Do you 'Go Dutch'?

So MaterialMaidel's latest post about the 'pre-date date' got me thinkin...

She mentions about guys dishin out too much $$$ on their dates...well, I agree but I also have a story that contradict that statement, which sure deserves a cyber spot on this blog.

You see, I was on a date with this guy who seemed to be a nice guy and because he was just a nice guy, I agreed to go out with him again, and again, and again. I was a bit annoyed just at the bit that he wouldn't share information about himself and so I didn't really know where I stood when it came to the end of the date. The Shadchan assured me that he had 'such a great time', but if so, why wouldn't he atleast say so, or hint it, you know...give off a vibe or somethin?

In any case, back to the point of this story. It was time for the guy to travel in. So we spoke on the phone about different modes of transportation and he kept making jokes about the price of tickets, etc. Then came the clencher, where would he stay during his visit? Usually guys have friends, or they can be housed by the Shadchan, or the girl finds him a place to stay. This guy mentioned that he felt bad to have me pay for his hotel.....

I didn't know what to do with his comment, so I brushed it off with a humorous remark and in the end, I found him a place to stay (not a hotel).

Anyway, we go out and we end up in a coffee shop. We both order our coffees, and when the cashier asks if we're together, he turns to me and says 'you know, in the non-Jewish world, most people go dutch'. Honestly, I thought it was pathetic and at the same time humorous, as how much can a Starbucks be already? approx. $5 per coffee?!?! It looked pathetic on him, and I felt bad that someone can be soo cheap.

I turned to him and the cashier and said 'I have money, and I don't mind paying for coffee, I have $10.00 on me-it should cover everything!'

So, in terms of spending money on dates, while I do feel bad for guys for having to spend $$$ on dates (just think about parking fees in Manhattan!, let alone $$$ for a meal), I've had my share of guys who don't have change, or sometimes don't have cash, or are too cheap, and have had to pay for some of my dates.

Have you ever gone dutch?

10 Day Break

Happy New Year y'all!

Hope everyone had a meaningful Rosh Hashana and may all your Tefilos be answered l'Tovah and may you be Blessed with all your hearts' desires!

So, I was thinking, which is good, because you're supposed to do some serious thinking during Aseres Yemei Teshuva-you know, reflect on the past year and all that stuff.

Firstly, new years resolutions-always be positive :)

I've already put that into good use as of last night. You see, one of my top 3 TV (yes, I have a TV and I don't hide it...actualy, perhaps I shouldn't say this during aseres yemei teshuva, but maybe admitting it IS doing teshuva?...anyway) shows was premiering Monday and I wanted to watch it, but it coincided with the 'breaking of the fast' fress-feast, and yes, my mom baked FRESH HOMEMADE BREAD ROLLS! but, I realized, that I can watch it online, so I enjoyed the warm rolls and went online 1 hour later. I searched and searched and search, basically I was desperate to watch the show. and 2 hours later, I still couldn't find it. I found sites that 'claimed' all I had to do was answer a survey and i would be able to watch, but I got nowhere and finally gave up. Then I realized that when trying to go to other sites, news, email, etc. my pc was slowing down and not connecting.

The next morning, I ran a virus check and it turns out-GULP-i have a VIRUS!!! So, obviously, my pc being my life, I flipped out and ran ANOTHER check. and there was no way this virus was getting deleted or virus vaulted or whatever way viruses get extinguished. So I called my tech guy who told me it was THAT bad and he would have to take it in to fix.

Now, I remember my new year's resolution=think POSITIVE! so here's the outcome: Yes, my pc has a virus, and hopefully all work on my pc will be saved and I learned my lesson (a) don't be THAT desperate, I could've waited 1 day and watched it without even searching (b) no TV in Aseres Yemei Teshuva=im supposed to be DOING Teshuva, not watching 'narishkeit'...lastly (c) here's where the positive comes in: B"H I have 3 laptops and 1 desktop at home, so you see, it's NOT the end of the world...

So, you're all welcome to join me in being more POSITIVE this year. There is always another way to look at a situation, and I choose the 'glass half full' approach!

Have a happy day :)

Shana Tova

I want to wish all my readers a Kesiva vaChasima Tova,

a Gut G'Bentched yahr,

a year filled with Bracha,

a year filled with Hatzlacha,

a year filled with Mazel,

a year of Gezunt,

a year of Parnassa,

a year of Nachas,

a year in which all of your Tefilos are answered l'Tovah

and a year jampacked with Simchas!

