Smile and wave boys, smile and wave?

This one's for my friend, Chavi:

For those of you who are fans of Dreamworks movie cartoon "Madagascar", you know the title for this post is credit to the movie, or shall I say, credit to the the penguins IN the movie, but at the same time, is also very relevant to this post.

For some history: Years ago, I dated a guy, in fact, we only went out once, and whilst the date itself was just ok, the guy spoke a little too much about the things he was into and the people who hung out with, which led me to say no, as it wasn't things or people I would like to be associated with at all. Shortly afterward, an old college friend of mine was getting married. Turns out the guy she was marrying was friends with the boy I dated and guess who just 'happened to show up' for the wedding? The guy I said no to.

Now, knowing the personality of this boy, who should've been, but wasn't ashamed of his so-called 'hobbies' and or 'buddies', and infact was a proud person, I knew, to keep away from him. However, somehow he 'found' me at the wedding, and whilst going with friends to get Shtick for the Kallah, this guy decided to be all 'casual' and do the 'look cool by leaning against the wall and just happen to stand in the path of the girl' thing. I noticed him from far and walked with my friends, totally ignoring him. Normally, if he was a decent guy, perhaps I would've waved, or looked up and smiled to acknowledge his presence, but because I knew he was sorta gutsy, and I was with friends, I walked on the other side of the hall, trying to avoid the awkwardness.

The guy purposely called out my name loudly and my friends looked at me strangely. I looked over and he was like 'hey, whatsup? I knew you'd be here'. I was MORTIFIED! however, I answered something to the likes of hi, and mazel tov and quickly ran for the Shtick.

Now, whilst there are some times I would 'smile and wave' other times I would rather 'cross the road' or 'bury my head in the sand', especially when its the kinda guy who'se 'type' I would rather NOT associate myself with.

But, for those of you who think maybe I'm too cruel, here's a more recent happening. The last guy I dated was a really nice, decent, bochur, I havta admit that. He treated me with utmost respect and was a true mentch. Unfortunately, we were getting nowhere or shall I say, we stayed nowhere on each date, so we called it quits. In any case, a few weeks later we both end up in the same place, and luckily, actually crossed paths on more than one occasion. Now, to prove even more what a mentch the guy was, and how you treat someone the way you are treated, we both ended up greeting each other. It was nice, civil and even though it was a bit awkward, we are both mature adults and treated the situation as such.

So when it comes down to it, I think you smile and wave at the boys who are decent (and for some, to the boys who you would want to smile and wave at you !)

Shidduch Graphs

I saw this post at BOSD and loved the graphs that they so brilliantly came up with!

I gotta admit, I agreed with aLOT of them. Feel free to comment on these graphs, over here at the BOSD blog, here: http://ablobofsomethingdifferent.blogspot.com/2010/08/top-ten-graphs-to-simplify-shidduchim.html

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Not Shidduch Related

So, I had an inspiring few days and I thought I'd share them with you.

As we are all 'preparing' ourselves during the Aseres Yemei Teshuva, working on our Middos, looking for extra mitzvos, extra opportunities to help others, there are also numerous shiurim being held in all communities to help 'boost' and 'inspire' us to do good, and be better people.

I decided to keep my evenings 'open' in order that I can attend some of these shiurim and B"H I attended a few thus far.

Here's when my inspiration came to be: I walked into the Shul where the Shiur was being held and there were quite a few women attending, as well as girls. Only, when I took a careful look around the room, I realized that in addition to the 'typical' girls whom I would expect to attend shiurim, I also noticed the 'other girls'. The ones that didn't attend the 'typical seminaries in Israel' the ones that are not 'so yeshivish' or not quite 'as frum as' the typical Bais Yaakov girls. In fact, they may be people you know, your neighbors, friends, classmates, etc. These were girls who attend college, girls who are working, and some were girls who just 'fell through the cracks' and lost touch with her background.

Yet, here they were-in Shul, with the rest of us, dressed appropriately, and with notebooks to take notes.

The scene tugged at my heart. Can everyone see this? Can they notice these girls, making the effort, coming to the shiur, putting on the long(er) skirt, taking notes, wanting, yearning, to make herself into a better Bas Yisrael, to embrace Yiddishkeit.

Wow! I thought I was good, schlepping out to hear the shiurim-but these girls, who probably live farther away, and some of whom had to take the extra citybus 20 minutes out of the way, and maybe even miss out on something else-they made the effort-and their efforts DEFINITELY didn't go unnoticed!

What a Wedding!

Why Should I Care What Others Think?

Today a good friend of mine called me to let me know that, especially at this time of year, she would like to be honest and open, as any good friend should, and she wanted to let me know what people were saying about me.

As a bit of background, she's married for a while and has a few kids, B"H, and I am very close with her, and use her as one of my references for Shidduchim because of the fact that she knows me so well and can give really accurate information about me (as do my other references).

In any case, she mentioned that over Yom Tov, a shidduch came up and for whatever reason it was, it wasn't for me. So the person who mentioned it, somehow must've known this and said 'well, she'll probably say no, because the boy is ____, and she says no to everything'.

So, upon hearing this, I immediately thought-well ya, I would say no because the boy is ____, but NO, I do NOT say no to everything.

