Two Timing?

I'm not trying to judge-really, I'm not. I'm just trying to understand-so please help clarify this situation:

There's this family that lives in my area. They're really nice people, Baalei Tzedaka, friendly, good kids-actually REALLY good kids, respectable, etc.

Anyway, their oldest son is learning in a really good yeshiva in Israel-one of the strict Yeshivish ones (no, not The Mir) that only the best learners get into. I just found this out about a month ago and was clearly impressed (don't worry-he's waaaaay too young for me-like not even dating yet young!).

So-where is the clarification needed?

Well, you see a week or two ago we were driving around doing errands when his mom parks right infront of me. She gets out of her car and is wearing pants! yes, I said p-a-n-t-s, which could clearly be seen as pants and no such fashionable 'slinky skirt that maybe was just staticky and stiking to her legs', but her short coat revealed her legs which were covered by pants.

I must say I was shocked. No it wasn't jeans, no it wasn't snow pants, it was clearly pants and these are Frum people, she wears a sheitel, the family is black hat heimishe, her kids is learning in one of the top most respectable Yeshivos in Israel!

Someone who was with me at the time mentioned that perhaps she was on her way to the gym which was a few blocks away-but still, even if she was, how can she walk around outside like that when people can see her.

Is this normal? Help me see the light!

10 First Date Rules for Guys

Thanks to my friend, Chani, who sent me this article.

(The Frisky) -- Ah, first dates. So nerve-wracking. If only you knew exactly what was going to happen, then you could plan out everything in advance. But first dates are kind of like playing the lottery. You've got to be in it to win it, but sometimes you end up empty-handed. If you're a woman, you know these sorts of situations don't always go so smoothly.

If you're a guy, here are 10 tips that can make the first date easier on all of us.

Take charge. We do not want to decide where to go. We will never tell you this, but it is true. Ask us what kind of place and/or food we like; then, pick a place like that. Do not leave it up to us to choose. You are the man. Act like one.

Smile. When we arrive, smile. Maybe you are a tough guy. Maybe you are nervous. Maybe you are paralyzed. Either way, smile. Women are strange, exotic, intuitive creatures, and we respond well to positive reinforcement. Do not glower.

Mind your body language. If your legs are crossed and your hand is over your mouth, we will unconsciously think you are hiding something. If you are sprawled out all over with your legs spread wide and your hands behind your head, we will think you are a slob or generally loose. Sit up straight, lean in closer, and keep your hands where we can see them.

Ask questions. This seems obvious, but it's surprising how many men don't do this. You know what women like? Attention. Also, kittens, flowers, and cupcakes. Nothing else. If you seem curious about the woman sitting across from you, she will like it. For sure.

Listen. You can't just ask a bunch of questions, and then not listen to the answers. They call this a "date," but, really, for women, it's more like a "test." If you e-mailed or talked on the phone beforehand, remember what the hell she told you about herself. If you forget, we will feel angry and want to leave. Then you will be sorry.

Use flattery, appropriately. If at some point during our meeting, you tell us we are "beautiful," "attractive," or "pretty," we will like you better than if you didn't. It's. Just. That. Simple.

Act confident. We really do not care if you are secretly neurotic, deeply insecure, or mildly nuts. We are interested in how you portray yourself. Act confident, interested, engaged, self-assured, ambitious, and happy. We like that. Thanks.

No pawing allowed. If you're going to score with us at some point, we will let you know. Trust. Occasional physical contact is OK -- a hand to the small of the back, a touch of the thigh, a brief holding of the arm while making a point. Do not grab anywhere in the red light zones. If we want your hands there, we will put them there. side note: this doesn't count for us SHOMER frum singles-in which case, occasional contact is only ok after marriage

Please pay. Feminism, shmeminism. Take care of the bill without comment. That is what we want. Wave off any offer to go dutch. We lied. We don't want to pay half.

Say goodnight. Don't meander off into the night. Do something. What -- that is up to you: a handshake, a hug, a kiss. Do it right, and you might get a second date

TM & © 2009 TMV, Inc. All Rights Reserved

The NAME GAME

This ever happen to you?

A while back this boy was 'redd' to me. Of course, his name came up a few times over the past year or so but each time nothing came of it for whatever the reason.

Anyway, this woman calls us and redds this same boy. The boy looked ito me and everything sounded great.

-and the 'BUT Factor' was: his mom has the same name as me.

So, while looking into me, they also found out that I am lucky enough to be Blessed with 2 names (even tho I'm only called by the one that is his mom's name).

AND-his mom had a brilliant brainstorm! She suggested, because the shidduch sounded so 'shayach', that it would be a great idea to just CHANGE MY NAME. Yes, folks, you heard it here first.

