Living in a Booth-Sukkos Video

To get you in the mood for Sukkos :)

Reason #14: Why I LOVE the Internet

I know that since the Asifa, the internet is getting a whole lotta bad reviews. There's been the speech about filters, the Jnet articles, the 'put your computer in a public place' and all the other websites and buddy programs to go to in order to maintain safe internet usage. I agree with all of that. I have heard of a few detrimental affects that the internet had on marriages, some ending in divorce-and these are people I know. Yes, it can get addictive. Yes, it is bad for you. And, of course, like everything bad, there is a good side as well. Aside from the online shiurim (I like www.torahanytime.com), the Jewish news, the youtube informative clips, the Kotel cam, etc. there are other very useful internet sites that I use on an ongoing basis (google anyone?). The reason I LOVE internet, for the sake of this post tonight, is because once again, my old buddy internet has come through and saved my bacon so-to-speak. 

Here's what happened:

So-called person called to suggest a shidduch. Boy was described as 'very nice' and in late 30s. The age itself is atleast a decade older, and more. I told the person that late 30s usually means early 40s and so on, and then went ahead to ask them to email me the information. I received the information and with my trusty old internet, did a search on the guy. Lo & behold (no, without any criminal record), I got a whole page of detailed history, family members and birthdates. Turns out I was right-he was early 40s. Byebye baby daddy. and that folks, is why I LOVE internet-those searches usually don't lie. They have no reason to.

The Shadchan Telephone Interview

A friend of mine decided to do her Chesed for the week, the week of Aseres Yemei Teshuva. That Chesed, of course, was me. Seriously, though, she told me that she didn't know how else she can help me as we are in two very different circles (in terms of Frumkeit, age, what I'm looking for, where she comes from, etc) so she made some phone calls and her brother's, husband's cousin's niece seemed to live in Flatbush where 'the types of boys I'm looking for' are from and perhaps he can help. She was soo happy that I really felt that she genuinely was trying to help, and hey, to give her credit, she did make the effort of calling around, so how can I not call this relative after all the work she put in to getting the phone number. Plus, if I didn't call the number, I knew it would sorta come back to haunt me, in terms of 'well, she didn't even CALL the number after all the effort I did, so she probably isn't even interested in getting married-no wonder she is an older single, etc'.

I sat down and made the phonecall. I was told that this woman is a very busy person and the first call would probably be to schedule a time for a real conversation. My first call was not even a minute long-I introduced myself, told her how I got her number and she told me it wasn't a good time and to call back later. I did call back later that evening, only to be told that even at the late unearthly hour that I normally wouldn't call anyone I didn't know, she was still busy. I was told to call the next day at a set time. I called at the set time, but still it wasn't a good time for her. This went on over a course of a few days, until FINALLY, I got through to her and she told me she was now ready to listen properly. 

Then came the most insane and random questions I've ever been asked by a shadchan in all my dating  years. Some of those questions included but weren't limited to:

1) At what age did I have my first date (what does that matter)

2) How old am I-no really how old, because she would need to figure out where and how to lie-quote per her

3) When was my last date

4) what did the last guy I went out look like

5) How do my parents/siblings dress/look

6) What was the name of the last guy I dated

7) Would I be willing to go on a blind date (hello?! what do you call Shidduch dating!?!?!)

and a whole lot of personal DMC questions. Oh, and I forgot-that the conversation, after asking me to email my information, began with her saying 'now, I'm going to ask you a bunch of personal questions that may make you uncomfortable, but please let me know if you're too uncomfortable...' 

Heck, ya! I was uncomfortable, awkward, extremely uncomfortable. But again, this friend worked so hard that I knew if I was rude, or told her to mind her own business, etc. it would get back to said friend, so I was polite, but towards the end of our 45 min. convo, I was very firm and didn't let the same questions over and over and also the psycho talk of why I was single at my age get to me. After hanging up tho, it did indeed get to me. The nerve of people. I didn't call her for a mussar shmooze. She doesn't know me from atom. It's like a couple married for over 5 years who unfortunately don't yet have a child go to a doctor only to be told that it's their fault they don't have a child, etc. Aside from that what diff. does the name, age, look, and description of dates and guys I date make any difference to whether she has someone in mind for me or not.

Needless to say, I haven't heard back from said Shadchan....Just goes to show....I really should've titled this post 'Mindfreak' but that name is reserved for someone with actual talent...

Best Wishes for a Mazeldik year!

Don'tcha just feel really awkward when all these people come to wish you a gut g'bentched yahr, kiss kiss, hug hug and then tell you how they are Davening for you and they truly wish you a year filled with Simcha and this should be the year they dance @ ur chasuna? Personally, I don't like showing my emotions. I mean sure I cry at weddings, funerals, videos, etc. I laugh and am an emotional person but when people tell you how they wish what you truly want-I don't know why but it makes me emotional and it sorta 'invades' into your private life and your innermost wishes. Of course I know they mean well and thank them, say amen and move on but I still believe that it should be categorized with the 'Im Yirtzeh Hashem By You' and should be THOUGHT and not SAID by people to people.
On that note, I would like to wish all of you a gut g'bentched year, a kesiva vachasima tova, a year in which all of your Tefilos are answered l'Tovah and only health, happiness, success, Mazel and Bracha.
May we only share in Simchas and may that be each others!
Good Yom Tov & Shana Tova!

