Why One Can Never Judge...

We are told not to judge others and we are taught this from childhood on, be it in school, at home, etc. Yet, it is a natural  tendency to do so. I, personally, hate it when people judge others, however, I tend to do the same. Here's the classic example: Each time I walk into the library, after searching for the book(s) I had in mind, I quickly glance at the 'new book' section and base my new read on the cover alone. Yes, it's pathetic, but in this specific situation (luv chiclit), it's quite easy based on font/color/image/layout and title. 

Anyway, in terms of dating, we are all judging and being judged on dates, even before dates-we get a photo, a resume, a 'glowing' report from a reference and based on all the info, we make a small judgment. 

How about when the guy shows up at the door? A quick sum up of his appearance and we already know it's gonna end bad. Sometimes we are spot on, but some times there may be a reason, another story or a total surprise of a guy hiding underneath the appearance.

Here's one very specific reason why we shouldn't judge.

In the last few months, among other suggestions, I've been suggested the same guy from a few different people. Being in the Shidduch game for quite a few years already-I don't take this as a sign, or a reason we must date (since it was brought up more than once, by a few different people...), I just go with the flow and move along as with any other Shidduch-I tell the person suggesting it to redd it to the guy first. If he says yes, then I get the info and do the research. 

Now, in terms of this specific guy-he was redd numerous times but each time, after someone would call us with the name, we would never hear back at all. It was just this random phantom name we kept hearing about but nothing else. Anyway, the last time it was suggested, the person redding it informed me that it must mean something if it was suggested so many times and why hasn't the boy said yes, they couldn't understand, but vowed to get back to me. After many requests (email, info, photo, etc), I still told them I was not doing any research as history has already proven the guy isn't interested/never got back, and just to leave it and not make herself crazy.

Oddly enough, this persistent person got back to me and informed me that the reason we never heard back after all these months, after the numerous suggestions was because it never got past my name. Confused? So was I, but there's what they said-after seeing my name (top of resume, large, bold font) they realized that the guy's mom has the same name (well, she does have a double name, but one of those is mine) and they don't date girls with the same name as the mom. OK, each person has their own thing, that's cool. But why hasn't anyone told me this before?!?! so for month I just thought he wasn't interested or I made up excuses as to why he said no, etc. Again, I know NOTHING about the guy, just his name, but in my mind I had a whole list of judgments about him. Never once did I think up the actual reason.

So all you out there-always find out the real reason from a trustworthy/reliable source, if not from the actual source itself. Mostly, let this be a lesson that we should try and really not judge others. As extreme as the reason may sound-it might actually be the truth!

Pay it Forward....

In relevance to my last post-I just thought I'd let you know that Hashem gave me the PERFECT opportunity to 'pay it forward' (still luv that movie!). Less than 2 days after my 'saving by the soldiers', I was rushing like mad to get to work on time. Sure, it was the coldest day of the week/month/year (non-exaggeration!) and sure, my car didn't start immediately and I drove with the defroster on full blast, blowing cold air for the first 20 minutes of my drive, but my car DID work and that's the point. 

Anyway, as I was driving, I had a sudden craving for Starbucks, and decided to do a little detour in order to make a quick pit stop for my coffee craving. As I was pulling up to a very busy intersection I noticed that the cars weren't moving at the green, some were slowing down, others had their blinkers-I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then, as I inched my way forward, I noticed a woman, clearly Sheitel-wearing, standing by her car, looking lost, middle of the street. I realized her car had stalled-MID very busy intersection. I quickly rolled down my window (yes, it rolled down even though it was FREEZING) and asked her to come inside my car, and pulled over. Obviously, being a girl, I know nothing about cars, how they work, how to boost one or figure out what's wrong. What I do have though, is Chaverim's trust number stored in my phone, so I called, provided them with details and we waited in the warm(ish) car. At that moment I thought how proud I was to be a Jew. Who in this freezing cold, unbearable weather would stop and offer a complete stranger to come into their car and help out? Who, on their way to work, knowing they would be late, would make a phone call for someone they don't even know? It was such a good feeling, I must say. 

At the same time, how Min Hashamayim was it that I had a craving at that particular time, running late, and went totally out of the way to a Starbucks, which happened to intersect the street that the woman got stuck on? 

Wait-the story gets better. While on the phone with chaverim and waiting for them to jot down the information, the woman informed me that this was the ONE time she left her cell phone behind. She would have no way/where to call her family and let them know she was stuck/would be late.

So everyone, pay it forward, show the world how wonderful it is to be a Jew, to have people helping people without question, to have organizations such as Bikur Cholim, Hatzlacha, Chaverim, etc, which we shouldn't ever need to make use of, but which does tremendous things for people. 

Mostly, just Pay it Forward

I Got my Men (limited time only)

Following my post about Hashem's Hugs, I have something I would like to share with you all. Today I went shopping with friends and apparently there was some kinda freak blizzard whilst we were at the mall. When we came back to get the car, there was like hail, snow, sleet everywhere but it wasn't that cold and the streets were mostly clear of anything.

