Tichel Girls Video (warning: Kol Isha)

Niagara Falls

I found out that there is some kinda singles Shabbaton event this Shabbos in Niagara Falls.

Is anyone going? If so, please post how you think/felt it went for all of us who aren't there.

"The Shabbos Table Experiment"

So my friend called me the other day with a proposition that sounded sorta like this:

friend: "Hi, SoS, I know you're probably gonna say no, but I need to ask you something."

Me: "okkkkkkk....shoot"

friend: "so, i dunno if I told u but there is this guy that was mentioned to me like a few months back but nothing ever came to be, and when i was available he was busy and when he was available-well you get the point. Anyway, the woman who suggested it was speaking with this guy's Aunt and the guy's Aunt told this woman that he is coming to her for Shabbos so it would be a great idea for me to join them for a meal to sorta 'get a feel' of what kinda guy he is and see if I want to pursue things"

Me: "and what does that havta do with me killing you?" <-jk-> "And you're ok with this? I mean are you comfortable with this whole idea? cuz I dunno how comfortable I would be going to some random's person's house to eat with a family I don't know and specifically to meet & eat with a guy that's being suggested-especially when the family are his relatives and he's in his comfort zone-are you seriously ok with this?"

Friend: "ya totally! it would be an adventure. The only thing is, the woman said it might be more comfortable and less awkward for me if I came with a friend, so I was wondering..."

Me: "ok, if I was you, I'd say no, but being that I'm not the one who's gonna be 'on show' I would totally come with you and 'supervise'.

Friend: " are you sure? I mean are you serious?"

Me: "ya, totally, just who are these people and what are they like? what am I allowed to say and not allowed to say, what do I wear, etc?"

Friend: "don't worry, I'll fill you in the details, but I havta call this woman back so she can inform the Aunt of this guy that we will be coming, I'll call you right back".

And so my fellow readers, began the tale of 'The Shabbos Table Experiment" where I so graciously decided to join my friend on her mission to pre-date the guy, or as I like to put it selfishly-If I was in that position and had to join a family Shabbos table meal knowing the guy knew I was there to 'check him out' I would want her to join me.

So, she spoke to 'the lady' who confirmed with 'the aunt' and then she called me back to confirm the 'Shabbos Table Experiment'.

Now before I go on giving you the juicy details-I have 2 questions:

a) would YOU agree to do such a thing, and why or why not?

b) do you think a "Shabbos Table Experiment" is BETTER or WORSE than an actual date?

Cute

Was at Barnes & Nobles today when I saw this on the shelf. THIS IS TOTALLY 100% legit.

Perhaps someone wants to sell these @ the local Mikvah?

References-make sure they KNOW you

Was chillin' yesterday with my friend Huvie, who didn't seem her usual cheerful self. After much nudging, and some chocolate(s) later, she explained why.

It seems that someone was looking into her and called the references which she provided on her 'resume', only to be told that she is not 'magazine cover model material'. Now, as Huvie explained, she doesn't believe herself to be gorgeous, stunning, or a model. Yes, she is a size 0-2, stickly skinny, pretty, brilliant, knowledgeable and funny, etc. But, she was bothered because she went through the time to put references whom she trusts. People who she considers her friends and close confidants. Now, I don't know about you, but I hope my friends aka 'references' would never say anything bad about me. I know I don't expect them to lie and use superlatives and exaggerate about my beauty or brains, etc. (that was me being humble-sarcasm), but I hope they atleast make me sound nice and emphasize the chesed I try and do on a weekly basis and confirm that I am a 'good Bais Yaakov girl', etc.

Now, Huvs, was even MORE bothered by the fact that this was the THIRD time she had changed her references.

The first time this happened, a friend of hers who she put as a reference told someone she was a 'serial dater'. Once she found out which friend said this, she was quickly replaced on the list of references with another girl.

Second time, a close friend of hers said something really rude, which I will not post here, and that was a big shock and this girl was really really good with Huvie. She, as well, was replaced on the list.

Third time, Huvie took a good long while to consider those who she really trusted and she made sure to use only MARRIED friends and acquantances as an extra precaution.

And look what happened-someone said something rude yet again!

So, while I totally understand her frustration and really feel bad about this, I have a question-Halachically-is she allowed to ask who this girl is who is saying this, or is the 'shadchan' allowed to tell her who this girl is, if it will save her from ruining future Shidduchim?

Is all "Fair" in love (and war)?

This past week I received 3 separate emails with the same message, as reads below:

********************************************************************************************************

~ B”H ~

SHADCHANIM FAIR

Will take place iy”H on Sunday, May 9th, 2010

4:30 pm to 8:00 pm: Ladies & Girls

8:30 pm to 10:30 pm: Men & Boys

(Hours Strictly Enforced)

B'nai Israel of Linden Heights, 4502 9th Avenue (Corner of 46th Street), Boro Park, Brooklyn

Do not miss this great opportunity to meet many men and women Shadchanim at one place and at one time.