This woman, decided that I simply change my name-my identity, what I've been called and known as for my entire life, to something else, just so that I can go out with her son.

So, you think this is a normal suggestion? Imagine if I were to tell her the same thing-would she just go about changing her name to 'shprintza' or 'yentl' or 'madonna'?!

After hearing only this 1 idea from the mom-I very politely told them 'nu-uh, no way, neva in a million years' I am my name and will always remain that way!

so I ask you-dear ladies & gent....did this ever happy to you?

Wedding Sefs vs. Ashkies

So, as my good friend Ruchie would put it, in terms of Jews there are 2 main categories: Sefs (Sefardim) and Ashkies (Ashkenazim). Being that I'm ashkenaz and most of my friends are Ashkenaz, I've attended more than my share of 'Ashkie' weddings. However, I DID go to a Bais Yaakov school, which means I did have some 'Sef' classmates and have therefore attended some Sef weddings, not to mention some of my relatives married Sefs as well.
Last night was the first time in quite a while that I went to an ALL SEF wedding. Meaning, both sides were TOTAL Moroccan Sefardi. Lemme just state-from an Ashkie point of view-SEF weddings ROCK!
Yes, everything from the shmorg (cocktails) to the dancing to the DJ (music) to the GORGEOUS guys, ROCKED. Here's a few of the things I liked better than our weddings
1. LOTSA more single guys
2. The single guys that were there were all STUNNING, had great hair, nicely put together, etc.
3. The food was awesome! they just kept replenishing and and offering more and more.
4. GREAT BAR=drinks all night long! (and for once, I wasn't the designated driver!)
5. Mixed cocktails-by the Sefs, they don't have Kaballas Panim. You don't see the Kallah, people just walk around and socialize by the food, guys & girls together.
6. Gorgeous gowns-give it to the Sefs-not only do they have the 'natural beauty gene' but they have really good taste in their outfits.
7. Decor-these people had it from the crystal dripping posts, to the flowers and palm trees in the hall.
8. Did I mention really good Cosmopolitans?
9. ULTRA leibedik dancing on both ends!
10. Chosson & Kallah & bridesmaids-groomsmen walk down to Titanic, Josh Groban-you raise me up, etc.
So, if its Ashkie vs. Sef wedding-which would you choose and why?

Shomer Negiah Boyfriend

In honor of Valentine's Day-a temporary 'boyfriend Shomer Negiah pillow'

Top Ten way to Celebrate Valentine's Day as a Frum Single

Top Ten Ways for Frum Singles to Celebrate Valentine's Day in 2010

1. Girl's mothers send box of chocolates to Shadchanim (in order to upgrade them to the top of 'the list')
2. Boys calling their moms to wish them Happy Valentine's Day (if they know what's good for them)
3. Boys mothers receiving conversation hearts with a name of a girl on each heart candy and a phone number/email for contact information on the back.
4. Shadchan sends singing telegram to boy, singing girl resume to him to persuade him to go out.
5. Boy uses Valentine's as a reason to wear a pink shirt.
6. Girl buys low-fat, calorie-free, chocolate to binge on after being dumped by guy
7. Shidduch Meetings brainstorm creative ways to propose, all using chocolate, candy & flowers.
8. Girls can wear red or pink on a date and get away clean.
9. Girls with the name, "Rose, Rosie, Roslyn' are most likely to get a 'yes' from a guy.
10. Girls can get away with sending 12 red roses to the guy they have their eye on without worrying about being too forward

Shidduch Resumes

Over the past few years, it has become a common term in the shidduch world-'Shidduch Resume'. I don't consider myself old, but when I started dating, people just called on the telephone and got information the oldfashioned way-by asking and writing down the info. and references. Now, though, it is very rare for someone to call and jot down info and that's because of Shidduch Resumes.

No, folks, unfortunately there is no auto Wizard template in Word to help you figure this one out, you gotta do it all by yourself. So when the time came, I drew up a resume according to my basic information and also according to information that I would wanna know about a guy.

Every so often when dealing with a new shadchan or someone new, we would send the resume and the person receiving it would call back with what they would call ' constructive criticism' and tell you everything wrong with your resume, or as I call it-tell you what to remove, if not everything.

Lately, some of my friends and even family members have called asking me to email my shidduch resume. I know=it's crazy right? These people are supposed to know me the best! I grew up with them, shared secrets, fought, cried, and laughed together, yet when it comes to info-people will still ask for resumes and not just 'take their word for it'. So, when my close friends and family call, its a bit hurtful to me, but I gotta take into account that it's not them, its the people who are 'looking into me' that want it on a nice letterhead, etc. I even allow them to edit whatever they want-cuz I trust them blind.

Hey! If I had my way, I would photoshop a pic of a model, fix up her outfit to cover her collarbone and click send!