May we go from Simcha to Simcha and share in each other Simchas.

and in my case, may I always be stressed over the fact that I have 'nothing to wear' and am constantly shopping for something to wear to YOUR Simcha!

That's what Friends are For!

Listen up people and I will tell you what a truly fortunate gal I am!

B"H Hashem has Blessed me with the most amazing...umm...I mean A-M-A-Z-I-N-G friends! Friends that stick together through thick and thin, the ones that make you laugh and the ones that cry with you. The ones that share their stories and still listen to yours. The ones that are there for you no matter what, the ones that will drop anything/everything at a moment's notice when you need them. Friends that are like sistas!

and why, you may ask, do I decide now to tell you about this? Well, because today I have the perfect story to illustrate the meaning, to make you understand how truly special my friends are!

So today I was supposed to meet my bestie, Rochele, for lunch. Turns out her day was crazy, and mine got busy and our 'lunch date' never came to be.

Then smack in middle of the afternoon I worked it out that I had a 15 minute opening to go out and grab somethin to eat and as I went to my car, Rochele calls me. After apologizing about how hectic things were she sounds really excited on the phone and asks me if I can take my lunch now. I tell her I'm on my way to the car and she goes ballistic. Turns out, she also only had a 15 min. opening and she grabbed a ride with her co-worker to the nearest cafe to pick something up. Whilst paying for her croissants, she hears two guys talking. She turns around and sitting right behind her are 2 goodlooking, well-dressed, frum boys. She turns back around to the cashier and mentions to her co that she should find out who these guys are, as they are the 'type' of guy who I, her friend is looking for. Then she realized her time was up at the parking meter, so as she is driving back to her office she calls me and tells me to quickly run to the cafe and to look our for these 2 guys.

Not only that, she also tells me what they are wearing and where they are sitting. So, I quickly drive down to this place hoping these guys will be there. Sure enough, sitting in the exact spot she mentioned, I notice 2 men dressed as she described them. I quickly fix my hair, pull down my sweater, suck in my extra fat and walk confidently into the cafe, strolling right past them to get a look.

Turns out.......i know who they both are......and who they are MARRIED to.......

so much for a hunk of a lunch break!

So, I call my bestie and thank her immensely. Then I break the news to her, and I must admit, I wasn't even upset. Infact, I was sooo grateful that she thought of me. That she called me right away and had me in mind. And, yes, they are 'my type', so Kol HaKavod to Rochele, for thinking of others.

Think about it-when you see a goodlookin guy on the street, you automatically switch to 'cruisecontrol' and try and find out what you can for YOUR OWN interest. Rochele, however, saw two goodlookin men and thought 'this is exactly what my FRIEND is lookin for'.

so Kudos to you Roch!

May you be Blessed to find the Right One in the Right Time, and that time should be soon.

p.s. tis a good thing they were married....as today=Murphy's law, I woke up with a tremendous cold. I walked to my office with 3 packs of Ricola, 2 boxes of Tylenol Cold, and a box of Tissues. Even though it is GORGEOUS summer, sunny weather, I am wearing 3 layers (one of which is a sweatshirt, then a sweater, then a T-shirt), a black slinky skirt and thick socks. I look like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and I can't stop sneezing.

So, if there would be 2 goodlookin single guys there, they definitely wouldn't be attracted to me, a walking cold advertisement.

May you all be Blessed with such A-M-A-Z-I-N-G friends and Rochele, I hope I can repay you someday by finding you a real catch....if you ARE reading this-r u up for coffee 2night?

My Meme Superpower

So I've been tagged by my good friend-Material Maidel and I guess I should participate, what with reason she posted for tagging me.

Rule number 1: Read the rules.
Rule number 2: Write one superpower you would like to have and what you would do with it.
Rule number 3: Write why you chose that super power over everything else.
Rule number 4: Tag and link 7 people, and write why you think they will have an interesting meme.
Rule number 5: fix your broken links.

I guess this'll take some deep thought on my part...gonna get me a nice ice mochaccino for this and be back in a few...

So after some deep thinking (and lotsa expresso :D) here's what I came up with:


If I were able to have any superpower in the entire universe it would be....hmmm....let's see....JUST ONEEE?????? c'mon, I'm a woman here, I can't simply make up my mind knowing there are sooo many choices and only having to choose one! Especially if it's free!

OK, I think my superpower would be to fix things.