Bring profile and picture.

Minimal entrance fee to cover expenses

Rabbinically Endorsed

For more information, call 718-633-6378. All calls will be returned, b”n.

********************************************************************************************************

When I got the first email, I read it and thought: WOW! Is this what the world is coming too? Exploiting something out of our control (aka 'finding the right one') and turning it into a "fair"

The only fairs I've been to, are county fairs-where they award ribbons to 'largest pumpkin, best livestock, sheep shearing, etc'. Who makes fairs for shidduchim?! I mean, let's give the benefit of the doubt here-they are trying to 'help' us singles. If that's the case tho, then I have a few questions.

1) Why is a minimal fee required? what expenses are they incurring?
2) If it is indeed Rabbinically endorsed, why not put the names of the Rabbonim who endorse it-what's to hide?
3) Lastly-if someone IS putting on a fair, which purpose is to help singles get married-why separate hours?! Think about it as waiting in line for rides in DisneyWorld, if you're gonna be standing in line waiting 20 minutes or so, you might as well chat with the person in line behind/infront of you, who might be a nice eligible, young guy.

Anyhow, I have a problem with this whole thing, again, like I said above, but also think of making a fair in another context. Let's take the issue of fertility. There are so many couple out there who only wish to be Blessed with children and unfortunately, do not have any-YET.

Now imagine if you saw this ad only it would be called "Fertility Fair" - come meet with specialized doctors and fertility specialists. Meet with adoptive parents as well. Please bring your results of all bloodtests, scans, and/or any medical procedures performed.

Would people take it the same way? What? they are just trying to help these couples.....

Basically-don't exploit our issues to make a 'fair'. Fairs are for rides, livestocks and vegetables=not people.

It's all Relative

While reading my good friend- MM's blog the other day, it really got me thinking.

When people ask me what kinda guy I'm looking for I say 'someone NORMAL'. and yes, while I know that "Normal" is all relative, I realized that the label "Frum" is relative as well.

I hope that people who know me well enough, know what type of "frum" I mean. I always thought that Frum meant the same to all, but after being enlightened by MM's blog entry, I sorta got a bit worried. I mean, I go out with "Frum" boys all the time. Sometimes it doesn't last more than 1 date, other times, it goes on for a few dates. How do I know if a guy is the type of frum guy, who 'walks the walk' but doesn't talk the talk (aka 'wears peyos and a black hat but has the pix of shikshes on his lap and takes off the yarmulke and eats treif!).

So, my fellow readers, I'd like to take a consensus and ask you how you would define the word 'Frum' according to YOU.

If you feel the need to explain the reasoning of your definition, feel free. But I'm just curious as how people define 'frum', other than myself.

Feel free to be blunt!

Men.

At the office, we have this magnet hanging on our refrigerator in the kitchen (pic courtesy of my awesome iphone :) that reads-well, you can click on it to view.
In any case, to illustrate the point, my friend's brother was going to Starbucks and offered to pick something up for her-I know, for a brother, he's really nice. In any case, being that I was around at the time AND I'm obesssed with coffee-especially Starbucks Frappuccinos, he offered to get me one as well. So I give him my order clearly 'mocha frappuccino-mezzo-no whip-remember the straw'.
Pretty simple orders for a guy to understand, right?
But, in following the tradition of men forgetting just 1 minor thing-he bought the frappuccino, right flavor, right size, even rememebered the straw!
problem: He left it on my desk to defrost and turn into liquid for 1.5 hours before I was able to get there to drink it. So much for the part to actually put it in the freezer so it can still be frozen by the time I get to the office.
Men.

Sometimes a Picture DOES speak 1000 words

So, I know how I'm sooo against the whole 'guys demanding pictures' or 'guy's moms demanding pictures' when it comes to Shidduchim.
We call it 'catalogue service' and therefore do not 'hand out' our photos to every person who has an email address.
HOWEVER, I've come to appreciate the 'other side' of the situation and here's why. This morning this woman called me and told me that she was 'networking' and had spoken with this woman about me and the woman said she had this guy, etc, etc. The guy apparently looked into me and gave a 'yes' so she wanted to know if it would interest me. The first two things she told me about him, I honestly was not looking for nor was I even interested by, but I told her to provide me with some more information. She emailed me some information and while waiting for more info, I figured I'd just check him up on facebook. Let's just say=yay for people who put up photos! I don't mean to sound rude or come across as superficial, but in all of honesty-had I traveled for a date with this guy, I would've been truly disappointed. Also, it was a picture which clearly depicted his frumkeit level, as well as his looks and in addition to the information it clearly made me realize this boy was not for me.
So folks-sometimes it IS worth it to see a picture. I'm not saying email your photos to your entire contact list, but if you happen to come across one, etc. it saves time and energy.

Happy Lag Ba'Omer!