Maccabeats-Book of Good Life

I'm Thinking of You..

well folks, it's that time of the year again....the phonecalls, the good wishes, the 'back-rubbers' who come up to you in Shul to wish you a 'gut g'bentched yahr' with that slightly hidden wink and the mention of this year being 'the' year and full of Simchas, etc.

I sorta cringe at this time.

a) becuz it reminds me that another year has passed, and I'm STILL here, single and looking, just a year older than last.

b) the back rubbers-seriously, THINK the wishes, no need to rub my back whilst doing so. especially since we have NOTHING to do with each other-other than ur hand rubbing the small of my back whilst you have that pitiful look on your face

c) the wishes-I mean, what am I supposed to say? It's the same Bracha and wishes, I usually just avoid eye-contact and nod, silently thinking AMEN and please AMEN so I don't have to go through this (again) next year!

But, this year, my single friends, I thought of a plan. It all came about when a long-lost friend called me to wish me a gut g'bentched yahr and all that, and she said 'I just want to let you know that although we don't speak often; you're ALWAYS on mind mind'. This got me thinking. I'm gonna manufacture headbands for people to wear and on it, it BIG BOLD letters, it will state 'YOU'RE ON MY MIND'.

There, I said it. I have created what most of us singles will look at the best gift ever! That way all the well-wishers can walk around wearing these 'fashionable' headbands (customized color, fonts, bedazelled, etc.) and NOT have to say anything-we already KNOW we're on their mind :)

The FEW Good Men...

OK, so just as I was getting annoyed with all the pre-date conditions I was receiving from the guys who I was being suggested to, I got what my good friend, Ruchie calls a 'Hug from Hashem'.

A European boy was suggested to me....like a good few months ago.....and suddenly in midst of my pre-depressed state over all these pre-conditions from the pre-madonna'd guys, this European guy gets brought into the picture.

OK, big deal right? I won't hear about it for another few months...

But......and BIG BUT inserted here->

This European guy is now my MASCOT for what all single guys on dates should be like. He should go on a worldtour speaking to men and changing their 'Shidduch mentality'.

You see, this guy gave all the perfect (perfect in MY world) answers when asked questions. I guess he's just not that in touch with the Shidduch world, or just that it's European mentality, or just that he's a GREAT catch.

His #1 question was NOT for a photo, not for a resume, not to email his shadchan/sister/mother/agent, not how I look, not my skirt size, my weight, or if my family has money, but......and wait for this.....drumroll please.....he asked if I have good MIDDOS. WOW!

All the information that was relayed to me by the shadchan about how this boy acted and reacted was just soooo refreshing! so pleasant, so naive in a way, but worldly in another. Not a stuck up, snot-nose, full-of-himself guy who can request a girl for breakfast, lunch and supperm, but a selfless, mentchlech guy who actually cares. Old-fashioned mentality.

So, here's a shout out to the FEW good guys out there! Thanks for giving me hope, for giving me chizuk and mostly for letting me know that there really ARE some AWESOME single boys :)

American Boys Shidduch Process

Heads up single American guys-u ain't gonna appreciate me stereotyping u in this post.

But hey, what can I say? I'm basing this on my experience with American boys and DISCLAIMER: not all American frum single guys are like this, but the most of the ones I know or dated have been, so I'm basing this solely on my personal experiences with them.

So here's the situation: single out of town gals, such as myself, often get 'redd' to boys, most of whom are American, a handful of Canadians and for those lucky-some Europeans. I've been fortunate enough to call myself an International Dater. My experiences with all these boys from all around the globe has been wonderful, in that I got to know the different mentalities, upbringing, etc. all of which are not strictly due to their residences, but families/communities as well.

In any case, if I would have to sum up the 'shidduch procedure' for the typical American, here's how it goes.

Shadchan calls/emails/faxes asking for girl's resume.

girls sends resume

Shadchan calls, asks girl to edit resume, taking out things she believes boy would NOT appreciate and adding things that he might.

girl edits and sends.