Yes, it sounds pretty basic, since almost every guy claims he can 'fix' things. A broken cabinet, a faulty printer, a car dashboard problem, the doorbell, etc.

But, I'm not only talking about the basic fix it problems, which already would do me wonders-not having to call:

1) My neighbor

2) my PC / IT guy

3) Internet Service Provider / tech support

4) Cellphone company

5) electrician

6) plumber

7) male family member

8) Tow-truck

9) chaverim

10) random stranger

BUT, also fix problems....my problems, friends problems, the world's problems, etc.

Imagine a friend calls me to complain. Instead of me playing 'social worker/psychologist', listen on the phone, sympathize and say 'i hear you' about a dozen times=i would be able to actually HELP fix the problem.

No problems=No worries

No worries=all Happy

Happy World=Peaceful World

World Peace=new answer to Miss Universe question 'what would you most wish for our world'-lol! ok, basically everyone is happy, peace reigns and the world is a safe place. (Happy Planet anyone?)

So, ya, no more shidduch crisis

no more economic downturn

no more tsunamis

no more kidnappings

no more school shootings

no more illesses (anyone say H1N1?)

no more divorces

no more 'at-risk' children, etc.

think about it....pretty brilliant no?

AND, there's even more...just think about the def. of the word fix, using my trusty old friend-online thesaurus, I came up with a few more cool stuff I can do with my "FIX" superpower.

a) "Fix" myself some nice supper

b) Help get people out of a "fix"

c) "fix" up some singles and make shidduchim :)

d) finally "fix" my ipod

e) after I "fix" her, she'll be your bestie for ever and ever

wow! that ice moccha really WAS good...I should do this WAY more often.

I tag:

frumcollegegirl

a blob of something different

the jewish side

baal teshuva slowly

Material Maidel

Frum Female

As each of these bloggers has a great sense of humor and their own refreshing point of view.

Perhaps this is the answer?

So in response to my previous post, which by the way, I apologize for going off topic there, but when I speak about my frustrating dating experiences, I really DO get carried away, I think I may have found some kinda answer to my question as to being picky.

I was running a few errands during my lunch hour and I met a family friend. He too, has a daughter in Shidduchim who is a few years younger than me. So we get talking about 'stuff', which basically, somehow ALWAYS ends up with 'shidduchim' and how things are going and how its getting harder and harder. Now, his daughter is good friends with me and I always ask about her (don't get to see her as often as I would like). When I asked how its going for her, he told me the following. "I recognize that my daughter is not skinny-she's on the heavier side and therefore its a problem for us. I am willing to take a boy with a 'problem' even, but just getting an answer back from someone is difficult."

Now, I must admit, yes, this girl is heavy, but she is extremely smart, great personality, outgoing and pretty. So when the father say this, I felt a little bit let down. Then again, most boys want girls who are size -2, tall, blond, skinny, pretty models. So perhaps this was his way of being realistic? But my poor friend, imagine if she knew her parents were willing to 'settle' for something much less her worth just because of a few extra pounds!?!

I must say, I didn't know where to put myself and just told her dad that she is an amazing girl, a true friend, her honesty is refreshing, her cheerful personality is wonderful and she is just brilliant! He agreed but I could see he was pained as well.

Think he has a point, or is he selling his own daughter short?

The Rights to Remain....Picky?

The same question keeps popping up in my head-almost like the little lightbulb that you see in cartoons, and that question is: "do singles have the right to be picky?" and here's a little anecdote to explain what I mean.

A few months ago I got a call from a Shadchan. I don't even think I've ever heard of her before. Apparently, she's friends with another shadchan who participated in this shidduch group thing and she got my name...you know the drill....So she starts explaining how she has this A-M-A-Z-I-N-G guy and out comes 'the Shidduch Book', volume 3, page 16. My mother scribbles down all information, including references and before we even commence our 'investigations' the Shadchan reassures my mom and says 'oh, and don't worry, the guy will travel to your city to go out with your daughter'.

I must say that when I heard this, I was impressed! Yes, he was an out-of-towner, BUT some guys from non-NewYorkness won't even offer to travel the first time round. Aside from that, this guy had a top and I mean TOP job in a HUGE company. So that was doubly impressive that he would offer to travel when he has such an important position. Of course, the fact that he had such an important position gave the Shadchan the excuse of 'well he doesn't just say yes to anyone' and 'if he says yes, girls don't even look into it, they JUMP at the chance to date a guy like him'.