New Year's Resolution

I was just thinking about a guy I dated a few years back....well not him per se, but more like the story of him. You see, I don't quite remember who set me up and why I agreed to go out with him and more likely what the person who redd the shidduch was even thinking! But, one thing stayed in my mind about the whole date and that my fellow readers, was his story.

People always remember a story. Go to a shiur-if it's longer than 30 minutes, most people willy only remember 1 part of it, or the joke the speaker started with, or a touching story. 

Well, this guy had his story. I dated him just once. It was quite obvious from the moment he appeared at the door that this was in no ways shayach, but we went out, it was nice and I was home 2 hours later. A few weeks after our date, I happened to meet someone mutually involved in the shidduch with this particular boy. She told me he had just gotten engaged and then went into the details.

It seemed as this guy was the last single guy of his class. When the second to last guy got engaged/married, this boy's classmates got together and decided they had to do something. They all took it upon themselves to find him a girl so that he can join the rest of his classmates in the 'married' stage. Lo & behold, one of the classmates wife had a friend who had a niece, whose sister.....well, you get the drift. Shortly after setting him up, they got engaged.

Moral of the story: Think of your single friends or, you never know where a shidduch will come from, so think of your single friends.

I always thought that when my classmates would get married, things would be easy-they have husbands who have friends/cousins/family/co-workers/chavrusas the same age, they have a wife who knows you, etc. To be nice, I havta say quite a few of my classmates have indeed set me up over the years, which was sweet & thoughtful. I guess people get busy, they have things taking over their life, like new lifestyle, place, job, family, etc.

So dear readers, I think the new year's resolution for most should be;

If you are married & have single classmates, THINK OF them. HAVE them in mind. NO-do not tell them you are thinking of them and have them in mind. Do not pity them and mention that they are in your tefilos/ challah baking/30 day tehillim group. Instead, sit down and spend 5 minutes going through all the guys you know who are single. You never know, something might just click. Mention to your friends, at your groups, at Simchas, to people you know about your single friends-help spread the word & do some PR for them. A small mention of a name, or that you know the girl might go a long way for a boy's friend/ family/cousin/workmate and might just make them agree to a shidduch because of a mutual person. Without you mentioning that-nothing would've ever happened.

If you are single-keep davening, keep smiling, keep your head up and be proud of who you are. Keep busy, keep doing Chessed, keep a positive attitude. Try and network, meet new people, get together with friends. Call your classmates, friends, family. Renew old ties. Keep faith. Your zivug is out there, he was set aside especially for you 40 days before you were born. You will find him, but hopefully he will find you first :)

May we all only speak/hear of Simchas. May we have the zechus of making a shidduch or more, or being part of a shidduch, or even mentioning something which may start a shidduch!

Treasuring what others consider Trash

In speaking with a Rabbi reference, after he gave wonderful information about a boy, he seemed hesitant. When asking if there was anything else we should know about, the Rabbi hmmed and haawed and then explained, 'well, there is ONE Chisaron here....the boy WORKS, he's not a fulltime learner'.

Upon hearing this information, a smile came to my face, but my dad told the Rabbi exactly what was on my mind. He said 'for us, a boy who works is not a Chisaron, for us, this is a Ma'alah!'

Free Tour Guide coming to a Date near you

I was reading Frumanista's blog and was a bit freaked out about how similar our situations are.

Yes, we are both single, frum, Hungarian girls :) looking for a great guy to grow old and complain with. Yes, we are both unfortunately stuck in the Shidduch system and even more so=whilst she was told that a guy who is well into his thirties was being open-minded by going out with her, I had something even MORE interesting happening whilst she was probably typing up that post.

I, too, was suggested a guy well into his thirties-yes, it turned out he was close to, if not already, the big FOUR 0. He was also very 'open-minded' in terms of him wanting a girl 10-20 years younger than him. The only difference here, was the lady who suggested him profusely thanked me for even letting her talk about the suggestion and for being such a sweetheart and such a good girl after I told her to send me the information (whilst rolling my eyes, nonetheless). She wasn't interested in setting up a date-more like a being a tour guide.

The guy told her he would be in town for business and wanted to keep busy whilst not in meetings, so she gave me very advanced notice and told me to keep my schedule open.

Lucky for me-turns out he was picky about something stupid (not age of course!) like haircolor and wasn't interested. 

No free tour guide for me. 

So much for him being 'open-minded' after all.

Thing is, I don't get why a guy, especially at his age can get away with such a stupidity minor 'pickiness' whilst if a girl said that, no matter how old she was, she would hear about it for weeks/months/years on end!