Whilst driving up a small steep hill to head back home we noticed that 2 green lights had come and gone without anyone moving. Suddenly the car infront of us began to reverse. I freaked out and 'flashed' him to let him know there was nowhere to go (especially with 4 cars behind me). My friend Shoshi was quick to point out that he was stuck on black ice and was trying to reverse and maneuver his car to get traction. Finally he managed to zigzag his way up and I followed suite. Only to realize I wasn't moving, if only I was sliding backward a bit. I was a bit panicked (something about getting stuck on a steel hill backward) and a bystander was kind enough to try and point out where to steer but to no avail.

Finally I put my blinkers on whilst still trying to get outta the mess and hoping all the cars behind me would give up and back out to the street before.

Next thing I know the couple in the car behind me both got out, the driver came up to my window and said 'remain calm, we will help get your car up and we will push you out'. How do you remain calm knowing that even with that help, if your car slides even a small bit backward you risk running over the good, kind Samaritans helping you? In any case they tried but to no avail.

My friend Shaindy quickly pointed out that we were getting additional help. Out of NOWHERE a soldier appeared to help the good Samaritans push my car. Still no luck. Then, again, a second soldier (folks this was in the heart of downtown on a busy street, midday) comes from who knows where and all began to push until finally my car took traction and I managed to 'put the petal to the metal' and get past the top of the steep incline to the next road.

We were all amazed. All of us wanted to stop the car then and there and thank these kind people for literally getting out there and rolling up their sleeves to help out. Obviously we didnt stop-otherwise we would risk same problem.

We also had no clue where these 2 random soldiers came from? And the strength for 3-4 men to push a car uphill on black ice?!?

So thank you HASHEM for an obvious and loving hug.

(When telling over this story to another friend, she was quick to ask, 'Israeli soldiers? Did they ask you out?' No and no. Although it would've been my 'knight in shining armor rescuing moment'. 3 guys for 3 girls.

I had my knights, just on a time constraint.

HASHEM's Hugs

My friend Chavi has this thing about her-she always sees the good. The good in people, the good in situations, in fact she can make the best of any situation really. Anyway, she's really awesome (which is why we r friends, naturally) and has this mindset about 'the small things' in life. Sometimes they might be referred to as a 'coincidence' others may just think 'wow-that's EXACTLY what I was looking for JUST THIS SECOND'. Basically it's those small good things that happen through out your day/week/month/year /life that make a difference to your day/week/month, etc that you come to appreciate. Like I said, not always can one appreciate these things, sometimes we blame it on chance, but Chavi has a way of recognizing it's from HASHEM and has coined the phrase 'Hashem's Hugs' for these small things in life.

So, it is with her catchphrase that I will post today.

You see, when trying to make shidduch calls, or calling references I find they always say 'A-M-A-Z-I-N-G things and the boys are always the BEST boys from the NICEST families, etc or you just can't find any people who know them and the references are from years back when the boy in question was in diapers in the bungalow colony.

Not today folks. Today was a Hug from Hashem. I was redd a guy from across the globe (ok I may be exaggerating just a touch here) where there really isn't a large Jewish community and where I wouldn't even know anyone who knows someone. However, upon 'chance' (recognizing loudly here that HASHEM plants seeds for things, and everything happens for a reason...) I once met a woman on a bus in Israel, who happens to live in a city near this boy. Not only that, but this woman whom I met so long ago-gave me her card 'just in case' and I have her in my address book along with my other emails from sem. I decided to go out on a limb and ask her, even though I haven't been in touch with her for years and she's in a totally diff city (but still closer than anyone else I know ANYWHERE near there). Lo & behold she got in touch with me almost immediately (despite the time difference) and happens to even know the guy & his family very well.

What ARE the odds?

Summing it up: a guy from Huppitsville---a random woman on a bus in Israel (also from a Huppits place, close to Huppitsville)---one email kept over the years & which is still being checked---response almost immediately---she actually knows guy from Huppitsville.

So that my Hug from HASHEM today. Keep a lookout for ur HUGS & thanks G-d for them each time ;)

May we all merit recognizing Hashem's Hugs

Labour of Love....

I've heard of guys showing off to impress a girl. I've also heard of guys going all out, renting the exotic cars, sometimes even horse & buggy, helicopter, hummers, etc. I've also heard of ways to scare a guy off....the girl's family does something to make him 'tick', or perhaps she is 2 hours late for a date, sometimes annoying cellphone calls. But this one is TOTALLY creative. Kudos to the girl's mom for thinking it up, to the guy for sticking with it and to the awesome story is makes for this blog :)

There are a lot of ways to show your girlfriend you love her. One New Zealander visiting his girlfriend in Edmonton this winter decided to do it by building a giant rainbow igloo.

Kiwi Daniel Gray and his Canadian girlfriend Kathleen Starrie came to Edmonton for the holidays to visit Starrie’s family for five weeks, a prospect that made Starrie’s mom a little nervous.