So, I started with my own references, namely 'google', 'facebook', 'myspace', and 'onlysimchas' and sure enough this guy turns up on a few of them. I got to see a pic and everything. Only I wasn't sure if it was the guy that was redd to me because his name was a common Jewish name. Also, the guy in the pic was already engaged, with his arm around a girl, etc.

Then I began to worry. This Shadchan didn't know me from beans, what if she was 'redding' me to some non-shomer negiah guy? This wasn't for me. So I immediately called the shadchan and asked if the boy was engaged before she said sure. I told her about the pic and she reassured me that he is a real FRUM boy and that probably it was coincidence that someone with the same name was engaged and had a pic of himself hugging his girlfriend.

OK, there were a few more issues, but to get down to things, she assured me he was a great catch and I was like heck-let him come down and let's go out. Next thing I know the guy calls me and we're chatting away. He very smoothely mentions that he has no plans of coming to my city at all!!

umm, after picking my chin off the floor and catching my breathe from the shock, he asked me if i had any plans of going to his city, to which I replied not in th next 2 months. Great, this was getting NOWHERE and I was getting annoyed. Then he told me he had a meeting in NY in 2 days and asked if I had plans to go to NY, and no i did not. But I DID remember that a friend of mine was driving to NY for the day-in 2 days, so I told him perhaps i could hitch a ride and we could meet.

So, last minute=the day after I spoke, the day before we officially went out-i called my friend and we left early the next morning. I meet the guy at some sketch place and off we go.

So, recap, this guy is AMAZING, has an awesome job, all girls JUMP @ the opportunity to go out with him.

My POV (point of view), he's a tall boy, nicely dressed. Not very talkative at all. In fact, it's HURTING me for the next hour, how I keep asking questions and getting 1 word answers. He frequently checks his iphone on our date=rude (no matter HOW busy u are! unless there is an emergency, in which case you kindly explain the situation), and to add to my dismay=he has spittle.

yes, ladies and gentleman, learned a new word that day. I never even knew that such a word existed, but all i can say is it is quite distracting when someone is talking to you and all you see is drool, and spit collecting in the corners of their mouth and in your head ur screaming SWALLOW, SWALLOW but outside you just smile, pretend to listen and not be disgusted.

Oh, but wait that's not the worst. The worst is that the guy kept shaking/shivering. I don't know if he was sick, or a nervous twitch or what, but it kinda frieked me out a bit.

So, here's where my question comes into play. Do singles get to be picky?

Just because your a 'guy in demand' and you have the looks, the job, the position, etc. does that mean you get to be picky and say you want a gorgeous, model of a girl, with lotsa money, etc?

I'm not in any way saying this guy was picky. I'm just asking if people who know they have the goods-or atleast have ONE GOOD, or somethin get to be choosy?

What are the Odds?

Yesterday was the most oddest day yet. The strangest thing happened.
First, some background info so u can understand what a typical workday is like for me.
I work in a Jewish office with about 15 people on average. The workplace is almost ALWAYS busy with all kinds of things going on, there are different departments, etc.
There is also an elderly gentleman who basically 'started' this whole organization and even though he retired from his position, he has been 'volunteering' so to speak, aka, he's here EVERY DAY walking around, looking for things to do, people to talk to, etc.
He's also my personal 'shadchan', meaning, he's always telling me how sweet I am and how he's trying to find me a nice guy, etc. (good for me ego-lol!)
Now, back to yesterday.
This elderly man comes to my office and asks me to help him print out some of his emails and help him with the photocopy machine, which I help him with. He smiles at me (as usual) and tells me how special I am, etc. and that soon, I will see why I am so important here.
I continue doing my work, and about 1/2 hour later, while doing computer work and on the phone, I see this young man standing outside my office. He's nicely dressed, has my kinda 'look' and suddenly, I stop what I am doing to try and see his face. Of course, at that moment he walks away and I am curious. Then I see the elderly man from my office has his arm around this guy and they walk away.
I run to my co-worker and ask her what the deal is. She didn't seem to know. I then go to my other co-worker in a different office and she didn't know either. So in the meantime, I move to the flatscreen where we have our camera system and I'm trying to fix the plug so that I can view all cameras to get a look at this guy.
At that same moment, when I am on the floor, on my hands and knees fixing the plug, the elderly man comes up behind me and whispers for me to get up, get up quick as he has someone he'd like me to meet.
I'm dying of embarassment (a) because I think I know what he means by 'introduce' (b) because I am on the floor on my hands and knees (not the most glorious position, especially for first impressios) (c) as I had mentioned, this entire week I had weddings, etc. so my hair was nice, i was wearing nice clothes, etc. and this was my first 'non-wedding' day so I dressed completely down and ultimately casual....and lastly (d) because my co-workers are standing around watching.

