Murphy's Law

Whatsup with Murphy's Law that is seems to come into play when I'm about to go out?

I'm talkin like the week/day/hour/ before a date, somethin TOTALLY fluky seems to happen.

Perhaps the random snowstorm in midst of spring the day a guy flew in for me and brought spring clothing?

What about bringing 3 inch heels on a date and BAM! the guy decides to take you to the beach=slitted boards on the boardwalk and sand to sink the heels into?

Or, that the weather prediction is sun all week long and it starts POURING rain 20 minutes before the date-the kind of rain where your umbrella inverts and you go flying after it and end up soaked to the bone, umbrella-less.

Well, the last time I had a date the guy was due to show up at 7:00pm. About 6:50pm when I'm just about putting on the 'final touches', the doorbell rings. He's EARLY? WHO comes to pick up a girl EARLY? isn't that like against the rules or somethin? But, no, it is our neighbor who decided to 'drop in' to borrow something that they asked us for a few days back. Instead of calling to make sure that (a) someone was home (b) we had the item ready (c) it was a good time, they just showed. So you can imagine the sudden panic as we quickly grabbed the item, and escorted our neighbor out the door minutes before my date showed up.

The time before that? same thing happened! only different neighbor, different date, and different time.

Am I the only one with this curse?

New Template?

Being computer obsessive, I can probably tell you how to get outta any minor pc glitch whilst in my sleep. Yes, I know Microsoft Word like the back of my hand, I create my own little mini-movies using Windows Movie Maker, slideshows with Powerpoint, etc. I even create my own custom templates in Word for different uses. Although I must admit, there are many templates to download from calendar, to bookmark, to receipts, to resumes, etc.

However, I have yet to discover 1 template which is not available for download. A template that people nowadays seem to know quite alot about, even though there is none from Microsoft at all. This, my dear readers, is 'The Shidduch Template' for something known as 'The Shidduch Resume'.

In fact, just yesterday I sent out my Shidduch Resume by email and got a call back from the mother-in-law stating that it was too informative and way to descriptive-hey, the more the merrier, as long as it paints a picture (if they don't ask you for a picture as well-hehe). Strangely, a Shadchan I gave the same resume to a few weeks back read it and told me it was very well written. Another woman told me to remove some key words, whilst someone else told me to add.

The list goes on and on, either you luv it or ya hate it. But putting all luv & hate aside, there are alot of people out there who consider themselves 'Shidduch Resume Maivens', who seem to think they have a Masters in writing Shidduch Resumes and therefore they can tell you what to include, what not to include, what should be written first, how many paragraphs, bolded, bracketed, etc.

So, from now on, anytime I send out my Shidduch Resume, I tell people to feel free to 'cut, copy & paste' whatever they wish. After all, it is THEIR job as the 'shadchan' to 'redd' the shidduch and to describe us without forwarding the attachment.

So, if any of you out there have an MA or work for Microsoft, or have the Shidduch Template for these resumes-perhaps we should send it to all these critiques!

Better yet, here's a Jewish idea-why not come up with a template and charge each person $1.50 to download. Make money outta 'the shidduch crisis'. Market it in all Jewish newspapers, affiliate it with all the online dating, ShidduchVision, SawYouAtSinai stuff, have a couple of Rabbis sign and voila! yet another 'solution' to the shidduch crisis!

only downside?! you gotta have internet to download....now THAT'S a whole other crisis!

One of my Favorite Pessach YouTubes

Well Wishers

You know those people who always wish you well?

The ones who ALWAYS daven for you? who have your "name bas mother's name" stuck to their fridge?

Who give Tzedaka for a zechus for you?

Who call your mother to tell her that she saw you lately and you looked so good and she wishes something happens soon, soon?

Ya-we call 'em "Well Wishers".

Then, there are those, who only wish you well, when things go well for them. This concept works as follows: 'Mrs. X' has a daughter the same age, or close in age as you. You're both in Shidduchim and might even be friends, family friends or distantly related to Mrs. X & Co. Every so often you meet up but don't talk about the obvious 'shidduch crisis' or 'shidduchim' in general.

Suddenly=BAM! you hear that Mrs. X's daughter, the one close in age as yourself, got engaged! Mazel Tov you think as you roll your eyes whilst rushing to blow your hair and get dressed for the vort that you're-so-not-in-the-mood to go to, but you-have-to-go-to-cuz-if-u-don't-people-will-think-you're-jealous-and-nebachcase u.....