Shadchan calls informing girl that guy requests photo

girl is hesitant and explains that she hasn't done this before, or only sent it once she checked into the boy

Shadchan speaks to boy, informs girl that THIS boy ALWAYS gets full resumes of loads of girls, along with 2 photos; one full length-one up close and without one, there is nothing to talk about.

girl finally gives in, sends in 2 photos.

girl waits 1 week

girl waits another week

by week 2.5, girl builds up courage and calls shadchan

Shadchan said she sent boy resume as well as photos and he said based on photos she's not what he's 'looking for'

boy & girl continue in Shidduch world....so does shadchan :)

Which brings me to my next post-a more positive post!

Shana Tova!

Baggage

I know that everyone has baggage, but I'm looking for a guy with carry-on only.

Don't Partner Together a Pair of Pants & a Skirt

This week's Parsha includes the mitzvah of not to harness together an ox and a donkey. The underlying idea behind this mitzvah is a very beautiful concept. One should not harness together two animals from different species since they will not work at the same rate and will only frustrate each other. How sensitive the Torah is to animals; how much more so must we be to people! In fact, the Sefer HaChinuch extends the sensitivity of this mitzvah to human beings and says there is a mitzvah not to set-up two individuals who are incompatible, in any type of relationship.

In our generation, it is true that we are experiencing a “shidduch crisis” and it is a tremendous mitzvah to arrange shidduchim between boys and girls. However, one should never simply throw together a “pair of pants and a skirt” in a self-righteous attempt to make a shidduch. This is extremely frustrating and upsetting to the prospective mates. One must realize

that creating a match is a wonderful and exciting endeavor, but it is also an awesome responsibility.

The Steipler Gaon ZT”L (quoted in uars, ubfak) says that there are three things that one should look for in a shidduch:

1) Yiras Shamayim.

2) Middos Tovos.

3) "MatIm"

the boy and girl should be “compatible” - with the same goals, attitudes and hashkafos on life. Family backgrounds and personality types should be taken into account as well.

Everyone (including YOU) should be trying to help those who are not yet married, to find their rightful zivug. But it is important to remember: PLEASE don’t match up two totally different types - “species” - (after all, as the saying goes, “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus.”) - for by doing so, you may very well be transgressing a mitzvah in the Torah.

taken from Torah Tavlin-Parshas Ki Teitzei

Male or Female?

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

TIRES :
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

FREEZER BAGS :
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

HOT AIR BALLOONS :
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES :
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES :
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS :
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people..

EGG TIMERS :

Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom .

HAMMERS :
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL :
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

Online Verification of Facts

So how relevant is this to my previous post?

One of these online Shidduch sites has found me a potential match. When I click to open it, there is a new little flashy symbol that states that age verification. Naturally, I click on it. OK folks, I'm like a very curious person. So I like searching things and verifying stuff for myself, but being that this was new and I wasn't really buying it, I click onto it and it tells me that the guy who is my potential match had his age verified through various public records, etc.

So, I guess there has been alot of mishaps with regards to people's personal info. Wonder if they can verify the photos as well :)

Changing Who You Are.....on Paper

So last week I got a call from a Shadchan. She asked me to send her my resume, for the umptheeth time. So I just go to my sent items (from months back) and click 'forward' (once again) and there she has it.

Then I get a follow up call...Wait?! A follow up call?! who even DOES that these days? AND, it's waaaayy too soon for a 'yes' or 'no' answer from the guy, after all, it has only be a few days since it was sent, so, here I'm thinking, WHY am I getting this 'follow up' call?

Turns out she wants me to change something on my resume.

Now, peoples, here's the way I work: I have my resume, I send it, and once it's in my sent items, and in the inbox of the receiver-they can do whatever they want with it-assuming they ain't forwarding it to their entire email list, and/or posting it in Times Square or somethin. So I give them permission to cut, copy, and paste whatever they wanna show or not show and voila, as the French say.

This Shadchan, however, informed me that she was worried the boy wouldn't agree to date me as we are the same age. When I was younger, heck ya, it mattered to me if a guy was younger than me, as like I was 21-22, so a male younger than that is what I consider 'real immature', but in my current age, it hasn't really bothered me, but I get that a guy would be 'bothered' by it. Anyway, the Shadchan was worried and asked me to remove my age from the paper.

Logically, I always ask age, so whether its on the paper or not, I would still ask, but the Shadchan said the boy can find out on his own.

So, my fellow singles, you are the senders & receivers of such resumes....what would YOU do?

Camp Simcha-Light Up the Night