In any case, my co-worker asked what his name was and as he says his name, I then realized that this same boy was 'redd' to me over the past few weeks and I heard very good things about him. So here I am thinking, what ARE the odds that this same boy, who I've been hearing so much about and such good things (I know this for a fact as my friend knows him very well and they are family friends) just 'shows up' at my office with this 'elderly man'. So I'm standing there like an idiot, just not knowing what to do or say, my co-workers are wondering what is going on, the guy just kept smiling, we made 'small talk' for like 3 minutes and then he left.

I was a bit weirded out by this whole mini episode and I figured my 'elderly man' aka 'shadchan' would gimme an explanation as to what he had up his sleeve, but mysteriously he didn't come back for the rest of the day.

Today my co-worker told me that after this boy left, the 'elderly man' came to her to tell her that he brought in this guy as he knows his family very well, they daven together and are friends, he watched this boy grow up and he is a very good guy, he wanted him to meet me. It turns out this guy decided I wasn't for him (rumor in this office is: I wasn't tall enough....i was wearing my flats yesterday).

So, I had to share this here and wonder what ARE the odds of something like this happening.... to you?

Looking for a Wedding Singer?

Wow! What a Wedding!

A friend of mine told me "there's nothing wrong with being inspired in Elul". I didn't really get what she was saying at the time, however, after last night-it all became clear.

You see, last night I had yet another wedding (Baruch Hashem!) to attend. This wedding was a truly special Simcha. The Kallah was a girl from Eastern Europe, born to a Jewish mother, who came to school in America and became Frum. Unfortunately, her mother passed away, leaving her an orphan.

The Chosson was a boy, also from Eastern Europe, maybe even the same small town. He too, left to America as a 14 year old boy, went to Yeshiva, became Frum and got engaged to this girl.

What was most special about this wedding is how 2 communities united together to celebrate this beautiful Simcha and make this wedding most leibedik!

The Kallah, who unfortunately had no family, was glowing. All her classmates, friends, and even friends from her hometown, who are now married and living in Canada/USA came to be MeSameach Chosson V'Kallah. The Chosson's friends came as well as a busload of Bochurim and boys from the local Yeshivas over here.

It was a truly inspiring wedding. I literally went from tears (at the badeken) to true Simcha (dancing my heart out and doing shtick that was unimaginable). The girls and boys who came from all over, even from a few blocks away really outdid themselves. The Kallah must've felt sooo good knowing that the entire city came to participate in her Simcha.

Just goes to show what a wonderful place I live in, and what a warm community we have that takes in people and puts together a most elegant wedding for this young couple.

May everyone who helped make this Simcha continue to make and participate in many more Simchas to come. And for everyone who wasn't present at this Simcha, may you all be able to feel the TRUE Simcha of being MeSameach a Chosson & Kallah soon!

Strange How Things Turn Out

This has been the craziest 2 days in a looong time.

But the weird thing is what I have been writing on this blog for the last few days has all joined together and become part of my life in the last day. Here's how things worked out.

For Starters: I have yet, another wedding. This one I will be attending and it starts really early, so I'm a little stressed on getting there on time (The Kallah asked me today what time I'm leaving my house-GULP!) and finding parking (the hall is on a one-way street with a large public school and very few parking spots and unfortunately for me...no valet). Just a few posts ago, I wrote about being invited to weddings as a pity vote. B"H this is not one of 'those' weddings. This time I actually know the Kallah (we're friends) and I know the family well.

Secondly, my good friend if moving to NY and this is all very sudden and emotional. To add to my stress, she's leaving tonight=when I will be at the wedding....not enough time for me to chill with her, but perhaps I'll leave during the meal. This comes after I wrote about out-of-towners packing themselves up and moving to NY, is it all worth it? I hope so for this friend. Chavs-good luck out there. I hope the New Yorkers welcome you with open arms and provide the same warmth that our hometown is proudly known for :)

and lastly, after writing the previous blog entry 'just say no' I just received a call from a Shadchan, who had 'redd' me a boy about 2 weeks ago and never heard back from him. (and no, it wasn't "J", only becuz I know that this guy isn't Canadian, which "J" claims to be) So, perhaps this guy was reading my blog and it finally got him to make the big move?