Saved by a Mitzvah!

Something happened to me yesterday and it is such an amazing story that I feel it's only appropriate for me to post it and spread the word.

I was driving my car (yes, I have my own car-an old man car, 2002 Oldsmobile that I bought when it was a year old with my own $$$) home from the mall when my car started making these weird noises. I turned to my sister and asked her if she heard the same noise and she looked worried. I rolled down my window to try and hear if the noise was coming from the outside of the car or the inside. Two minutes later, we hear metal clinking on the street. Luckily we were at a red light, so I put my car in park, got out and checked the street for any 'car pieces' or metal, but there wasn't any. OK, I'll admit I was more than worried at that point, but close enough to my house that I just drove real slow and B"H got home safely. The next day my car was back to normal and my week continued smoothly.

The past few nights, I've been volunteering for various community projects (Bikur Cholim deliveres, Tomchei Shabbos packaging, etc.) where I had to drive to get there and back, so luckily my car was working, allowing me to help out and do Chesed in the community.

Last night, while driving to one of these factories, my car started making a different weird noise-it sounded like metal was stuck on my tire, but 20 minutes later, I got to the place safely, got out, looked at my car and all pieces seemed to be in place. When I was on the way home, a woman asked me for a lift, and I gladly told her to join-apologizing on the way for the weird noise my car was making. To make a long story short-we all got home safely B"H. I was extremely concerned though, as last night's noise sounded really dangerous and constant.

This morning I took my car to the mechanic and he said he would look at it and let me know what the probem was. Sure enough, I get a call an hour later and the mechanic is telling me how lucky I am, I am soo lucky that my car didn't blow up or explode!!!

I was friekin out here. (p.s. I'm a girl who knows NADA about cars-except the esthetic part-ask me any model number-that I can help with, but parts and mechanics-yikes!) I didn't understand what was wrong but basically, there was indeed a piece of metal spring from my car, which fell off (hence the noise sunday on the way home from the mall) and the jagged end of the metal was sticking into my tire, which shoudl've caused it to blow, etc. but luckily, he said, it didn't. Perhaps cuz I was driving slowly?

Yes, I did drive slower as I was frieked out by the noise, but most likely, I was spared (no pun in intended) because I was going to do a Mitzvah and was busy running to do Mitzvos this whole week!

p.s. as an extra 'min hashamayim' part to this story-I noticed Sunday that my tires needed air, but I kept pushing it off, cuz I didn't want to get dirty (ya-I'm a girl!). Now, imagine if I put the air in my tires and it G-d forbid blew up in my face, or if I had the guy at the gas station do it for me-how scary would that have been to witness?!?!

So, let me say THANKS to HASHEM for this open Nes and my advice to y'all?! Keep doing Mitzvos!

Nice or Neb?

I need your take on this situation:

This past Shabbos, I went to daven at a different Shul than I normally go (yes, I am a Shul-goer each Shabbos, or atleast I try!) as there was a Bar Mitzvah for a family friend of ours. So, I get to the Shul, find a Siddur and sit quietly in the back trying to concentrate on davening and not on the eyes focusing on me, my outfit, my bad-hair, etc.

I was the only single girl in Shul. Or better yet, I was the only girl over the age of 3 1/2 and younger than 42. So, the women did tend to give me the one over, otherwise known as 'the Elevator Stare', you know where they look you up and then down, from your shoes until your hair accessories (if you have any).

Anyhow, the Bar Mitzvah boy got called up and then everyone went to wish the mother Mazel Tov. I quietly waited for everyone to finish the 'kissing and wishing ceremony' so that I would walk over to the mom without the Yenta parade hovering nearby.

Whilst waiting at my seat, I made myself look busy by concentrating really hard on the Chumash. Just then 2 women from another Shul, who happen to live nearby walked in. They went to wish the mom Mazel Tov and then left. As the second of the two was walking out, I noticed her staring at me, or atleast in my direction, at which point, I-again, had lotsa Kavannah at that moment to look busy. The woman walked over to me and said 'I know you're not the Bar Mitzvah boy, but I'm still going to come over and say Good Shabbos to you, so Good Shabbos.'

To which I responded with a smile and a mumbled good Shabbos.

So, being that I don't really have anything to do with this woman, I mean, she IS a nice lady and all, but why would she dafka walk over to me? was this just a 'nice' gesture, or was it a 'chessed' project of hers to make sure she said 'good shabbos' to the one single neb who was sitting by herself in Shul?

p.s. I'm not insulted either way, I just found the whole thing to be a bit odd.

Misery Luvs Company

After my post(s) regarding contacting/meeting with Shadchanim in NYC, I received the following email from one my fellow blogreaders. As it was too long to post in the comment section-and I would like to share it with y'all, I'm giving it its own post. So enjoy and hopefully, as much as we all like the 'company' of sharing our horror stories, no one will have to go through this.