Next thing you know, Mrs. X calls your mother and tells her that there is this Segulah.....she knows it works because she did it and lo and behold her daughter got engaged, so your mom & fam. should feel honored that she is sharing this with you because Mrs. X was always fond of you and wants you to have Mazel, Bracha, Hatzlacha, Yeshua, etc. etc. Suddenly now 'shidduchim' isn't a taboo anymore as her daughter is already engaged, which means it is now ok for her to discuss your shidduch issues with you.

Doesn't that just annoy the heck outta you?

Too bad there isn't one of those 'Im Yirtze Hashem By You' phrases that you can throw back when someone already has the Mazel & is engaged....

Why men shouldn't write advice columns

Limitations...

I thought I had my share of limitations. I mean, you'd think that just by me BEING an out-of-towner, that would be the worst of limitations. As lately the excuse has been 'this guy doesn't want an out-of-town girl' or 'his mother doesn't want to deal with out-of-towners', or 'well, it's difficult as if things work out, that means yomim tovim will have to be split so...'

Also, the fact that I am shorter than average in height=another limitation. Some guys won't go out with girls shorter than say, 5"5. Others won't go out with girls 2 inches of their height. Lemme just say, I ALWAYS wear heals on dates and other 'occasions' which are atleast 2 inches (ok, and I have my daily platforms for added comfort), but c'mon. I have friends who married guys 2 heads taller than them. Heck-my cousin is 6"7-seriously-he's HUGE, and he married a girl who is 5"1. You should see that wedding photo-he's like arching over her and she stood on a crate just to fit them in the same pic-lol!

But, getting back to limitations, I know everyone has their preferences, writer included, and everyone has the right to decide where to draw the line, but tonight, as my friend Huvie so eloquently put it: this has got to be a limitation for the books!

You see, I send my info at the request of a shadchan about a month ago. Then 2 weeks later, I got a call asking me to send it again. This week they called me informing me that the boy doesn't go out with girls unless there is a common reference who knows both sides. YES, you heard it here. Obviously, we'd all like to have someone who knows both us, as well as the gentlemen (or woman) in question, but it doesn't always work out that way and sometimes you gotta call references or find someone who knows someone (and even someone who knows that someone's someone). So ya, considering the fact that the guy mentioned is 'older' and literally, I thought I was from out-of-town, this guy is from Hupitz (no offense, Chabad houses & Coca-Cola distributors) so putting this limitation on Shidduchim for someone with his stats has GOT to be a really not-so-smart decision, but hey, everyone can draw the line where they want.....right?

Letter from a Friend

As you got up this morning, I watched you and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday. But I noticed you were trying to find the right outfit to put on and wear to work. I waited again.

When you ran around the house getting ready I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy. At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip. I watched as you went to work and I waited patiently all day long. With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me. I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, that's why you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends briefly talking to me before they ate, but you didn't. That's okay. There is still more time left and I have hope that you will talk to me, yet you went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the TV, I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there, and you spent a lot of time each day in front of it not thinking about anything-just enjoying the show. I waited patiently again as you watched TV and ate your meal but again you didn't talk to me. Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time.

That's okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you. I've got patience more than you will ever know. I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well. I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer, thought or thankful part of your heart. It is hard to have a one sided conversation. Well you are getting up again and once again I will wait with nothing but love for you hoping that today you will give me some time.

Your friend,

G-d

Patience Please!

I hate to admit it, but I'm not a really patient person! Not that I'm always rushing=i HATE HATE HATE ABSOLUTELY HATE-did I mention that I really HATE to be rushed?!??

Anyway, but I'm not the most patient person in the world. I'm the kind of gal who will sit at a red light, turn up the volume in the car and if the car infront of me doesn't budge the second the light turns green, I won't honk like a maniac, I'll give them 2 minutes to 'space in' and then honk or cut them off...(see, I'm NOT a New Yorker!-no offense guys)

Now the reason I bring this up is simple: when it comes to 'checking into guys' for moi, I usually try and find my own sources, e.g. people who know me and might know the guy either cuz they live(d) in the same area, went to the same camp/bungelow colony, same age, same Shul, same job, college, etc. If I can't and even sometimes when I can, then I refer to the 'references' which are provided by the Shadchan.

Now, for most people who have (busy) lives, it's hard to reach them the minute you call. Either they forgot to turn on their cell, or their cell is on vibrate, or they don't hear it ring. They could be on another line with someone more important, they could be at the gym, feeding their kids, etc. which leaves with with 2 options: (a) leave a message and call back again later (b) don't leave a message and call back again later. Either way, you gotta call back again to try and reach them.

Lately, it seems that most people who 'redd' me shidduchim just DONT HAVE PATIENCE! What can I do? I make the calls, I'm calling the right numbers, but I can't get through, so I keep calling and trying to reach these people. In the meantime, I carry on with my daily routines, etc. But the Shadchanim keep calling back asking for an answer which they always need RIGHT NOW and I can't help them, because it is totally out of my control if people don't answer their phones or return calls!

