so many rules of etiquette, let alone common manners and Shomer laws (and not to mention revolving door situations). For a girl it's much more of a downer (pun intended), I mean, think about the hair matzav, and then the umbrella, or is it TWO umbrellas? Does the guy come equipt with one himself and you walk together under the SAME umbrella? 

Anyhoo, to be honest, I guess I'm lucky that I don't remember any dates in the rain, or atleast if it was, I was probably thankful for an excuse as to 'bad weather' and 'isn't it dangerous to drive in such torrential downpours?' blond-girl naive remark to SAVE me from a bad date.

But really, for a first date, where rain is definitely in the forecast and is happening as your date shows up-what's the protocol?

Personally, this whole blogpost got me thinkin and I think the next Jewish item (Shabbos Lamp, Shabbos raincoats) should be Shidduch Ponchos-whaddaya think?

Shorties

If you're reading this blog, then you sorta know a bit about me already and the fact that I'm not one of the taller girls. I'm short, I'll admit, and I have no problems with it. I don't feel like I missed out on anything, I don't really think it affected me. Sure, in elementary my teachers thought I was cute and yes, it was a perk going to theme parks and having them charge me the 'kiddie' rate, but at this stage in life I really didn't think it would be an 'issue'.

By that I mean, I thought I would have it easy-never having to worry about a guy being shorter than me  (yes, it happened to me but only once!) and didn't think guys would have an issue with a girl on the shorter side. HOWEVER, it seems that as time goes on, the dumbest things seem to be an 'issue' for the guys I'm being suggested to. If it's not the fact that I'm from out-of-town, it's that I'm not a professional. If it's cuz I'm not looking for a fulltime learner, it's because they heard I wear nailpolish (oh my!). Once it was a no since they found out I listen to the radio, and now the new excuse is because the guy wants a TALL(er) girl.

Meh! If they're single and at this age/stage and still have their own stupidities (sorry, guys & gals, I too had some specifics, but have come to realize now how subtle and superficial those specifics actually were) then they can keep them. They can keep on wanting, and I can keep my nice heels, platforms, and stilettos all for the dance floor :)

At this point in my life, I realize that things can only look up (pun intended) and this pic sums it all up.

Marriage is like a Workshop

Yom Tov-the Aftermath

A gutten vinter as we heimishe Hungarians say after sukkos. After a double 3 day Yom Tov i have lots to blog about.

Let's start with going to Shul. Yes folks, I'm a good Bais Yaakov girl, brought up by wonderful parents who instilled in me (amongst many other things) the importance of going to Shul on Shabbos/Yom Tov. So, as I do each week, I headed off to Shul sukkos morning to daven. Of course there were many more people, the out of town guests, the married kids, the in-laws, the cousins, etc. 

However in a category of their own are the old classmates. How awkward it had become to go to Shul and try and daven with kavannah when in my peripheral I notice the 'nebach' glances. What about during the selling of aliyos when they come over and try to make small talk but don't know how to talk to a 'single' as most of their convo is about their kids so it usually just ends up being even more awkward convo, eyes shifting everywhere, and then a comment to the likes of 'oh-so u still work at so&so as a so& so, right? Cute.'

Ya, I rather just pretend to be really frum and not talk in Shul at all. I tried that this year except I realized that leaving Shul was the problem-that's where everyone goes and congregates naturally, when Shul is over to head home. 

Yes, I'm single, yes, you're married & have ur own family. Does that change who we are and make us sooo different that we can't have a normal conversation? Marrieds. Please think about this. We just wanna chill like we used to, sometimes even reminisce. Most people I know haven't changed THAT drastically from way back in school/sem/camp.