If it ain't what I'm lookin for, then it ain't what I'm lookin for. And whilst, yes, I have bent and agreed to go out with some boys, who normally-in my earlier years of dating I would've said no to, but everything else about him was ok, I have to stick to my guns regarding important factors in terms of what I am looking for in a guy.

My friend, was just trying to let me know that people are going around saying that I say no and turn down every offer.

Here's my take on the situation:

People will always make excuses and say things like 'well, obviously she's not ready to get married' or 'she's too picky' or 'well, she doesn't know what she wants', etc. But no one besides Hashem knows the reason for why I am still single. So there will always be those people who say things that aren't true, and I can't stop them from how they perceive me or my situation or me IN my situation, I can only hope that those people who are saying this are just talkers and are the 'standby' people at weddings, who just comment and don't 'redd' the actual shidduchim-they only come to their own conclusions, so WHO ACTUALLY CARES WHAT THEY SAY?

At the same time, if I were to respond to half the people who have offered me shidduchim which were soooo not shayach, sooo off-track, so low, with suggestions of boys who were seriously trouble, and other issues and once I said no-if I were too say-'well, would you take a boy like that for YOUR daughter?!?' I wonder how many would actually say yes without thinking. Instead, it's usually a long pause or silence on the other end of the line....So, I have a reason for saying NO, and I have a right to know what I want.

That's my rant for today....what can I say? Today's been a bit rough...

Shiur

My friend, Ruchie, introduced me to this website called www.TorahAnytime.com which is a great website where you can hear and/or watch shiurim online by some of the greatest speakers, Rabbis, teachers, etc.

By trying to get me to watch a shiur before Rosh Hashana, she suggested I watch one of the shiurim which she already saw and could therefore recommend, based on our similar taste of shiurim and on a topic which is very pertinent-none other than dating and marriage. I must admit, when she first told me to go to the website and watch a shiur, I had in mind to watch 5 minutes and tell her I saw it, and then I wouldn't feel guilty to NOT watch a free shiur in my own home anytime, during Elul, however, I ended up watching the entire hour of the shiur and then some more from Rabbi Orlofsky, who gave the shiur.

I highly recommend this website, as well as the specific shiur I saw, which link is: http://www.torahanytime.com/scripts/media.php?file=media/Rabbi/David_Orlofsky/2008-05-29/Dating_and_Marriage/Rabbi__David_Orlofsky__Dating_and_Marriage__2008-05-29.wmv

So, if you appreciate a sense-of-humor and are looking for a shiur that's down to earth, knowledgeable, practical, etc. I recommend Rabbi David Orlofsky's shiur.

Again, I'm fairly new to the site and haven't watch all shiurim by all the Rabbis, but as a starter-feel free to watch the shiur at the link above.

It's the Small Things...

Coming out of Rosh Hashana just a few hours ago, we all are still on a higher spiritual level than a regular Motzei Shabbos during the year. That's because we spent the last 2 days davening, praying, with such fervor and Kavannah and asking Hashem to answer our prayers and to judge us favorably, etc.

Being single, this can be a difficult time. People say that singles might be depressed as once again, a new year has passed and they are still..well...they are still single. Others have moved on, got engaged, got married, had children B"H and we are still here. It can definitely be frustrating and people just lose their focus and concentrate on all the negative, i.e. 'look at what I went through this year...all those bad dates...all those 'almost' moments...all the phonecalls to shadchanim, all my hishtadlus calling people...all my Tefilos...and I'm still here...again!'

But, the way I see it (and I ain't one of those perky-happy-all-the-time people at all) we really have to look around and be thankful for those small things in life, which to some of us might seem small, but really are important things to be thankful for.

Let me give you an example: This week a friend of mine told me that she met this 19 year old who told her that 9 of her friends got engaged and were to be married within the next 3 months. Now, a few weeks later, there are only 3 girls who are getting married (6 broke their engagements).

So, look at the alternative(s), would someone C"V rather get engaged only to have a broken engagement, or still be single?

What about those singles who nebach, got married and then divorced shortly afterwards? Who do you think has it harder? us or them?

Or those couples who are happily married, and were not yet Blessed with children? Is that easy to go through?

So, I look around at friends of mine, the single girls, the girls with broken engagements, the divorced ones, the ones who don't yet have a child, etc. and see how thankful I am to HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

Obviously, Hashem gives us Nisyonos that He knows we can handle and we all have our different 'issues' so to speak, but look at how much we DO have. I deliver meals for Bikur Cholim and see the children/parents/grandparents in the hospital and it is truly sad. Look at how many gatherings there were this year to recite Tehillim.

B"H I am healthy, I have a beautiful family K'AH, I have a job, I have friends, I have opportunities to go to shiurim, to help out others, to partake in Chesed projects. So, I didn't find my bashert yet-but the best is yet to come! and we have to believe that and be thankful for what we DO have each and every day! Just look around at your community, friends, family, in Shul, look at the individual people, see what some of them have gone through/are going through (obviously you won't know everyone's issues) and be happy that you have so much going for you!

It's the Small things in life we have to be thankful for and appreciate!

Shana Tova!

Wishing you all a gut g'bentched yahr, a Kesiva vaChasima Tova, a year filled with Bracha, Mazel, Hatzlacha, Gezunt, Parnassa and only Simchas!

-till next year...