So, I hereby wish to publicly state: if you know you are listed as a reference for someone, please, pretty please for heaven's sake-make sure your phone is turned on and atleast check your messages once a day!

Thanks y'all!

DATING SIGNS

"Im Yirtze Hashem by YOU!"

At a wedding I attended this week, it seemed that the average age for single girls at this wedding was 22. OK, so I'm a bit older than 22, but I'm still a kid at heart and had no problem fitting in with the crowd (plus I was armed with my funky, hot-pink, silicon covered iphone, so I was able to look busy by checking important emails-aka playing taptap revenge app).

While I had the occasional 'back rub' from 'good hearted' and 'well meaning people', I didn't get even ONE "im yirtze Hashem by you' wish (THANK THE GOOD L-RD). Although I really DO hate when random people who I have nothing to do with, walk over to me and rub their hand in the small of my back which is an extension of their well wishes and 'soon by you-without actually saying it'. Honestly peeps! Do NOT come over to me and even touch me, let alone a back rub-seriously man! I should have that roadsign ironed onto my wedding outfits that looks like this!

Anyway, I went home quite glad that I didn't get the I"YH by yous.

HOWEVER, I was at the Sheva Brachos the other night and chatting with the Kallah and her family when this woman I know walks over to me and puts her hand-yes, you got it-on my back and says with a big smile "Im Yirtze Hashem by You-Soon, Soon".

Luckily, I didn't have any alcohol, otherwise I woulda told her where to go, but I just did as the penguins in the Disney movie Madagascar wisely advised "just smile and wave boys-smile and wave!'

Purim Proposal

With Purim just behind us, I was really thinking about how great it would be if Purim would be once a week, or atleast more often than once a year-and by that I definitely do not mean the drunk men, or vomiting bochurim all over the place.

I'm not talking about the sugar highs, or alcohol highs either, or the costumes.

I'm talkin about being open and 'out there' without any inhibitions and taking risks.

This is why I think it would be AWESOME to meet your Bashert on purim, or when he's drunk (which hopefully only happens ON purim) and here's why.

1. You get to see how he REALLY acts (he's off-guard).

2. You can find out all the dark secrets easily (more alcohol for the high guy!).

3. See more of his 'fun' side.

4. Open and honest communication on his part (especially without fear of regretting what he's saying)

5. You can see him at his worst (without even putting him on edge) & decide if you can handle it.

6. Skeletons walk out of the closet easily-who needs the reference phone investigations?

7. You can ask him ANY questions you may have without being embarassed AND get the answers from him AND not have to deal with him remembering and questioning you about it the next day!

8. If he does NOT get drunk after 2 bottles-you know he's an alcoholic & end the relationship.

9. If you think he's a jerk-you can tell him straight to his face without the guilt

10. Video the best and worst moments-play back for years and years to come!

A Purim Tale-Venahapach Hu

I was delivering Mishloach Manos yesterday, (Purim day for those in Shmutz La'Aretz) when I came upon a small scene.

Whilst walking up the steps to a friend of mine, her father was walking a Bochur to the door-or atleast he SOUNDED like a Bochur-altho he was dressed as Barney or something to the likes of that.

In any case, there was another girl standing on the stairs waiting for this Bochur or friend's father to move so she can go inside to deliver her Mishloach to her friend who lived there, but they didn't see her and kept talking. This girl must of been somewhere in her early twenties, she wasn't dressed up-as far as I could tell (she was wearing a fancy coat, tho!) however, she wore a large pin that glowed and said 'Birthday Girl'. She quietly moved up a step and the Barney-Bochur must've heard/seen her and turned. He then looked her up and down and said 'Happy Birthday'.

I watched this mini scene unfold infront of my eyes and had a thought. If this guy was a true Yeshivish Bochur-would he actually say this to a single girl on a regular day, or would he stair at the ground infront of her-than look at her up and down from afar and sum her up, or would he actually build up his courage and go over to her and tell her that?

Odds are, he would do the first.

Yes, guys/girls don't just 'walk up' or 'talk up' to the other gender just like that-unless it's in a movie, or he's a player, or he has guts.

I, personally, can't say this ALWAYS doesn't happen-becuz once, a guy actually DID walk up to me and asked me out to my face. Did I know him? no. Did he know me? nopes. He liked what he saw (rightfully so-if I may say so myself) and just went for it.

But perhaps Purim is a good excuse to do the thing you never would do-just GO FOR IT!

(later on you can blame it on being drunk)