"I wanted to keep him occupied, not with my daughter necessarily. I wanted to keep him busy with something else," Starrie’s mom Brigid Burton tells Global News Edmonton. So she came up with a plan — Gray would build an igloo in the backyard.

Burton began freezing blocks of coloured ice in two litre milk containers months in advance. Once the couple arrived, the family set to work erecting the structure. It took five days to complete, with the temperature dipping as low as −25. Gray used what he calls “snowcrete” — a mixture of snow and water — to stick the blocks together.

Burton certainly came up with a Canadian project for her daughter's beau.

According to the CBC, it’s been decades since igloos were common in Inuit communities. These snow houses could apparently stay as warm as zero degrees when the outside temperature was as low as −40.

What started as a make work project has made headlines around the world. Images of the project have more than 10,000 views on Reddit, and the story has been covered by the U.K.’s Daily Mail and numerous publications in Gray’s native land.

Though Gray was initially contemplating sleeping in his creation, he says he’s changed his mind and doesn’t think that will be happening. What started as a bit of bizarre chore has now turned into a labour of love for the New Zealand engineer.

“I said, if you want my daughter’s hand, then you have to complete this, and he did it,” Burton tellsGlobal News of her reasons for pressuring the young man to erect the structure.

“That was the deal,” admits Gray.

He says he’s happy he was able to finish the ambitious project, but that they’re not in any hurry to get married at the moment.     

view video here: http://www.3news.co.nz/Kiwi-man-challenged-to-build-igloo/tabid/313/articleID/282388/Default.aspx

Best Breakup

Can You Name the Name?

I was speaking with yet another 'new' shadchan this past week, who, after taking down my basic details began to name me some guys.

Before she commenced with the name game she quickly mumbled a disclaimer something to the likes of 'now, based on your info, you MAY have already heard these names...' and then asked me to get a pen and paper.

She named the first guy and I never heard of him-I quickly scribbled down some information.

She named the second guy, which sounded vaguely familiar. I was quick to interrupt her and asked her some basic info on the guy (he's from Manhattan and is in med school and should be around 6 feet, right?) to which she confirmed. The next thing I know,  I gave her an entire life story of the guy complete with a conclusion of why he wasn't for me.

We moved on to the next and then the next, and lo & behold, each one sounded familiar. I interrupted her to ask about some specifics to confirm if indeed the guy she was naming was the guy I thought I had already heard about and when she confirmed that it was indeed the guy, I would give her a story. It was either a terrible date, didn't even GET to the date-that's how terrible it was, etc. But EACH guy had a story. 

I hung up the phone in half-shock. How did I even REMEMBER these names? Most were common, most sounded pretty standard in terms of names, jobs, schools, places, yet I was spot-on with 90% of them. I guess when each guy has his own story, either from a date, a phone-call, a reference call, etc. its pretty easy to remember. Most people remember stories, especially when they are not the norm.

Guess it's Hashem's way of making me remember-each one had a story.

Weird part was, when I retold the story to the Shadchan, she agreed on every point, she wasn't surprised at the stories, and even knew about some of them...

So all you out there-start creating stories. Hopefully they will be good ones, nice ones, and happy ones. Of course the best stories are the ones that end in 'happily ever after'.

Build A Bear, Design a Dude

Happy New Year everyone! I must say heading out to work today was indeed a pleasure, with the empty streets, loads of parking spots, and a very quiet city. I even got to go shopping, without all the chaos that boxing day brings. Yes folks, I went to the mall, got a great parking spot, and shopped in peace without being pushed/shoved, or having merchandise being taken from my hands.

And, whilst shopping I noticed the Build-a-Bear workshop store (mostly emptied out) and had a flashbulb moment. Have any of you ever been to that store? Surely you, fellow reader, have been inside-either to spoil your nieces/nephews or perhaps to purchase a gift for a friend ('s kid). Basically you go there and you custom-build your teddy bear (or whatever other stuffed animal you choose), from the body, fur, color, outfit, stuffing, etc. You even get to name it and create a birth certificate.

Well, I was thinking what if and by that, I mean, BIG, BOLD 'WHAT IF' there was a similar-type store  only for Shidduch purposes-it would be called 'Design a Dude' (sorry guys-statistics 'prove' there are many more single girls than guys at the moment). I'm sure hundreds if not thousands of mothers would be lined up outside the store, with their daughters, waiting to get in. They would get to 'customize' their own 'dude' and then walk away with exactly what they were looking for.

If only life were that easy....

However, most people know you don't always get what you want...and you can't pick and choose, let alone even 'customize' your guy (to suit your needs). Probably the only truth is that perhaps you can choose out his clothes (no one said he HAS to where them) and maybe even call him whatever pet name you like (as long as he answers by it)

I guess it's a good thing that no such place exists....after all, with everyone always wanting MORE (and what the next one has), imagine how long the line would be for returns/repairs.