In the spirit of doing my hishtadlus, I have just returned from meeting yet another shadchan, and this one has probably taken the cake. To be honest, I don't particularly enjoy meeting shadchanim and repeating my life story 30 times over to people who could honestly care less. But, before I go off on another tangent, here's what went down tonight. So I come to meet this supposedly world famous shadchan who charges the big bucks as they say and I havta tell you I'm SERIOUSLY not impressed.

First off the meeting began with said shadchan catching up on the who's who and what's what of my hometown, as well as telling me the business and shidduch secrets of my fellow 'homies'-how unprofessional and totally unconfidential- though really by now nothing should surprise me, right? Then he ask me a small bit about myself. When I stated my age he was surprised and said here's the direct quote no joke "he could easily sell me for about 5 years younger than that." Whether or not I wanted to do this, which I obviously don't, he didn't seem to care about. In addition to this he told me he never received my e-mail of my resume and a picture of myself as well. I reminded him that I had sent it last week and it was even in my sent items. To this he replied by calling for his partners (because although he has made 100s of shidduchim he can't check his e-mail) who promptly checked and said, that yes of course it was sitting unopened in his inbox. So, first he lies and then lies again. Upon opening my picture he stated that my smile, yes you read that right, my smile was too big, and followed that one up with "when you get engaged you can smile like that, for now send me another one with x,y,z, as requirements. "So to sum it up, he lies, lies and then insults what can be better than that? Probably the fact that after all this he ends of with promising that you can trust him, really, trust someone who tells you all the above, as if! Aside from the fact that if he needs to state that he can be trusted, then he obviously can't! So after this meeting I got to talking with some relatives, it seems that there are many people out there, who look at shidduchim as a market. Apparently we singles are the product and the guys are the consumers. So how can we be better marketed to attract the attention of the consumer? Lie about your age of course, send a photo of yourself at a wedding-cuz that's definitely how you'll appear on a date, etc. I can't understand people who exploit the problems of others for money. All I could think about was how probably when this guy saw me, he didn't really see me, he saw DOLLAR SIGNS! B"h we are people not products, we are not talking business here, but rather the rest of our lives, this is not a catalogue or a custom order that can be filled and paid for in full, we are not of value but rather valuable, right? As I arrived home, feeling somewhere between fuming, and disgusted, I couldn't help but wonder, is this a person that G-d chooses to enable shidduchim? And I'm sad to say this, but a little part of me is praying that whenever the right one does come along it won't be through this guy, because then I'll never hear the end of it!

Fashionista on First Impression

OK-so I like to stereotype-what can I do about it?

Even though, I like to THINK that not EVERYONE belongs in a category and not ALL people from a certain city, sect, religion, etc. are the same, every so often, stereotypes do come along.

HOWEVER, rest assured folks-I was wronged in my stereotyping of people. Here's how it happened:

We were in NYC walking down one of the famous 'avenues' of Boro Park (sorry, I don't remember if it was 18th, 16th, 14th, etc.) and this woman passes us by. She's dressed to kill-literally. She was wearing GORGEOUS fashion boots-even I was jealous of how her legs looked in them. They were black leather, with a gorgeous 2.5 inch platform. Working our way up, she had a short straight skirt-right on her knee, a STUNNING coat, with a huge collar, and a big belt to accentuate her tiny waist, at which point the bottom of the coat-3/4 length, lay beautifully along her hips. She wore humongous 'Hollywood' type sunglasses to conceal her eyes (always keep a mysterious air) and her short blond wig was topped with a black sequenced berret-a la Gossip Girl style. She looked like a model.

So, she passes us on the street and turns out-what a shock-there is a connection and we somehow know the same people. Although I don't remember who stopped who on the 'avenue' and how the convo started-I do remember thinking how odd it is that this woman who looked like she walked outta the studio was talking to random people (us, out-of-towners) on the street. She looked like she wouldn't give someone the time of day-let alone a 2 minute conversation.

Turns out, she 'dabbles in shidduchim'. ok, 'like everyone else' was my first thought. But get this: the reason why she likes to do shidduchim, she explained is to show Hakaros HaTov to Hashem as all her kids are B"H married, and living happy lives.

WOW-This was impressive. Who woulda thought a blond-stereotype lookin airhead, fashionista outta Brooklyn would (a) talk like this (b) really MEAN it (c) really care? I woulda thought: good for her, her kids are married-let her go get Botox shots and continue with Yoga-but NO! This woman had 'content' and she really meant what she said!

So-lesson learned! Don't JUDGE people, don't stereotype, or atleast give people a chance=they may JUST impress you.

84 year old Bride